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M*A*S*H

S9 E7
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 9  "Your Retention Please"  9x7

Aired 43 years ago - Jan 05, 1981

Klinger is so depressed by news that his ex-wife plans to remarry, he reenlists for an additional six-year hitch. Meanwhile, a male nurse has a gripe against the army.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 1
and now it's killed me.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 2
[Potter] Leave him alone. If he's reconstructing nerves via library book...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 3
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 4
I wasn't a sightseer. I was a technician on his surgical team for over a year.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 6
I wanted to talk to them about re-upping.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 7
Uh... Oh, I have this, uh, memo for you too, sir.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 8
Bandy your japes, apes.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 9
In that case, may I present Major Winchester?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 10
Ah. Nothing I like better than the free exchange of ideas.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 11
- I don't wanna let the kitty out of the burlap. - [Vickers] What's with you?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 12
When they came into the army, they were made officers automatically.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 13
Why bother? There are plenty of other fish in the barrel.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 14
Igor.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 15
Well, that's a shame.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 16
This drink's on me, Maxie.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 17
Tell Joey all about it.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 18
You ever...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 19
gives you a place to sleep.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 20
What you need is an anchor...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 21
Where do I sign?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 22
I have been directed to address you...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 23
- You gotta be kidding. - Gentlemen, please, it's impolite to laugh at the senile.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 24
Please. I'd like to hear this too.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 25
The army provides a chance to see the world.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 26
- Why me? They were bad too. - Yeah, but you're the top Katzenjammer.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 27
[Chuckling] I'd like to leave these for your C.O.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 28
He wasn't even on the list.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 29
crying in his beer over some skirt named Laverne...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 30
Oh, please. Didn't you read the "Do Not Disturb The Dead" sign?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 31
No. It's all one fuzzy blur.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 32
I may be a rummy, but I'm no dummy.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 33
Oh. So, you mean... You mean Laverne and Gus...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 34
[Shouting] Ah! Yes, Virginia! There is an escape clause.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 35
It'd be criminal of you to swear him in now.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 36
Nobody but an idiot would ever reenlist.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 37
George Washington, Andy Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 38
Smart lad. I'll be in here when and if you're ready.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 39
Well, I must say you have a very nice leg up on your recovery.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 40
- Ask the expert. - Just keep a close watch.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 42
I don't understand something. If all this happened because you wrote Gus in the first place...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 43
If you wanna communicate with Laverne, why don't you write Laverne?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 45
this is gonna knock you off your pins, but I still love you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 46
After all, you're only human.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 47
I don't need you and Gus to use my heartstrings for a taffy pull.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 48
Okay! That's wonderful. At last you're a free man.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 49
Colonel Potter swore you in anyway?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 50
Said if I didn't swear him in, he'd drive to "l" Corps and find somebody who would.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 2
[Potter] Leave him alone. If he's reconstructing nerves via library book...
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 3 #3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 4
I wasn't a sightseer. I was a technician on his surgical team for over a year.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 5 #5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 6
I wanted to talk to them about re-upping.
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 7
Uh... Oh, I have this, uh, memo for you too, sir.
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 8
Bandy your japes, apes.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 9
In that case, may I present Major Winchester?
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 10
Ah. Nothing I like better than the free exchange of ideas.
#10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 11
- I don't wanna let the kitty out of the burlap. - [Vickers] What's with you?
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 12
When they came into the army, they were made officers automatically.
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 13
Why bother? There are plenty of other fish in the barrel.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 14
Igor.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 15
Well, that's a shame.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 16
This drink's on me, Maxie.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 17
Tell Joey all about it.
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 18
You ever...
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 19
gives you a place to sleep.
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 20
What you need is an anchor...
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 21
Where do I sign?
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 22
I have been directed to address you...
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 23
- You gotta be kidding. - Gentlemen, please, it's impolite to laugh at the senile.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 24
Please. I'd like to hear this too.
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 25
The army provides a chance to see the world.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 26
- Why me? They were bad too. - Yeah, but you're the top Katzenjammer.
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 27
[Chuckling] I'd like to leave these for your C.O.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 28
He wasn't even on the list.
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 29
crying in his beer over some skirt named Laverne...
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 30
Oh, please. Didn't you read the "Do Not Disturb The Dead" sign?
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 31
No. It's all one fuzzy blur.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 32
I may be a rummy, but I'm no dummy.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 33
Oh. So, you mean... You mean Laverne and Gus...
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 34
[Shouting] Ah! Yes, Virginia! There is an escape clause.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 35
It'd be criminal of you to swear him in now.
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 36
Nobody but an idiot would ever reenlist.
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 37
George Washington, Andy Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 38
Smart lad. I'll be in here when and if you're ready.
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 39
Well, I must say you have a very nice leg up on your recovery.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 40
- Ask the expert. - Just keep a close watch.
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 41 #41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 42
I don't understand something. If all this happened because you wrote Gus in the first place...
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 43
If you wanna communicate with Laverne, why don't you write Laverne?
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 44 #44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 45
this is gonna knock you off your pins, but I still love you.
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 46
After all, you're only human.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 47
I don't need you and Gus to use my heartstrings for a taffy pull.
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 48
Okay! That's wonderful. At last you're a free man.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 49
Colonel Potter swore you in anyway?
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 7 (S09E07) - 50
Said if I didn't swear him in, he'd drive to "l" Corps and find somebody who would.
#50