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M*A*S*H

S3 E18
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 3  "House Arrest"  3x18

Aired 49 years ago - Feb 04, 1975

Hawkeye hits Major Burns and Houlihan is a witness. Despite Hawkeye and Trapper's claims that it wasn't intentional, Frank makes allegations against Hawkeye, and he is put in house arrest facing court martial. A female colonel is sent to inspect the nurses. When she cries "Rape!" when Burns visits her tent, Houlihan recants her story, and Burns, not Hawkeye, ends up under house arrest.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 1
# Fools rush in where angels fear to tread ##
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 2
I better see a doctor. Is there anybody who isn't mad at me?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 3
- I apologize. - There you go. That's a good Indian.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 4
Jiminy Crickets, Frank! Do you know what has to be done to court-martial somebody?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 5
You think it's funny now, but what are you gonna do during your five years in Leavenworth?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 6
[Groans]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 7
- You'll be staying in my tent. - Oh, fair enough.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 8
- Pretty cute. Who is he? - Captain Pierce.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 9
A little number three pancake will take care of that.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 11
- It'll only be for a few days. - It'll be an eternity.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 12
The sheik who was just in here. Major What's-his-name.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 13
Listen, honey, take it from an old campaigner.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 14
Look out for that bar of soap, everybody."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 15
- Why'd you want your pants three inches longer? - Later!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 16
All right, go ahead, Mclntyre. Now, you said you warned Frank about the...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 17
- Uh, no, no, it doesn't sound too G.I. Make it... - "Socko."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 18
Frank, would you mind not combing your hair so loud?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 19
I can step out. I can step in. Out. In.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 20
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 21
Mmm! Now that's what I call church buffalo.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 22
I brought you a prisoner of war package.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 23
Oh, my. This is Friday.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 24
a wash cloth and four Oreo cookies.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 25
- What movie? What's playing? - Uh, a Gene Tierney picture I believe.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 26
Father, you're the button in the cap of kindness.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 27
Oh, yeah? Well, this is Colonel Blake calling and I want that out here by 1300 hours!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 28
The mail's three hours late and I'm expecting something kind of special.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 29
"Be a good little fella." I'll show 'em.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 30
You see, the idea is to develop a working rhythm...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 31
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 32
- [Man] Sit down! - [Woman] You're in the picture.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 33
- I'm clean. - Sorry. I was reaching for my hanky.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 34
Don't judge him too harshly. After all, the other chap was coveting his neighbor's wife.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 35
What, what, what, what?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 36
- Get your hot dogs right here! Hot dogs! - [Screams]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 37
I need my tweezers. I have a hair in my mole.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 38
You did tell me not to let him swim the lake unless you were with us, but...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 39
[Klinger] "Congratulations, big guy. Now you are taller than she is.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 40
- Wow! - Hey, look at you!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 41
- He's at the movie right now, sir. - Oh, "nerts."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 42
Well, they give you a look of authority, Corporal. Dignity.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 43
Oh, um, I was looking for Major Houlihan.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 44
- I'm, uh, cursed with perfection. - Aw.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 45
[Sniffing] Oh, what is that?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 46
How's the movie?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 48
Even you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 49
We waited, sir, then we went ahead without you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 50
[Whimpers, Gasps]

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 2
I better see a doctor. Is there anybody who isn't mad at me?
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 3
- I apologize. - There you go. That's a good Indian.
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 4
Jiminy Crickets, Frank! Do you know what has to be done to court-martial somebody?
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 5
You think it's funny now, but what are you gonna do during your five years in Leavenworth?
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 6
[Groans]
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 7
- You'll be staying in my tent. - Oh, fair enough.
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 8
- Pretty cute. Who is he? - Captain Pierce.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 9
A little number three pancake will take care of that.
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 10 #10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 11
- It'll only be for a few days. - It'll be an eternity.
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 12
The sheik who was just in here. Major What's-his-name.
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 13
Listen, honey, take it from an old campaigner.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 14
Look out for that bar of soap, everybody."
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 15
- Why'd you want your pants three inches longer? - Later!
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 16
All right, go ahead, Mclntyre. Now, you said you warned Frank about the...
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 17
- Uh, no, no, it doesn't sound too G.I. Make it... - "Socko."
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 18
Frank, would you mind not combing your hair so loud?
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 19
I can step out. I can step in. Out. In.
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 20 #20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 21
Mmm! Now that's what I call church buffalo.
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 22
I brought you a prisoner of war package.
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 23
Oh, my. This is Friday.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 24
a wash cloth and four Oreo cookies.
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 25
- What movie? What's playing? - Uh, a Gene Tierney picture I believe.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 26
Father, you're the button in the cap of kindness.
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 27
Oh, yeah? Well, this is Colonel Blake calling and I want that out here by 1300 hours!
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 28
The mail's three hours late and I'm expecting something kind of special.
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 29
"Be a good little fella." I'll show 'em.
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 30
You see, the idea is to develop a working rhythm...
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 31 #31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 32
- [Man] Sit down! - [Woman] You're in the picture.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 33
- I'm clean. - Sorry. I was reaching for my hanky.
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 34
Don't judge him too harshly. After all, the other chap was coveting his neighbor's wife.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 35
What, what, what, what?
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 36
- Get your hot dogs right here! Hot dogs! - [Screams]
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 37
I need my tweezers. I have a hair in my mole.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 38
You did tell me not to let him swim the lake unless you were with us, but...
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 39
[Klinger] "Congratulations, big guy. Now you are taller than she is.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 40
- Wow! - Hey, look at you!
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 41
- He's at the movie right now, sir. - Oh, "nerts."
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 42
Well, they give you a look of authority, Corporal. Dignity.
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 43
Oh, um, I was looking for Major Houlihan.
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 44
- I'm, uh, cursed with perfection. - Aw.
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 45
[Sniffing] Oh, what is that?
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 46
How's the movie?
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 47 #47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 48
Even you.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 49
We waited, sir, then we went ahead without you.
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 50
[Whimpers, Gasps]
#50