Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 9

Aired 38 years ago - May 04, 1981

After Charles is nearly felled by a sniper's bullet, he develops a philosophical obsession with death. Meanwhile, the officers have all been assigned new responsibilities.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 1
Are you making cracks about my better half?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 2
That is roughly the equivalent of being the finest hockey player in all of Ecuador.
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It is I who shall stand victorious o'er your fallen carcass.
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- I intend to see that he picks it up. - You're on, sonny.
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He's got to be a bridge player. He lives in the suburbs.
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- What about partners? - Sir, with all due respect...
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# Down the road of life we'll fly, automobub... #
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Come on, baby. I'm sittin' here with my brass exposed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 9
Why don't you take the jeep? It's dead. Maybe it'll fill your quota.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 10
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If we're going in there, I think I should warn you, I'm not a tree surgeon.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 12
- Oh, really? - Yes.
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- And? - And I am offering you the chance...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 14
I heard every word. The old boy ain't deef, you know.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 15
Margaret, I have no intention of fighting for you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 16
Charles, I have already agreed to play with Colonel Potter.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 17
The sky is blue. The birds are singing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 18
and I will be eternally in your debt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 19
Well, well, well. We are desperate, aren't we?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 20
But I said, "absolutely uninterrupted."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 21
Don't press your luck, Hunnicutt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 22
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Call me at home, collect.
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If we can get back to my jeep and we go very fast...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 26
Uh-huh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 27
- Klinger! - No talking from the dummy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 28
What are you worried about, Major? B. J.'s got a straight flush.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 29
- [Mutters] - Signaling is verboten!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 30
Well, ain't that a fine howdeedoo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 31
I would've stomped you even if your partner was old Charlie Goren himself.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 32
I haven't got the equipment here to help him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 33
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 34
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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 36
Margaret, let me get you that scotch now. It might help to relieve the pressure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 37
- Forget it. - Breakfast in bed for your partner?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 38
[Chuckles] I start the bidding with one heart.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 39
The only thing worse than a pervert is a cheat!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 40
That's it. I'm not givin' up any more sleep for this nightmare.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 41
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Come here. Come here. I need your help. I gotta... I gotta open up his windpipe.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 43
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This is your fault, Winchester. You wouldn't support my hearts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 45
- Thank you. I like him. - Of course you do.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 46
Hey, you're right. Twenty bucks on Houlihan and Hunnicutt bet by...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 47
You're doing great, pal. Just hang in there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 48
[Blows]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 20 (S09E20) - 50
Come on. Give me a pulse!
Aired 38 years ago - Apr 13, 1981

The 4077th is given a gift of fresh-grown vegetables by a grateful Korean; and Potter questions the veracity of an upbeat letter from Radar.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 1
Some men are born to garbage, and others have garbage thrust upon them.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 2
Winchester, you joining us, or are you gonna send out for a patient?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 3
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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 7
Now, when you've got that...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 8
- You can't give any orders until you sign in. - What is this?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 9
- Initial here, sir. Tables, eating. - What? Yeah, all right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 10
Wait a minute. What do you mean, "just about all of it"?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 11
Initialed B.F.P. Is that not your B.F.P.?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 12
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I'm not gonna barge in here and tell you how to run things.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 14
Do you recall what you felt?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 15
while you were... gone.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 16
I couldn't, uh...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 17
nameless fear.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 18
that sensation returned.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 19
I'm just tired, and I think I want to get some sleep now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 20
- Perfectly. - Nothing's bothering you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 21
- What what was like? - What that boy went through right there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 22
- What is the matter with you? - With me?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 23
He's obviously very troubled, and screaming at him isn't gonna boost his spirits.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 24
Well, Major, I don't, uh, concern myself with other people's problems.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 25
Think about the medics at Battalion Aid.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 26
I come in here to try to help you pull yourself together...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 27
Your recipe called for a two-and-a-half-year allotment of butter.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 28
So, how does it feel now that the food is on the other foot?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 29
Sir, I was wondering if we might have a word together.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 30
l... You... Don't go away.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 31
We're gonna wind up in the stockade because you didn't want to impose?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 32
I mean, nobody in this unit would ever steal any trays, but maybe I can help you out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 33
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Don't you understand the power you have here?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 35
If only we could do that with human beings...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 36
There's just no room for any more.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 37
It's a long story, but whatever idiot was in charge of the Mess Tent before I was...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 39
Because I tucked it into bed on that sheet over there just the way you told me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 40
but when you've been in this trade as long as I have, nothing makes you blink.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 41
- I'm sure he'll work this out for himself. - [Gasps]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 42
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The army doesn't do things the way real human beings do them.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 44
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[Explosions]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 46
- Yes, sir. Hold on. - That's all, except for this boy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 47
Do you also realize you could get yourself killed up there?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 48
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We're gonna get you to a MASH unit, and they'll patch you up just fine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 19 (S09E19) - 50
Aired 38 years ago - Apr 06, 1981

Hawkeye is overcome by the devotion of a terminally ill G.I., who has leukemia, for his critically wounded buddy, but he has trouble coming to terms with the fact that he can't cure the man. Meanwhile, Father Mulcahy is worried about the impending visit of a Cardinal.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 1
"even Major Winchester.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 2
Walter O'Reilly, gentleman farmer."
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Pretty good, huh? Is that pretty good, huh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 4
- But you gotta admit, Colonel, I really nailed that fly good. - [Growls]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 5
Klinger, ring up H.Q. And find out where that traveling eye doctor is.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 6
Wait a minute, Igor. What's that green stuff? We had roast beef yesterday.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 7
Ants crawl all the way from Arkansas just to sample it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 8
Yeah, the grandmother had pneumonia. We took care of her.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 9
I am only too glad to make present after you save my grandmother.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 10
but I do not read English good.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 11
From the looks of him, he's too pooped to hop.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 12
- You bet. No charge. - I'll pick up the lenses in Seoul...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 13
Oh, no problem. Oh, the name's Bud.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 14
- Get her. - I do believe Margaret's making eyes at the optometrist.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 15
Oh, thank heavens they're gone. Now then, uh, Bud, was it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 16
It says "sign here."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 17
The colonel obviously doesn't need glasses to read me the riot act.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 18
- Yeah! - Good name, sir.
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Now, you take these drops for just a few days.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 21
[Laughs] All's well that ends well.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 22
All civilians, Colonel. Their village was mortared.
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- Are your grandparents okay? - I do not know.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 25
- [Sighs] Some life, huh? - Mm.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 26
Oh, excuse us, Charles. Want you to meet your new roomie, roomie.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 27
I absolutely forbid you to use my quarters as the Ouijongbu "Y."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 28
You are all my best friends.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 29
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- I'm filled with compassion. - And soon with fresh vegetables.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 31
Well, you know, it's... it's, uh, fertilizer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 32
Dr. Hawkeye, Dr. B. J. Help me make garden.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 33
Oh, fellas, I'll see you later.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 34
- Have a cup of tea. - Ah, fine. I'm leaving again in the morning.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 35
Well, unless my memory is also failing, you told me one day I would need glasses.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 36
I mean, even with your imperfect eyes...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 37
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Well, actually, tea's not my cup of tea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 39
- Oh? - He says there's nothing going on between you and Bud.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 40
It's awfully dark out there, Bud. Why don't I walk you to your tent.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 41
Well, one does what one can. Cognac for me, please.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 42
Be glad to. Klinger, boys, come on over here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 43
Poor fellow felt so bad, he ran into my office every 15 minutes to tell me the time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 44
It's enough to make you want to cry in your root beer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 45
Because in the present, he's 10,000-odd miles away.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 46
- [All Shouting] - Hello? How's the weather back there these days?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 47
- Appreciate it. She's ringing. - Oh, good...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 48
Yes, ma'am, technology's just terrific.
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Well, you tell him we all send him our love...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 18 (S09E18) - 50
Had to take an evening job in the general store to pay the mortgage.
Aired 38 years ago - Mar 16, 1981

When Hawkeye can't stop a sneezing fit that has no apparent cause, psychiatrist Sidney Freedman digs into the surgeon's past for a clue to this unusual malady.

Aired 38 years ago - Mar 09, 1981

Colonel Potter nearly blows his stack when his well-intentioned colleagues mollycoddle him in order to lower his blood pressure.

Aired 38 years ago - Mar 02, 1981

One of Margaret's nurses tries to hide her severe drinking problem, and Hawkeye is scorned after a practical joke he plays on Winchester backfires.

Aired 38 years ago - Feb 23, 1981

Winchester is sent to inspect sanitary conditions on the frontlines, while the rest of the camp plans a surprise anniversary party for B.J.

Aired 38 years ago - Feb 16, 1981

Hawkeye wagers that he can go a full day without a wisecrack, and Winchester finally confronts the major who exiled him to the 4077th. Charles: "I will not, even for a return to that pearl of the Orient, Tokyo, lie to protect you while destroying a friend's career."

Aired 38 years ago - Feb 09, 1981

Klinger's army newspaper reports on Hawkeye's monument to military stupidity; a giant tower made from a half million erroneously shipped tongue depressors.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 1
That's, uh, 300 jokes an hour, 15 hours a day... about 5,000 jokes a day.
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"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
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- An old friend of yours is coming to call. - Oh?
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I was sure you'd Vesuvius all over my office.
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Winchester, you're letting that goat of yours get got again.
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Ergo, when he arrives...
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- Winchester, ten-hut! - [Whimpers]
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I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car.
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Surely you are not proposing Horace Baldwin's?
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Remember, to grow a beautiful rose, sometimes you gotta shovel a lot of manure.
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- It's a silly little test. - Of course it is. Perfectly meaningless.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 12
Listen, I'm a very complex person!
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- You're not gonna let go of this thing, are you? - How can I?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 14
- I'll bet. From which war are they left over, huh, Hawk? - Obviously the Korean War.
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and make some remarks, and they'd be cleverer than the ones you just made...
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- We don't have to take him alive, do we? - Of course we do.
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- It's wonderful to see you again. - Good to see you too.
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Colonel, nice to have you in our little corner of the war.
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I will? I will! Oh, I read you loud and clear, 0 Most Gracious Host. Consider him comfortable.
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Hold it! I was the one who gave out that advice...
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Well, there was no way I could possibly have foreseen...
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As a matter of fact, I procured this... hooch in Tokyo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 24
Yeah, Bean Town. Although more and more frequently...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 25
and actually pull ahead $5.14.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 26
I'm not gonna quit until I've taken you for everything you've got.
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you now owe me...
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London, Geneva, Tokyo.
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is not made of the same material as one's trousers.
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No fact-finding tour is successful...
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especially around 2330 hours.
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But you understand, this is not for me. It's for a shy friend.
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Uh, I would like you to pay a little social call on a friend of mine.
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So, how's, uh, the Lord?
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Ten dollar.
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Come right on in.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 39
What's up, Chuck? Generosity is not the "osity" you're best known for around here.
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It's a parting shot, you might say.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 41
Soliciting nurses to be nothing more than cheap concubines for immoral purposes!
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Look, I swear, I have never laid eyes, or anything else, on this young lady before!
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Him Joe!
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This is more than I can handle. I gotta get out of here before it gets any better.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 47
- and only went to Potter after I rejected her. - [Door Opens]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 48
Margaret, please.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 49
In an attempt to curry my favor in order to secure a promotion...
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well...
Aired 38 years ago - Feb 02, 1981

Margaret develops a case of prickly heat, Charles does his tax returns, and Klinger takes the P.A. apart - just some of the events, which occur during another unendurably, hot night at the 4077th.

Aired 38 years ago - Jan 26, 1981

Klinger saves Winchester's life when an explosion rocks the operating room; and B.J. is reluctant to reveal the extent of his injuries after the blast.

Aired 38 years ago - Jan 19, 1981

Hawkeye uses a bottle of vintage wine to lure unsuspecting nurses into his den; and Potter tries to secure a different sort of anesthetic when the army threatens to ban a painkiller.

Aired 38 years ago - Jan 12, 1981

Winchester takes command during Potter's absence; and B.J. and Hawkeye try to convince the Marines to grant a hardship discharge to an immigrant soldier, Private Jost Van Liter.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 1
You picked the best diner on the detour.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 2
Excuse my grammar. Go ahead and finish, then I'll turn you down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 3
So much for that old flame.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 4
- You know why the English have such stiff upper lips? - Nah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 5
Me too. Leaves less for the rest of us.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 6
[Chuckling] My friend, I want you to have this bottle of wine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 7
- Let's keep in touch, eh? Maybe we can be of service. - You bet.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 8
- Listen, you desert deadbeat, I need my five bucks. - I'm busted.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 9
## [Humming]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 10
Perhaps later, if I need something to put on my salad.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 11
Sounds like what went on in the backseat of your DeSoto.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 12
Then where, pray tell, did you get this ambrosia?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 13
- Hands off. - Hey, wait!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 14
"Please sign a code name so that your anonymity may be preserved.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 15
Pretty good deal, huh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 16
Rats! I'm so stupid I outsmarted myself.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 17
Well, should you have occasion to venture into the hostile territory...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 18
you have on that bulletin board.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 19
Well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 20
That does it. If we had some curare...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 21
- Social call, sir? - No, criminal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 22
Get the commanding Canuck on the horn.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 23
That's why I want you to ride shotgun with me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 24
- It's Colonel LaFleur. - [Whispering] LaFleur.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 25
Oxygen? We've got so much we're using it like air. How much do you need?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 27
I don't know. I'm not about to peek.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 28
Unfortunately, I am at a disadvantaged position.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 29
And a tasteless Pierce.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 30
Send that to the Dead Letter Office.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 31
Signed, Very Married."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 32
"Your fabulous wine would be the perfect appetizer...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 33
"I've always thought you were all man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 34
[Laughs]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 36
Klinger, what the hell is this?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 38
# Love that's sweet and still unspoiled #
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 39
My, my. Where has the week gone?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 40
You're disgusting.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 41
is en route here with five bottles of that very vintage.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 42
I'm doing the best I can, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 43
Please, sir, this is no place for a pit stop.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 44
- [Explosion In Distance] - Does this mean the honeymoon is over?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 45
A stallion springs a leak, all you gotta worry about...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 46
This wagon is going off the wagon.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 47
But I am.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 48
- ## [Big Band, Slow] - ## [Humming]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 49
[Knocking]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 50
I never thought this moment would happen...
Aired 38 years ago - Jan 05, 1981

Klinger is so depressed by news that his ex-wife plans to remarry, he reenlists for an additional six-year hitch. Meanwhile, a male nurse has a gripe against the army.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 1
and now it's killed me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 2
[Potter] Leave him alone. If he's reconstructing nerves via library book...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 3
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 4
I wasn't a sightseer. I was a technician on his surgical team for over a year.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 6
I wanted to talk to them about re-upping.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 7
Uh... Oh, I have this, uh, memo for you too, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 8
Bandy your japes, apes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 9
In that case, may I present Major Winchester?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 10
Ah. Nothing I like better than the free exchange of ideas.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 11
- I don't wanna let the kitty out of the burlap. - [Vickers] What's with you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 12
When they came into the army, they were made officers automatically.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 13
Why bother? There are plenty of other fish in the barrel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 14
Igor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 15
Well, that's a shame.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 16
This drink's on me, Maxie.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 17
Tell Joey all about it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 18
You ever...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 19
gives you a place to sleep.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 20
What you need is an anchor...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 21
Where do I sign?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 22
I have been directed to address you...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 23
- You gotta be kidding. - Gentlemen, please, it's impolite to laugh at the senile.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 24
Please. I'd like to hear this too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 25
The army provides a chance to see the world.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 26
- Why me? They were bad too. - Yeah, but you're the top Katzenjammer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 27
[Chuckling] I'd like to leave these for your C.O.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 28
He wasn't even on the list.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 29
crying in his beer over some skirt named Laverne...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 30
Oh, please. Didn't you read the "Do Not Disturb The Dead" sign?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 31
No. It's all one fuzzy blur.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 32
I may be a rummy, but I'm no dummy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 33
Oh. So, you mean... You mean Laverne and Gus...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 34
[Shouting] Ah! Yes, Virginia! There is an escape clause.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 35
It'd be criminal of you to swear him in now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 36
Nobody but an idiot would ever reenlist.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 37
George Washington, Andy Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 38
Smart lad. I'll be in here when and if you're ready.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 39
Well, I must say you have a very nice leg up on your recovery.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 40
- Ask the expert. - Just keep a close watch.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 42
I don't understand something. If all this happened because you wrote Gus in the first place...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 43
If you wanna communicate with Laverne, why don't you write Laverne?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 45
this is gonna knock you off your pins, but I still love you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 46
After all, you're only human.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 47
I don't need you and Gus to use my heartstrings for a taffy pull.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 48
Okay! That's wonderful. At last you're a free man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 49
Colonel Potter swore you in anyway?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 50
Said if I didn't swear him in, he'd drive to "l" Corps and find somebody who would.
Aired 38 years ago - Dec 29, 1980

On New Year's Eve, the staff looks back on the highlights of 1951: The doctors invent an artificial kidney machine; Mulcahy plants a garden; Margaret takes up knitting; and Klinger and Winchester bet on which baseball team will win the pennant.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 1
and now it's killed me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 2
[Potter] Leave him alone. If he's reconstructing nerves via library book...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 3
presume to instruct an officer and a physician on proper surgical technique?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 4
I wasn't a sightseer. I was a technician on his surgical team for over a year.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 6
I've got the names of your enlistees who are due for discharge.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 7
Uh... Oh, I have this, uh, memo for you too, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 8
Bandy your japes, apes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 9
In that case, may I present Major Winchester?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 11
- I don't wanna let the kitty out of the burlap. - [Vickers] What's with you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 12
When they came into the army, they were made officers automatically.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 14
not to mention my wife... so it just ain't in the cards.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 15
Well, that's a shame.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 16
This drink's on me, Maxie.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 17
Tell Joey all about it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 18
Not since the army became my best friend.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 19
Think about it. The army feeds you, clothes you...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 20
What you need is an anchor...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 21
Where do I sign?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 22
I have been directed to address you...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 23
If I held that in, my teeth would've exploded.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 25
Certainly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 26
- Why me? They were bad too. - Yeah, but you're the top Katzenjammer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 27
[Chuckling] I'd like to leave these for your C.O.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 28
He wasn't even on the list.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 29
[Chuckles] When I saw him in the "O" Club...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 30
- Huh? - Get up. The maid wants to put fresh linen on the bar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 31
No. It's all one fuzzy blur.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 32
I may be a rummy, but I'm no dummy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 33
Oh. So, you mean... You mean Laverne and Gus...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 34
[Shouting] Ah! Yes, Virginia! There is an escape clause.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 35
Look, Vickers caught Klinger with his heart down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 36
- Pretty sober thoughts, Pierce. - Come on. He's crazy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 37
George Washington, Andy Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 38
This is a major step, and I shouldn't take it in the heat of passion.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 39
- [Potter] Come in. - Sir, I thought it out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 40
Anything I should know from here on out?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 42
Gus knew I still loved Laverne. I told him that when I wrote him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 43
If you wanna communicate with Laverne, why don't you write Laverne?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 44
Ah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 45
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 47
I don't need you and Gus to use my heartstrings for a taffy pull.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 48
Sign it "John Hancock." It's my Declaration of Independence.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 49
You mean, after all he said...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 6 (S09E06) - 50
Said if I didn't swear him in, he'd drive to "l" Corps and find somebody who would.
Aired 39 years ago - Dec 15, 1980

Meanwhile, Winchester fulfills a family Christmas tradition but has trouble maintaining the anonymity required to keep it a truly charitable act. Even Klinger lends a hand.

Aired 39 years ago - Dec 08, 1980

Margaret has trouble pretending she's a chip off the old block when her dad, blood and guts "Howitzer" Al Houlihan, arrives for a visit. Also, Hawkeye fixes up a soldier who repays them with a large side of steak, but the general who it belongs to is really steamed.

Aired 39 years ago - Dec 01, 1980

A jilted Italian soldier, Corpsman Ignazio De Simone, is smitten by Margaret; Klinger pours a cement floor in the operating room to fight the spread of germs.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 1
Oh, gee, I don't know. You mean, give up gristle?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 2
Dress right, dress!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 3
Oh, of course.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 4
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 6
Any father of Margaret's is a father of mine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 7
- No, they're just draftees, but they're top-notch surgeons. - [Dog Barking]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 8
- I always told you it's better to lead than to follow, didn't I? - Yes, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 9
Oh, of course, Daddy. I understand.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 10
Morgove? Oh, Morgove. He was that kid with the head wound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 11
- Didn't I tell you? - Would you look at that?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 12
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 13
[B. J.] Will you hurry? My taste buds are dancing in the street.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 14
Close the lid. Listen.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 15
Don't worry about me, Margaret. Just go on with your work.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 16
It's like buying gloves for the Venus de Milo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 18
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 19
How are you supposed to sleep on a hard, fat, pillow? I'll get you another pillow.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 20
Well, there's really not a lot to tell.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 21
I just don't know where to start.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 22
Please, Margaret, I'd just rather not talk about it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 23
Well, I'm sure you won't let it happen again.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 25
Margaret tells me you're an old cavalry man too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 26
When I ship out of here...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 27
You figure that retirement is like a full-time R & R...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 28
- [Potter Continues, Indistinct] - Uh-oh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 29
Well, there's been no formal declaration of war.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 30
Why shouldn't we be clowns? We're living in a three-ring circus.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 31
- Hawkeye, wake up! - I'm not asleep. I'm dead.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 32
- That's our beef. - We stole it fair and square.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 33
mm-hmm, Max, aren't we the Four Musketeers...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 34
Pierce, if this is another practical joke, and there is no side of beef...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 35
After your little shenanigans last night, my father is packing to leave right now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 36
You both are nothing but a pair of juvenile delinquents.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 37
- That's meat. - Just following doctors' orders.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 38
Well, he said that something came up, but I know what really happened.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 39
Now just listen, Margaret. Would I be telling you this if it wasn't true?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 40
And then the foul-up in O.R.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 41
[Knocking]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 42
Is that so? Well, you sure got a funny way of showing it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 43
- That should say it all. - It doesn't say enough...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 45
You'd rather crush her feelings than let on you're human like the rest of us?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 46
who would have acted the way you did the other night...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 48
Oh, my, seems like quite a little wait for the showers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 49
Oh, Dad, I wish you didn't have to go now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3 (S09E03) - 50
Aired 39 years ago - Nov 24, 1980

Members of the 4077th share their impressions of war in response to letters from fourth graders in Hawkeye's hometown. Margaret writes about how there are some patients she will never forget, whilst the Colonel tells of his days as 'Hoops' Potter. Hawkeye: "Dear Ronnie, it's a shame to let the love you have for your brother turn to hate for others. Hate makes war, and war is what killed Keith. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I hate myself for being here. But sometimes in the midst of all this insanity, the smallest thing can make my being here seems worthwhile. Maybe the best answer I have for you is that you look for good wherever you can find it." MORE -LESS

Aired 39 years ago - Nov 17, 1980

On his way to some R&R in Tokyo, a North Korean soldier forces Hawkeye to perform an emergency roadside operation on his buddy.