Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 6

Aired 11 years ago - May 18, 2009

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

Aired 11 years ago - May 11, 2009

Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.

Aired 11 years ago - May 04, 2009

Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.

Aired 11 years ago - Apr 27, 2009

Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.

Aired 11 years ago - Apr 13, 2009

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

Aired 11 years ago - Mar 30, 2009

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

Aired 11 years ago - Mar 16, 2009

Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 18 (S06E18) - 1
ANNoUNCER Coming up next on Turner Classic Movies:
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What do you want from me? I'm not a big phlegm fan.
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This is what it's all about, being there for her no matter what.
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An opportunity to show her that she can depend on you...
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Charlie?
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You mean it?
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No problem.
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- Nice necklace. - Thanks.
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- Why, what's the problem? - She's nine.
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Boy, as soon as I get my license, I am so out of here.
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Not sure. Cold, flu. Something disgusting.
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You know they can be prevented by using a condom.
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Chelsea? Honey?
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Would you mind going to the drugstore for me?
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...something for canker sores and wet wipes.
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You're really being wonderful about all this, Charlie.
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And that's not just the oxyContin talking.
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Here. I'll give you the kid stuff.
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A dam for every river...
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This will handle anything from a little drizzle to a monsoon.
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No. No. Why would I be mad at you?
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Can you go over to my place and get me some clean clothes and feed Sir Lancelot?
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You got to scoop out the poop and put in fresh litter.
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Oh, yeah, that's what I had.
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Because I just chugged a half a bottle of codeine...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 18 (S06E18) - 39
Great. Now I just gotta feed the damn cat.
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...he'd just crap in the toilet instead of a litter box.
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I'm thinking sooner or later Chelsea's gonna wanna move in with me.
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Oh, Lord.
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We're on the air with codeine and bourbon. Go ahead caller.
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Oh, Alan, if you'd seen and heard the things I have in the last 24 hours...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 18 (S06E18) - 46
I'll never be able to watch the kid pull on a sweater again.
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Oh, this is not a kitty cat.
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- You need some more orange juice? - No, thank you.
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- You think? - Are you kidding?
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Just remember, when it comes to nurturing, Charlie's like a dog playing the piano.
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 09, 2009

Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her

Aired 11 years ago - Mar 02, 2009

Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

Aired 11 years ago - Feb 09, 2009

Charlie ends up in couples counseling.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 15 (S06E15) - 1
It's not that you don't know, it's that you don't care.
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What did you do, bring out the handcuffs too early?
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Ahem, if a woman stormed out on me after sex, would you go away?
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Her cat's name or which of her body parts you can't sneak up on?
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Where does she come from?
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It's cute, huh?
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Have something else.
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Frozen peas. What am I gonna do with frozen peas?
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Go on.
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Oh, and this one girl I've been seeing pretty regularly decided to dump me.
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She's beautiful, sexy, smart, independent.
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Who can understand a womars mind?
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She'd come over a couple times a week.
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Ooh, butterscotch.
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You have a choice here.
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No, thanks, I had a hot-fudge sundae for breakfast.
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I just wanted to see you, see how you're doing.
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- What? - Nothing, nothing.
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- I can't get away with anything. - Ballbuster?
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- It occurred to me. - Well, clearly you don't know me...
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Oh, uh, did I say Davenport, Iowa?
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Oh, and just a friendly heads-up...
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...while she snips off your testicles, reaches up inside your chest cavity...
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...while your life goes down the toilet...
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Oh, no, no, no. I'm the perfect guy to ask.
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- Hi, sweetie. - You're late.
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So you don't want this bottle of champagne?
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Why don't we start out with why we're here and what our goals are?
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Thank you.
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Charlie, before you got here, Chelsea mentioned that she feels...
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Would you be willing to commit to Chelsea that maybe once a week, twice a month...
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...every fiber of my body is screaming, "No!"
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...because I'm crazy about her.
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Charlie, can I give you my opinion as your therapist?
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Anyway, you need to know that you mean everything to me...
Aired 11 years ago - Feb 02, 2009

Melissa doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom.

Aired 11 years ago - Jan 19, 2009

Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 1
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You have a nice break till the, uh, old hemorrhoids come a-calling.
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- Yes, we did. - Read my lips. We did not have sex.
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Really? I didn't notice that on the stencils.
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Yeah, well, that's not how it turned out.
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Then when they reconciled, Herb nailed Judith.
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Technically, maybe neither one of you is the father.
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That's just ridiculous. Judith won't even eat Mexican food.
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I would've dropped him off at an orphanage...
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Oh, right, play the money card. That's all you got.
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Ooh, I'm scared.
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Oh, come on. Come on, uh, sit down. You'll like it.
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Never have I felt a love so grand
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- Surprise. - Herb doesn't need any help, Alan.
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It's like nine kinds of suck in an eight-suck bag.
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You couldn't really do that.
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- Okay, what the hell's wrong with you? - Nothing.
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In fact, I know exactly how you feel. My mom's second child ruined my life.
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...later on they move into your guest room with their kid and never leave.
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So if it's not the baby, then why have you been such a dillweed lately?
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Jolene Melnick.
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- Herb, can you get the cookies for me? - Oh, sure.
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If not for me, our little girl would be surrounded by metaphorical pony peni.
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Because my stupid uncle won't let me.
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- Hi there. - Gotta go.
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...like I give a rat's ass about your social life.
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- I can't tell you. It's embarrassing. - Okay, okay.
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Uh-huh.
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- Oh, please. How old are your friends? - Same age as me.
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But for a guy like you, the truth can be a powerful tool.
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That I don't know what I'm doing?
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"I'm new at this and I'm trusting you to be patient with me. "
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- Thanks, Uncle Charlie. - No problem, buddy.
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All right, we're agreed on a Montessori preschool, but what about child care?
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- What demons? - Oh, ah, well, it's no biggie.
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oh, dear God, what the hell happened?
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...we found her face down in a bowl of Häagen-Dazs with Percocets in her hair.
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...but he was never the same after that.
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- How's it going in here? - Oh, honey. Good news.
Aired 11 years ago - Jan 12, 2009

Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.

Aired 11 years ago - Dec 15, 2008

Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways when an old friend dies and begins to feel that his time on Earth may be drawing to a close.

Aired 11 years ago - Dec 08, 2008

Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.

Aired 11 years ago - Nov 24, 2008

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 9 (S06E09) - 1
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Recover sunglasses. Check.
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You come get your Uncle Charlie.
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- They making s'mores on the barbecue? - No.
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Why don't you go over there and introduce yourself?
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I don't know. Try saying hello.
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Wait till you turn. You'll feel like you have to pee while you're still peeing.
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Ten, 12 years later she comes to her senses, leaves you, takes all your stuff,
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We live next door. Right, Jake?
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We just came by to welcome you to the neighborhood.
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- You know what his nickname was, Jake? - No.
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- Honey, show him where it is. - Come on, Jake.
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I just came by to say hello. Can you get me a sky box?
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Hey, Dad, would it be all right if Jake and I take a walk on the beach?
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That boy touches my daughter, I'm going to be touching you.
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cappuccino.
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Clip, ping, clip, ping!
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Yep. Malibu.
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Well, uh, looks like I'm all done here.
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Or, uh, maybe I could take you out for a nice lunch.
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Let me give Jake a call, see what's keeping 'em.
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Yo, bitch, I'm gonna slap you up
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I spend most of my time out at the beach house.
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So, now that we're here, what do you want to do?
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Oh, excuse me.
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So, uh, what's the problem?
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He's great. Probably having the time of his life.
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Actually, I think it's chiffon.
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I'm a big, ol' cross-dresser.
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Jake is harmless.You don't have a thing to worry about,
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But I do know what it's like to exploit women with daddy issues.
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Oh, yeah, baby. It's always been one of my fantasies.
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Why am I not surprised?
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Oh, man, I'm sorry.
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Oh, yeah, Grl Zrbnck.
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Come on. Come on. Let's get you home.
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And it will show your daughter that you trust her.
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Aired 11 years ago - Nov 17, 2008

Charlie's new girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, which puts Charlie well outside of his comfort zone, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake initiated by Judith for mooning a group of girls.

Aired 11 years ago - Nov 10, 2008

Alan tries to get away from Judith. Meanwhile, Charlie and Herb go out on the town.

Aired 11 years ago - Nov 03, 2008

When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judith's meltdown.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 1
Don't take the leaving part away from me, Alan.
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Can we get chili burgers?
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- Charlie. - Oh, like you're not curious.
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Oh, great. Now he's got the moral high ground.
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...she's been blaming me for the failure of our marriage and now...
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Uh, I'm sure if we all pull together, you'll hardly notice.
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- Oh, hey, Herb. - Judith asked me to drop this off for Jake.
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Oh. Hard to believe you're coming up on your second anniversary.
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Uh, gee, Herb, uh, something you should know about the headphones...
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Right now, Judith and I are kind of ebbing.
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What my testicle-challenged brother should've done.
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Women like Judith respond to strength and confidence.
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I'm here for you, big guy.
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- Why aren't you in school? - I'm sick.
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Ah.
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...but that's one kid that can't afford to miss a single day at school.
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Why didn't you leave him home?
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Will he play the violin again?
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I'm not giving you the keys.
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Oh, gee, Herb, that wasrt so much advice as, you know, social satire.
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I mean, uh, why chew on one chicken wing when you can eat from the whole bucket?
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Throat's not sore anymore?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 33
We do not leave our shoes on the...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 34
Alan, staple guns don't staple shoes to coffee tables, idiots do.
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I don't know. Apparently, about a week ago.
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You must be devastated.
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Wouldrt it be great if he could learn that way?
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Oh, no reason. I just, uh, enjoy seeing the big galoot.
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Our marriage is over.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 42
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So, uh, you fishing here, or can I throw my bobber in the water?
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And three stops later, voilà.
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I'm having a tall pain in the ass.
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I know, I know. And soon you're gonna be 41.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 47
...but you're still a very desirable woman.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 48
Yeah?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 49
It's like with an ugly house, a little shrubbery helps the curb appeal.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 6 (S06E06) - 50
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 20, 2008

Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.

Aired 12 years ago - Oct 13, 2008

Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 4 (S06E04) - 1
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- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too.
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There's no reason to thank me for the ride again, Alan.
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She's, uh... She's a terrific employee. She does my scheduling, my books.
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- Bye, Melissa. - Bye, Charlie.
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Oh, that is so sweet of you.
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I wonder if she's anatomically correct.
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The Smurf is my receptionist.
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Which is why me and Charlie have always kept everything strictly professional.
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Yipes.
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Well, kudos, bro. You did a great job.
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...uh, you're gonna leave her with memories that can only be erased...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 4 (S06E04) - 20
...your budding man boobs, but that's just off the top of my head.
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Why is it always about you?
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Let her get to know me, have something in common before we jump into bed.
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...bond emotionally and then, and only then, take it to the next level.
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But Charlie is so sweet and special.
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Again, none of my business.
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You do. Would you like a slice? I can put butter and jelly on it.
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I'm gonna take a shower. Hit the road in about 20 minutes?
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...but in just one night, that little pixie has melted this cold, lonely heart.
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You may not believe me, but there is something going on here.
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I gotta tell you, I am just crazy about your brother.
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Fluttering through life, hard to pin down.
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And I'm gonna need a little extra time for lunch today.
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It's not what it looks like. Charlie's doing her, not me.
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If you're not comfortable leaving Jake here for the weekend, then take him home.
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- Can I have their chicken? - Knock yourself out.
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Fine. Fine, then I do remember when he was hitting your fifth-grade teacher.
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Ah, uh, well, pal, um, the thing is, um...
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You are just a selfish son of a bitch...
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I thought it might take longer than 48 hours, but I knew it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 4 (S06E04) - 50
It comes from a long history of you using my life as a specimen cup.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 4 (S06E04) - 51
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 06, 2008

Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 1
Okay, maybe I'm a little late to the party.
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Lights out at fat camp, a jelly bean is steak tartar.
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You know, hittin' two pinatas with one stick?
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These are divorced Valley moms trolling for a new schmuck to replace the old schmuck.
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Drizzle thy frosting on the divorced sticky buns of the Valley.
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DeSto proudly presents
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Those chefs on TV act like they're curing leprosy or something.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 8
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try hangin' outside a liquor store and look for a guy wearing house slippers and talking to himself.
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The fact that your opinion means less than squat to me.
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Well, it's like this: Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain cells.
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- Whatcha doing? - Cooking breakfast.
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I Don't know. I... thought I'd expand my horizons a bit.
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Hello?
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Uh, uh, the thing is, uh, I already made plans, uh, with my, uh, you know, son, who I love dearly.
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- Eat pizza. - And eat pizza.
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Uh, okay, uh, uh, great, great. Good. I-I'll see you then. Okay, bye.
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Why does it smell like bourbon?
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A little too much egg.
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Yeah, well, people grow, people change.
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Hey, Alan. Speaking of lies--
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 26
The point is, you need to be careful.
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can date several women at the same time, I'm quite certain I can handle two.
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so you and I can spend the whole weekend in bed.
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Uh, you know, uh, I'll have to check, but I-I-I think Saturday is a-a working Saturday for me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 32
That's one I wouldn't mind owning.
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Do you?
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Okay, then.
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How are you? Are you with a girl? Does she have big ones?
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We'll talk about that later.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 38
Do you have to go?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 39
It's a pretzel. You want some?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 3 (S06E03) - 40
He said the government stole his kidneys.
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I know. For a cheap guy, he can be surprisingly generous.
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Listen, my mom still thinks I'm studying at Gabe's house, so I don't think I should go home at this time.
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- Nope, false alarm. - Wait for it.
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Remove your shoes and place them in the bag, then seal it and put it back in the trunk.
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I'm a one-woman man and, baby, you're that woman.
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Your body is also telling you that alcohol is poison.
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 29, 2008

Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money. MORE -LESS

Aired 12 years ago - Sep 22, 2008

In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend (Rena Sofer) and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 1
- Chuck. - I heard it. Ahem.
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What difference does it make?
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- Why? What's wrong? - My battery died.
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...and whiskey breath, but I'm guessing he'll grow into that.
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I'm confused. Where do the galoshes go?
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- That's not true. - The hell it isn't.
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So? You showed up at my door with a 10-year-old...
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Look, I told you, Charlie, I'm giving you the best bulk rate I can.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 12
And I appreciate it. But that's not what I was asking about.
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Well, there are a number of things to factor in.
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...there's always gonna be flaws in the process.
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Okay. Okay, so bottom line, what you're saying is...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 18
...but not one penny in child support.
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- It's kind of a cute story. She was... - I don't wanna hear it.
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Maybe your little bastard would like a Wiffle-ball bat.
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- No, I am not. - What's going on?
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They should put it in big letters right on the reservoir tip.
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I'm not sure Hallmark has a "deadbeat dad" section.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 25
- Uh, laundry room. - Thanks. I over-wiped.
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Hey, I'm gonna need a mop too.
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- Hey, Jake? - Don't worry, it's all cleaned up.
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Oh, yeah, and a tangerine. That's what killed me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 33
You have different women here practically every night.
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- I mean, another cousin. - What do I need another cousin for?
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Well, I was in the neighborhood. I thought I'd stop by and say hello...
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But the guy that usually sells roses at the freeway on-ramp switched to oranges...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 38
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Charlie, you don't have to worry about him.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 40
Boy, you miss one health class...
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- Jake, language. - Yeah, language, math.
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Well, it's...
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Well, it... It turns out that there are flaws in every manufacturing process...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1 (S06E01) - 46
Lucky you. If I were her, I'd have owned half this house...
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Well, easy for you to say now that you've dodged the bullet.
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And clearly you've done a great job raising Chuck on your own.