S9 E12
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
VIEW ALL EPISODE

Season 9  "Depressing News"  9x12

Aired 38 years ago - Feb 09, 1981

Klinger's army newspaper reports on Hawkeye's monument to military stupidity; a giant tower made from a half million erroneously shipped tongue depressors.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 1
That's, uh, 300 jokes an hour, 15 hours a day... about 5,000 jokes a day.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 2
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 3
- An old friend of yours is coming to call. - Oh?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 4
I was sure you'd Vesuvius all over my office.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 5
Winchester, you're letting that goat of yours get got again.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 6
Ergo, when he arrives...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 7
- Winchester, ten-hut! - [Whimpers]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 8
I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 9
Surely you are not proposing Horace Baldwin's?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 10
Remember, to grow a beautiful rose, sometimes you gotta shovel a lot of manure.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 11
- It's a silly little test. - Of course it is. Perfectly meaningless.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 12
Listen, I'm a very complex person!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 13
- You're not gonna let go of this thing, are you? - How can I?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 14
- I'll bet. From which war are they left over, huh, Hawk? - Obviously the Korean War.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 15
and make some remarks, and they'd be cleverer than the ones you just made...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 16
- We don't have to take him alive, do we? - Of course we do.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 17
- It's wonderful to see you again. - Good to see you too.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 18
Colonel, nice to have you in our little corner of the war.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 19
I will? I will! Oh, I read you loud and clear, 0 Most Gracious Host. Consider him comfortable.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 21
Hold it! I was the one who gave out that advice...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 22
Well, there was no way I could possibly have foreseen...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 23
As a matter of fact, I procured this... hooch in Tokyo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 24
Yeah, Bean Town. Although more and more frequently...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 25
and actually pull ahead $5.14.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 26
I'm not gonna quit until I've taken you for everything you've got.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 27
you now owe me...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 28
London, Geneva, Tokyo.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 29
is not made of the same material as one's trousers.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 30
No fact-finding tour is successful...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 31
especially around 2330 hours.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 32
But you understand, this is not for me. It's for a shy friend.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 33
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 34
Uh, I would like you to pay a little social call on a friend of mine.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 35
So, how's, uh, the Lord?
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 36
Ten dollar.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 38
Come right on in.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 39
What's up, Chuck? Generosity is not the "osity" you're best known for around here.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 40
It's a parting shot, you might say.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 41
Soliciting nurses to be nothing more than cheap concubines for immoral purposes!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 42
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 43
Look, I swear, I have never laid eyes, or anything else, on this young lady before!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 44
Him Joe!
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 45
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 46
This is more than I can handle. I gotta get out of here before it gets any better.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 47
- and only went to Potter after I rejected her. - [Door Opens]
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 48
Margaret, please.
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 49
In an attempt to curry my favor in order to secure a promotion...
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 50
well...

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 2
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
#2
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 3
- An old friend of yours is coming to call. - Oh?
#3
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 4
I was sure you'd Vesuvius all over my office.
#4
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 5
Winchester, you're letting that goat of yours get got again.
#5
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 6
Ergo, when he arrives...
#6
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 7
- Winchester, ten-hut! - [Whimpers]
#7
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 8
I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car.
#8
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 9
Surely you are not proposing Horace Baldwin's?
#9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 10
Remember, to grow a beautiful rose, sometimes you gotta shovel a lot of manure.
#10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 11
- It's a silly little test. - Of course it is. Perfectly meaningless.
#11
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 12
Listen, I'm a very complex person!
#12
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 13
- You're not gonna let go of this thing, are you? - How can I?
#13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 14
- I'll bet. From which war are they left over, huh, Hawk? - Obviously the Korean War.
#14
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 15
and make some remarks, and they'd be cleverer than the ones you just made...
#15
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 16
- We don't have to take him alive, do we? - Of course we do.
#16
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 17
- It's wonderful to see you again. - Good to see you too.
#17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 18
Colonel, nice to have you in our little corner of the war.
#18
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 19
I will? I will! Oh, I read you loud and clear, 0 Most Gracious Host. Consider him comfortable.
#19
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 20 #20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 21
Hold it! I was the one who gave out that advice...
#21
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 22
Well, there was no way I could possibly have foreseen...
#22
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 23
As a matter of fact, I procured this... hooch in Tokyo.
#23
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 24
Yeah, Bean Town. Although more and more frequently...
#24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 25
and actually pull ahead $5.14.
#25
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 26
I'm not gonna quit until I've taken you for everything you've got.
#26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 27
you now owe me...
#27
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 28
London, Geneva, Tokyo.
#28
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 29
is not made of the same material as one's trousers.
#29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 30
No fact-finding tour is successful...
#30
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 31
especially around 2330 hours.
#31
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 32
But you understand, this is not for me. It's for a shy friend.
#32
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 33 #33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 34
Uh, I would like you to pay a little social call on a friend of mine.
#34
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 35
So, how's, uh, the Lord?
#35
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 36
Ten dollar.
#36
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 37 #37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 38
Come right on in.
#38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 39
What's up, Chuck? Generosity is not the "osity" you're best known for around here.
#39
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 40
It's a parting shot, you might say.
#40
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 41
Soliciting nurses to be nothing more than cheap concubines for immoral purposes!
#41
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 42 #42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 43
Look, I swear, I have never laid eyes, or anything else, on this young lady before!
#43
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 44
Him Joe!
#44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 45 #45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 46
This is more than I can handle. I gotta get out of here before it gets any better.
#46
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 47
- and only went to Potter after I rejected her. - [Door Opens]
#47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 48
Margaret, please.
#48
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 49
In an attempt to curry my favor in order to secure a promotion...
#49
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 50
well...
#50