Actually, we won't. One of the classic M*A*S*H episodes. Henry finally gets his discharge. While he is tying things up, Burns prepares for his new command. Henry bids a tearful adieu, but not before Klinger turns up in an outrageous tropical outfit, and gets Henry to zip him up, and he gets a kiss Margaret. He gives Radar a hug and his last order, and departs by helicopter. In the traumatic and shocking last scene, a devastated Radar announces that Henry has been killed when his plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. MORE -LESS
Colonel Flagg blows into camp trying to obtain penicillin to barter for information. But Flagg comes down with appendicitis, and the only penicillin he gets is in the keister.
Frank buys two sets of Pearl's, one for Margaret and one for his wife. After some talk, Radar gets Hawkeye $3,000 in lost earnings, Hawkeye gives it to Mulcahy for the orphans, but then the army wants the money back. Trapper wins big at poker after using Hawkeye's watch as a stake, so Hawkeye takes his winnings to avoid a stay in the honeymoon suite of The Stockade Hilton. MORE -LESS
The camp prepares for a visit from General MacArthur. Klinger dresses as the Statue of Liberty as the General's jeep drives through the camp. MacArthur is so impressed, he salutes!
Hawkeye and Trapper prevent a GI from marrying a call girl who has TB, whilst trying to help a Korean soldier join his pregnant wife. Radar, of course, provides his usual invaluable help.
Hawkeye, Houlihan, and Klinger go to an aid station at the front. Working closely together under heavy fire and unsanitary medical conditions, the three return to camp with new found respect for one another.
Hawkeye hits Major Burns and Houlihan is a witness. Despite Hawkeye and Trapper's claims that it wasn't intentional, Frank makes allegations against Hawkeye, and he is put in house arrest facing court martial. A female colonel is sent to inspect the nurses. When she cries "Rape!" when Burns visits her tent, Houlihan recants her story, and Burns, not Hawkeye, ends up under house arrest. MORE -LESS
Dr. Borelli visits the 4077th to demonstrate his artery transplant technique. Unfortunately, being so close to the front at the 4077th causes Borelli's drinking problem to interfere at the worst time - when a patient needs the transplant.
Camp activities include Henry's nervous delivery of a sex lecture, with Hawkeye's and Trapper's heckling, a Shirley Temple movie, and a cookout.
The camp is under fire and is swamped with wounded. They are being attacked by their own artillery in a frightening "friendly fire" incident. Trapper and Margaret get trapped in the Supply Tent together. Frank's jealousy of Trapper drives him to propose to Margaret.
A Greek Colonel thanks the 4077th by giving them food and drink for an Easter celebration. Bu the feast is foiled when softhearted Radar saves the main course from the spit - a lamb, which Radar tricks Henry into giving a medical discharge and sends home to Ottumwa, Iowa. Thus, Hawkeye and Trapper invent the famed Spam Lamb! Meanwhile, a soldier who had shot himself to get out of the army confesses to Frank, thinking he is Father Mulcahy. MORE -LESS
A local dog bites Radar, and the camp conducts a search to find the pooch, so that Radar doesn't have to undergo a series of painful rabies vaccinations. Hawkeye defies Frank, to take care of a GI who's suffering from a case of hysterical paralysis.
Hawkeye records a letter to his dad, detailing the exploits of a mad Turkish soldier who calls Hawkeye a "damn good Joe," the unfortunate loss of the corpse of a Luxembourg soldier (who turns out not to be dead), Lt. Henri-Batiste LeClerc, and of a gun-happy officer.
Sick and tired of having liver and fish for an 11-day stretch, Hawkeye, driven near to insanity, starts a riot in the mess tent. He and Trapper then orders spare ribs and sauce from the best place he ever had them, in Chicago. Trapper calls a woman he spent a weekend with to pick up the ribs, and then they get choppered in. Unfortunately, right as they're sitting down to eat, wounded arrive, and Hawkeye is forced to postpone sinking his teeth into his beloved ribs. MORE -LESS
The nurses are evacuated when the threat of an enemy parachute drop arises. Hawkeye and Trapper try to enliven everyone's spirits whilst they are gone. Hawkeye: "The plot thins. Watch the cake sue for malpractice when Frank cuts into it."
Henry's departure to Tokyo leaves Major Burns in charge of the 4077th. He declares total prohibition of alcohol, which leads to a near riot amongst the camp, especially from Hawkeye and Trapper.
Mail from home worries Henry that Lorraine may be seeing other men. Father Mulcahy presides over a Jewish circumcision ceremony for the Korean-born son of a US GI.
Trapper gets an ulcer and a ticket home. Unfortunately, his going-away party is spoiled by a new Army regulation, which forces him to stay.
When spring arrives, Klinger gets word from home that his sweetheart back in Toledo wants to marry him. Henry arranges for Father Mulcahy to do this over short wave radio. Radar falls in love with a nurse, while a grateful patient won't leave Hawkeye alone, and even threatens Major Burns.
The OR is filled with more wounded than the unit can handle. Hawkeye does heart massage on a soldier, which saves his life, but he dies four hours later. Sidney Freedman drops in during the deluge, and is dragged into the fray by Hawkeye.
General 'Iron Guts' Kelly arrives for an inspection, and ends up dying in Margaret's tent. Hawkeye and Trapper help the General's aide smuggle him out of camp. The next day he is reported killed at the front, as that is where he would have wanted to die.
While Henry is away in Seoul, Burns and Houlihan are in charge, and Hawkeye is the officer of the day. His refusal to release a wounded Korean soldier, wanted by US Intelligence, leads to a confrontation with Colonel Flagg.
As Hawkeye and Trapper are planning to leave for Tokyo, an unusual offer to swap POW patients between the Chinese and the 4077th comes in. Henry, after much debate, agrees to send Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, Radar, and Klinger into enemy territory. Frank almost botches the swap when he brings a squirt gun to the exchange. Fortunately, the Chinese Dr. Lin Tam has a sense of humor; he went to the University of Illinois, after all. MORE -LESS
The MASH 4077 is visted by General Steele. He wishes to move the camp 5 miles down the road. Hawkeye and Henry are charged with mutiny. And Hawkeye is also charged with impersonating a reporter.
