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M*A*S*H

S5 E14
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Ended
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CBS
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Season 5  "The Most Unforgettable Characters"  5x14

Aired 47 years ago - Jan 04, 1977

Radar gets accepted into the "Famous Las Vegas Writers School", and begins to write his impressions of the camp. It happens to be Frank's birthday, so Hawkeye and B.J. stage a fight with each other to make Frank happy. Radar: "Dear Mum, I gave up the writing course on account I found out I can write better as myself than as Hemingway, O'Neill, or any of those other bums. Simplistically yours, Walter."

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Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 1
Frank, did you see his foot leave the bunk?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 2
Twenty-one! On to Wimbledon!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 3
I enrolled in this writers' school by mail.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 4
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 5
was this little gray squirrel with a very intelligent face.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 6
"You were wrong!" I screamed at him. "There's 28 bones in the human hand!"
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 7
- Please, sir? Would you, please? - Well... [Chuckles]
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 8
and it rolled down the stairs, across the lawn...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 9
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 10
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 11
That's why we're out, Major. They ate it all.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 12
Would you like an extra hunk of liver?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 13
Why, Frank, you didn't tell us it was your birthday.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 14
Maybe we should take up a collection and get him a gift.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 15
These mail things are great. My friend Vito met his wife that way.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 16
Father, do you have a most unforgettable character?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 17
You know, she can slam dunk while wearing a heavy crucifix.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 18
And look at you. You got a Purple Heart, and it's not even your birthday.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 19
I didn't do anything wrong. And you keep your hands off his Purple Heart!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 20
That would give Frank instant joy, to see us at each other's throats.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 21
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 22
- Boys, easy. - I'm not working the shift alone, Pierce!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 23
- How would you put it? - Well, maybe you're right.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 24
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 25
- Sore loser? - He thinks you're too competitive.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 26
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 27
little knowing the fate that destiny had planned up for him.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 28
The vainglorious corporal ran like a bird...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 29
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 30
If headquarters sees this, they'll rip off my epaulets.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 31
But I'm just doing what the book says.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 32
- What are you doing out here? - Waiting for a ride home.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 33
It really bugs you when I call you on foot faults, doesn't it?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 34
Just say something and walk away.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 35
- No problem. - It's no use!
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 36
Yes, of course. And Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott...
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 37
And he brushed my leg. Naturally, I was alarmed and I screamed.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 38
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 39
I'm going home in a butt can.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 40
- Come on over to my office. - Over to the office.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 41
I'll take anything you got... honorable, general, medical, whatever.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 42
Would you settle for some time back in Seoul?
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 43
Tell her I'd like to be kept in a blue jar. That's my best color.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 44
Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 45
- Having a good time, Frank? - Well, I'm the birthday boy.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 46
- Like what? - Like Iowa or your animals or your Uncle Ed.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 47
I'd write about being too suspicious and resentful.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 48
- What's the matter? - It's you two guys fighting. It makes me sick.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 49
A lot of guys in the army say they're friends, but these guys really are.
 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 50
- We wanted to make him happy. - We were fighting to entertain you, Frank.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 2
Twenty-one! On to Wimbledon!
#2 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 3
I enrolled in this writers' school by mail.
#3 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 4
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
#4 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 5
was this little gray squirrel with a very intelligent face.
#5 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 6
"You were wrong!" I screamed at him. "There's 28 bones in the human hand!"
#6 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 7
- Please, sir? Would you, please? - Well... [Chuckles]
#7 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 8
and it rolled down the stairs, across the lawn...
#8 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 9 #9 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 10 #10 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 11
That's why we're out, Major. They ate it all.
#11 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 12
Would you like an extra hunk of liver?
#12 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 13
Why, Frank, you didn't tell us it was your birthday.
#13 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 14
Maybe we should take up a collection and get him a gift.
#14 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 15
These mail things are great. My friend Vito met his wife that way.
#15 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 16
Father, do you have a most unforgettable character?
#16 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 17
You know, she can slam dunk while wearing a heavy crucifix.
#17 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 18
And look at you. You got a Purple Heart, and it's not even your birthday.
#18 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 19
I didn't do anything wrong. And you keep your hands off his Purple Heart!
#19 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 20
That would give Frank instant joy, to see us at each other's throats.
#20 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 21 #21 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 22
- Boys, easy. - I'm not working the shift alone, Pierce!
#22 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 23
- How would you put it? - Well, maybe you're right.
#23 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 24 #24 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 25
- Sore loser? - He thinks you're too competitive.
#25 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 26 #26 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 27
little knowing the fate that destiny had planned up for him.
#27 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 28
The vainglorious corporal ran like a bird...
#28 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 29 #29 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 30
If headquarters sees this, they'll rip off my epaulets.
#30 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 31
But I'm just doing what the book says.
#31 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 32
- What are you doing out here? - Waiting for a ride home.
#32 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 33
It really bugs you when I call you on foot faults, doesn't it?
#33 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 34
Just say something and walk away.
#34 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 35
- No problem. - It's no use!
#35 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 36
Yes, of course. And Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott...
#36 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 37
And he brushed my leg. Naturally, I was alarmed and I screamed.
#37 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 38 #38 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 39
I'm going home in a butt can.
#39 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 40
- Come on over to my office. - Over to the office.
#40 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 41
I'll take anything you got... honorable, general, medical, whatever.
#41 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 42
Would you settle for some time back in Seoul?
#42 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 43
Tell her I'd like to be kept in a blue jar. That's my best color.
#43 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 44 #44 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 45
- Having a good time, Frank? - Well, I'm the birthday boy.
#45 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 46
- Like what? - Like Iowa or your animals or your Uncle Ed.
#46 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 47
I'd write about being too suspicious and resentful.
#47 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 48
- What's the matter? - It's you two guys fighting. It makes me sick.
#48 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 49
A lot of guys in the army say they're friends, but these guys really are.
#49 Recap of M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 14 (S05E14) - 50
- We wanted to make him happy. - We were fighting to entertain you, Frank.
#50