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M*A*S*H

S10 E11
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CBS
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Season 10  "The Birthday Girls"  10x11

Aired 42 years ago - Jan 11, 1982

Margaret's birthday plans are spoiled when she and Klinger get stranded on a desolate roadside. Meanwhile, Charles gives a lecture for Margaret, and the surgeons assist in the delivery of a calf.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 1
But animal not so lucky.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 2
You know how to make a cow say "Ah"?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 3
- and see ifyou can track down that veterinarian. - Wait a minute. That's it?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 4
- Fine. I'll do it first thing Monday morning. - Uh, sory, Major.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 5
- Colonel- - Excuse me, Margaret. This is bigger than all of us.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 7
but ifl don't, uh, come now...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 8
Well, you're only a hundred years off, and both their names do begin with an "M."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 9
but whatyou're asking me to do sounds dangerously close to nurse's duty.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 11
Iet's see.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 12
On the other hand, the 1 932 performance with its limpid runs-
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 13
Excuse me. Can a person go back for more?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 14
According to the vet, anytime in the next day or two.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 15
Excuse me, gentlemen. Opportunity knocks, and I am the doorman.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 16
Great time to have a calf. Careful! You're dripping on the sign-up sheet.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 17
Oops, your face! You've got five seconds to get myjeep and get me out ofhere!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 18
- Okay.Just let me sell a few more tickets. - No!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 19
[Hawkeye ] Uh, back. Behind. No. Uh- Uh-
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 20
Ah. We got nothing to do but sit and wait. We're on cattle call.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 21
Hunnicutt, even your inane child's game...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 22
- Oh. - You get her up on the table. I'll hold her hand.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 23
I packed less than this when I moved here. Hey, hey. Wh-What's all the commotion?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 25
Look, Major. No one wants to get to Kimpo any quicker than I do...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 26
Banzai!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 28
Why areyou stopping?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 29
As you will have observed, I am not Major Houlihan.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 30
only in cases of severe trauma...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 31
Yesterday this was at "I" Corps.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 32
and see ifyou can feel the calf's head.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 33
Now I know how big that last rockwe hit was.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 34
a condition which makes it easy to get lost...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 35
Well, uh, this may come as a shock...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 36
- All that fun and celebrating. Who needs it? - Celebrating.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 37
To be with somebody I chose- somebody I wanted to be with-
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 38
There's a newspaper in the jeep. I'll makeyou a birthday hat.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 40
Ifher blood pressure weren't so damn low, we could do a cesarean section.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 41
Well, that concludes our little lecture on the administration of Levophed.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 42
- ofthe administration of Levophed. - On whom?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 43
[Animals Croaking, Chirping]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 44
I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 45
Somewhere a multitude ofWinchesters are doing somersaults in their graves.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 46
- There it comes. - [ B.J. ] Hey. The foot's comin' out.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 47
- That's a good vital sign. - Come on.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 48
- Don't mention it. - I certainlywon't.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 49
I got a halfa bran muffin, goin' cheap.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 50
- That was a pleasure I wanted to reserve all to myself. - Look. I know howyou feel.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 2
You know how to make a cow say "Ah"?
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 3
- and see ifyou can track down that veterinarian. - Wait a minute. That's it?
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 4
- Fine. I'll do it first thing Monday morning. - Uh, sory, Major.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 5
- Colonel- - Excuse me, Margaret. This is bigger than all of us.
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 6 #6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 7
but ifl don't, uh, come now...
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 8
Well, you're only a hundred years off, and both their names do begin with an "M."
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 9
but whatyou're asking me to do sounds dangerously close to nurse's duty.
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 10 #10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 11
Iet's see.
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 12
On the other hand, the 1 932 performance with its limpid runs-
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 13
Excuse me. Can a person go back for more?
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 14
According to the vet, anytime in the next day or two.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 15
Excuse me, gentlemen. Opportunity knocks, and I am the doorman.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 16
Great time to have a calf. Careful! You're dripping on the sign-up sheet.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 17
Oops, your face! You've got five seconds to get myjeep and get me out ofhere!
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 18
- Okay.Just let me sell a few more tickets. - No!
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 19
[Hawkeye ] Uh, back. Behind. No. Uh- Uh-
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 20
Ah. We got nothing to do but sit and wait. We're on cattle call.
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 21
Hunnicutt, even your inane child's game...
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 22
- Oh. - You get her up on the table. I'll hold her hand.
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 23
I packed less than this when I moved here. Hey, hey. Wh-What's all the commotion?
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 24 #24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 25
Look, Major. No one wants to get to Kimpo any quicker than I do...
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 26
Banzai!
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 27 #27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 28
Why areyou stopping?
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 29
As you will have observed, I am not Major Houlihan.
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 30
only in cases of severe trauma...
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 31
Yesterday this was at "I" Corps.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 32
and see ifyou can feel the calf's head.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 33
Now I know how big that last rockwe hit was.
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 34
a condition which makes it easy to get lost...
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 35
Well, uh, this may come as a shock...
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 36
- All that fun and celebrating. Who needs it? - Celebrating.
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 37
To be with somebody I chose- somebody I wanted to be with-
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 38
There's a newspaper in the jeep. I'll makeyou a birthday hat.
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 39 #39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 40
Ifher blood pressure weren't so damn low, we could do a cesarean section.
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 41
Well, that concludes our little lecture on the administration of Levophed.
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 42
- ofthe administration of Levophed. - On whom?
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 43
[Animals Croaking, Chirping]
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 44
I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing.
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 45
Somewhere a multitude ofWinchesters are doing somersaults in their graves.
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 46
- There it comes. - [ B.J. ] Hey. The foot's comin' out.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 47
- That's a good vital sign. - Come on.
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 48
- Don't mention it. - I certainlywon't.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 49
I got a halfa bran muffin, goin' cheap.
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 11 (S10E11) - 50
- That was a pleasure I wanted to reserve all to myself. - Look. I know howyou feel.
#50