S2 E22
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
VIEW ALL EPISODE

Season 2  "That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother"  2x22

Aired 17 years ago - May 09, 2005

Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, double date with her, her new beau and his daughter. At the restaurant, Alan learns that his mother and boyfriend will not be able to join them because there was a mixup between his heart medication and Viagra and she didn't want to ""waste it"". As a result, Alan is left to deal with the daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab center and still has some loose screws. Alan eventually gets her back to the beach house only to have her drive off in his new sports car and become the object of a televised high-speed car chase.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 2
- Alan? - Mom.
#2
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 3 #3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 4
Well, what do you know? Monkeys can drive a stick.
#4
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 5
"Porsche."
#5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 6
What you should be wearing is a hat with a propeller on top.
#6
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 7
If you're not getting tickets and tail, you might as well take the bus.
#7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 8
You need a bumper sticker that reads, "My other car is a puckered rectum."
#8
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 9 #9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 10
Jake, your dad's here. Where's your car?
#10
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 11 #11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 12
No, no, you don't.
#12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 13
Absolutely. This guy's farting dust.
#13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 14 #14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 15
And you didn't believe he was that stupid.
#15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 16 #16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 17 #17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 18 #18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 19 #19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 20
...without bursting into flames or something.
#20
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 21
He has a lovely daughter about your age.
#21
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 22
This has absolutely nothing to do with the car.
#22
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 23
I love the smell of brimstone in the morning.
#23
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 24
Bye-bye.
#24
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 25 #25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 26
Forty-two days, so far.
#26
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 27
- Would you like a cocktail? - No, no, no cocktails. No.
#27
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 28
So, what do you do?
#28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 29
- It's my phone. - Oh, thank God.
#29
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 30 #30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 31 #31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 32
That son of a bitch never cared about me.
#32
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 33
Careful. I bit the last guy who tried to touch me.
#33
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 34 #34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 35
Then why'd you order it with pepperonis?
#35
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 36
Don't tell your mom your father's on a date.
#36
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 37
Hey, Judith. What's up?
#37
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 38
How come it's a secret Dad's on a date?
#38
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 39 #39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 40
...or whatever cave you crawled out of.
#40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 41
A salty! I shall now need a slice of lime and a carafe of tequila.
#41
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 42
No, no, I meant home to your father.
#42
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 43 #43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 44 #44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 45
...and tries to recapture his youth.
#45
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 46
Listen, don't worry about your midlife crisis.
#46
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 47 #47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 48
Alan, calm down, calm down. Listen to me. Here's what you do:
#48
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 49 #49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 22 (S02E22) - 50
You're saying that to bust my chops.
#50