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Two and a Half Men

S7 E1
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 7  "818-JKLPUZO"  7x1

Aired 14 years ago - Sep 21, 2009

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 1
I know three of them with a Mickey's big mouth can make you run buck naked through a Taco Bell.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 2
Well, she eats, she sleeps, she poops.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 3
In fact, she doesn't look like my mom or my stepdad either.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 4
I'm just gonna find her a piano player.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 5
it's... jklpuzo.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 6
You don't have to call Mia either.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 8
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 9
Yeah.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 10
Okay, seriously, what did you do today?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 11
Oh, yeah, there was one other thing.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 12
It was Mia.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 13
I thought it'd be inappropriate.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 14
Uh, no reason.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 16
Nothing more romantic than seaweed hanging from a cold, shriveled penis.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 17
Alan, what do you say we take a hot shower and un-shrink the Snuffleupagus?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 18
What about her?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 19
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 20
You're planning on being here until Mom dies?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 21
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 22
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 23
♪ The way I do ♪
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 24
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 25
♪ You're gonna miss, miss, miss my love. ♪
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 26
Yeah. Plus I kind of nailed it, right?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 27
There she is!
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 29
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 30
No, no sparks.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 32
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 33
Good, because that couch isn't Scotchguarded.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 34
All right, so psychosomatic constipation.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 35
Well, it's been pretty slow,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 36
I'm not sitting here sketching ponies, Charlie.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 37
Then she asked me if I could help her out with this music project, and I said no.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 38
Hey, you think there's a connection?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 39
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 40
That makes a certain amount of sense.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 41
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 42
She likes milk.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 43
However, if I spend any more time with Mia without sleeping with her,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 44
Just promise if anything happens to me,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 45
♪ Lived a girl that I swear to the world ♪
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 46
You really want to help her out? Sneak up behind her with a big rock.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 47
♪ 'Cause your mama was working on the chain gang ♪
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 48
Can I hear a little?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 49
Wow.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 50
If I recall, you had a list of reasons.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 2
Well, she eats, she sleeps, she poops.
#2 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 3
In fact, she doesn't look like my mom or my stepdad either.
#3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 4
I'm just gonna find her a piano player.
#4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 5
it's... jklpuzo.
#5 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 6
You don't have to call Mia either.
#6 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 7 #7 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 8 #8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 9
Yeah.
#9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 10
Okay, seriously, what did you do today?
#10 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 11
Oh, yeah, there was one other thing.
#11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 12
It was Mia.
#12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 13
I thought it'd be inappropriate.
#13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 14
Uh, no reason.
#14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 15 #15 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 16
Nothing more romantic than seaweed hanging from a cold, shriveled penis.
#16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 17
Alan, what do you say we take a hot shower and un-shrink the Snuffleupagus?
#17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 18
What about her?
#18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 19 #19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 20
You're planning on being here until Mom dies?
#20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 21 #21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 22 #22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 23
♪ The way I do ♪
#23 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 24 #24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 25
♪ You're gonna miss, miss, miss my love. ♪
#25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 26
Yeah. Plus I kind of nailed it, right?
#26 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 27
There she is!
#27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 28 #28 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 29 #29 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 30
No, no sparks.
#30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 31 #31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 32 #32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 33
Good, because that couch isn't Scotchguarded.
#33 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 34
All right, so psychosomatic constipation.
#34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 35
Well, it's been pretty slow,
#35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 36
I'm not sitting here sketching ponies, Charlie.
#36 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 37
Then she asked me if I could help her out with this music project, and I said no.
#37 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 38
Hey, you think there's a connection?
#38 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 39 #39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 40
That makes a certain amount of sense.
#40 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 41 #41 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 42
She likes milk.
#42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 43
However, if I spend any more time with Mia without sleeping with her,
#43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 44
Just promise if anything happens to me,
#44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 45
♪ Lived a girl that I swear to the world ♪
#45 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 46
You really want to help her out? Sneak up behind her with a big rock.
#46 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 47
♪ 'Cause your mama was working on the chain gang ♪
#47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 48
Can I hear a little?
#48 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 49
Wow.
#49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 50
If I recall, you had a list of reasons.
#50