S1 E3
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
VIEW ALL EPISODE

Season 1  "Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell"  1x3

Aired 18 years ago - Oct 06, 2003

After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife, and son. Charlie suggests that they go drinking, and Alan agrees. After drinking the boys take a cab home, but at one point they end up at their mothers, where they try to tell her what they think of her, but fail in getting the point across.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 1
I'll go!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 2
I don't know why she brought it, I don't know why she's taking it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 3
Okay.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 4
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 5
Morning, Porky.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 6
Rule number one...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 7
The point is, if you consult with all
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 8
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 9
It's all I can do to not imagine you lying dead in a ditch somewhere.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 10
Because when your brother's marriage ended,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 11
It's now an obstacle to my spending quality time with my beloved grandchild.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 14
Who's a good dog? Oh, yeah!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 15
Happiest place on earth, my snow white ass.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 16
threw up on me in the Teacup?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 17
Hey, sleepy head. You're just in time. Your pancakes are almost ready.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 18
Let me feel. Yeah, you're a little warm.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 19
You are home.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 20
I may not be the one to ask.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 21
Just checking. Because I was gonna fake it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 22
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 23
sandwiches, and Judith suggested I take mine to go.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 24
No, gosh, I forgot to bring Porky back.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 25
Oh, God.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 26
He goes through them faster than shoes.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 27
I'm sorry. It's the only thing I know to say when someone cries around here.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 28
You do know the pig can't hear you, right?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 29
I don't know. Why don't we toss Porky in the ocean and go get bombed?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 30
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 31
What's happening?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 32
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 33
You know, my kid is sick, and I can't even be with him.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 34
Although, I wouldn't brag about it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 35
Alan, people are gonna do whatever they're gonna do in this world.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 36
I don't remember where we left our car.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 37
going home for as to reclaim my home.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 38
No. I am going home to my wife
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 39
1 167, Bonnie Meadow Drive.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 40
No. Let's give it a second.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 41
They do. My nephew eats them.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 42
You get that I'm loaded, right?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 43
She chased me out of the house with a golf club.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 44
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 45
You'd go to Dad for marriage counseling?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 46
Your mother sounds like a real piece of work.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 47
That's right! And she made him so scared of intimacy
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 48
is resolved, most men are doomed to repeat dysfunctional childhood patterns.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 49
Let's confront her. You with me? Come on!

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 2
I don't know why she brought it, I don't know why she's taking it.
#2
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 3
Okay.
#3
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 4 #4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 5
Morning, Porky.
#5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 6
Rule number one...
#6
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 7
The point is, if you consult with all
#7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 8 #8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 9
It's all I can do to not imagine you lying dead in a ditch somewhere.
#9
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 10
Because when your brother's marriage ended,
#10
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 11
It's now an obstacle to my spending quality time with my beloved grandchild.
#11
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 12 #12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 13 #13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 14
Who's a good dog? Oh, yeah!
#14
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 15
Happiest place on earth, my snow white ass.
#15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 16
threw up on me in the Teacup?
#16
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 17
Hey, sleepy head. You're just in time. Your pancakes are almost ready.
#17
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 18
Let me feel. Yeah, you're a little warm.
#18
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 19
You are home.
#19
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 20
I may not be the one to ask.
#20
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 21
Just checking. Because I was gonna fake it.
#21
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 22 #22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 23
sandwiches, and Judith suggested I take mine to go.
#23
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 24
No, gosh, I forgot to bring Porky back.
#24
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 25
Oh, God.
#25
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 26
He goes through them faster than shoes.
#26
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 27
I'm sorry. It's the only thing I know to say when someone cries around here.
#27
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 28
You do know the pig can't hear you, right?
#28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 29
I don't know. Why don't we toss Porky in the ocean and go get bombed?
#29
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 30 #30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 31
What's happening?
#31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 32 #32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 33
You know, my kid is sick, and I can't even be with him.
#33
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 34
Although, I wouldn't brag about it.
#34
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 35
Alan, people are gonna do whatever they're gonna do in this world.
#35
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 36
I don't remember where we left our car.
#36
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 37
going home for as to reclaim my home.
#37
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 38
No. I am going home to my wife
#38
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 39
1 167, Bonnie Meadow Drive.
#39
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 40
No. Let's give it a second.
#40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 41
They do. My nephew eats them.
#41
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 42
You get that I'm loaded, right?
#42
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 43
She chased me out of the house with a golf club.
#43
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 44 #44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 45
You'd go to Dad for marriage counseling?
#45
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 46
Your mother sounds like a real piece of work.
#46
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 47
That's right! And she made him so scared of intimacy
#47
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 48
is resolved, most men are doomed to repeat dysfunctional childhood patterns.
#48
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 49
Let's confront her. You with me? Come on!
#49