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Two and a Half Men

S9 E1
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Season 9  "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt"  9x1

Aired 13 years ago - Sep 19, 2011

Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 1
we ran away together to Paris, where he asked me to marry him.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 2
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 3
Never cross a crazy woman.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 4
Anyone else hungry?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 5
Charlie was the best boss I ever had.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 6
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 7
I still don't see why we have to sell.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 8
Good job raising him.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 9
I mean, won't I get a lot of money from the sale?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 10
Don't think those silent ones are fooling anybody.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 11
Wait a minute, I know this place.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 13
Just let the universe provide.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 14
for every penny you've got.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 15
I got a package for Alan Harper.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 16
Berta, Charlie's here!
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 17
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 18
Well...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 19
I, uh, I wanted to tell you, uh, that I loved you,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 20
So, now the question is...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 21
but that's how horror movies start.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 22
Kind of like your life.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 23
I guess now is as good a time as any.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 24
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 25
Yeah. But I had no idea that the water would be that cold.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 26
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 27
Because it was cold.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 29
Oh, come on. It... it can't be that bad.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 30
I'm worth, like, a billion dollars.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 31
I want Bridget.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 32
You're living in a beach house in Malibu.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 33
I'll get out of your way.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 34
About what?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 35
Oh, by the way...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 36
You're a good guy, Alan Harper.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 37
Uh, I will have an appletini.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 38
How it makes you feel tall, good-looking and smart.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 39
You ever hear of Blungogo.com?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 40
You bought a Zune?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 41
but I can't get the image of your penis out of my mind.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 42
She catch you with another woman?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 43
Well, she said that I was emotionally immature.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 44
and when she divorced me, I was devastated.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 45
If anything, she treated them
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 46
Really?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 47
- I'm Walden. - Kelly.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 48
My... wife dumped me, and I want to die.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 49
if I can ever love anyone
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 50

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 2 #2 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 3
Never cross a crazy woman.
#3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 4
Anyone else hungry?
#4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 5
Charlie was the best boss I ever had.
#5 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 6 #6 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 7
I still don't see why we have to sell.
#7 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 8
Good job raising him.
#8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 9
I mean, won't I get a lot of money from the sale?
#9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 10
Don't think those silent ones are fooling anybody.
#10 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 11
Wait a minute, I know this place.
#11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 12 #12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 13
Just let the universe provide.
#13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 14
for every penny you've got.
#14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 15
I got a package for Alan Harper.
#15 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 16
Berta, Charlie's here!
#16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 17 #17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 18
Well...
#18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 19
I, uh, I wanted to tell you, uh, that I loved you,
#19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 20
So, now the question is...
#20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 21
but that's how horror movies start.
#21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 22
Kind of like your life.
#22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 23
I guess now is as good a time as any.
#23 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 24 #24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 25
Yeah. But I had no idea that the water would be that cold.
#25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 26 #26 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 27
Because it was cold.
#27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 28 #28 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 29
Oh, come on. It... it can't be that bad.
#29 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 30
I'm worth, like, a billion dollars.
#30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 31
I want Bridget.
#31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 32
You're living in a beach house in Malibu.
#32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 33
I'll get out of your way.
#33 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 34
About what?
#34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 35
Oh, by the way...
#35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 36
You're a good guy, Alan Harper.
#36 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 37
Uh, I will have an appletini.
#37 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 38
How it makes you feel tall, good-looking and smart.
#38 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 39
You ever hear of Blungogo.com?
#39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 40
You bought a Zune?
#40 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 41
but I can't get the image of your penis out of my mind.
#41 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 42
She catch you with another woman?
#42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 43
Well, she said that I was emotionally immature.
#43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 44
and when she divorced me, I was devastated.
#44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 45
If anything, she treated them
#45 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 46
Really?
#46 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 47
- I'm Walden. - Kelly.
#47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 48
My... wife dumped me, and I want to die.
#48 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 49
if I can ever love anyone
#49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 50 #50