Klinger buys a goat, with the intention of getting rich by selling it's milk. Then the goat eats the 4077th's $22,340 payroll, leaving paymaster Hawkeye holding the bag. Meanwhile, Charles also thinks he can make a killing when he sees an ancient vase.
Potter's attempts to assemble the crew for a family portrait are thwarted by a feud between bunkmates Pierce, Hunnicutt, and Winchester. Things are not helped by the efforts of Margaret, Klinger and Mulcahy to bring the Swampmen back together.
After losing to the Marines once again, Colonel Potter wishes there was one sport the 4077th were any good at. When Klinger mentions he can bowl, the Colonel decides to have a bowling competition. Unfortunately, he and Klinger are the only 2 good bowlers in the camp, so BJ and Father Mulcahy are "recruited" to the team. Colonel Potter becomes obsessed with winning the game, and excludes Margaret from the team because she helped the team lose at softball. Then the 4077th team hear the Marines have got a "ringer" in their team after pulling some strings..... Meanwhile, Hawkeye finds out his father is in hospital and tries to speak to him over the phone, watched by Charles, who envies Hawkeye's close relationship with his father. MORE -LESS
Hawkeye is the golden boy of the world press when he treats a celebrity prizefighter, 'Gentleman' Joe Cavanaugh, who has a stroke at the 4077th. Father Mulcahy finds the news hard to take, as Cavanaugh was a hero of his.
Winchester, Pierce, and Hunnicutt find themselves in the sticky position of having to decide which enlisted men to recommend for promotion. For Winchester it could be a matter of life and death.
Hawkeye goes to help at an aid station, and under heavy shelling he draws up a will, leaving various items to his friends at the 4077th.
Potter sends for Sidney Freedman when he loses confidence in his surgical abilities, and Winchester loses patience with his bunkmates' sloppiness.
Charles has a serious toothache, but hates the thought of having anything done about it. The doctors suspect prejudice when an inordinate number of black casualties are brought in from a single unit, led by Major Weems.
An AWOL soldier, Nick Gillis, seeks sanctuary in the mess tent, after Father Mulcahy's service. At the same time, a special Sunday brunch is due to be served, following the donation of some eggs to the camp by a grateful farmer.
Hawkeye is outraged when a sensationalistic war correspondent, Clayton Kibbee, reports irresponsible G.I. stunts as tales of military valor. Kibbee: "As for the last two pints of blood, there's no big finale, no heroes. They helped an old soldier, who'd had visions of glory but finally got it through his thick head how tragic and inhumane war can be. Maybe he'll know better next time." MORE -LESS
Margaret's birthday plans are spoiled when she and Klinger get stranded on a desolate roadside. Meanwhile, Charles gives a lecture for Margaret, and the surgeons assist in the delivery of a calf.
Whilst suffering a fever, Klinger communicates with the spirit of a dead soldier, Private Weston, who stays on to witness his own last rites.
To boost post-yuletide morale on Dec 26, Potter has the officers and enlisted men change places for the day.
B.J. and Hawkeye resolve to clear Klinger's name after he chooses Winchester to defend him at his military court-martial.
The military police think they've solved a rash of thefts at the 4077th when they apprehend Klinger with Hawkeye's stolen camera.
Winchester infuriates the camp when he hoards his stateside newspapers, and Hawkeye reunites two Korean brothers who have been fighting on opposite sides of the war.
On the eve of a big poker game, B.J.'s pride is bruised when he finds out his wife is working as a waitress. And Potter takes driving lessons from Klinger.
Hawkeye writes a heartfelt letter to President Harry Truman to protest at the continued fighting in Korea. Meanwhile, Colonel Ditka has promised a much-needed water-heater if the 4077th beautifies the camp.
The latest scuttlebutt affects everyone's behavior when a visiting is rumored to be recruiting for a new M*A*S*H unit. The gang fears that the 4077th will be split up.
Father Mulcahy counsels a GI who is plagued by guilt because he has swapped tags with a dead colleague. Meanwhile, B.J. and Charles consider ways of keeping a soldier-salesman quiet.
A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation. And wouldn't you know, the comedian is Klinger's hero!
