Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 10

Aired 37 years ago - Apr 12, 1982

Klinger buys a goat, with the intention of getting rich by selling it's milk. Then the goat eats the 4077th's $22,340 payroll, leaving paymaster Hawkeye holding the bag. Meanwhile, Charles also thinks he can make a killing when he sees an ancient vase.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 21 (S10E21) - 1
Must leave today. Three dollars in hand beats your $1 0.
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Nothing personal, Hunnicutt. I just think it's, uh, cute.
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[ Sighs ] All right. Rizzo. Rizzo.
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[ Clears Throat ] Five.
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Sign that. Klinger, put that in the safe.
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Of course, I lived right next door. Klinger, I'll need another unit ofblood.
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Metz, please. Thankyou, Margaret.
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is about to pay for itself 50-fold.
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Your milk machine is having a snack.
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Any fool knows a goat eats eveything.
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- all those people who are still expecting to be paid? -Just tell 'em the truth.
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Tomorrow doesn't buy me beans.
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Come on. Folks, why don't we all talk about it over drinks?
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Yes, of course. Of course. Naturally.
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I must have that vase. W-
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Now let's see. Now where- [ Muttering ]
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- Beat it! - Sure, Major.
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- Thankyou. Eveybody, step right- - Wait a minute.
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Whew! This must be the tent that made Milwaukee famous.
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to tide folks over until the new payroll is issued.
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That's no problem. It's all covered in the militay regs.
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but this man and I have been through a lot.
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so I can meet my deadline and keep the general off my back.
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Ieaving a grand total of $22,340 unaccounted for.
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- I did not steal the money. - I don't care ifyoustole it oryou lost it.
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I don't have time to kid.
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ifthis money, say, had been lost in a fire?
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All right. All right, I'll investigate.
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How about anybody who heard munching?
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since me and Zola took little Billy Bubba to the U-Pet-Em in Bossier City.
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I thought I might "hep" you consolidateyour debts into one vey friendly loan.
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mightjustwave that $1 00 underthe nose ofthat investigator...
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Eveybody gets $50 to tide them over.
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Uh, beg- beg your pardon, sir...
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And you'll have it again tomorrow about this same time.
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this Bayou bloodsucker his $50 today, he's gonna bleed me dy.
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I was touched by the orphans' predicament, and I'd like to "hep."
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Sory, Major, the only thing I got left is an old case of grape Nehi.
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And maybe I'll flap my arms and fly to the moon.
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I'll be informing "I" Corps that in myjudgment...
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Well, that's Van Zandt's idea of justice.
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You sit in that chair right overthere and you makeyourself comfortable.
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thatyou would be a fool, as it were, not to accept.
Aired 37 years ago - Apr 05, 1982

Potter's attempts to assemble the crew for a family portrait are thwarted by a feud between bunkmates Pierce, Hunnicutt, and Winchester. Things are not helped by the efforts of Margaret, Klinger and Mulcahy to bring the Swampmen back together.

Aired 37 years ago - Mar 22, 1982

After losing to the Marines once again, Colonel Potter wishes there was one sport the 4077th were any good at. When Klinger mentions he can bowl, the Colonel decides to have a bowling competition. Unfortunately, he and Klinger are the only 2 good bowlers in the camp, so BJ and Father Mulcahy are "recruited" to the team. Colonel Potter becomes obsessed with winning the game, and excludes Margaret from the team because she helped the team lose at softball. Then the 4077th team hear the Marines have got a "ringer" in their team after pulling some strings..... Meanwhile, Hawkeye finds out his father is in hospital and tries to speak to him over the phone, watched by Charles, who envies Hawkeye's close relationship with his father. MORE -LESS

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Hot damn! Well, what doyou think ofyour old C.O. now?
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So far, it's still onlyyou, me and Captain Hunnicutt.
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- Pierce. - Okay, yeah, I'll wait. I'll wait.
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What- I don't understand. What do you mean, you can't call Portland from guam?
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- Ah. - Yes! Yes, I can hearyou. Yes. Can you hear me?
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- You came in here for tyouts. - I came in for cocoa.
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Hunnicutt, you bowl like a grade-school kid.
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Uh, Pierce, I'm gonna take a little break, go get some coffee. Do you want some?
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No, no, no, no, no. I can't clear the line. I'm-
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Enough, Colonel. I'm developing a rather ugly blister on my thumb.
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- [Ball, Pins Clattering] - You're lofting again!
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Areyou suggesting that I allow some leatherneck...
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- [Ball, Pins Clattering] - Colonel, they may have a pro, but you don't!
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That's great! That's great! Thankyou, thankyou.
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Okay. Hello, Dad? Over.
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and play baseball with nurses?
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Oh, golly!
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I'm afraid you've lost me.
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And a few days later, he made me scrambled eggs and bacon...
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[ Chattering ]
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- Get overthere. Sit down. - Margaret, you did your bowling captain proud.
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that I mean it, that I- that I really do...
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The worst is a distinct possibility.
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My father and I have been 1 2,000 miles apart in the same room.
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The soup would be served...
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closeness, the fun ofyour relationship.
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Next time, keep those big gunboats ofyours behind the foul line.
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Remember, no fair knockin' 'em overwith your breath.
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- Pitts, you and your bowlers lend us a hand. - Right. Come on, guys.
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Sure, the rat leaves the sinking ship. Clamp.
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- [ Charles ] good foryou. - Thoughtyou'd want to know, Major.
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Beej, you're in luck. Some ofthose magic pepper-uppers just came in.
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Whose side areyou guys on, giving him a pep pill?
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- How we doing? - A better grade oflousy than before, sir.
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Uh- Uh, my inside- I'm turning blue inside.
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- Bending? - Of course.
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- Say it's something a little less embarrassing, likeVD. -Yeah, that'd work.
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Houlihan? I thought shewas still someplace between third and home. [ Laughing ]
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Hello, Dad? Yeah, hi. It's me.
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Listen, Dad-Ye- Dad, I- I can hear how tired you are.
Aired 37 years ago - Mar 15, 1982

Hawkeye is the golden boy of the world press when he treats a celebrity prizefighter, 'Gentleman' Joe Cavanaugh, who has a stroke at the 4077th. Father Mulcahy finds the news hard to take, as Cavanaugh was a hero of his.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 18 (S10E18) - 1
potholes you could hide in, and all the dust I could swallow.
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Sergeant, why don't you give the boys a hand and find...
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- No, I'm afraid I don't. - Well, I understand. It was a while ago.
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We'll have the cameras going. Then we're gonna have a little banquet for you...
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or I'm gonna get me a new boy.
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- Hey, how's your pal Truman? - Ah, he's fine.
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- They keep getting banged up, we'll keep doing our job. - Thank you.
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That same gentleman you now see flashing teeth...
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[Chattering]
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[Chuckles] we had the pleasure of visiting your establishment.
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how about a couple of shots of you posing with the champ?
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Say, Colonel, how about a shot of you toasting the champ?
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[Clears Throat] Uh, restaurateur...
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I wouldn't get your hopes up, Father.
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Aw, I got to call the Press Train at Munsan, get some guys down here.
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- [Chattering] - Boy, what a dump!
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Geez, Louise! You could at least let a fella get some clothes on.
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- Then can I go back to bed? - Not yet.
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But look on the bright side. We'll answer all their questions at once and get it over with.
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- [All Talking At Once] - Dr. Pierce, what happened to the champ?
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- What's the prognosis? - Well, he's dying. It's just a matter of time.
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We need this room. That phone is the only way these guys can get their stories out.
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You need to restock, just use Wilberforce's memo.
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- How does he look? Is he awake? - Does he have any idea what happened to him?
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and their conditions are not gonna be printed up on the front page.
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Well, to tell you the truth, I'm surprised he's made it this far.
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Actually, l-I'm doing a sidebar story on what exactly a stroke is.
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Okay, shoot.
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- How you must suffer. - Oh, what... Come on, will you? Do you...
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Pierce, how blind can even you be?
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- They sent me for a doctor. Cavanaugh's slipping fast. - Dr. Pierce, you're on.
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I had two heroes.
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rambling fields and trees...
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I was small and wore thick glasses...
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Well, when I was 12, my father dragged me to see my first fight.
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All of a sudden, you stopped punching.
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- I'll be along in a minute. - I know.
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- It's wriggling like a bucket of worms. - Try hand pumping.
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- Bring it in here. - [Pierce] Wait a minute. Wa-Wait. Hold it.
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- [Questioning Continues] - Were you with him when he died?
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This table's metal, so we'll have to stand away from it.
Aired 37 years ago - Mar 01, 1982

Winchester, Pierce, and Hunnicutt find themselves in the sticky position of having to decide which enlisted men to recommend for promotion. For Winchester it could be a matter of life and death.

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Pierce, check these men for required time in service, time in grade, et cetera.
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- Igor... - And last, but not least, fresh peas.
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And if I call ahead, I can reserve a lovely supply shed with a view.
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Well, it might be, sir. [Laughs]
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- I think I better be going. - Oh, no, don't go.
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And I deeply resent any attempt on, uh...
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I could arrange to have the cake brought to your tent tonight...
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Sure hope I stop soon.
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I'll bet you have. You figure there's anything in this world...
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- Does it make a difference? - If you like fishing, it doesn't.
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Hitalski... Hitalski... Yes, I do remember your name.
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My father's a career man.
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- No, I don't know. - Well, if I ain't promoted, I'm making you responsible.
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- Yeah, what? - On your medical chart under "sex"...
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Fine, sir. What do ya got there?
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a little grouse feather ought to do the trick.
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Oh. I'm sorry, Jimmy.
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boys didn't stink and fish did.
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You see, I got a girl back home.
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You see, they're always going off with these Korean women.
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I don't like being laughed at.
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I'll try to remember that.
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Patriotism is not the issue.
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Oh, w... Well...
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Well, I have just one more bit of business.
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The only board he should be in front of is a parole board.
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Not for long anyway.
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Oh, yeah? Well, at least I'm man enough...
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You know, I'm really glad you said that.
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- I've got to get the wine. - Ah. Good.
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- Go away. - I think I know that one.
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- Him again? - Admittedly, he's not perfect.
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- I implore you, help me. - Charles, there's no way.
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committed in the name of manhood than for any other reason.
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No, I'm not your father.
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O wise and compassionate board members.
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He was tearing the place apart.
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Well, that's too bad for the both of us.
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This is the best day of my life.
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Here's your travel orders.
Aired 37 years ago - Feb 22, 1982

Hawkeye goes to help at an aid station, and under heavy shelling he draws up a will, leaving various items to his friends at the 4077th.

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Well, it's just a hobby. My real profession is raising orchids.
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- Wait a minute, wait a minute. What? - A doctor. Battalion Aid.
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But drive carefully. His chart says no potholes.
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hereby decree this to be my last will and testament.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 10
[ Thinking ] B.J. [ Sighs ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 11
To Charles Emerson Winchester III...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 12
- Pretty funny, huh, Winchester? - Charles!
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what Michelangelo would have done with the ceiling in this place.
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[Hawkeye Continues ] You've been the victim ofa ceaseless stream ofdumbejokes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 15
They got our phones!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 16
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general Kratzer's here to visit some ofhis wounded. He brought along his own cook.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 21
or I swear- I swear, I'll flatten you!
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Far be it from me to disturb such an elegant repast.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 23
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[ Sighs ] Tetracycline! Wh- Oh, here it is. Yeah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 26
The sulfa's in the living room between the end tables.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 27
Here, here, we, we got plenty.
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- I'm sory! - Oh, no, I love it, I love it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 29
- [ Wheezing ] - Oh, stop.
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Okay, Captain, how's the nitrous holding out?
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- More, a little more. More. I can't get in. - [ grunting ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 34
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[ Sighs Deeply ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 36
Well, for a man who's had it...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 37
Now that I think ofit...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 39
- What's the biggest oneyou ever tied into? - Thirty-pounder.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 40
I couldn't reel him in, 'cause I-I you know, I was afraid...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 42
he thrashed his head, and he drove the hook right into mythumb.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 43
Might be worth a ty. These rivers are probably full of North Korean fish heading south.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 44
It makes me miss him a little less, knowing that you're around.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 45
-[Margaret] What? - How doyou know that?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 46
- They're finally shooting their heavy silence at us. - [ Chuckles ]
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There's some stuff in there about Maine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 48
This is more than nice. This is home!
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- genuine Lebanese salami. - Where'd you getyour hands on something like that?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 16 (S10E16) - 50
I hope you'll wear it, even if someday it does go out of style.
Aired 37 years ago - Feb 15, 1982

Potter sends for Sidney Freedman when he loses confidence in his surgical abilities, and Winchester loses patience with his bunkmates' sloppiness.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 1
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You get some rest now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 3
What about Fisher? We're buddies.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 4
Yeah, and I'll be there too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 5
- Oh, that's just terrible. - Better things...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 6
Would you people knock off the chatter?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 7
Tell me this, Captain. How the hell am I supposed to keep up with it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 8
Yeah, and not the usual ambient stench.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 9
Greetings. Major.
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- [Laughs] - ##[Man Singing On Record]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 12
- ## [Stops] - I'm flattered.
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right in front of my own people.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 15
He operated on a boy with the same wounds as mine had.
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No, that was it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 18
Besides, maybe tomorrow I can scare up a poker game.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 19
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- Wake up, stinky! - [Mutters]
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Hey, that's my knife!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 22
Freud once observed people exhibiting this type of behavior.
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Just give me a couple of slices of that burnt toast and an urn for the ashes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 25
I hate to waste your time when there's plenty of bona fide members...
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Colonel, the extra blood has arrived, and the refrigerators are all full up.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 27
- Fisher? - Uh, yes.
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Well, his fever's down, his vital signs are good.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 29
Hey, what are you doing? I just struck clean. You're tracking dirt all over it.
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[People Chattering Softly]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 34
Shh! Shh!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 35
##[Continues]
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- Sidney, would you come with me? - Yeah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 39
- Why not the wrecking crew? - They were just blowing off steam.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 40
- Listen to this. - ## [Man Singing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 41
- Do you think maybe you're not really mad at Hawkeye? - ## [Continues]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 42
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That's when something snapped.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 45
those choppers are comin' in...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 46
Sherm, we're all worried about getting old, but we've got to face it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 47
Back in Hannibal, I had an uncle... Uncle Roy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 48
and removed an enterolith from her belly.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 49
I've lived that wide-eyed little boy's dream ever since.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 15 (S10E15) - 50
But even if he wanted to...
Aired 37 years ago - Feb 08, 1982

Charles has a serious toothache, but hates the thought of having anything done about it. The doctors suspect prejudice when an inordinate number of black casualties are brought in from a single unit, led by Major Weems.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 1
- There's a spare bunk in our tent. - Sold.
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A simple "hello" would do.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 4
Oh, that's tempting.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 5
Yeah, we'll leave a wake-up call for peacetime.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 6
Are you going to give him codeine on top of morphine?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 7
You're going home.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 8
Before he knows it, he'll be stateside...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 9
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Corporal Dorsey's from a very poor family.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 11
What have you got there, Major?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 12
I saw you take a drink, Major.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 13
which have remained unimproved since the Spanish Inquisition.
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Since you're so certain this too shall pass...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 15
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Well enough to beat the pants off me four times.
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He just showed me a picture of his family in Brooklyn.
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I had a friend in med school from Brooklyn.
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You got a C.O. Who wants to send a kid home...
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- He wants to keep Sturdivant. - Sturdivant? He's the white kid, isn't he?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 22
They knocked the bridge out again.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 23
I'm Major Charles Emerson Winchester, the neighborhood MASH.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 24
Oh, mixture of ginseng, powdered deer horn and other secret herbs.
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- Have you seen a dentist? - No. I ha... No.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 26
- Oh. - Now, let me see.
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Mixture of ginseng, powdered deer horn and other secret herbs.
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That's it. We're all out of MASHes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 30
[Groans]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 31
Sir, I swear to you, there's absolutely nothing wrong.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 32
the least I can do is pass it on to you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 33
I'd love to.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 34
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- I'm getting him a dentist right now. - Wait a minute, Colonel.
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- Sure is a nice night. - Mm-hmm.
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[Charles Groans]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 38
Boy, it just seems no matter how many times you go through this...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 39
but I also feel charity begins at home, with your own kind.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 40
a little dark in post-op, if you get my drift.
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This man's army just hasn't been the same...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 42
how come you're sending those boys home...
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they can't tell me what to do with them.
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What do you say we step inside for a nightcap?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 45
Major Rockingham is the Deputy Assistant Chief of Staff for Personnel...
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The Civil War ended almost 100 years ago.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 47
I think you stated your case with a great deal of eloquence...
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You've got a point. A court-martial would take a lot of time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 14 (S10E14) - 50
Aired 37 years ago - Feb 01, 1982

An AWOL soldier, Nick Gillis, seeks sanctuary in the mess tent, after Father Mulcahy's service. At the same time, a special Sunday brunch is due to be served, following the donation of some eggs to the camp by a grateful farmer.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 1
Extra Large. Grade "A."
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- [Indistinct] - [B.J.] You know, I was thinkin'....
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We only got our M.D.'s so we could operate on each other's livers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 5
You wanna join us?
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Oh, let's see, 15th of next month, it'll be forever.
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I, uh, just got a letter from him the day before yesterday...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 9
Aren't you listening to me? I just told ya, I been here over a year!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 10
Uh, does your unit know where you are?
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[Sighing] I've been AWOL since yesterday.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 12
- it's him. - Yeah.
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[Door Closes]
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I want these eggs boiled exactly three minutes and 15 seconds.
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- [Overlapping Chatter] - That does it!
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Mildred clipped this recipe right out of Argosy.
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They're in the kitchen lined up as far as the mouth can water.
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You sleep. I'm gonna go to the kitchen and see if I can lick the shells.
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You almost slept through the services.
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the rewards for which we are all destined...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 22
with the second and fourth reels of this week's movie, Mr. Belvedere Goes To College...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 23
I've prepared a list of churches offering round-the-clock...
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and followed it right into this mess tent.
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- # Praise... # - Now, Gillis. - Hey, hey, hey!
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- He's got a pretty good reason, Colonel. - Maybe so, Pierce...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 27
- The hell I can't. - Didn't ya hear the chaplain? This is a church.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 28
Just a minute, Sergeant.
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If the boy chooses to take refuge here, then I must grant it to him.
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- Father, what's going on? - Everything will be straightened out.
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- Then who is? - I'm gonna call the Judge Advocate General's office...
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You boys knew Gillis was AWOL last night. I don't like getting bad news late.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 33
I'm sorry, Colonel, and I'm sure future Private Pierce feels the same.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 34
Leave everything exactly the way it is.
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Allow the delicate fragrance of frying kippers...
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What you're stepping in is my kitchen. Step out!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 37
[Screams] Imbecile!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 38
- Sometimes when people are lonely, they... - Lonely?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 39
Come with me. You boys stay right there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 40
I'm afraid I can't accept the Judge Advocate General's decision.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 41
Private Gillis will remain in sanctuary here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 42
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- Take it easy on me. I'm a veteran. - Folks, Father Mulcahy...
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Things are tough all over, Doc.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 45
- [Chattering] - Ridiculous.
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Hey! Hurry up, will ya? These people either want eggs or answers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 47
- Anybody got any gripes? - [All Shouting]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 48
Fresh eggs call for fresh air. We're gonna have a picnic!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 49
- That's Italian. - That's even better.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 13 (S10E13) - 50
Stop pushin' me, Father. I'm not goin' back.
Aired 37 years ago - Jan 18, 1982

Hawkeye is outraged when a sensationalistic war correspondent, Clayton Kibbee, reports irresponsible G.I. stunts as tales of military valor. Kibbee: "As for the last two pints of blood, there's no big finale, no heroes. They helped an old soldier, who'd had visions of glory but finally got it through his thick head how tragic and inhumane war can be. Maybe he'll know better next time." MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 1
- These biscuits are as hard as golfballs. - And guaranteed not to slice.
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Folks, I'd likeyou to meet Clayton Kibbee, or Clay, as I- [ Chuckles ] like to call him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 3
Ha! Well, I lost all mine writing 'em, and call me Clay.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 4
Whileyou're patchin' up soldiers, I'm gonna write about it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 5
with someone who actually appreciates the finer things oflife.
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All you motorcycle nuts are nuts.
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- Where'd you get that bike? - I swapped a Korean 1 0 parkas for it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 9
great. Eveybody should have a hobby. By the way, yours should be resting.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 10
Well, the blood you just got was donated by my readers back home.
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- Don't wory. I'll do somethin' with it. What's your full name? - Thomas Anthony McKegney.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 13
Hawkeye.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 14
Your lips tell me "No, no." but there's "Please, please" in my eyes.
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Oh, I know, like grover Cleveland, Voltaire, Pocahontas.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 16
Well, you can close the book on this motorcycle. Stupid points.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 17
- Had the same problem too. The points were shot. - No kiddin'?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 18
- I wanna file my stoy on that first pint ofblood. - Done.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 19
Myword. That's him.
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- um, no, no- a privilege. - Ha! No, the pleasure's all mine, Father.
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Well, call me Francis, Clay.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 23
Oh, yes, thankyou, Doctor. The four of us are having a wonderful time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 24
Thanks, Max. Thanks. You folks, excuse me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 25
"Escape was impossible, but 'impossible' is a word that has lost its meaning...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 26
- that threw him almost a hundred feet." - Wait a second. Wait a minute.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 27
"He'll be back laughing with his buddies in a week...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 28
What areyou complainin' about? You came offsoundin' pretty good.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 29
It's the wartheywant to readabout: the romance, the heroics, the glory.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 30
I mean, he's- he's writing this up like it's an adventure stoy-
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 31
What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 32
I'm sure Clay included only those elements necessay to the stoy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 33
- [ gushes ] - How wonderful.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 34
Well, it's nothing serious. It's Private Belson there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 35
Come on, son. You can tell me. Don't be modest.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 36
Wonderful. Fresh fish filleted.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 38
- I'd have gone to Wisconsin. [ Clicks Tongue ] - [Vehicle Engine Running]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 39
- Areyou sure? - I told you I rode one ofthose all through World War II.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 40
[ Cheering, Whistling Continues ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 41
- Now that you've fixed it, let's hope it doesn't kill you. - You have no spirit of adventure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 42
[Margaret] You've ledsuch a fascinating life.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 43
I thought all wars were the same.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 44
- I guess my "No Fighting" sign worked. - Mmm.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 45
I came all the way over here to see a war...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 46
and ifl could have, I would have walked out in the middle.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 48
Maybe somebody borrowed it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 49
Well, look on the bright side. You'll probably get shot too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 12 (S10E12) - 50
- ##[Continues ] - I think I hear a battle cy.
Aired 37 years ago - Jan 11, 1982

Margaret's birthday plans are spoiled when she and Klinger get stranded on a desolate roadside. Meanwhile, Charles gives a lecture for Margaret, and the surgeons assist in the delivery of a calf.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 1
But animal not so lucky.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 2
You know how to make a cow say "Ah"?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 3
- and see ifyou can track down that veterinarian. - Wait a minute. That's it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 4
- Fine. I'll do it first thing Monday morning. - Uh, sory, Major.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 5
- Colonel- - Excuse me, Margaret. This is bigger than all of us.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 7
but ifl don't, uh, come now...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 8
Well, you're only a hundred years off, and both their names do begin with an "M."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 9
but whatyou're asking me to do sounds dangerously close to nurse's duty.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 11
Iet's see.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 12
On the other hand, the 1 932 performance with its limpid runs-
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 13
Excuse me. Can a person go back for more?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 14
According to the vet, anytime in the next day or two.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 15
Excuse me, gentlemen. Opportunity knocks, and I am the doorman.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 16
Great time to have a calf. Careful! You're dripping on the sign-up sheet.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 17
Oops, your face! You've got five seconds to get myjeep and get me out ofhere!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 18
- Okay.Just let me sell a few more tickets. - No!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 19
[Hawkeye ] Uh, back. Behind. No. Uh- Uh-
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 20
Ah. We got nothing to do but sit and wait. We're on cattle call.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 21
Hunnicutt, even your inane child's game...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 22
- Oh. - You get her up on the table. I'll hold her hand.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 23
I packed less than this when I moved here. Hey, hey. Wh-What's all the commotion?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 25
Look, Major. No one wants to get to Kimpo any quicker than I do...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 26
Banzai!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 28
Why areyou stopping?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 29
As you will have observed, I am not Major Houlihan.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 30
only in cases of severe trauma...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 31
Yesterday this was at "I" Corps.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 32
and see ifyou can feel the calf's head.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 33
Now I know how big that last rockwe hit was.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 34
a condition which makes it easy to get lost...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 35
Well, uh, this may come as a shock...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 36
- All that fun and celebrating. Who needs it? - Celebrating.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 37
To be with somebody I chose- somebody I wanted to be with-
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 38
There's a newspaper in the jeep. I'll makeyou a birthday hat.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 40
Ifher blood pressure weren't so damn low, we could do a cesarean section.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 41
Well, that concludes our little lecture on the administration of Levophed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 42
- ofthe administration of Levophed. - On whom?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 43
[Animals Croaking, Chirping]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 44
I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 45
Somewhere a multitude ofWinchesters are doing somersaults in their graves.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 46
- There it comes. - [ B.J. ] Hey. The foot's comin' out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 47
- That's a good vital sign. - Come on.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 48
- Don't mention it. - I certainlywon't.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 49
I got a halfa bran muffin, goin' cheap.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 50
- That was a pleasure I wanted to reserve all to myself. - Look. I know howyou feel.

Whilst suffering a fever, Klinger communicates with the spirit of a dead soldier, Private Weston, who stays on to witness his own last rites.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 1
Private Weston is dead.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 2
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 3
I mean it!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 4
Who wants to die? I don't want to die.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 5
Secondly, it is not a hook. It is a nail.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 6
- Why don't you hang your stuff down here somewhere? Okay? - What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 7
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 8
- You're right. It is a nail. - My shirt! You imbecile!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 9
I've got a dramatic scene coming up in O.R., and I want to get in the mood.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 10
He never lies. And we respect him for that.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 11
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Oh, I like that. Long thin tines.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 13
You were... You were sitting on that log and laughing like a hyena.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 14
Listen to me, Hicks. You got four people workin' on you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 15
It's genuine calfskin.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 16
One picture.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 17
- Oh! - No matter where Patricia Dugan sat...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 18
- One ring. - One ring.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 19
Yes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 21
It's got the faces of three Lebanese presidents on it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 22
Push the fluids, and keep him off the beach.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 23
Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 25
You know how many bad guys there are in the world?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 26
That was Job's question to God.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 27
The answer is in the vastness and grandeur of the universe, not in bitterness.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 28
Don't waste your strength.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 29
Well, look. What do you expect?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 30
Klinger, I'm gonna talk to you like a father.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 31
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- if you'd just let 'em know that it's all right. - [Slurps]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 33
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 34
Excuse me. Moment. My point is that your diagnosis may be correct...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 35
- Cold packs is what I'm trying to talk about. - Wait.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 37
and all they can do is stand around and argue with each other...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 38
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[Chuckles] I'm not putting up with this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 40
Yours very sincerely...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 41
"so that's why I'm writing you this letter, although I wish I didn't have to.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 42
"But I want you to know it was very sudden, and he felt no pain.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 43
"And then when we'd be on patrol, and he'd see I was getting scared...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 44
I think it's one hell of a good letter, and it's very decent of you to do this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 45
- Well, those ice packs were just the trick. - Thank you, Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 46
And to the army... that lets us eat it, drink it, breathe it and salute it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 48
- Cute little guys. - Spr... [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 10 (S10E10) - 50
Something's happening to me...
Aired 37 years ago - Dec 28, 1981

To boost post-yuletide morale on Dec 26, Potter has the officers and enlisted men change places for the day.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 1
Come on. The weather is better over here anyway.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 2
it's so hard to reconcile them to their proper place again.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 3
One salient point I think you've overlooked... This is a medical unit.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 4
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 5
at the 4-0-double-7?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 6
As my last official act as temporarily deposed monarch...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 7
I think it's a ridiculous idea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 8
- Enough of this baloney! So who's trading with who? - Yeah!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 9
I was just about to undo the first snap on her parka.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 10
We were all drunk. You're not gonna hold us to what we said last night.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 11
I'm sorry. I know it's early, but I wanted to get a good jump on the day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 12
Now, we all know what goof-offs Doctors Pierce and Hunnicutt can be...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 14
As our resident gourmet and lover of good food...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 15
if only to teach you that soup is not a solid object.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 16
To you, chateaubriand on a shingle.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 17
Now, if I may interrupt your dinner menu...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 18
Two sacks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 19
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 20
Oh, orderlies. Time to change the linens.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 21
First they divide the country. Now the furniture.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 22
- Watch it. You're sweating in the oatmeal. - Who would know the difference?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 23
Damn!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 24
- Where'd you get that? - Out of my desk.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 25
Uh, thank you, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 26
- Maybe you'd like to dry your head. - No... 'kay.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 27
Since today's a holiday and we're all so festive, why don't we have lunch catered?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 28
- [Chuckles] - Not bad.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 29
Do you have any idea what the street value of peanut brittle is?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 30
Two Archie comics and a bag of Walnettos.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 31
I'm afraid you missed a smudge there, Hawkeye.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 32
Get another C.B.C. And start him on pen and streptomycin in the usual doses.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 33
I got a kid with a temperature and a sinking hemoglobin.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 34
Well, chief?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 35
Why don't we address ourselves to that, gentlemen?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 36
it seems to me this is just the kind of situation when a good C. O...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 37
Last, I'd alert the kitchen to go easy on the gasoline for cooking...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 38
It's not right.!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 39
- No, no, no! I just made that bed! - [Groans] Too late.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 40
Kellye, run another hemoglobin on him in a little while and see how he's doin'.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 41
How am I doin'?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 42
Now, what are you busting your buttons about?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 43
Well, my morale's only two-thirds boosted. Right, Colonel?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 44
- What seems to be the problem, Winchester? - Is this a joke?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 45
Either he goes or I go.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 46
I really could use your help.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 47
Well, my morale is at an all-time low.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 48
Don't worry, Colonel. I wouldn't interfere with genius and his gourmet meal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 49
- Me as me, or me as him? - You as you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 9 (S10E09) - 50
Maybe when you operated on his wound, you lit the fuse on his thyroid.
Aired 37 years ago - Dec 14, 1981

B.J. and Hawkeye resolve to clear Klinger's name after he chooses Winchester to defend him at his military court-martial.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 1
If one of the state's two star witnesses suddenly defends me to the hilt...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 2
That's what makes him the perfect choice.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 3
- We're gonna get me. - You?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 4
I didn't say that. Your guilt or innocence doesn't concern me in the least.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 5
A good lawyer is not swayed by disaffection for one's guts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 6
Let me defend you, Klinger, and I assure you, you won't regret it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 7
"Maxwell Klinger is a rare individual.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 8
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 10
Father, would you tell the court in your own sacred words...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 11
- Please proceed, Father. - The old ones were all tattered.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 12
I don't know how he convinced the Seoul Plaza Hotel...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 13
- Hey, Hawk, what kept you? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 14
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 15
Oh, listen, listen. I was in Seoul.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 16
I am so glad he keeps his key in here now. I hated going through his socks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 17
So how are you doin'?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 18
- Charles... - Yes. Pierce.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 19
[Chuckles] Hunnicutt, you do indeed possess hindsight.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 20
- Tomorrow. - Ah! Good.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 21
Why would he want to run away? The man has all the confidence in the world in me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 22
Come on, Max. How big a case can they have against you...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 23
Good luck, Klinger. You are... You are the cement that binds our unit together.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 24
To a veritable pulp, Max. I shall personally see to it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 25
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 26
- I could whip him with one deposition tied behind my back. - [Gavel Raps]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 27
[Clears Throat]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 28
And though my learned colleague with his months of experience...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 29
I mean, of course, this innocent man. Sorry.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 30
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 31
- so he can find it later. - What if he doesn't come back, sir...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 32
Damn. I wish I could be there in person to vouch for his character.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 33
that Corporal Klinger failed to file a stolen goods report...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 34
He has continually expressed a reluctance to testify against him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 36
- I see. Helping out. - Yes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 37
Well, long enough for Klinger to get to your tent...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 38
Objection! The question is irrelevant and immaterial...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 39
Your witness, Major. I have no further questions.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 40
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 41
Klinger's only hope is to get a recess long enough to go to law school.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 42
Great. Two blood baths in one day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 43
strenuously!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 45
Aspirin, three times a day. [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 46
[Potter] Unfortunately, too many of'em come back for seconds.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 47
do not agree...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 48
If you send this man to the stockade, it will be an injustice...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 49
and his.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 8 (S10E08) - 50
See that, Margaret, I've got a bleeder.
Aired 37 years ago - Dec 07, 1981

The military police think they've solved a rash of thefts at the 4077th when they apprehend Klinger with Hawkeye's stolen camera.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 1
Ifyou can't buy that, I'll be glad to cut it in half.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 2
Brilliantly. Pierce is demonstrating his mastey ofblack and what photography.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 3
Except I always buy American. I got me a Brownie Hawkeye.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 4
Therewas this big full moon, and suddenly it hit me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 5
Nurse, I'm a little concerned about all the dirt we're flushing out ofthis wound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 6
Hey, Hawk, this looks more like Father Mulcahythan your photograph does.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 7
Come on, come on, eveybody. Tall ones in the back.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 8
Quiet, Winchester.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 9
- How could I leave something you wouldn't let me get my hands on? - Out of spite.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 10
And I'm gonna do something about this before we all end up standing around in our skivvies!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 11
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 12
I made that promise before someone raided the icebox.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 13
You'd think after a week they could at least come up with a dead end.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 14
- Hello, Corporal? Now we're getting somewhere. - Corporal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 15
No, this is not Crazy Al ofSpecial Services.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 16
I did file a stolen goods report. That's why I'm calling you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 17
- He told us he'd get to the bottom ofthis. - Those guys are tough.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 18
Uh, Klinger, uh, they're having a little problem with the stolen goods report ofyours.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 19
Stolen good Reports. Here we go. Filed under "g" for "goniffed."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 20
Look, I'm sory. I'll send it right away.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 21
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 22
Where would a guy sell, uh, stolen merchandise around here?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 23
Just like Macy's, except eveything there stolen from gimbels.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 25
[ Chattering ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 26
Ten, 1 0. Okay. [ Speaking Korean ]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 27
Why do I have to pay to buy my own watch back?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 28
Oh, you mean Polaroid. You lucky. This brand-new. Come in last week.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 30
- [Turns Engine Off] - Hi, fellas. What's goin' on?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 31
Of course I don't mind. But I think it's important foryou to know it was stolen.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 32
You acquainted with these men?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 33
Excuse me. I'm looking for Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 34
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 35
We like to work fast, sir. See, we got the report yesterday, soyou get the camera back today.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 37
- We caught him dead to rights. - We're two ofhis best buddies.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 38
- Not a trace. - It's been a long day foryou, hasn't it, son?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 39
You also told them that I held back the stolen goods report for a week.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 40
Now, now, eveybody calm down and let grayer heads prevail.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 41
Then, believe me, sir, I didn't steal anything. There. Nowyou don't have to investigate me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 42
This investigatorwill find out he's on a wild-goose chase.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 43
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 44
In mere seconds, I will showyou the proper use ofthis toy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 45
He's right, you know. The only reason the army let him in was because prison turned him down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 46
Klinger, this is the best damnejob ofcataloging I've everseen.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 47
Colonel Potter, meet Captain Arvin Triplett, special investigator from C.ID.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 48
- Oh, he's a real papertiger. - Now for the really tough one.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 7 (S10E07) - 50
And then Klinger said to me...
Aired 37 years ago - Nov 30, 1981

Winchester infuriates the camp when he hoards his stateside newspapers, and Hawkeye reunites two Korean brothers who have been fighting on opposite sides of the war.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 1
- How come you got a newspaper? - Because the Boston Globe does not travel second class.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 2
- I want the crossword puzzle. - Gentlemen!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 3
first page to last... and I read one, and only one, per day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 4
simply because you suddenly find yourselves with nothing to read.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 5
[Man On P.A.] Attention all personnel. Triage in the compound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 6
won't strain our doctor-patient relationship.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 7
What, pray tell, is a "Fearless Fosdick"?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 8
I'll bet she even had her feet shined for the wedding.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 9
If I don't get something to read soon, I'll go crazy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 10
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- Couldn't resist catching up on the news. - [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 12
Why don't you come inside, Father? I'll make you some tea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 13
Well, lookee here.! It's been so long, I wouldn't swear to it...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 14
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When, and only when, I have read each day's paper...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 16
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 17
Okay, folks. I guess the tar-and-featherin' party is over.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 18
Unfortunately, it's a common word heard every day around the war.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 19
[Speaking Korean]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 20
You can't miss it... It's big, green, smells like New Jersey.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 21
[Stammers]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 22
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which has obviously been pilfered...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 24
until the missing issue is returned!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 25
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Winchester, just a hunch... Will Rogers never met you, did he?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 27
Look, as long as your prisoner is my patient...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 28
His kidneys, they are not strong.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 29
- He's your brother? - My real name is also Kim.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 30
and would be able to carry on the family name.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 31
that I am a spy sent by the North.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 32
In the North, we are taught to hate all Americans.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 33
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- Uh-huh. - I mean, can you imagine...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 35
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As ashamed as I am to admit it, Charles, we're innocent.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 38
- which, in this case, stands for "Public Apology." - For what possible purpose?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 39
Never! I did not fire the first shot in this news war...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 40
##[Traditional]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 41
[Speaking Korean]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 42
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 43
## [Humming]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 44
if I have to steal a B-29!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 45
you're being martyred for a good cause.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 46
[Laughter Continues]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 47
you'd have saved us all a lot of aggravation!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 48
I'm demanding an official apology from the person who started it in the first place.!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 49
was, in fact, not delivered that day...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 6 (S10E06) - 50
- Now may I please have my clothing back? - [Laughter]
Aired 37 years ago - Nov 23, 1981

On the eve of a big poker game, B.J.'s pride is bruised when he finds out his wife is working as a waitress. And Potter takes driving lessons from Klinger.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 1
- [Knocking] - The colonel will see you now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 2
is charged with reckless driving in Kimpo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 3
you sent the violators off to a day of remedial driving school.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 4
and get Grandma Mavis really steamed?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 5
- Where indigestion meets inebriation. - Mm-hmm.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 7
- Look, it's not gonna be forever. - I'm talking about now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 8
Next war, we'll know better. We'll sign each other's.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 9
And you will know the rules of the road so good that, when you're dead...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 10
- Attention! - At ease.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 11
Late? You? Why... Why, you're not late, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 12
Well, sir, the rest of these boys don't have the power to bust me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 13
For those of you who are not familiar with this term, say it with me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 14
Take it easy, Charles. You're not the only one whose chips are down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 15
not only does Uncle Sam have to pay for that bird...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 16
Good morning, sir. I hope you didn't get up on the wrong side of your chair.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 17
A man that's been around the block as much as you...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 18
How jesuitically safe. I'll see that and raise you two more bits.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 19
- "Best wishes to the lucky graduate." - Two.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 20
While you play poker, I'm gonna switch to gin.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 21
Two bucks, huh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 22
Well, this is real interesting. I see your 20...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 23
- Good heavens. Joel McCrea never did that. - B. J.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 24
Except the dealer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 25
Rackman... 89. Potter, sir...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 26
Twenty-six out of 30.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 27
who took a wrong turn on the written test?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 28
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 29
I'll be shuffling off to the poker game.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 30
Even "Peanut Brain" Hoffman squeaked through.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 31
How would you like the next hand to be in your face?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 32
- I think you're full of bluff. - Cost you 10 bucks to find out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 33
- Hawk, you in? - No, I don't... I don't think so.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 34
I'm down 150 zops.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 35
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I don't know what's greener, them or their uniforms.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 37
[Sighs] What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 38
and has its lights flashing?"
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 39
"What is the minimum braking distance...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 40
- Can we stop now? We've been going at this all night. - No. Ask me another question.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 41
Captain, what are you getting so excited about?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 42
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 43
Maybe you know him... about 6'4", mustache, big chip on his shoulder.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 44
Bad news from home is no excuse to start acting like public enemy number one.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 45
Look, Beej, believe me. We-We're on your side.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 46
Certainly not you. While you're here, all of you is here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 47
is worse than anybody else's?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 48
Well, go on. It's your turn.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 49
Ninety-eight! Hot diggety!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 5 (S10E05) - 50
I take you for a ride. You look at the scenery.
Aired 37 years ago - Nov 16, 1981

Hawkeye writes a heartfelt letter to President Harry Truman to protest at the continued fighting in Korea. Meanwhile, Colonel Ditka has promised a much-needed water-heater if the 4077th beautifies the camp.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 1
- Green tie is optional. - All right. All right. I'll be right over.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 2
all the medical, engineering and supply goodies we need to make this war more comfy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 3
Okay, Colonel, the rainy season's up and coming.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 4
Not to mention sterilization.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 5
Yes. You see, you don't notice it because you're here every day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 6
The top brass wants us to leave this country better than we found it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 7
That's the way it is. Well, I've gotta get to the 8228th.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 8
With all due respect to Pierce's sarcasm and your tantrums, sir...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 9
What really chafes my chaps... is that you're right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 10
Major Houlihan's starting up a beautification detail.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 11
Picture Swiss cheese with cities.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 12
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 13
- How's yours? - Sick.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 14
And tomorrow they're gonna try and retake that hill.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 15
[Blows Whistle] Okay, put that dirt over here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 16
What am I gonna do?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 17
Well, speak of the bush beater.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 18
U.S. Magazines and papers. I see all the movies.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 19
Okay, fork over the moola.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 20
- Next time I'll pay. - Thanks, toots.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 21
Some green-behind-the-ears novice with a bug up his cassock.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 22
But I shouldn't have to solve the medical problems.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 23
It is patently absurd for officers to waste valuable time...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 24
On the other hand, if one chooses to socialize with sordid working women...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 25
Young lady, does your mother know what you do for a living?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 26
- Yes. - Colonel...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 27
so I have taken the precaution of posting a chaperone...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 28
Excuse me, fella. This is a no parking zone.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 30
It's got everything... trees, bushes, green ground?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 31
Men, the job is over.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 32
There's still something missing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 33
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- What kind of an operation? - I wanna have eyes like Americans?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 35
Then you know that having an eye operation isn't going to change who you are.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 39
That homemade hooch will kill ya. He should have stuck with an American brand.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 40
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 41
Besides, I'm getting ready to hit the road.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 42
Oh, you don't have to be modest with me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 43
and very shy with girls.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 45
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You have Turk soldier here, no? I wish to see.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 47
- Would you do the honors? - It would be an honor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 48
A gun.! Watch it, fella.!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 49
Gimme a break, will ya, fella? Dying on duty is a court-martial offense.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 4 (S10E04) - 50
Aired 37 years ago - Nov 09, 1981

The latest scuttlebutt affects everyone's behavior when a visiting is rumored to be recruiting for a new M*A*S*H unit. The gang fears that the 4077th will be split up.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 2
- General Edwin Torgeson? - You know Torgy Porgy?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 3
[Groans] This is terrible.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 4
- I hope not. Too many of these can run down a neighborhood. - Captain, this ain't funny.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 5
I am an indispensable five-star scrounge.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 6
Somebody's liable to take this seriously.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 7
Oh, ho, ho. Wrong on two counts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 8
If they made you chief surgeon at the new unit, that'd make me chief surgeon here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 9
They're gonna take somebody from here. And it's gonna be one of us.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 10
Gentlemen, am I to infer from your conversation...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 11
Nah, Charles. I've had offers like this before.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 12
Everybody thinks he's here on a fact-finding tour.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 13
Boxing. How apropos. A fighting man who likes... fighting.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 14
Charles, I can't talk to you now. I'm very busy. I have to prepare my duty roster.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 15
the first thing you need is a commanding officer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 16
Not a very rosy prospect. But-But it seems to me it's out of our hands.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 17
- Are you asking me to be an accessory to a fabrication? - Yes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 18
- So tell me, how is Torgy? - Ornery as ever.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 19
Uh, if it's all right with you, Colonel, I'd rather bunk with your surgeons.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 20
Not exactly the metaphor I would have chosen, but, uh, I do have something on my mind.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 21
They wanna hang my portrait along their... ecclesiastical esplanade.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 22
and heavenly light streaming down from above.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 23
Ah, right. Not like some of those young officers...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 24
A thousand pardons. In my religion, this is the month of the sacred bull.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 25
- Klinger! - May your life be free of snakes. Sh-boom be with you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 26
No, we haven't heard anything about that down in Seoul.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 27
- I got it. Here, boy. Here, boy. - Get him. Get him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 28
- Major Charles Emerson Winchester, Major Burnham. - Ah...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 29
My real forte is diseases of the aged-but-not-yet-retired.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 30
- No kidding? - Talks about it all the time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 31
eating... beans after a hard day of sheep ranching. [Clicks Tongue, Whistles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 32
I think my surgical skills would take a giant leap if I were to find a new locale.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 33
He loves to spend as many hours in the saddle as he can.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 34
She's a might peculiar though. Enough of this idle chitchat. As I was saying...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 35
[Plate Clatters]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 36
- [B.J.] Don't you just love it rare? - Oh, yeah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 37
Padre, I'm comin' down with a case of Rembrandt's elbow.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 38
...seven, 38...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 39
- Nah. You might as well. - Don't you hate it when they come in the middle of happy hour?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 40
All right, all right, all right. We'll pack him off for now. We'll finish him in the morning.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 41
- The patient is dead? - No. We just don't know where he is.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 42
Uh-uh! Until he hits the operating table, we're not responsible.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 43
What happened to the Hippocratic oath?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 44
## [Singing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 45
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 47
This... Very difficult diagnosis. The patient's wounds are not what they first appear to be.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 48
Long as he has a week to rest up, he's great one day in a row.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 49
It's me who'll be going. They need a chief surgeon.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 3 (S10E03) - 50
- Oh, go suck a combat boot. - Margaret!
Aired 37 years ago - Nov 02, 1981

Father Mulcahy counsels a GI who is plagued by guilt because he has swapped tags with a dead colleague. Meanwhile, B.J. and Charles consider ways of keeping a soldier-salesman quiet.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 1
If a guy's got B-positive blood, it'd be nice if his dog tags didn't say A-positive.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 2
I mean, I'm, uh, goin' home in two weeks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 3
- I believe I asked about your shoulder. - It's fine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 4
You'd be surprised how many G.I. S in your position haven't.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 5
But, as I always say, "A rose in a minefield is still a rose.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 6
Nobody ever died from getting the wrong mail.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 7
but what kind of an idiot would invest hard-earned capital with a footslogger?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 8
Margaret, you should know better than anyone... there is no security in fidelity.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 9
I hate to scoff and run, but I gotta get to post-op. Is there anything I should know?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 10
Quiet, Mrs. De Sade. I'm thinking.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 11
- I'm-I'm sorry? - What form of Judaism do you observe?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 12
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said you were Orthodox.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 13
We sent all the uniforms to be cleaned, but yours didn't come back.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 14
As I always say, "People don't plan to fail. They fail to plan."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 15
I'm sorry to wake you, Father, but he said he had to see you, and it wouldn't wait.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 16
Or may I call you Josh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 18
Night before last...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 19
My buddies got killed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 20
I swore to myself that if I ever got out of that alive...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 21
He was goin' home in just two weeks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 22
I must say, this is the most unusual confession I've ever heard.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 23
Never. I'm gettin' out of here alive.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 24
Of course not. But your actions are sinful.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 25
Yeah, well, first things first.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 28
Gerald.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 30
Rice, can't you leave these people alone?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 31
You know, for the grandson. Lot of wisdom in what you said...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 32
Ah, Father Mulcahy. A little coffee after dinner?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 33
If he keeps it up, I'm going to stage a new production of Death of a Salesman.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 34
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 35
Next thing I knew, I was sashayin' down Memory Lane.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 36
Yeah. Mildred noticed that too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 37
- Fine-looking boy. - Yep.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 38
Actually, I came in with a problem...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 39
Now, don't go far. And do yourself a favor... read this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 40
Well, it's rather difficult to explain.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 41
The chances that you'll lose your power of speech are one in 200.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 42
That would relax the latrickium and take the stress off the shoulder blade...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 43
Oh, hi, Father.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 45
- I don't want to do this. - Oh, I understand.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 46
"Your Uncle Marvin got so excited you were coming home...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 47
"when you come down the gangplank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 48
to come down the gangplank, and he won't.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 49
Tall ones, short ones, blondes, brunettes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 2 (S10E02) - 50
"Since I cannot remember what you look like, I'm not sure which one is yours.
Aired 37 years ago - Oct 26, 1981

A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation. And wouldn't you know, the comedian is Klinger's hero!