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M*A*S*H

S5 E22
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 5  "Souvenirs"  5x22

Aired 48 years ago - Mar 01, 1977

Korean children and American soldiers are often badly wounded when they hunt for souvenirs which the enemy have booby-trapped. Potter asks for it to stop, and Hawkeye and B.J. put a local junk dealer out of business.

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 1
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 2
Don't you have anything happy? Whatever happened to rhinestones?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 3
No, no. You see, it's... it's a miss, kid. It's no good.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 4
An aluminum watchband. The material came off a MiG.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 5
- Oh, come on, guys. A guy's gotta live. - Shall we put it to a vote?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 6
I mean, what I do is good for the economy. I create jobs!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 7
They blew up every time they went swimming.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 8
That's easy.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 9
'cause they know some slaphappy G.I. Will try to pick up that cockarocka...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 10
If you want a souvenir, take yourself home in one piece.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 11
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 12
I'm pole-sitting, sir. It's Section Eight time.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 13
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 14
- No. - I don't think so.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 15
In that case, I have just one piece of advice for you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 16
- Someday you'll be saying complete sentences. - Oh, hardy-har-har.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 17
When we caught up with him last week, he gave us a rundown of his customers.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 18
$27.75.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 19
I hope you catch that ugly creep that's been using my face.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 20
What's the matter, Margaret? You trying to drown your sorrows?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 21
- Only got 200 left. Pure brass. - And so are you.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 22
Hey, what's the matter with you?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 23
You created a demand. Why don't you just start supplying it?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 24
He'd take this bum by the neck, and he'd deck him!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 25
Gesundheit.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 26
Yeah, he's a human foul shot.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 27
So make it a Section Four. Send me as far as San Francisco. From there I'll hitch.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 28
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 29
[Korean]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 30
And when he feels better, he's gonna go back into the minefields?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 31
[Exhales]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 32
You weird freak!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 33
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 34
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 35
As I recall, it was the last time I had clean shorts.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 36
[Grunting]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 37
Guess what I found in your footlocker, Frank.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 38
Margaret. Marg...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 39
Well, Major Houlihan, you gotta stop getting bombed and beating up our officers.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 40
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 41
The egg is so versatile.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 42
- Who's Drake? - C.O. Of the 8063rd.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 43
- I was sick as a dog for a week. - [Laughs]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 44
Great, Klinger. You're more than halfway there.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 45
I'll give you your choice. You can stay up there...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 46
Hey, white flag, okay? I got something for the family.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 47
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 48
Well, when he quits smoking, he can always sell it.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 49
You think because you slipped the family a couple bucks, that gets you off the hook?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 50
I'm worried about this man, Doctor. He looks anemic.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 2
Don't you have anything happy? Whatever happened to rhinestones?
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 3
No, no. You see, it's... it's a miss, kid. It's no good.
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 4
An aluminum watchband. The material came off a MiG.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 5
- Oh, come on, guys. A guy's gotta live. - Shall we put it to a vote?
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 6
I mean, what I do is good for the economy. I create jobs!
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 7
They blew up every time they went swimming.
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 8
That's easy.
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 9
'cause they know some slaphappy G.I. Will try to pick up that cockarocka...
#9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 10
If you want a souvenir, take yourself home in one piece.
#10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 11 #11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 12
I'm pole-sitting, sir. It's Section Eight time.
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 13 #13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 14
- No. - I don't think so.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 15
In that case, I have just one piece of advice for you.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 16
- Someday you'll be saying complete sentences. - Oh, hardy-har-har.
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 17
When we caught up with him last week, he gave us a rundown of his customers.
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 18
$27.75.
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 19
I hope you catch that ugly creep that's been using my face.
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 20
What's the matter, Margaret? You trying to drown your sorrows?
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 21
- Only got 200 left. Pure brass. - And so are you.
#21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 22
Hey, what's the matter with you?
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 23
You created a demand. Why don't you just start supplying it?
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 24
He'd take this bum by the neck, and he'd deck him!
#24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 25
Gesundheit.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 26
Yeah, he's a human foul shot.
#26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 27
So make it a Section Four. Send me as far as San Francisco. From there I'll hitch.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 28 #28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 29
[Korean]
#29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 30
And when he feels better, he's gonna go back into the minefields?
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 31
[Exhales]
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 32
You weird freak!
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 33 #33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 34 #34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 35
As I recall, it was the last time I had clean shorts.
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 36
[Grunting]
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 37
Guess what I found in your footlocker, Frank.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 38
Margaret. Marg...
#38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 39
Well, Major Houlihan, you gotta stop getting bombed and beating up our officers.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 40 #40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 41
The egg is so versatile.
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 42
- Who's Drake? - C.O. Of the 8063rd.
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 43
- I was sick as a dog for a week. - [Laughs]
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 44
Great, Klinger. You're more than halfway there.
#44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 45
I'll give you your choice. You can stay up there...
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 46
Hey, white flag, okay? I got something for the family.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 47 #47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 48
Well, when he quits smoking, he can always sell it.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 49
You think because you slipped the family a couple bucks, that gets you off the hook?
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 22 (S05E22) - 50
I'm worried about this man, Doctor. He looks anemic.
#50