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M*A*S*H

S2 E23
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
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Season 2  "Mail Call"  2x23

Aired 50 years ago - Feb 23, 1974

The arrival of a new batch of mail leaves Trapper depressed, and thinking of desertion, despite Hawkeye's efforts to dissuade him. Meanwhile, Hawkeye learns that he has successfully tricked Frank into buying stocks in a fictitious company, Pioneer Aviation.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 1
The topping is about two inches of frosting, and that cake is as light as air.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 2
Here's a vet bill. Two hundred and thirty-six dollars for treating a fifteen-year-old cat.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 3
I knew you'd understand.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 4
- [Continues Mumbling] - He got a letter written in "mumble."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 5
We're thinking of chasing only drinking women. Eliminates one process.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 6
If you had any brains, you'd know war always increases stock prices.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 7
My great-grandfather, Tombstone Pierce, made his fortune selling whiskey and hors d'oeuvres...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 8
Oh, go soak your head.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 9
- How can you be sure he'll find it? - Quite simple. I'll hide it.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 10
Come in, Major Burns.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 11
I sent away for these sheer hose and these spike heels...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 12
- Mrs. Frank Burns. - Where?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 13
but to be rich, you've got to be a lot "weller" than only "well," no matter how swell "well" is.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 14
and you can see what each little toe is up to.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 15
- Sir, Corporal Klinger wants to see you. - Oh, no. Not Klinger.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 16
Klinger...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 17
It's a letter from my mother.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 18
"If he knew I was writing to you, he'd be very angry.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 19
"are making the paper soggy and hard to write on.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 20
Father dying last year.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 21
Older sister dying and mother pregnant.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 22
Yes, sir. I don't deserve to be in the army.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 23
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 24
It's almost as nice as the socks she knitted, one of which I use as a sleeping bag.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 25
Please sell all my assets and buy all the Pioneer stock you can.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 26
[Objects Clattering To Floor]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 27
Yes, sir. I'll get on it first thing tomorrow morning.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 28
Back there, it's 1:00 yesterday morning. Everyone's gone to bed and said,
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 29
Okay. I think I got a bead on it.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 30
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 31
at market, regardless of cost.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 32
- Thank you, sir. - You got 50 cents change?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 33
- ## [Off-Key Playing Continues] - Is something troubling you, my son?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 34
Not to share their growing up.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 36
Sounds serious, Radar.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 37
- A girl, right? - Oh, she's terrific.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 38
"terrific looker and a surgeon, to boot.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 39
I won't.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 40
"Now that we've exchanged pictures and general info,
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 41
Well, wait... No. You gotta know. I mean, she wants to know my feelings,
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 42
Of course.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 43
I'm a Communist, an atheistic, Marxist, card-carrying, uh...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 44
That's your problem, Klinger. I've got a desk full of my own. Out!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 45
I'll cover you with furs, perfume, earrings. I'll buy you French handmade bloomers!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 46
Don't you realize? If there's a divorce, she gets half of everything.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 47
Margaret, I can't bid against the United States Army.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 48
Pioneer Aviation!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 50
"of the color of my hair and real length.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 2
Here's a vet bill. Two hundred and thirty-six dollars for treating a fifteen-year-old cat.
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 3
I knew you'd understand.
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 4
- [Continues Mumbling] - He got a letter written in "mumble."
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 5
We're thinking of chasing only drinking women. Eliminates one process.
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 6
If you had any brains, you'd know war always increases stock prices.
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 7
My great-grandfather, Tombstone Pierce, made his fortune selling whiskey and hors d'oeuvres...
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 8
Oh, go soak your head.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 9
- How can you be sure he'll find it? - Quite simple. I'll hide it.
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 10
Come in, Major Burns.
#10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 11
I sent away for these sheer hose and these spike heels...
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 12
- Mrs. Frank Burns. - Where?
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 13
but to be rich, you've got to be a lot "weller" than only "well," no matter how swell "well" is.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 14
and you can see what each little toe is up to.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 15
- Sir, Corporal Klinger wants to see you. - Oh, no. Not Klinger.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 16
Klinger...
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 17
It's a letter from my mother.
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 18
"If he knew I was writing to you, he'd be very angry.
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 19
"are making the paper soggy and hard to write on.
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 20
Father dying last year.
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 21
Older sister dying and mother pregnant.
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 22
Yes, sir. I don't deserve to be in the army.
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 23 #23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 24
It's almost as nice as the socks she knitted, one of which I use as a sleeping bag.
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 25
Please sell all my assets and buy all the Pioneer stock you can.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 26
[Objects Clattering To Floor]
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 27
Yes, sir. I'll get on it first thing tomorrow morning.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 28
Back there, it's 1:00 yesterday morning. Everyone's gone to bed and said,
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 29
Okay. I think I got a bead on it.
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 30 #30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 31
at market, regardless of cost.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 32
- Thank you, sir. - You got 50 cents change?
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 33
- ## [Off-Key Playing Continues] - Is something troubling you, my son?
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 34
Not to share their growing up.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 35 #35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 36
Sounds serious, Radar.
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 37
- A girl, right? - Oh, she's terrific.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 38
"terrific looker and a surgeon, to boot.
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 39
I won't.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 40
"Now that we've exchanged pictures and general info,
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 41
Well, wait... No. You gotta know. I mean, she wants to know my feelings,
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 42
Of course.
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 43
I'm a Communist, an atheistic, Marxist, card-carrying, uh...
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 44
That's your problem, Klinger. I've got a desk full of my own. Out!
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 45
I'll cover you with furs, perfume, earrings. I'll buy you French handmade bloomers!
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 46
Don't you realize? If there's a divorce, she gets half of everything.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 47
Margaret, I can't bid against the United States Army.
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 48
Pioneer Aviation!
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 49 #49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 2 Episode 23 (S02E23) - 50
"of the color of my hair and real length.
#50