Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 42 years ago - Mar 15, 1977

Prompted by pressure from Frank, Hot Lips sets a date for marriage with Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott. When Donald arrives in camp for the wedding, a bridal shower and bachelor party are given. When he has passed out drunk, Hawkeye and B.J. place Donald in a body cast and convince him that he has broken his leg. The ceremony is performed and Donald and Hot Lips leave for a week's honeymoon in Tokyo. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 1
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- No. - Oh, golly.
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Not if he's a corporal.
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[Klinger] Get it! Over here, Father! Get it, B.J.!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 5
- Lt. Peters. Father Mulcahy. - Lieutenant. Father.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 6
Now there's your regulation hug.
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- Why don't we take a walk? - Okay.
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And he's saying, "Margaret, darling, I couldn't love you more.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 9
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Lt. Col. Penobscott has a little bomb to drop on all of you.
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Will you join us in wedlock?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 12
Uh, then you need your overseas nuptials in a combat zone...
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- Morning, Major Burns. - Morning.
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I'm trying to tell you how grateful I am to you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 16
- ##[Whistling] - Radar?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 17
- Mmm! Has anybody licked... Oh. Go on. - I licked the spoon.
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- Sounds wonderful. - I threw up all over the flower girl.
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Yeah. Don't forget your presents!
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Sorry I'm late. I had to iron this dress.
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- [Women Gasping] - It's gorgeous.
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- Hear! Hear! - Gentlemen, may I say a word or two?
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Are you aware the one with the big nose is wearing earrings?
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- More! - "Penobenscott."
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- What'd he do? - "Menobscott," you haven't answered my question.
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And at the Point... water polo team, uh, hammer throw...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 27
Burns, why don't you shut up, f-fall down and g-go to sleep.
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Very exciting. A nun jumped out of an angel food cake.
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- Good night, Colonel! - [Mulcahy] Good night.
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The jocularity is jocularity!
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No. That's too square. They like originality.
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- No. It's too crazy. - What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 34
[People Chattering]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 35
You know, when the heat's on, you can be decent.
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## [Wedding Music, Off-key]
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But what kind of bonds are they that hold two people together...
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- I'm sorry, God. - Step on it, Father.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 42
- I do. - I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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- [Thud] - Oh!
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Gimme a second. I'll bring the whole guy in.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 46
I couldn't eat liver for a year.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 47
[B.J. Groans] Clamp! Clamp!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 48
- All right, Father. I've... I've seen enough. - Let's go.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 49
Major, the bouquet! Throw the bouquet!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 50
- Have a good time. - Thank you.
Aired 42 years ago - Mar 08, 1977

In the midst of a deluge of patients and their individual medical histories, the 4077th is out of blood. Everyone in camp is donating at 48-hour intervals when a truckload of Turkish soldiers arrives to offer their blood and save the day.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 1
- Give me a hand with this one. - I thought you'd be proudly serving in the stockade by now.
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- Nurse! You're talking to a major. - Oh, sorry.
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- Quiet, Frank. We're working. - Quiet, all of you!
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Start it off with, "Son, you're alive."
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[Sighs] Clamp. That's enough! That's enough!
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- Can we get a surgeon to remove those pits? - I'll do it. Nurse, strainer!
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I'll pound your mulch into brains.
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No, I'll take another shot at that idiot colonel. It'll be the capper of a perfect day. Hypo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 9
Speaking of monkeys not giving blood, you haven't donated a drop, Frank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 10
one of those Communist leaflets, the ones that say we're all fighting for Wall Street.
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Probably the first time he'd seen an American close up.
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- The medic said I got him. - Good for you.
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They had to shave it to stitch up your face.
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Oh, leave me alone, man.
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- You're gonna be all right. - I thought I had it made.
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- Well, he shouldn't be. He's... He's my patient. - That's a good enough reason.
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Put a cork on it, Burns. Able, has this patient been unconscious since arrival?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 21
- This is very embarrassing. - Why?
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And if they keep bugging you, drop your pants and show them your scar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 23
This whole thing has been one gigantic pain in the butt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 24
- We have an emergency. - Ask someone else! He's handling my patient first.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 25
Tell him I need 100 pints of blood, and I'm gonna come down there and take it all from him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 26
Ah. Dale Carnegie graduates.
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I had the guts to go up there and drag 'em back to the aid station.
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self-respect.
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I don't mean human company. Four-oh silk.
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Especially the feet and ankles. If he finds a bite, give him some antivenin, pronto.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 31
I've been out here almost since the beginning.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 32
And he came up with nothing. [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 33
- What's that, Major? - I didn't tell you about my disease, did I?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 34
He got well, the ungrateful simp.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 35
There's no law that says I have to sit here and listen to you bleeding hearts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 36
Uh-uh. Last time you went out for a pass, I didn't see you again till the fourth quarter.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 37
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- Fifty up at the line. - Right neighborly of ya.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 39
You can take so many pictures of yourself, your wife will think you're back home.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 40
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Hundred percent Lebanese. It'll probably keep growing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 42
Vaya, man. It's even thicker than my real one.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 43
[Chuckles] Have you any idea how many times I've heard that line?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 44
Well, I thought maybe when you get through with your shift, we can do something.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 45
- That sounds exciting. - Listen. You live alone?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 46
I happen to take my engagement very seriously.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 47
Okay, fine. Pull the screen around my bed and give me a complete physical.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 48
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 49
And don't knock anybody down running to volunteer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 50
- They give balloons. - Aha. Major Burns at the front of the line.
Aired 42 years ago - Mar 01, 1977

Korean children and American soldiers are often badly wounded when they hunt for souvenirs which the enemy have booby-trapped. Potter asks for it to stop, and Hawkeye and B.J. put a local junk dealer out of business.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 1
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Don't you have anything happy? Whatever happened to rhinestones?
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No, no. You see, it's... it's a miss, kid. It's no good.
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An aluminum watchband. The material came off a MiG.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 5
- Oh, come on, guys. A guy's gotta live. - Shall we put it to a vote?
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I mean, what I do is good for the economy. I create jobs!
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They blew up every time they went swimming.
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That's easy.
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'cause they know some slaphappy G.I. Will try to pick up that cockarocka...
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If you want a souvenir, take yourself home in one piece.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 11
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I'm pole-sitting, sir. It's Section Eight time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 13
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- No. - I don't think so.
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In that case, I have just one piece of advice for you.
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- Someday you'll be saying complete sentences. - Oh, hardy-har-har.
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When we caught up with him last week, he gave us a rundown of his customers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 18
$27.75.
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I hope you catch that ugly creep that's been using my face.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 20
What's the matter, Margaret? You trying to drown your sorrows?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 21
- Only got 200 left. Pure brass. - And so are you.
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Hey, what's the matter with you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 23
You created a demand. Why don't you just start supplying it?
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He'd take this bum by the neck, and he'd deck him!
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Gesundheit.
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Yeah, he's a human foul shot.
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So make it a Section Four. Send me as far as San Francisco. From there I'll hitch.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 28
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[Korean]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 30
And when he feels better, he's gonna go back into the minefields?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 31
[Exhales]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 32
You weird freak!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 33
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As I recall, it was the last time I had clean shorts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 36
[Grunting]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 37
Guess what I found in your footlocker, Frank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 38
Margaret. Marg...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 39
Well, Major Houlihan, you gotta stop getting bombed and beating up our officers.
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The egg is so versatile.
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- Who's Drake? - C.O. Of the 8063rd.
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- I was sick as a dog for a week. - [Laughs]
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Great, Klinger. You're more than halfway there.
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I'll give you your choice. You can stay up there...
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Hey, white flag, okay? I got something for the family.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 47
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Well, when he quits smoking, he can always sell it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 49
You think because you slipped the family a couple bucks, that gets you off the hook?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 50
I'm worried about this man, Doctor. He looks anemic.
Aired 42 years ago - Feb 22, 1977

As a cure for the increased tension at the 4077th, Potter obtains a copy of his favorite film, "My Darling Clementine", and makes a social event out of it. As the film continues to break, tensions rise, until Mulcahy plays the piano, Radar does his impersonations, and everyone acts out scenes from the film.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 1
Oh, heavens! I have another surprise.
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- Well, then, move it, then! Move it! - Shut up, Frank!
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[Clears Throat] This is good news. I know you've been working your butts off...
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It's my kind of entertainment, my all-time favorite movie.
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- See, sir, if you don't take your finger off... - I know. I just forgot.
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- What do you mean, no? - N-O, no.
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Would a dying man kid? [Simulates Retching]
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- No wonder it's irregular. - What do you mean?
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Perfect. Nothing wrong with this shirt.
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- Please R.S.V.P. In this ear. - No.
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- I've always been fresh with you. - Not tonight.
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- I can? - Yes.
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Even though you're engaged, we can still be civil to each other.
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[High-Pitched Laugh] Penobscott. What a stupid name.
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- You're bluffing. - Three!
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It'd better be good. This crowd is ready to beat up Shirley Temple.
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- Well, sir, I'm the garbage officer. - We all know that.
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I know you've been working hard all week, and you've got a case of the cranks.
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It's called... now, hold onto your hats... My Darling Clementine.
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- # Oh, my darlin'# - [Audience Cheering]
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- [Man] Look at all that space! - [Potter] Yeah.
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Yeah, two, three miles straight up the trail.
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- [All Groaning] - We'll have the film fixed in a jiffy.
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#When an old friend I happened to see #
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Father Mulcahy, you should've taken up the harmonica.
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That so? Well, that's too bad.
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I blew the bulb. It's not my fault. Who do I look like, Thomas Edison?
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# If you don't listen to him you'll all wind up in heck #
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# Gee, Mom I wanna go home #
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# But we'll take chopper pilots they'll get you off the ground #
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# Oh, I don't want no more of army life #
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# Some nurses in the army they haven't tied the knot #
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- I've got it! - [All] Yea!
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I know somebody who does great movie star imitations.
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pretty mad at you, son, but I'm not gonna hit ya.
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Rochester, now, how many times have I told ya...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 40
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- the Father Mulcahy soundalike contest! - [All Cheering, Whistling]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 42
The post-op is collapsing, and the O.R.'s on fire.
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It is the most remarkable shade of yellow.
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[Cheering Continues]
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- [Able] Thank you, driver. We're staying. - What'll I tell Gen. Armistead?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 46
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#When every night your lover holds you tight #
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#When once more she whispers Je t'adore #
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 50
Aired 42 years ago - Feb 15, 1977

In the midst of Hawkeye being considered, much to his distaste, for the position of a general's personal physician, Radar becomes a surrogate father to a Korean woman and her baby, until the baby's GI father returns.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 1
Are you suggesting we should?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 2
Tell me, who goes to hell?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 3
The Korean War was invented so your parents wouldn't come looking for you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 4
Gloria! Bicarb!
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All right. Let's close up. Chest tube.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 7
- Move it or get it amputated. - I beg your pardon?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 8
Well, I told you Pierce wasn't the man you were looking for.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 9
In the operating room, when Pierce was trying to save that man's life, he said...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 10
He's one doctor who'll never be nonchalant where death is concerned.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 11
- Mechanics? - Sure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 12
He gave the 4077 th a black eye.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 13
First stop Seoul, and then I'm Bitter Creek bound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 14
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 15
Look, Radar, you're a real nice, gentle guy, and l...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 16
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 18
- Are you from Korea? - Oh, yes. I am Korean.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 19
- Uh, would you like to take a walk? - Yes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 20
[Cooing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 21
Ah, that's nice.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 22
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 23
Look at it. The foot is an incredible thing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 24
I'd never throw you into the pot unless I had at least two pair.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 25
Actually, for the doctor, it's easy duty.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 26
[Bidwell] You're not gonna like him, General.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 27
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What do I care who they're for, as long as I don't have to peel 'em?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 29
Do kids like 'em scrambled?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 30
I know. You're still a good father.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 31
I envy you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 32
Could be, pal. There's a lot of it goin' around.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 33
Mildred, just another 14 months and 11 days till retirement.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 34
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 35
Bidwell tells me he's a piece of real live ammo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 36
I'd like to meet my new personal physician.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 37
The army's a lot like the A.M. A... both frown on house calls.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 38
He's very healthy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 39
I hear you're a real pistol, Doc.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 40
I never studied seriously. If I hadn't cheated on the final exam...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 41
Do you realize what an opportunity I'm offering you, Captain?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 42
- These you have to go out and get for yourself. - You mean, they don't deliver?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 43
why don't you let me do what I was trained to do... be a doctor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 44
Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 45
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when I realized I couldn't leave you and the baby.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 48
They're really nice. I enjoyed them.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 49
[Coos]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 20 (S05E20) - 50
Yours. You're looking for a doctor to keep you alive...
Aired 42 years ago - Feb 08, 1977

Father Mulcahy comes down with infectious hepatitis, and Hawkeye has to give the whole camp antibiotics, whilst dealing with a psychosomatic back pain. Meanwhile, B.J. has to perform a very difficult operation.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 1
They oughta give him the disease and split the dough with the mice.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 2
You're right. I feel a lot better.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 3
- [Grunts] - We got here too late for the hard-boiled eggs.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 4
- Off his feed too. - You gonna finish your coffee, Father?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 5
- Why? - The "Swiss Family Hepatitis" is swimming around in there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 6
Give 'em a shot of gamma globulin.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 7
It was just laying out there in the open. I wasn't going through your private papers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 8
- Yeah? Ever since Margaret got engaged? - No!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 9
Let me get some blood. I'll give you a shot in the behind, and I'll get out of here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 10
Yeah. This guy's nodes got so big, eventually they took over Minneapolis.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 11
Don't taunt me, Frank. I'm holding a sharp object.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 12
If you care anything about human life, you'll feel my lumps before you go.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 13
- I have to examine you. You're gonna get a shot too. - So are you, kiddo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 14
- How 'bout if I show you mine first? - I can look at my own tongue.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 15
How's your fiance Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott of West Point?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 16
She's welcoming me, but in a very left-handed way. Listen to this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 17
We still send her Christmas cards every year... at the state hospital."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 18
- Come on, Margaret. You're taking all the fun out of it. - Yes, that's right. I am.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 19
- If you say one word... - Oh, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. Not a word.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 20
and then stand there ogling me as though I were a sideshow attraction.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 21
- What? - Maybe not those words, but that attitude.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 22
[Man On P.A.] Attention all personnel. Incoming. Incoming.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 23
- Where do you start? - I'm here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 24
- What do you think? - You're the chief surgeon. You tell me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 25
Fine. Take your time. What are you gonna do?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 26
- What the hell are you doing? - I wanna see if you got hepatitis...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 27
- The Swamp, 10:00. - Good luck, Beej.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 28
- How you feeling, Father? - Uh, fine actually.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 29
and make a fortune for the orphanage.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 30
- You wanna kill yourself? - Well, at least let's rig up something...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 31
- I'm hearing confessions, and that's it. - All right. Get a little rest.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 32
Here. They look like potato eyes, right? You are what you mash.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 33
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- I really gotta work on it. - Yeah, right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 35
- Excuse me. - You want me to stab myself? Just hold still.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 36
I gotta calm down. I don't care what he says about me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 37
- Now get over there. - Sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 38
You know what this reminds me of? Assembling those toys I got as a kid.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 39
Everything that's fit to print.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 40
Like, uh, like he's anemic or, uh, he isn't red-blooded enough or...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 42
and come back to camp the next morning without any sleep and throw up all day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 43
- Hmm. - But you're different.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 44
Yourself.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 45
they came up with an ileocolic segment that was gangrenous.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 46
One more stitch, I'll be ready to start closing. How's he doing?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 47
I did it! I saved him. He's alive!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 48
and the world's most wonderful surgeon...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 50
- Uh-huh. - There's no contamination of the water supply.
Aired 42 years ago - Feb 01, 1977

Nurse Carrie Donovan receives a "Dear Jane" letter from her husband, and practically falls apart. B.J. consoles her, and they spend the night together. Feelings of guilt come over B.J. until he discusses them with Donovan and the air is cleared.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 1
- Poor girl's gone bonkers. - Who, Donovan?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 2
- Who gets an "A" in fidelity? - R.C.A. Victor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 3
- Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two kids? - Honest.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 4
- I just don't understand why Donald hasn't written. - Maybe there's another woman.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 5
- He's made 126 jumps. - Once from a plane.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 6
And sometimes they're opened by creepy company clerks...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 7
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 8
- I'm getting excited. - Eat your pudding.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 9
It's a letter from my old man... a Dear Jane.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 10
- No. I'll be there. - You don't have to. I can handle it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 11
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 12
I keep nudging her till she gets sore enough to swing at me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 13
I'll meet you in the kitchen.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 14
You wanna talk in your tent, we'll talk in your tent.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 15
- I did? I didn't mean to. - Why did you do that?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 16
Right. Sparky? Yeah, Sparky, listen. Get me Tokyo Army Hospital, quick.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 17
- A patient. - A patient. And it's an emergency.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 18
- Worried to death. - Worried to death.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 19
I'm not tying up a chopper and losing a nurse...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 20
[Clears Throat] Why don't you get some rest, Romeo?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 21
"It'd be so much easier.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 22
- It seems impossible. - I know.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 23
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 24
Gee, I dreamt I was dancing with Major Houlihan, and Betty Grable woke me up.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 25
Ah, I hate to see them grow up.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 26
I'm just teasing. I mean, do I know what I'm saying?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 27
- Hello? - Hi.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 28
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He's not terribly sick. All I know is that he's in the hospital.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 30
How lovely. A Japanese umbrella.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 31
Oh, why not? I'm always ready if you need me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 32
- But it's not enough. I can't stand it anymore. - Frank, stop it!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 33
- How do you feel? - Terrible.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 34
And I'm miserable.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 35
B.J., you stumbled last night. That's all.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 36
- This will pass. - Like a kidney stone.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 37
There's probably a career for me in saving marriages.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 38
- Uh, my husband wants a divorce. - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 39
Um, I'd like a transfer, Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 40
- Don't you agree? - Yes, Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 41
- You're crazy. - You might say that, Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 42
- You are the Toledo Strangler? - I confess I am.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 43
Beat it, Klinger.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 44
but maybe just once, okay?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 45
- Give me another unit of plasma. - Right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 46
- What? - What do you care?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 47
B.J., it's important to me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 48
I know how you feel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 49
I'm hopelessly, passionately in love with my wife.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 50
We didn't plan that.
Aired 42 years ago - Jan 25, 1977

Billy Tyler, a young black sergeant, is brought into camp with a bullet wound in the leg. He is a football player, and when he discovers that his leg has been amputated, he wants to die. After talks with Radar, Billy agrees that he must live on.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 1
I got a sergeant here who looks pretty bad. He can't take an ambulance trip.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 2
- There ain't nothin' gone? - Relax. You're still in one piece.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 3
- Look at that leg. Yuck! - Don't mind him. He's a leg man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 4
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 5
Did you swallow a radio announcer?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 6
Frank, this is P.F.C. Kornhaus, the cook's assistant.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 7
Doc. Before you put me under...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 8
- Will the leg? - We'll do everything we can.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 9
- I wasn't in the fight. - I noticed. Afraid to get your dress wrinkled?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 11
I wish I had your sense of humor, Doctor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 12
But, Colonel, Kornhaus went to bat for the honor of the 4077 th.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 13
Colonel, will you tell Pierce not to call me clumsy in front of Major Houlihan?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 14
- In war, Frank, decorations belong on a soldier's chest. - That's true.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 15
[Chuckles] An eye gouger. An animal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 16
- Come on. Move it. - Watch it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 17
- Or are you afraid? - Oh, come on, guys. Stop it!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 18
Well, we'll never get to the bottom of this. Shake hands and forget it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 19
Tomorrow, 1600 hours, near the latrine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 20
1600 hours, he'll be exercising his horse. [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 21
That's a stupid question. You feel lousy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 22
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 23
But it's there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 25
What's another leg or arm to you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 26
- Sergeant, you need your rest. - Why don't you try to get some sleep?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 27
- Then it's either a snake or Frank Burns. - Same thing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 28
Hawk, look what you're doing. You're punishing yourself with guilt.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 29
- I thought your liver was still a virgin. - Don't be silly. I'm a man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 30
Radar, there's more to life than playing football.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 31
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 32
That rotten fink! He snitched. He spilled the beans, didn't he?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 33
See, there are some things we can agree on. [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 34
No wonder I missed them.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 35
[Slapping, Groaning]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 36
- Wasn't mine. - Then it had to be somebody with less brains than the two of you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 37
- You couldn't break an egg with a hammer. - I'll crack you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 38
No, he wants out out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 39
You got it, Doc. They don't make football uniforms with one leg.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 40
Well, I can't do that anymore.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 41
You're still running, Billy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 42
Uh, I got something I want to show you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 43
Yeah, I know. I listened to that game on Armed Forces Radio.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 44
I know. Iowa could hardly move the ball at all.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 45
You just have to keep trying till you find it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 47
"Smile when you say that"... Sergeant "Killer" Zale.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 48
from Toledo, Ohio...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 49
All right. Back to your corners and come out at the sound of the bell.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 50
Aw, why don't they hit each other? They're just dancing around.
Aired 42 years ago - Jan 18, 1977

Lieutenant Colonel Harold Beckett lies wounded in post-op waiting to get back to the front for five more days of combat duty to get his promotion. Meanwhile, Cho Lin, the Ping Pong champ, is engaged to Soony. He leaves to get her a ring, when the South Korean army conscripts him. He arrives at the 4077th as a wounded soldier, and after being patched up he is married at the camp. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 1
Giving away free ammunition hasn't hurt business either.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 2
I'm Lieutenant Colonel Harold Becket, damn it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 3
- Takes one to know one. - What are you doing here?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 4
These boys know what they're doin'.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 5
I used a pair of 1949 sweat socks with matching garters.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 6
We were going to redecorate, but why put money into a place when you're just renting?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 7
- Maybe we can help her find something. - Sure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 8
- Thank you. - Terrific. Where's it gonna be?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 9
- [Hawkeye] How much do you need for that? - I have 60 American dollars.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 10
Oh, no. Uncle Lew is one honest john.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 11
- I always knew you didn't have any. - Lending money to an Oriental.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 12
- Ate your porridge. - Sat on your chair.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 13
- Especially when you're with one of them. - She's one of us.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 14
Let me interrogate the job applicant. Sit down, please.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 15
Born Korea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 16
Sir, the enemy already attacked.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 17
- Uh-huh. Took care of General Horton's children? - That's right, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 18
Hiya, Harold. Don't get up.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 19
Well, if they order an extra pint of blood during the happy hour, it's on the house.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 20
Oh, that's right. Mine looked like Man o' War.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 21
Somebody didn't get your order. I had a hamburger last night that whinnied.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 22
With that in my record, the boys in Washington can move me up.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 23
- Why don't we go over to my place and pretend we're at your place? - Some other time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 25
Your little friend ran off with your 40 smackers and left you with egg foo yung on your face.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 27
- Can you get the other end? - Yeah.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 28
- Hey. - Hey, that's a beauty, Cho.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 29
This ring is priceless.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 30
Why don't you check yourself into a closet?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 31
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The third time to deny he'd ever been in line.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 33
Doctors, in 16 months, three weeks and four days...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 34
- I just thought of it. - Radar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 35
All right. All right. They can court-martial me if they want...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 36
When the enemy hit us with the big stuff, the colonel panicked. He...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 37
And a lot of kids retire permanently.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 38
- Another ringer. - I don't understand how you do it, Klinger.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 39
Hang on to that horseshoe. You might want to wrap it around his neck.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 40
Because you're the bride's size. Don't move!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 41
- Then pow! He punches him right in the nose and flattens him. - Your Uncle Ed punched Boris?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 42
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Margaret, yesterday we had a smooth-running war here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 45
Oh! I know what you think I'm saying, but I'm not saying that.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 47
Army Intelligence, huh? I hear you screwed up. You blew it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 48
Okay, combat's not my specialty.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 49
All I care about is those kids.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 16 (S05E16) - 50
## [Traditional Korean]
Aired 42 years ago - Jan 11, 1977

Befuddled by a crossword puzzle, Hawkeye persuades his old friend Tippy Brooks, a whiz at puzzles, brought to camp. Tippy arrives with his commanding officer Admiral Prescot, thinking it's a medical emergency. Having scrubbed up and helped out with the wounded they provided the needed solution to the puzzle.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 1
Wanna catch a rat and make it a pet?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 2
- Aaah! Oh, ho-ho! Bingo! - What? What? What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 3
It's kid stuff. Ha-ha!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 4
- Only guy I ever knew who got flushed out of high school. - I don't think that's it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 5
- "Gossip." - Give that lady 14 inches of perforated intestine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 6
I know that! I won a white Bible at my church... for organ playing. So lay off!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 7
So you can take all the credit, I suppose, huh? [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 8
Nothing. Just a game to test your manual dexterity. It's excellent for surgeons.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 9
You deserve to be. Look at that skimpy outfit she's wearing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 10
Begins with a "V." "Means a Yiddish bedbug."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 11
Five letters. Starts with a "V."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 12
- How's that, Captain? - Forget it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 13
- Thank God for ketchup. - He just did.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 14
- Tell 'em you'll be right back. - Come on.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 15
Oh, he lost his cookie, but he saved his raisins.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 16
- Will this blow out the lightbulb in my navel? - Uh-uh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 17
Uh, Dr. Hawkeye Pierce, MASH 4077, needs his help real bad. Right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 18
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 19
[Regurgitates]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 20
- No, sir. That was last Friday. - Time flies.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 21
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 22
Dip it in a little 30-weight motor oil, pop it in...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 23
The second course.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 24
You don't believe I'm gonna eat this jeep, do you, sir?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 25
- Gee, you think he's gonna be all right? - Oh, he'll be fine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 26
Oh, you better tell the boys playing horseshoes to hold up when Klinger walks by.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 27
- Klinger, what is it? - Something I ate.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 28
Sir, this message just come in for you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 29
Boy, you guys are in a lot of trouble.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 30
- Sirs? - Where can I find Dr. Pierce, Corporal?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 31
There was a time when proctologists used candles.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 32
Well, what's the emergency?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 33
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 34
Do you know the word? Bedbug?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 35
Right now, a far, far better thing than me being busted to J.G.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 36
That story you told me about gettin' here is a real rouser.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 38
- It was Easter. - Now you've put your buddy's butt in a sling?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 40
An insatiable need for liquids.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 41
- What is it, soldier? - [Mutters]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 42
Nuts, bolts, knobs? This guy's full of machinery.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 43
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 44
Easy. Get her into pre-op. Move it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 45
- You a corpsman? - The best in the business, dad.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 46
- You want help? - I got it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 47
- Oh, really? - It's just that some of us are more childish than others.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 48
I've debrided the burn and applied the dressing. Anything more I can do?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 49
- [Woman On Radio] This is Seoul City Sue. - Time for the commercial.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 50
- Turn the other cheek, Hawkeye. - Both cheeks are already sore.
Aired 42 years ago - Jan 04, 1977

Radar gets accepted into the "Famous Las Vegas Writers School", and begins to write his impressions of the camp. It happens to be Frank's birthday, so Hawkeye and B.J. stage a fight with each other to make Frank happy. Radar: "Dear Mum, I gave up the writing course on account I found out I can write better as myself than as Hemingway, O'Neill, or any of those other bums. Simplistically yours, Walter." MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 1
Frank, did you see his foot leave the bunk?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 2
Twenty-one! On to Wimbledon!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 3
I enrolled in this writers' school by mail.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 4
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 5
was this little gray squirrel with a very intelligent face.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 6
"You were wrong!" I screamed at him. "There's 28 bones in the human hand!"
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 7
- Please, sir? Would you, please? - Well... [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 8
and it rolled down the stairs, across the lawn...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 11
That's why we're out, Major. They ate it all.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 12
Would you like an extra hunk of liver?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 13
Why, Frank, you didn't tell us it was your birthday.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 14
Maybe we should take up a collection and get him a gift.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 15
These mail things are great. My friend Vito met his wife that way.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 16
Father, do you have a most unforgettable character?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 17
You know, she can slam dunk while wearing a heavy crucifix.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 18
And look at you. You got a Purple Heart, and it's not even your birthday.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 19
I didn't do anything wrong. And you keep your hands off his Purple Heart!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 20
That would give Frank instant joy, to see us at each other's throats.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 21
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- Boys, easy. - I'm not working the shift alone, Pierce!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 23
- How would you put it? - Well, maybe you're right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 25
- Sore loser? - He thinks you're too competitive.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 27
little knowing the fate that destiny had planned up for him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 28
The vainglorious corporal ran like a bird...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 30
If headquarters sees this, they'll rip off my epaulets.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 31
But I'm just doing what the book says.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 32
- What are you doing out here? - Waiting for a ride home.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 33
It really bugs you when I call you on foot faults, doesn't it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 34
Just say something and walk away.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 35
- No problem. - It's no use!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 36
Yes, of course. And Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 37
And he brushed my leg. Naturally, I was alarmed and I screamed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 39
I'm going home in a butt can.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 40
- Come on over to my office. - Over to the office.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 41
I'll take anything you got... honorable, general, medical, whatever.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 42
Would you settle for some time back in Seoul?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 43
Tell her I'd like to be kept in a blue jar. That's my best color.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 44
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- Having a good time, Frank? - Well, I'm the birthday boy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 46
- Like what? - Like Iowa or your animals or your Uncle Ed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 47
I'd write about being too suspicious and resentful.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 48
- What's the matter? - It's you two guys fighting. It makes me sick.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 49
A lot of guys in the army say they're friends, but these guys really are.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 50
- We wanted to make him happy. - We were fighting to entertain you, Frank.
Aired 42 years ago - Dec 21, 1976

After Hawkeye bemoans the young age of the wounded, he appears to develop problems. Sleepwalking and bad dreams, according to Sidney Freedman, are taking Hawkeye back to a simple time, but the horrors of war continue to intrude. After Sidney's assurances that he is as sane as can be, Hawkeye's life once again seems to settle down.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
- Oh, that scent. What is it? - Forbidden Furlough.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 2
I know God exists because you exist.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 3
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 4
I like your new BB gun. My dad won't let me get one.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 7
What do you expect, wandering around the compound half the night?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 8
Then you asked me about some guy named Vander-something-or-other.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 9
I just got a cold shiver down my back.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 10
You're not worried about anything special, are you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 11
Me neither, but then, uh, geography was never my strong subject.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 12
More trees than you could climb in a lifetime.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 13
Come on. What are they like?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 14
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If those are my only choices, I guess I'll take Stinky. It's got a little more pizzazz.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 17
- [Radar] That's spooky! - Help me get him back to bed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 18
- What a shot. - [Radar] Easy now. Relax. Ooh. Ooh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 19
I swallowed... [Muttering Sleepily]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 20
- Who's Toby? - Toby. Toby Wilder. My... He's my best friend.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 21
He was li... completely out of control.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 22
My palms are sweaty. And I'm not sure, but I think I wet the bed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 23
Are you forgetting I'm a doctor as well as a card-carrying skeptic?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 24
Frankly, I think I'm pregnant. I also think I'm gonna call Toby Wilder.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 25
And you kept ca... No, really. No. Really. You kept calling my name.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 26
Yes. I borrowed the money. I admit that. But I paid you back years ago.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 28
People always talk about long-distance phone calls like they had to walk all the way.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 29
- I think I'll tuck it in too. - What's your hurry?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 30
- Hey, how goes it, Frank? - What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 31
- Tell me about your hometown. - It's Fort Wayne. What's it to ya?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 32
Fort Wayne's bigger than that.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 33
- He took away your night-light? - It's no big deal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 34
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I just had a dream. Dickie Barber... an explosion.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 37
- Who to? - Dr. Sidney Freedman.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 38
- I think I'm cracking up. - Hawk.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 39
I'm afraid to lie down in my sack. I'm afraid to close my eyes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 40
No, sir. I mean the war against the war.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 41
He knew it was awful, but... but he never let it get him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 42
- and decked him. - I know about that, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 43
and I'm taking my measly pair of nines with me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 44
[Klinger] Okay. Seven card high-low, deuces wild, high spade in the hole.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 45
[Sidney] I'm just here to play a little poker, have a couple of drinks...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 47
And then I call the States, and they're home watching Milton Berle.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 48
You amateurs just can't resist tossing around that psychoanalytical jargon.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 49
I'm walking towards something.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 50
All the way back to a time when playing ball and shooting marbles and going on picnics...
Aired 42 years ago - Dec 14, 1976

After Potter orders Radar to move a Korean spirit post believed to ward off evil spirits, things mysteriously begin to go wrong. When an old Korean man is brought into camp for medical attention, he refuses surgery unless the spirits in the camp are exorcised. A priestess is brought in, who exhibits her dance and her bells and chants. All is well, and Radar returns the spirit post to its original position. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 1
Thanks, Radar. Frank, you're a stark raving birdbrain.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 2
That's what I thought till I met Donald Penobscott.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 3
- I'm getting dark blood. What's his pressure? - 110 over 74.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 4
I haven't smelled anything like that since World War I.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 5
Doc, uh, how's it look?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 6
Shall we? Knife.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 7
It starts the day he goes home to his wife.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 8
- The man should be canonized. - Marsh here was canonized, twice in the same leg.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 9
- That's impossible. - How come he sent her a bill?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 10
- including shamanism. - [Frank] Shamanism?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 11
From now on, nothing will go wrong.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 12
- I never got that medal. - You didn't? He forget?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 13
Well, it's dry now. And when are they fixing the P.A. System?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 14
There's another ambulance leaving for the 123rd at 1400 hours, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 15
- You got a rash? Use talcum. - Spirits at work again?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 16
See this? This wards off evil spirits.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 17
Ever since then, we've been growin' 'em like this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 18
- What are you doing, Radar? - I'm nailing up a horseshoe, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 19
On the other hand, it is an attractive ornament.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 21
- I cut to miss him, but hit him anyway. Wound up in a ditch. - Put him down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 22
I'm his granddaughter, Kyong Ja.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 23
[Mulcahy] They also hope the driver will understand and stop in time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 24
It's the spirits he fears, not you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 25
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- You believe in spirits too? - I don't, but he does.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 27
- My God, it worked. - [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 28
You look lousy in stripes, Frank. Go ahead, Radar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 29
Beat it, Radar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 30
- Which I don't believe in. - These local spooks don't spook you, do they?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 31
I'd rather not operate on a hysterical patient. All I wanna do is put the old man at ease.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 32
Frank was once the innocent victim of possession.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 33
Wondrous is man and mysterious the ways of God.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 34
Not indestructible. Young.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 35
- Hi. - Captain Hunnicutt?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 36
- Oh, geez. - What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 37
After the war, you look me up. For old times' sake, I'll take out your appendix.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 40
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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 42
- I think my grandfather does too. - When will his room be ready?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 43
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 44
Colonel, do you know what's going on in pre-op?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 45
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 46
[Potter] Well, Father, what's your critical opinion?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 48
Did absolutely no good at all.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 49
- [Hawkeye] I thought the gauge was stuck. - It's not stuck now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 50
Aired 42 years ago - Dec 07, 1976

While Colonel Potter goes to Tokyo on R&R, his horse develops colic. Klinger becomes chronically depressed, and Hot Lips gets appendicitis. The horse is flushed out with a hose, Hawkeye and B.J. perform an appendectomy on Hot Lips, and all are well when Potter returns, except Klinger. Potter offers Klinger a discharge for severe depression, and Klinger gets very excited, which loses him the discharge. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 1
- I'll ask. - I'll need three yards.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 2
- Can't you do something? - Like sit him down, have a talk with him?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 3
- Now if you were in command, what would you do? - I'd take him to Tokyo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 4
No, I won't. I'm not an animal. I'm a doctor. I can curb my lust.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 5
- No! - Show me some consideration. Let me cut you open.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 6
Yeah. Get rid of this gas.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 7
Wonderful woman.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 8
- [Knocking] - Come.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 9
We have winners of the Abbott and Costello look-alike contest.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 10
But if she flares up, we've got a whole corral of surgeons here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 11
Corporal Klinger will accept the Rockwell print by himself.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 12
I gave up tryin' to get a discharge, sir. I'm so depressed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 13
- No, thanks anyway. - Found your book, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 14
- He's gotta pick the "Nun of the Week." - Dedicated man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 15
- Once. Didn't have the nerve to put down my ukulele. - [Laughs]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 16
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 17
No, it's Wednesday. I always make tent calls.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 18
Potter told me about your problem. So, uh, Major, if you'll just lie down there...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 19
- And fun. - Uh, no!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 21
The colonel's mare is lyin' down. Her eyes and her nose are running.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 22
But this is serious. Colonel Potter will have me executed and court-martialed.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 23
- Hope she knows I'm a doctor. - Show her your diploma.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 24
I don't hear a thing. Maybe the speaker's broken.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 25
- You, sir. - [B.J.] Who belted Major Burns...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 26
Once you're in a road company, it's very hard to get back to Broadway.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 27
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No, uh, Quapaw. Yeah, look, I know you're busy, but...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 29
Think Captain Pierce would part with some of his nudist magazines?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 30
Okay. Yeah, terrific. We'll hang on.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 31
Yeah? Okay! He's got Seattle. Hey, it's yesterday there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 32
# M-O-U-S-E #
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 33
- The horse. - Wha... Oh, look, Pa, I can't hang on too long.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 34
Not a sound. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 35
- What? - What? What? What?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 37
Sometimes we all need a helping hand.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 38
In Atlantic City, this'd cost you seven-fifty.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 40
Just right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 41
- Standing by! - Standing by!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 42
- Hold the water! - Hold the water!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 43
[Cheering, Applause]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 45
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- Inside and out. - Good!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 47
- Well, what can I do? I'll arrange a discharge. - What was that, sir?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 48
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 49
Like to see you do that Top Hat number for the wounded.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 50
Number one... In the Mess Tent yesterday, he made a face at me.
Aired 42 years ago - Nov 30, 1976

After 24 hours of surgery, Hawkeye and Potter venture off to a Korean hospital to lend a hand. Hawkeye is appalled to learn that he must carry a gun. After helping the Koreans, they are shelled on the way back. They scramble from the jeep before it is shelled, and Potter urges Hawkeye to shoot in self-defense, against Hawkeye's will, and he does...into the air. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 1
You just made my day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 2
Good question. I was stolen from the Gypsies by two ruthless Lebanese peasants...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 3
Sir, my people need me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 4
- Dismissed. - ## [Singing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 5
Why do you always give me a bad time every time I give you a bad time?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 6
If Donald were here, he'd be the first one to volunteer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 7
- Alphabetically is fine with me. - Oh, sure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 8
- Yes, me. - But, sir, you're a grandfather.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 9
Maybe fitter! We'll settle this right now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 11
Three. Looks like a marriage, Frank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 12
Tape. What did you do with the tape?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 13
Oh, yeah? What does it say?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 14
- A gold medal? - [Blows]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 15
It's the law of the jungle.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 16
Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll just trigger another argument.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 17
- You're not hitting those high notes anymore. - Hurt myself, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 18
- Do you think you can find it? - If we run into trouble, I'll call Triple "A."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 19
- You see any good restaurants? - Cut the chatter. Let's move it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 20
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- Col. Sherman Potter, MASH 4077. - Where you headed, sir?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 22
- Good luck. - Okay.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 23
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 24
- Verstehen? - I watch, sir!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 25
Two enemy divisions attacked our forces early this morning.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 26
[Hawkeye] Metzenbaum scissors.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 28
[Groans]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 29
More of Klinger's coffee?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 30
I don't take orders from my eyelids.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 31
- Not a chance. - Oh, yeah? Watch this. Sleep.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 32
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 33
I don't like to have them stay out so late on a school night.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 34
Jack of hearts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 35
You're one heck of a hypnotist.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 36
Stop right there. I'm a married man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 37
Major, I wish you'd drop in on us one day at the 4077 th...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 38
Again, thank you for all your help.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 39
- I could use a belt. - Why, are your pants falling down?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 40
To Klinger's nose!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 42
- [Machine Gun Fire] - [Whooping]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 43
[Explosion]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 44
I believe my life is about to pass before my eyes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 45
Well, I don't believe anybody's made the offer yet.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 46
They shoot at us. We shoot at them.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 47
All right. You're fired.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 48
- You can't just sit there. - I may be sitting on the outside...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 49
All right, everybody, I start shooting at the count of three.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 50
- You're a crazier soldier than a surgeon. - [Gunfire Stops]
Aired 42 years ago - Nov 23, 1976

When Dr. Syn Paik, a North Korean surgeon, arrives with some wounded, he is passed off as a South Korean by Hawkeye and B.J., but to no avail. Hot Lips and Frank try to convince Potter that Paik is a spy. Paik, Hawkeye, and B.J. agree that it would be in the interest of all for Syn to leave.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 1
- It really burns my butt. - Mine too. You're not the only real American here, Frank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 2
- I promise. - I'm so upset, Margaret. Look at my hand shaking.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 3
Look, I didn't ask for this job. If you wanna take over, Pierce, just say the word.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 4
How do you like it... short on the top, thick on the sides?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 5
- Nurse! - [Gasping, Coughing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 6
- Major Burns? - [Moans] What is it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 7
Drive this lady home. My keys are in my sport coat.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 8
He was pulling out his trach tube.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 9
Don't unleash him. He's a killer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 10
- You'll treat other prisoners. - Worms, foot fungus, diarrhea.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 11
You know, I've been in combat for almost three years...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 12
Well, why not? They're diabolical.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 14
- It was perfected by an Italian macaroni expert. - Remarkable.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 15
[People Chattering]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 16
Oh, no. Here it comes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 17
[High-Pitched Laugh] You guys are kidding, right?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 18
Beej, the, uh, the nurses' annual physical is coming up soon, isn't it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 19
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 21
- You better move along if you want a window seat. - Yes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 22
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 23
Radar, this is the first time "l" Corps has sent us help without us screaming about it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 24
At first, your roommates may appear a bit crazy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 25
- Didn't we tango? - Certainly not.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 28
There is. If he were a good doctor, he'd be in Beverly Hills helping the wealthy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 29
- Where'd you pick that up? - Professor Goodson in Chicago, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 30
What's your business, gentlemen?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 31
- What's goin' on here, Klinger? - Oh, Major Burns, sir...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 32
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 33
Oh. Well, what are you guys standing around for?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 34
The men in the jeep. It is common practice to change uniforms...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 36
Uh, stay a while. I could tell you about my work with, uh, arterial transplants.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 37
I'd have to be back in a couple of hours.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 38
- Let's all go to the colonel's office and discuss it, sir. - The colonel's office.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 39
Break a leg.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 40
What men? What jeep? What enemy?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 41
- Captain Cho? How did he know? - I don't know. He just knew.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 42
Need a little excitement to break up the monotony?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 43
- [M.P.] We're checking everybody, Major. - Now, listen, Sergeant...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 45
Colonel, you're not gonna throw away a perfectly good doctor on a technicality?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 46
- There must be some way we can keep him. - Nada.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 47
[Frank] Why don't I start out with a couple of jokes...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 48
- [Engine Stops] - Why did we stop?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 49
You simpleton. We are North Koreans.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 50
You ungrateful creeps!
Aired 42 years ago - Nov 16, 1976

After Frank discovers that Danny Fitzsimmons has shot himself to get out of combat, Father Mulcahy is called in. Realizing his lack of understanding of the fighting, Mulcahy accompanies Radar to an aid station, where they encounter the real war at first hand. Mulcahy performs an emergency tracheotomy, guided by Hawkeye over the radio.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 2
- He saved my life. - Lift him out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 3
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 4
- He says he has someone he wants you to talk to. - Well, certainly.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 5
So he tripped it... saved my life.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 6
- Forget it. - Hawkeye? There's someone you want me to talk to?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 7
- Oh, Frank, um... - Huh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 8
He tripped a land mine on purpose. We have a witness.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 9
- I knew he'd get it. - I'm not operating on any damn dog.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 10
And it wouldn't look very good, Frank, if... if, uh... What's his name?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 11
You're gonna be okay, boy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 12
- Father, do you know how he got his name Boom Boom? - No, I don't.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 13
- Neither do I. - You know, Father Gallagher...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 14
Well, you're young. You're far from home. You made a mistake.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 15
One night, I was in a foxhole with four other guys.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 16
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 17
Well, let's not talk about Boom Boom. Let's talk about you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 18
Well, at least my cheeks won't be bloodshot.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 19
Father, you've got the toughest job in camp...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 20
Heard about him. He was famous for the poker games...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 21
Yeah, right. We don't have any choppers, and you don't have any ambulances.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 22
Do you think you and Igor could grab a jeep and go get him?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 23
You don't belong up there.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 24
- Yes, sir. Sorry I interrupted your service, Father. - [Mulcahy] Hmm?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 25
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 26
Uh, Father, you gotta get permission. I only got orders for Igor and me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 27
- I can't argue with that... - [Engine Starts]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 28
That's a bad chest wound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 29
Nah. They're too smart to get wounded.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 30
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 31
Radar, I want to thank you for bringing me along on this. I really needed the experience.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 32
- Also, he gave me three dollars. - [Laughs]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 33
No, thanks. I had that for breakfast.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 34
- a hole in a foot. - Spare me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 35
- How's Corporal Cupcake? - [Frank] Who?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 36
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- What's the matter? - Help me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 38
Right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 39
- Put it on the speaker. - What's the problem, Radar?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 40
- Hardly any at all. - Tracheotomy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 41
All right, Father, here we go.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 42
- Don't you have anything else? - I've got my Tom Mix pocketknife.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 43
- Is a pencil okay? - No, it has to be something hollow. Think!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 44
Oh, okay, okay. We're doing it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 45
- Oh! Oh, sure. Okay. - [Incoming Shell]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 46
That tissue is fibrous. It's not going to be easy to cut.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 47
which we are about to receive from thy bounty...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 48
He's breathing!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 49
Good work, Padre. Get that man back here as fast as you can.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 50
- Radar, you all right? - Oh, yeah. Sure. I'm just a little carsick.
Aired 42 years ago - Nov 09, 1976

Sidney Freedman, feeling depressed, visits the 4077th to observe how they fare under the pressures of war. He begins a letter to Sigmund Freud as a form of self-therapy, and releases his tension in the form of a practical joke with B.J., aimed at Frank Burns.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 2
- Well, your feet seem to be coming along just fine. - It's my head, Doc.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 3
I hope I win 'em back. I don't want the holes in my lobes to close up again.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 4
It was slowing down. Look what it did to his helmet.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 5
Yeah!
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- Don't spoil it! - Sir, I'm really scared.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 7
[Speaking Arabic]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 8
Whoever the perpetrator is, he or she is becoming a folk hero.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 10
If this isn't civilization, why am I standing in a bomb crater?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 11
- Are you a doctor? - That's what they all think here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 12
My gosh. Will you look at those boots? What a mess.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 13
It's beautiful up there. At 20,000 feet, the sky is a brilliant blue.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 14
I can't understand why you call this place the Swamp.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 15
We couldn't help but notice that you came for the poker game and stayed for two weeks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 16
The days get shorter. The nights get colder.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 17
I spent a lot of time with him.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 18
that sweet, innocent, troubled kid...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 19
- God, I thought that lump under his blankets was dirty laundry. - It is.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 20
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- [All Chattering] - [Radar] Oh, no!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 23
Make sure those stitches aren't pulled. Get the X-ray machine going.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 24
And this time he can shake his can! You got that?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 25
He's shy and studious, and yet he's got a left hook that could stop a truck.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 26
I used to wake up every morning like that when I was a boy. I had to sleep with my brothers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 27
- In an hour or so. - What's holding it up?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 28
Major, word has gotten around that you're feeling kind of low.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 29
The wounded don't get to you? The cold? The food? The rats?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 30
I see.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 31
You mean the athletic supporter? Major, you're a nurse.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 32
- Thank you. - My uniform is proud to serve. I'm sorry you got upset.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 33
That's pretty difficult here, because pain is such a basic ingredient to the MASH unit.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 34
Eight years old. I got a granddaughter back home who's about eight.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 35
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God, she's just a little baby.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 38
I don't intend getting caught more than six paces away from a good hole...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 39
- She's been going in for strange things. - Like what?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 40
- For no reason? - Just to look around.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 41
Well, she's changing.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 42
You bet she isn't, bub. I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 43
Don't take a vacation from reality.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 44
Say good night for me too, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 45
I haven't had fruit for so long, my colon will think it's a stickup.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 46
I never know what to say. Of all the lousy duties I've had to perform in this service...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 47
"while he was trying to save the lives of five other fellows.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 48
"We were proud of him at MASH...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 49
- He's an enigma with size- 13 shoes. - Get that guy to pre-op now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 50
Aired 43 years ago - Oct 26, 1976

After hearing that North Korean prisoners have been released in the area, everyone is upset when Margaret disappears. Colonel Flagg is called in to investigate, and bungles things in his usual manner. Finally Hot Lips returns, after helping in the birth of a Korean baby.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
I can't make this out. When did he last have morphine?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 2
Pierce with a 50-foot hook shot.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 3
- My condolences to your libido. - Right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 4
[Hawkeye] Let's ask the average G.I. Excuse me, sir. I have a question for you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 5
- Then shut up, Frank. You might wake him. - And nuts to you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
But I'm telling you. It's really spooky. It's like she disappeared.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
- We can't just sit around. We gotta do something. - You're right. I'll shave.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 8
- Uh, Klinger? - Mom, I don't wanna go to school today.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 9
You're right, Frank. And that wrinkled shirt doesn't help either.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 11
You moron! You could have killed me!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
[B.J.] Put an apple in your mouth. We'll play William Tell.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 13
Fortunately, Frank's as good a marksman as he is a surgeon.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 14
- Well, what's so funny, Corporal? - Sorry, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 15
- "A" to "Z." Very methodical. - I try to use the alphabet whenever I can, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 16
- What's the big deal? - Oh, well, "nudidity" makes me breathe funny.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 17
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[Korean]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 20
It's okay now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 21
- I agree he's a pain in the neck. - Try three feet lower.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 22
- Yes, sir. - And then ask them if they've seen Gone With the Wind.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 23
You're doing fine. It's only 10:00, and you've already shot a doctor.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 25
Uh, Spark, I gotta go. Colonel Flagg just come in.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 26
I'll buy that... for now.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 27
Nobody tells anybody I'm anywhere.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 28
- Really? - Watched a hundred hours of The Three Stooges.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
There's no such thing as "everywhere."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
Neither would Ling Chow if he were dressed like this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
- Like the one in Frank's head. - Pound it out your porthole.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
- Cut myself shaving. - Another comedian.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 33
I have a complete record on you. I know every move you make.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
- This won't look good on your record. - It's only Reader's Digest.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 35
That's right. So you hit her over the head with a blunt instrument.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 36
- How do you know? - I was a showgirl for six weeks.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 37
And Major Houlihan and I usually do that, so I was wondering...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
- Now the contractions are getting really strong. - [Korean]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 39
Another contraction and you can see the baby's head appear.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 40
And once the shoulders are delivered, the rest of the body slips through easily.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 42
I had a device surgically implanted in my throat that neutralizes alcohol.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
I have no home. I'm the wind.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
- I only sit two minutes a day. - It's bad to put pressure on your brains.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
I have been in this business 20 years...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 46
to search and destroy anything that moves.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
- I'll get her back. - Dead or alive?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
- What the hell are you gonna do with a box of scorpions? - It's personal.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 49
[Baby Cooing]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
- Anything happen while I was gone? - I ripped my pink pedal pushers.
Aired 43 years ago - Oct 19, 1976

When Hot Lips confines Nurse Baker to her quarters, little does she know that Baker's husband has arrived in the camp. Hawkeye and B.J. put them together in Hot Lips' tent, telling everyone that a quarantined patient has been placed there. When Hot Lips discovers what has happened, she breaks down and refuses to press charges.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 2
I'll wait.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 3
Why don't you guess, and we'll tell you if you're right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 4
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 5
You're in enough trouble with that peroxide on your hair.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 6
Forget it, all right? All right?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 7
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- Ooh. - Excuse me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 9
- Right. I'm Tony Baker. - Uh, Corporal O'Reilly.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 10
- In the Swamp? - Yeah. Come on. I'll show you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 11
- Right down there. - What's going on? I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 12
- where you were heard to say... - Oh. "When I grow up, I want to be in the Korean War."
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- Hi. Is this seat taken? - Tony. Tony, where are you?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 14
- I've got to be back tomorrow. - I'm due in post-op in 10 minutes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 15
- compliments of the wonderful people who brought you this war. - Yea!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 16
- Quarantining your tent. - Quarantining my tent? What for?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 17
uh, if I were you, I wouldn't suck in any air, Major.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 18
We thought about that. But if the good father got the plague...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 19
Colonel Potter's gonna hear about this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 20
My partner.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 21
Millions of people contract it by wading waist-high in the river Nile.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 22
Now, we-we-we can't be sure. We just have to quarantine him for a while to find out.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 23
No. Of course not, Colonel.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 24
- Oh. Richard and I had the bridal suite there. - Really?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 25
- Can you fit into a coffee cup? - Oh.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 27
- Try not to take it so hard. - I'm not. That's just it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 28
Oh, uh, you children get out of here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 29
Check all trays and inventory all supplies.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 30
- We'll rock her to sleep. - With a real rock.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 31
- Then how come he has a baby? - I'm playing hard to get. I'm making her suffer.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 32
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He might like that.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 34
Well, what's this? Everybody in bed on time for a change?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 36
I was going to the latrine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 37
my lavender peasant blouse is yours.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 39
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Um, if you scrape the black off of it, it's toast under it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 41
Would you tell Hawkeye and B.J. Thanks?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 42
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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 44
- Chopper's on the pad. - Looks like a sellout.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 45
- We don't want to see her in any more trouble. - Then you should've stopped her.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 46
You're in the army, and the army means discipline.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 47
All right. If I had asked your permission last night, what would you have done?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
Include me in one of your little bull sessions?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 50
But, uh, I think he got better, because we released him.
Aired 43 years ago - Oct 12, 1976

Following an offer of promotion made by Master Sergeant Woodruff at a poker game, Radar is promoted to the rank of lieutenant. Finding this position awkward, Radar opts to return to his position as an enlisted man.

Aired 43 years ago - Oct 05, 1976

While fixing a stove that explodes, Hawkeye's face is badly burned. His eyes are bandaged, and it is not known if he will ever see again. Meanwhile Frank bets on the outcome of a baseball game, which he has already heard on the radio. After much tension in the camp the bandages come off, and happily, Hawkeye can see again.

Aired 43 years ago - Sep 28, 1976

Margaret, calling from Tokyo, holds the camp in suspense until she returns with the news of her engagement to Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott. Frank Burns takes the news hard and arrests a Korean family as spies.

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 1
Of course I don't not trust you. But the phones do have ears.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 2
- [Man] Clamp. - [B.J.] She didn't even give you a clue, Colonel?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 3
[Potter] It seems Tumwater himself was throwing a do at the Zen Bar to celebrate.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 4
Yukkedy-yuk-yuk.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 5
You took out part of a man's large intestine without exteriorizing it?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 7
Ohh. I understand you brought good news from Tokyo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 8
- Margaret, we give up. - Okay. Okay, sit down.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 10
- Oh. That's better. - [Chuckles]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 11
Colonel, he's everything I asked for when you dressed up as Santa last Christmas...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 12
- Who's the gal with him? - I think she's a cousin.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 13
Donald is considerate, brave and so generous.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 14
Uh, some of our procedures need improvement.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 15
- Well, that's one. - Give me that Bible. And keep your hands off it.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 16
[Clucking Tune]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 17
Until those little ingrates set fire to his pants.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 18
Frank, sometimes you have to expect the worst.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 19
Hence and furthermore...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 20
- Ha, ha, ha. - Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 21
Yes, Colonel. About three weeks ago...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 22
- What do you have to say for yourself, Burns? - Exteriorizing takes time.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 23
Let's go in the den and watch TV.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 24
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- Oh, I'm so happy, Frank. - If you're happy, I'm happy.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 26
- [Potter] That's not so bad. - [B.J.] Nine straight hours?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 27
Hey, B.J.? Hawkeye?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 28
Corporal, if you need a job after the war, look me up in Fort Wayne.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 29
Uh, uh, no thank you, sir.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 30
A wimp, he is not. He's all man.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 31
Why, Major Burns, you're exteriorizing the wound.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 32
- Come on. Hold still. Hold still. - That sadist.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 33
You can take it. You're a grown woman... semi.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 34
I'll always have a soft spot for a real patriot.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 35
- [Margaret] Who's there? - Open the door and let me in, or I'll huff and I'll puff...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 36
I wish only the best for you, Margaret.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 37
And there, printed right on the paper was the answer...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 38
freckle-faced kids in striped T-shirts.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 39
I don't think it would weaken the war effort.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 40
- He'll grind you into soap flakes! - Say "grind" again!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 41
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[Pin Clatters On Ground]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 43
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 44
Now I know how Dad felt the night of my prom.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 45
Uh, I think you sirs oughta, uh, come outside.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 46
Major Burns presenting prisoners of war to be interrogated, sir!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 47
- Radar, see if they need medical attention. - These people look hungry.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 48
Frank, you're exhausted. You haven't slept in 48 hours.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 49
- Put the rifle down, Frank. - I'll take it, Frank.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 50
Aired 43 years ago - Sep 21, 1976

A rumour that there's going to be a practive bug-out causes anxiety. When Potter assembles the unit in an attempt to squelch the rumor, the call comes in to bug out, and the rumour suddenly comes to life! Meanwhile, Hawkeye begins surgery on a patient with a spinal injury. The bug-out proceeds without him, Hot Lips and Radar, and they quickly learn after the unit departs that they're in the midst of the front. When Potter, Mulcahy, BJ, Frank and the others arrive at the buildings which had been scouted by helicopter, they find the house full of "business girls," and Potter gives them Klinger's dresses to persuade them to leave the house. A helicopter comes to evacuate the spinal injury patient, and just as the three get ready to go to the new location, they find the 4077 is already returning, and eventually everyone reunites back at the camp, what with the Chinese being repulsed. MORE -LESS

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
Oh, no, I won't tell anybody, Sparky.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 2
And don't ever spread rumors again. Tittle-tattle will lose the battle.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 3
## [Singing]
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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
- Take this hip. - Right.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
- Chinese paratroopers and tanks coming, four divisions. - Crock of beans!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
You just tell her to soak that thing every night in warm boric acid solution.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
I'd like to start the holidays with a fresh latrine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
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Look here, Colonel. Section 24.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
[Voice Cracking] Company! Ten-hut!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
Now then, I have spoken personally to General Hamilton at Headquarters.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14
- [Radar] Hawkeye! - [Hawkeye] Mask!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
- When you sent for me, I thought you were kidding, sir. - I don't kid, skeezix.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
- [B.J.] Oozing? - [Hawkeye] Yeah, quite a bit.
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[Blows Weakly]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
These are not official gear, and they'll not be transported...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
If you start to cry, I'll give you a good slap.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
Oh, yeah? Well, what about your junk, Frank?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
Take it, take it. Look at this.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
No, he can't be moved for a day at least.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
- How's the boy doing? - Slight movement in the toes.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
The Smith Brothers of the jelly bean industry.
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They left us this stuff. It's a couple cans of Vienna sausage, two cans of Spam...
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[Hawkeye] Everyone likes to leave town on a holiday.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
Rosie, who gave you the blue medicine for your gums?
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- It's bottled in Duluth. - 1951. Good year for Nehi.
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- Healer of sick. - That's sweet, Rosie.
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[Explosion]
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Stand by for the blessing!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
I mean, uh, police action.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
If I'm ever shot, don't let him lay a hand on me.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
- What's that supposed to mean? - Madam, and the others are her ladies of the evening.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 41
- A bakery? - Tarts!
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- Ohhh. - That got her. She loves Vienna sausage.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
With both lips. Step over here. I wanna talk to you.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
Cowboy, do it for your country.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 46
Well, he's got his ticket, his matched luggage...
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- It's spooky. Let's get out of here. - Come on. Let's go!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 50