S1 E5
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
VIEW ALL EPISODE

Season 1  "The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump"  1x5

Aired 18 years ago - Oct 20, 2003

After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation. Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 1
We don't keep score. We think it's healthier if the kids just play for fun.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 2
So tell us, is it true?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 3
I have to go because, hell, I don't need a reason.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 4
Jake's fine. He's 10. He's got his whole life ahead of him.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 5
What?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 6
And I found his phone number in my pocket.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 7
What's your take on this whole no-keeping-score thing?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 8
Number nine. But I'm not the father.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 9
Yeah. Except for us. 12-2.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 10
Charlie, we are trying to teach the kids not to keep score.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 11
I made a play date for him with one of the kids from the game.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 12
-Everybody wins? -Yes.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 13
No going in the water, no throwing rocks, and remember,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 14
Anything for the kids. They're our future.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 15
I'm sorry, where was l?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 16
Been there.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 17
Jake, you should probably put your dead thing down, too.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 18
-Thank you. -No problem.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 19
Are you happy? I told you to put it down, Ernie.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 20
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 21
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 22
So anything you do will get back to my wife,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 23
I'm thinking of calling it "Just For Kicks."
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 24
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 25
Anything for the kids.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 26
A successful chiropractor, intelligent, dedicated.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 27
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 28
We know each other.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 29
It's really important for a woman your age.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 30
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 31
You showed up late so you could snoop on me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 32
Kate, I'm trying. Ernie, would you put your shoes on?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 33
-Bill. -Charlie.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 34
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 35
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 36
by my sexual...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 37
I'm sorry. Yes, six inches.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 38
goldenrod, salmon, mustard...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 39
My brother, Alan, warned me not to go out with you tonight.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 40
Charlie, I have a confession.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 41
All right, well, nowadays, women pay for dinner.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 42
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 43
Alan, would you mind driving me home?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 44
We'll be right back.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 45
Please. I told you two years ago that marriage was toast.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 46
He still thinks we're doing a soccer newsletter.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 47
You wouldn't know what to do with a hot guy.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 48
The biggest surprise was how much I loved having him around.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 49
Yes.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 50
Of course, you probably know that already.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 2
So tell us, is it true?
#2
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 3
I have to go because, hell, I don't need a reason.
#3
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 4
Jake's fine. He's 10. He's got his whole life ahead of him.
#4
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 5
What?
#5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 6
And I found his phone number in my pocket.
#6
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 7
What's your take on this whole no-keeping-score thing?
#7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 8
Number nine. But I'm not the father.
#8
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 9
Yeah. Except for us. 12-2.
#9
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 10
Charlie, we are trying to teach the kids not to keep score.
#10
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 11
I made a play date for him with one of the kids from the game.
#11
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 12
-Everybody wins? -Yes.
#12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 13
No going in the water, no throwing rocks, and remember,
#13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 14
Anything for the kids. They're our future.
#14
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 15
I'm sorry, where was l?
#15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 16
Been there.
#16
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 17
Jake, you should probably put your dead thing down, too.
#17
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 18
-Thank you. -No problem.
#18
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 19
Are you happy? I told you to put it down, Ernie.
#19
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 20 #20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 21 #21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 22
So anything you do will get back to my wife,
#22
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 23
I'm thinking of calling it "Just For Kicks."
#23
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 24 #24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 25
Anything for the kids.
#25
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 26
A successful chiropractor, intelligent, dedicated.
#26
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 27 #27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 28
We know each other.
#28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 29
It's really important for a woman your age.
#29
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 30 #30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 31
You showed up late so you could snoop on me.
#31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 32
Kate, I'm trying. Ernie, would you put your shoes on?
#32
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 33
-Bill. -Charlie.
#33
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 34 #34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 35 #35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 36
by my sexual...
#36
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 37
I'm sorry. Yes, six inches.
#37
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 38
goldenrod, salmon, mustard...
#38
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 39
My brother, Alan, warned me not to go out with you tonight.
#39
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 40
Charlie, I have a confession.
#40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 41
All right, well, nowadays, women pay for dinner.
#41
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 42 #42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 43
Alan, would you mind driving me home?
#43
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 44
We'll be right back.
#44
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 45
Please. I told you two years ago that marriage was toast.
#45
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 46
He still thinks we're doing a soccer newsletter.
#46
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 47
You wouldn't know what to do with a hot guy.
#47
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 48
The biggest surprise was how much I loved having him around.
#48
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 49
Yes.
#49
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 (S01E05) - 50
Of course, you probably know that already.
#50