Aired 43 years ago - Mar 12, 1979
Talk of a post-war reunion gives BJ an idea- planning a present-day stateside gathering of 4077th families. He continues to obsess with the idea even under the duress of bug-out instigated by a Chinese breakthrough. Also, Klinger fears that the party will blow his cover, as his mother doesn't know he's stationed in Korea.
Aired 43 years ago - Mar 05, 1979
The impossible happens for the snobbish Charles when he shares an emotional experience with Klinger, who discovers a U.S. nurse, Debbie, finds him and his bizarre attire attractive, while Charles succumbs to the exotic charms of a Korean girl, called Sooni, who he meets at Rosie's Bar.
Aired 43 years ago - Feb 26, 1979
A typical day in the life of Rosie's bar, complete with AWOL problem drinkers, a bound and gagged Winchester, and a gambling scheme.
Aired 43 years ago - Feb 19, 1979
On a sub-note, Klinger plays the part of a voodoo practioner to try and get out of the army.
Aired 43 years ago - Feb 14, 1979
The sinister Colonel Flagg pops up at the 4077th again, playing his usual spy games, convinced that Hawkeye is a communist sympathizer, after he saves the life of a North Korean soldier. Also, an American soldier is less than impressed.
Aired 44 years ago - Feb 05, 1979
The 4077th evacuation to a nearby cave to, avoid U.S. artillery fire on a Chinese target, poses problems for Hawkeye, who has a claustrophobia problem that Colonel Potter is unaware of. On the other hand, Margaret hates loud noises. And then there's the problem of a seriously wounded soldier...
Aired 44 years ago - Jan 29, 1979
Radar, who is smitten with the cute new nurse, Linda Nugent, relies on Hawkeye's expertise on how to cope with the situation. Hot Lips, meanwhile, celebrates her just-granted divorce by taking a step that arouses Colonel Potter's ire.
Aired 44 years ago - Jan 22, 1979
A lecture on the latest techniques by a young surgeon from Tokyo, and a later demonstration of his surgical skill, turns Winchester into a drunk and Potter into an invalid, whilst bringing home to Hawkeye and B.J. that they are out of touch with new medical practices.
Aired 44 years ago - Jan 15, 1979
The 4077th is confronted by two crises: Colonel Potter's mare, Sophie, mysteriously disappears from her corral, and Hawkeye and B.J. find themselves with a young Korean boy on their hands, who is trying to avoid conscription into the Army.
Aired 44 years ago - Jan 08, 1979
It's instant attraction for Hawkeye when a beautiful Swedish doctor, called Inga, arrives to observe combat surgery. That is, until she upstages him in the operating room with a superior technique, and his ego is bruised.
Aired 44 years ago - Jan 01, 1979
B.J. almost becomes the surrogate father to a Korean family. Finding them a substitute for his own absent family, B.J. spends so much time with them that his medical efficiency begins to suffer, and Hawkeye worries about his health. B.J.: "First
they take me from my wife and kid, and just when I find something to help fill the gap, they take that away, too."
Aired 44 years ago - Dec 18, 1978
Father Mulcahy writes a pre-Christmas letter to his sister, who is a nun. He recounts his frustrations at not being more effective at the 4077th.
Aired 44 years ago - Dec 11, 1978
Father Mulcahy takes being passed over for promotion philosophically until he hears of the rapid advancement made by a heroic helicopter pilot. Then his uncharacteristically bold actions stun Colonel Potter and the entire company.
Aired 44 years ago - Dec 04, 1978
Heavy casualties are arriving, creating severe problems for the M*A*S*H unit because they are nearly out of Pentothal. Mulcahy takes up a collection from everyone - including a case of wine from Charles' private supply - and he and Charles take the jeep to make a trade with the black marketers for Pentothal.
Aired 44 years ago - Nov 27, 1978
Hawkeye and B.J. discover that Charles is living the life of Riley, thanks to the attentions of his menially paid Korean servant, Comrade Park, a man of unusual skills. He has an important contribution to make - a native remedy for a seemingly insoluble medical problem.
Aired 44 years ago - Nov 20, 1978
In this unique episode, the camera becomes the eyes of a young wounded soldier. It records his sensory responses to being wounded, flown by helicopter to the 4077th, examined, operated on, and treated in post-operation.
Aired 44 years ago - Nov 13, 1978
While everyone is complaining about the record cold snap, Charles becomes the most unpopular man in camp, when his parents send him a winter-ized polar suit that he insists on flaunting in front of everyone.
Aired 44 years ago - Nov 06, 1978
Captain Tom Greenleigh of Stars and Stripes comes to the 4077th to write an article about Charles, which makes him act even more egotistical than usual. Meanwhile, Margeret finds out her estranged husband Donald has tied up their joint account,
while fending off at first -- then accepting -- the advances of Greenleigh. Klinger dresses up as various movie characters with the hope that Stars and Stripes will write about how crazy he is.
I'd applaud you, Major,
if this boy didn't need his kidney.
I hesitated far too long
before springing into action.
I didn't want to be the one to say so,
but thank you for confirming it.
- It should be written up
in all the medical journals.
- Or at least Boys'Life.
For Captain Hunnicutt
from Mill Valley...
If I may wax philosophic...
- Ah, shoot.
- The scales of justice take time to balance.
- Ah, bull!
- Good, but you'll have to
make it man-to-rat.
How 'bout if we discuss it later
over drinks in the Officers Club?
- Brass thinks it's newsworthy.
- How'd they find out about it so quickly?
If it's okay, I'd like to start off
by asking you a couple of questions.
The man's a marvel. He can grovel
and blow his own horn in the same breath.
Pierce! Ignore them, Captain.
it was inevitable that I attend
the finest schools... Choate, Harvard.
- We'll say "cheese," you say "Choate."
- Let's call the whole thing off.
Captain, I've got a great
photo series for your rag.
That's the idea, sir.
I'm a loon. Now tell the world.
- What about my picture?
- We'll think about that tomorrow, Scarlett.
Springtime in Korea, when the air
is filled with pollen and bullets.
Let's find a really interesting case,
one that's more newsworthy.
- Hey, hey! Watch it, will you?
Pressure dressing, stat.
Get him into O.R. How's this?
"Why did he do a primary anastomosis?"
I'm able to give these brave soldiers
that little extra something.
Mind if I watch?
Time flies when you're not
trying to impress the press.
Thank you. Gown.
Why do people always go berserk
when they meet a reporter?
So, tell me about the other times
you got clobbered, kid.
Gentlemen, this won't take me
more than a second.
Could it be that you missed a bleeder
during your press conference in O.R.?
Could be, but my trick knee tells me
check for hemorrhaging.
is I would have to treat you
- Did you talk to Donald?
- Till I was blue in the face.
- I think I'd better go check on Sophie.
I'm gonna scrub.
Prep him for O.R. And go find Winchester.
- That's what he used to call it.
- How 'bout some coffee?
- It wouldn't be the same.
"Buy you a drink." "Remember me?"
"Mind if I watch?"
That's awfully good.
Just give me five minutes
to... tidy things up a little.
- A perennial box-office favorite.
- Not now, huh?
Pierce, how dare you
open up one of my patients!
One of the suture lines is leaking.
- You don't look so bad yourself.
- Thank you.
Next time we should go to Seoul.
For the first time since my divorce,
I was free of my husband.
Aired 44 years ago - Oct 30, 1978
A strong windstorm affects the M*A*S*H personnel in varying ways: Hawkeye and most of the unit busy themselves securing items that could blow away; Radar prepares his animal hutch for the worst; a disgusted Charles switches his Tokyo-leave transportation from air to ground, and runs into a difficult medical situation en route to Seoul.
If I drive you to Seoul, that means
I gotta come back in the storm. Uh-uh.
Nah. Too hairy.
The war will be called
on account of bad weather.
Hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Would you like to come by?
- Major, I was just about...
- About to go on report, Lieutenant!
[Charles] Klinger, we are not on our way
to Grandmother's house.
How could we possibly
We'll go by jungle vine.
What is it?
Take you right into Seoul.
[Tsk] Come on, Babette.
Will you give me a break once?
let's make sure, huh?
You're the one who said,
"I got it, I got it."
- [Wind Blowing]
- Looks like we're in for a quiet evening, Sheriff.
- Set him down over there, boys.
- I think we got everybody.
- [Hawkeye] Where?
- Major, this wind is blowing right up my skirt.
- Keep moving!
- I think I hear someone.
- [Shouting Continues]
- [Groaning, Calling, Indistinct]
- They're not Americans.
How wonderful it is
to travel with you.
if you overlook the fact that none of us
are gonna see our homes again.
All the years of travel,
There we go.
Easy, easy. Easy, easy.
- All right.
- Sorry, sir.
- Go ahead. I'll be all right.
I'm just doin'
a bed check now.
It's closing time.
- No problem. Scis...
"Contaminate"? I bathe her every day.
She's cleaner than me.
If you'll stop by the gift shop
on your way out, you can pick up
your complimentary fountain pen.
- [Vehicle Arrives]
- I'm sorry.
- Let's scrub up again.
- Let's get to it.
Here we are, two guys
clinging together for dear life...
That was Bunker Hill,
- Now would you like to hear about mine?
- Not particularly.
Give me the biggest needle
and syringe you've got.
See if there isn't anything
resembling a tube.
- Hold him!
- Made it across, Major!
This isn't gonna work.
Indeed he is. Stay with me,
old man. Steady on.
Snipers, shelling. Just when
you think you've seen it all...
- Dear God.
- He's been alerted.
- [Margaret] I don't believe this.
- [B.J.] Anyone for charades?
I'd say... that direction.
Come on. It's Radar.
Why don't you help me out and get found?
Aired 44 years ago - Oct 23, 1978
As the temperatures reach triple digits, Hawkeye and BJ recieve their new rubber bathtub from Abercrombie & Fitch. However, soon the whole camp is hot under the collar as word leaks out about the tub and everyone wants a dip, except for Klinger, who is trying to get his Section 8 by wearing a fur coat.
- Let it cool off.
- That's how I got it to warm up.
There's a method to my madness,
O Short One of the Open Pores.
Out of my office, fur ball.
- Yes, he seems to be enjoying himself.
- [Hawkeye Laughing]
Wonderful. Charles is probably
announcing it on Armed Forces Radio.
- [Voices Overlapping]
- All right, hold your water, everybody.
- Thank you, sir.
- You've been bustin' your buns all day.
I'll pick it up in a minute.
- Aren't you getting a little carried away, son?
- Oh, I hope so, sir.
If you can stand being in a getup
like that for another 24 hours...
- You've gotta prove you're a maniac.
Oh, Radar, when you've got
some time later, I want to call home...
Radar, don't pick at your food.
It'll never heal.
- Maybe that'll cure it.
- I don't know.
At the risk of severe personal injury,
I'm about to break a sacred vow.
Don't you understand?
You can fill it with water and get in it.
Enjoy your privacy, Corporal.
[Man On P.A.]
Attention! The Pierce/Hunnicutt bathtub...
This is the ultimate degradation...
That man is the Michelangelo
of deviant behavior.
Just think about that cool water
dancing over your ever-receptive skin...
- [All Shouting]
- Get him out of there!
Tell me again.
The first 50 times didn't sink in.
of Sears and Rhoden.
- Twelve-year-old scotch.
- Help me, Beej.
- No sale nohow.
- I got it figured out.
The entire free enterprise system
is ridin' on this one.
- Come on.
- Come on. Let us in before we come in after you.
Oh, geez. How long will it be
before I can talk good?
Oh, uh, not for me, sir.
That line out there is a burning fuse.
Do you read me?
You want more suction?
You are inexcusable.
- Make me!
- Now, now, now, idiots.
- Oh, yeah?
- [Yelling, Shouting]
- It's a menace.
- [All Protesting]
- Aw, come on, Colonel.
How about a nice cool drink of water?
That oughta drown your sorrows.
We know, Radar.
Ice cream in this heat?
- I'll see what I can drum up.
- If it's 10 gallons of strawberry, you got a deal.
Aired 44 years ago - Oct 16, 1978
Charles becomes so irate, when he is turned down for a future medical position at home, that he refuses to talk to anyone in the unit, until Hawkeye and B.J. send him a false telegram from home. Meanwhile, a young soldier, Jerry Wilson, can't remember his own identity, so Sidney Freedman is called for help.
Aired 44 years ago - Oct 09, 1978
Newscaster Clete Roberts, reprising an earlier interview appearance, returns to update Korean War conditions, when he conducts a series of television talks with the leading characters of the 4077th.
Aired 44 years ago - Oct 02, 1978
Colonel Potter meets a female soldier of the same age and interests as himself, named Lil. The others in the camp think that he might be cheating on Mildred, even though his friendship with Lil is completely platonic. Meanwhile Hawkeye tries to find
out what B.J.'s initials stand for. As it turns out, he was named after his parents, Bea and Jay Hunnicutt.
Aired 44 years ago - Sep 25, 1978
Hawkeye becomes so disgusted with the stalled Panmunjon peace talks that he impulsively takes matters into his own hands, and goes to the meetings to lend a hand.
Aired 44 years ago - Sep 18, 1978
Hawkeye undergoes a drastic change when he becomes temporary commander of the 4077th, and learns about the tedious bureaucracy and accompanying headaches that Colonel Potter deals with daily.
All right, Winchester.
You're off the hook.
But I'm a coward.
My insignia is a cringing chicken.
- Courage, Camille.
- I will to get away from my commander.
- Good! Left, left! Right, right!
I know, but it doesn't look good...
you know, for the guys.
Potter took the key?
He doesn't trust me?
- Corporal Klinger reporting as ordered, sir.
- Who ordered you?
- Oh, boy, you could cut it with a fork.
- Oh, you were built for command.
Good try though. It shows initiative,
persistence and a total grasp of unreality.
From now on, I want a 24-hour palace guard
outside these doors.
Forget it. There are real patients here
with real problems.
Doc, could you give me something?
I don't want to see.
With all due respect, sir,
may a pregnant camel give birth in your bunk.
Pierce, you order me in,
you order me out.
Unless you fill out
your DD-5-As from the day before.
- I am! What do you want?
- I don't want to sound critical.
The temperature's supposed to
drop down 20 degrees tonight.
Plus what else?
Let's not get into a snit.
You'll drive yourself into a perfect tizzy.
Kellye, I gotta get off tonight.
All right, all right. At ease.
I'll settle this right now.
- But he can't resist.
- You've gotta compromise.
Always ready with
the wisecracks, aren't you?
- Hawk, go easy on the kid. He's on your side.
- Yeah, I know.
- I think the expression is "God bless you, creep."
- Amen, Father.
- Will you all shut up?
- Ah, another county heard from.
No, Colonel Potter's not...
Colonel, is that you?
No, Radar. Home where you are
at the 4-0 double natural.
and, uh, all he's done so far
is-is clear his throat.
Nah. I think I'll sleep here.
- Direct hit. Got us both. It killed the aid surgeon.
- Geez, what about your buddy?
You tell him.
I can't get an appointment.
Don't yell, but you know that jeep that just
come in? It just went out again with B.J. In it.
[Man On p.A.]
Attention, all personnel. Choppers incoming.
- You know you're beautiful
when you're overworked?
- Hey, Hawkeye...
The thousand details that clog my days
and waste my nights.
- Since it was left to me.
- If only Frank Burns could see you now.
- Severe internal bleeding.
- Are you okay?
I hereby give back your command, sir.
Not to mention my roomie,
who can't just wait for business to come in.
- To a job well done.
- Don't try to make up to me.
- You don't know what's been going on here!
- Oh, don't I?
- I can't tell you how glad I am you're back.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Up the rebels!
- I think the real reason you did it was to spite me.
- If you weren't so busy trying
to undermine my authority...
- [Sarcastic Laugh]