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M*A*S*H

S5 E23
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 5  "Post Op"  5x23

Aired 47 years ago - Mar 08, 1977

In the midst of a deluge of patients and their individual medical histories, the 4077th is out of blood. Everyone in camp is donating at 48-hour intervals when a truckload of Turkish soldiers arrives to offer their blood and save the day.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 1
- Give me a hand with this one. - I thought you'd be proudly serving in the stockade by now.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 2
- Nurse! You're talking to a major. - Oh, sorry.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 3
- Quiet, Frank. We're working. - Quiet, all of you!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 4
Start it off with, "Son, you're alive."
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 5
[Sighs] Clamp. That's enough! That's enough!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 6
- Can we get a surgeon to remove those pits? - I'll do it. Nurse, strainer!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 7
I'll pound your mulch into brains.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 8
No, I'll take another shot at that idiot colonel. It'll be the capper of a perfect day. Hypo.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 9
Speaking of monkeys not giving blood, you haven't donated a drop, Frank.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 10
one of those Communist leaflets, the ones that say we're all fighting for Wall Street.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 11
Probably the first time he'd seen an American close up.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 12
- The medic said I got him. - Good for you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 14
They had to shave it to stitch up your face.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 15
Oh, leave me alone, man.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 16
- You're gonna be all right. - I thought I had it made.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 17
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 18
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 19
- Well, he shouldn't be. He's... He's my patient. - That's a good enough reason.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 20
Put a cork on it, Burns. Able, has this patient been unconscious since arrival?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 21
- This is very embarrassing. - Why?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 22
And if they keep bugging you, drop your pants and show them your scar.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 23
This whole thing has been one gigantic pain in the butt.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 24
- We have an emergency. - Ask someone else! He's handling my patient first.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 25
Tell him I need 100 pints of blood, and I'm gonna come down there and take it all from him.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 26
Ah. Dale Carnegie graduates.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 27
I had the guts to go up there and drag 'em back to the aid station.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 28
self-respect.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 29
I don't mean human company. Four-oh silk.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 30
Especially the feet and ankles. If he finds a bite, give him some antivenin, pronto.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 31
I've been out here almost since the beginning.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 32
And he came up with nothing. [Chuckles]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 33
- What's that, Major? - I didn't tell you about my disease, did I?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 34
He got well, the ungrateful simp.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 35
There's no law that says I have to sit here and listen to you bleeding hearts.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 36
Uh-uh. Last time you went out for a pass, I didn't see you again till the fourth quarter.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 37
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 38
- Fifty up at the line. - Right neighborly of ya.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 39
You can take so many pictures of yourself, your wife will think you're back home.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 40
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 41
Hundred percent Lebanese. It'll probably keep growing.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 42
Vaya, man. It's even thicker than my real one.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 43
[Chuckles] Have you any idea how many times I've heard that line?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 44
Well, I thought maybe when you get through with your shift, we can do something.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 45
- That sounds exciting. - Listen. You live alone?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 46
I happen to take my engagement very seriously.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 47
Okay, fine. Pull the screen around my bed and give me a complete physical.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 48
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 49
And don't knock anybody down running to volunteer.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 50
- They give balloons. - Aha. Major Burns at the front of the line.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 2
- Nurse! You're talking to a major. - Oh, sorry.
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 3
- Quiet, Frank. We're working. - Quiet, all of you!
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 4
Start it off with, "Son, you're alive."
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 5
[Sighs] Clamp. That's enough! That's enough!
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 6
- Can we get a surgeon to remove those pits? - I'll do it. Nurse, strainer!
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 7
I'll pound your mulch into brains.
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 8
No, I'll take another shot at that idiot colonel. It'll be the capper of a perfect day. Hypo.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 9
Speaking of monkeys not giving blood, you haven't donated a drop, Frank.
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 10
one of those Communist leaflets, the ones that say we're all fighting for Wall Street.
#10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 11
Probably the first time he'd seen an American close up.
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 12
- The medic said I got him. - Good for you.
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 13 #13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 14
They had to shave it to stitch up your face.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 15
Oh, leave me alone, man.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 16
- You're gonna be all right. - I thought I had it made.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 17 #17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 18 #18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 19
- Well, he shouldn't be. He's... He's my patient. - That's a good enough reason.
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 20
Put a cork on it, Burns. Able, has this patient been unconscious since arrival?
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 21
- This is very embarrassing. - Why?
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 22
And if they keep bugging you, drop your pants and show them your scar.
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 23
This whole thing has been one gigantic pain in the butt.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 24
- We have an emergency. - Ask someone else! He's handling my patient first.
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 25
Tell him I need 100 pints of blood, and I'm gonna come down there and take it all from him.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 26
Ah. Dale Carnegie graduates.
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 27
I had the guts to go up there and drag 'em back to the aid station.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 28
self-respect.
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 29
I don't mean human company. Four-oh silk.
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 30
Especially the feet and ankles. If he finds a bite, give him some antivenin, pronto.
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 31
I've been out here almost since the beginning.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 32
And he came up with nothing. [Chuckles]
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 33
- What's that, Major? - I didn't tell you about my disease, did I?
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 34
He got well, the ungrateful simp.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 35
There's no law that says I have to sit here and listen to you bleeding hearts.
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 36
Uh-uh. Last time you went out for a pass, I didn't see you again till the fourth quarter.
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 37 #37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 38
- Fifty up at the line. - Right neighborly of ya.
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 39
You can take so many pictures of yourself, your wife will think you're back home.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 40 #40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 41
Hundred percent Lebanese. It'll probably keep growing.
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 42
Vaya, man. It's even thicker than my real one.
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 43
[Chuckles] Have you any idea how many times I've heard that line?
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 44
Well, I thought maybe when you get through with your shift, we can do something.
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 45
- That sounds exciting. - Listen. You live alone?
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 46
I happen to take my engagement very seriously.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 47
Okay, fine. Pull the screen around my bed and give me a complete physical.
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 48 #48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 49
And don't knock anybody down running to volunteer.
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 23 (S05E23) - 50
- They give balloons. - Aha. Major Burns at the front of the line.
#50