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M*A*S*H

S3 E22
Status
Ended
Network
CBS
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Season 3  "Payday"  3x22

Aired 49 years ago - Mar 04, 1975

Frank buys two sets of Pearl's, one for Margaret and one for his wife. After some talk, Radar gets Hawkeye $3,000 in lost earnings, Hawkeye gives it to Mulcahy for the orphans, but then the army wants the money back. Trapper wins big at poker after using Hawkeye's watch as a stake, so Hawkeye takes his winnings to avoid a stay in the honeymoon suite of The Stockade Hilton.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 2
military regulations specifically state...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 3
Sir, are you busy?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 4
I spent a week in his hometown once. Suction here.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 5
Been in the family for years. Found him on my doorstep.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 6
- This man is not to be paid. - What are you talking about?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 7
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 8
Oh, well, don't worry about it. It'll get better.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 9
I, myself, personally, am off to the Officers' Tonsil Wash Emporium and Whoopee Parlor...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 10
- I can't. - Or 20 privates at 50 cents each.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 11
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 12
Um, what is your maiden name?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 13
Uh, happy coat. Just your size, Major.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 14
[Whistles] Those are real beauts.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 15
Well, the major's happily married.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 16
You got terminal mouth, Sergeant. Deal.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 17
Life here is so colorless. So... blah.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 18
Look, I can get you a strand for 35 bucks.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 19
He bought cheap pearls, this major?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 20
- My parents made me take divine lessons. - Smart parents.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 21
Oh, I think you'll find this very interesting, sir.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 22
Mr. Kwang, can I have a martini, please?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 23
I can't keep money that doesn't belong to me.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 24
Mr. Kwang, I'd like to buy South Korea a drink.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 25
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 27
Colonel, I got a proposition to make.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 28
- That's terrific. - Here's a quarter for the key.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 29
My nerves don't sit still a minute.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 30
Bribery is as American as toreador pants. Colonel!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 31
But there's another Frank Burns. My other alter ego.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 32
Margaret, I could rape your nape.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 33
Oh, look how perfect they are.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 34
Whereas your common, ordinary, man-in-the-street oyster...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 35
All righty, boys. Once around the horn.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 36
- Pipe this rock, Captain. - Whoo-eee!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 37
You know, for a priest, you have no sense of rhythm.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 39
Spare me, Father. It's makes me go Spencer Tracy all over.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 40
It's not terribly dry inside an oyster, Frank.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 41
I'm looking for your colonel, Major.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 42
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 43
You're bluffing.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 45
What about all the times in O.R.? The bowels we resected?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 46
You're right, Hawk. I'd probably blow the hand.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 47
- I'm Captain Sloan, Supervising Acc-Fin. - "Acc-Fin"?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 48
Where are the funds you thought you could swindle the United States government out of?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 49
I've driven the money over to Sister Theresa.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 50
And now you accuse me of stealing.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 2
military regulations specifically state...
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 3
Sir, are you busy?
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 4
I spent a week in his hometown once. Suction here.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 5
Been in the family for years. Found him on my doorstep.
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 6
- This man is not to be paid. - What are you talking about?
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 7 #7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 8
Oh, well, don't worry about it. It'll get better.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 9
I, myself, personally, am off to the Officers' Tonsil Wash Emporium and Whoopee Parlor...
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 10
- I can't. - Or 20 privates at 50 cents each.
#10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 11 #11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 12
Um, what is your maiden name?
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 13
Uh, happy coat. Just your size, Major.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 14
[Whistles] Those are real beauts.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 15
Well, the major's happily married.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 16
You got terminal mouth, Sergeant. Deal.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 17
Life here is so colorless. So... blah.
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 18
Look, I can get you a strand for 35 bucks.
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 19
He bought cheap pearls, this major?
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 20
- My parents made me take divine lessons. - Smart parents.
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 21
Oh, I think you'll find this very interesting, sir.
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 22
Mr. Kwang, can I have a martini, please?
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 23
I can't keep money that doesn't belong to me.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 24
Mr. Kwang, I'd like to buy South Korea a drink.
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 25 #25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 26 #26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 27
Colonel, I got a proposition to make.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 28
- That's terrific. - Here's a quarter for the key.
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 29
My nerves don't sit still a minute.
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 30
Bribery is as American as toreador pants. Colonel!
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 31
But there's another Frank Burns. My other alter ego.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 32
Margaret, I could rape your nape.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 33
Oh, look how perfect they are.
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 34
Whereas your common, ordinary, man-in-the-street oyster...
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 35
All righty, boys. Once around the horn.
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 36
- Pipe this rock, Captain. - Whoo-eee!
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 37
You know, for a priest, you have no sense of rhythm.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 38 #38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 39
Spare me, Father. It's makes me go Spencer Tracy all over.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 40
It's not terribly dry inside an oyster, Frank.
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 41
I'm looking for your colonel, Major.
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 42 #42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 43
You're bluffing.
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 44 #44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 45
What about all the times in O.R.? The bowels we resected?
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 46
You're right, Hawk. I'd probably blow the hand.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 47
- I'm Captain Sloan, Supervising Acc-Fin. - "Acc-Fin"?
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 48
Where are the funds you thought you could swindle the United States government out of?
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 49
I've driven the money over to Sister Theresa.
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 50
And now you accuse me of stealing.
#50