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M*A*S*H

S5 E6
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CBS
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Season 5  "The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan"  5x6

Aired 47 years ago - Oct 26, 1976

After hearing that North Korean prisoners have been released in the area, everyone is upset when Margaret disappears. Colonel Flagg is called in to investigate, and bungles things in his usual manner. Finally Hot Lips returns, after helping in the birth of a Korean baby.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
I can't make this out. When did he last have morphine?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 2
Pierce with a 50-foot hook shot.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 3
- My condolences to your libido. - Right.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 4
[Hawkeye] Let's ask the average G.I. Excuse me, sir. I have a question for you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 5
- Then shut up, Frank. You might wake him. - And nuts to you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
But I'm telling you. It's really spooky. It's like she disappeared.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
- We can't just sit around. We gotta do something. - You're right. I'll shave.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 8
- Uh, Klinger? - Mom, I don't wanna go to school today.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 9
You're right, Frank. And that wrinkled shirt doesn't help either.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 11
You moron! You could have killed me!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
[B.J.] Put an apple in your mouth. We'll play William Tell.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 13
Fortunately, Frank's as good a marksman as he is a surgeon.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 14
- Well, what's so funny, Corporal? - Sorry, sir.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 15
- "A" to "Z." Very methodical. - I try to use the alphabet whenever I can, sir.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 16
- What's the big deal? - Oh, well, "nudidity" makes me breathe funny.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 18
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 19
[Korean]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 20
It's okay now.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 21
- I agree he's a pain in the neck. - Try three feet lower.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 22
- Yes, sir. - And then ask them if they've seen Gone With the Wind.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 23
You're doing fine. It's only 10:00, and you've already shot a doctor.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 25
Uh, Spark, I gotta go. Colonel Flagg just come in.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 26
I'll buy that... for now.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 27
Nobody tells anybody I'm anywhere.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 28
- Really? - Watched a hundred hours of The Three Stooges.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
There's no such thing as "everywhere."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
Neither would Ling Chow if he were dressed like this.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
- Like the one in Frank's head. - Pound it out your porthole.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
- Cut myself shaving. - Another comedian.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 33
I have a complete record on you. I know every move you make.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
- This won't look good on your record. - It's only Reader's Digest.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 35
That's right. So you hit her over the head with a blunt instrument.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 36
- How do you know? - I was a showgirl for six weeks.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 37
And Major Houlihan and I usually do that, so I was wondering...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
- Now the contractions are getting really strong. - [Korean]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 39
Another contraction and you can see the baby's head appear.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 40
And once the shoulders are delivered, the rest of the body slips through easily.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 42
I had a device surgically implanted in my throat that neutralizes alcohol.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
I have no home. I'm the wind.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
- I only sit two minutes a day. - It's bad to put pressure on your brains.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
I have been in this business 20 years...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 46
to search and destroy anything that moves.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
- I'll get her back. - Dead or alive?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
- What the hell are you gonna do with a box of scorpions? - It's personal.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 49
[Baby Cooing]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
- Anything happen while I was gone? - I ripped my pink pedal pushers.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 2
Pierce with a 50-foot hook shot.
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 3
- My condolences to your libido. - Right.
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 4
[Hawkeye] Let's ask the average G.I. Excuse me, sir. I have a question for you.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 5
- Then shut up, Frank. You might wake him. - And nuts to you.
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
But I'm telling you. It's really spooky. It's like she disappeared.
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
- We can't just sit around. We gotta do something. - You're right. I'll shave.
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 8
- Uh, Klinger? - Mom, I don't wanna go to school today.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 9
You're right, Frank. And that wrinkled shirt doesn't help either.
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 10 #10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 11
You moron! You could have killed me!
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
[B.J.] Put an apple in your mouth. We'll play William Tell.
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 13
Fortunately, Frank's as good a marksman as he is a surgeon.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 14
- Well, what's so funny, Corporal? - Sorry, sir.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 15
- "A" to "Z." Very methodical. - I try to use the alphabet whenever I can, sir.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 16
- What's the big deal? - Oh, well, "nudidity" makes me breathe funny.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 17 #17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 18 #18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 19
[Korean]
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 20
It's okay now.
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 21
- I agree he's a pain in the neck. - Try three feet lower.
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 22
- Yes, sir. - And then ask them if they've seen Gone With the Wind.
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 23
You're doing fine. It's only 10:00, and you've already shot a doctor.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 24 #24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 25
Uh, Spark, I gotta go. Colonel Flagg just come in.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 26
I'll buy that... for now.
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 27
Nobody tells anybody I'm anywhere.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 28
- Really? - Watched a hundred hours of The Three Stooges.
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
There's no such thing as "everywhere."
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
Neither would Ling Chow if he were dressed like this.
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
- Like the one in Frank's head. - Pound it out your porthole.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
- Cut myself shaving. - Another comedian.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 33
I have a complete record on you. I know every move you make.
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
- This won't look good on your record. - It's only Reader's Digest.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 35
That's right. So you hit her over the head with a blunt instrument.
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 36
- How do you know? - I was a showgirl for six weeks.
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 37
And Major Houlihan and I usually do that, so I was wondering...
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
- Now the contractions are getting really strong. - [Korean]
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 39
Another contraction and you can see the baby's head appear.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 40
And once the shoulders are delivered, the rest of the body slips through easily.
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41 #41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 42
I had a device surgically implanted in my throat that neutralizes alcohol.
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
I have no home. I'm the wind.
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
- I only sit two minutes a day. - It's bad to put pressure on your brains.
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
I have been in this business 20 years...
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 46
to search and destroy anything that moves.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
- I'll get her back. - Dead or alive?
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
- What the hell are you gonna do with a box of scorpions? - It's personal.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 49
[Baby Cooing]
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
- Anything happen while I was gone? - I ripped my pink pedal pushers.
#50