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Two and a Half Men

S6 E13
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Season 6  "I Think You Offended Don"  6x13

Aired 15 years ago - Jan 19, 2009

Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 1
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 2
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 3
You have a nice break till the, uh, old hemorrhoids come a-calling.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 4
- Yes, we did. - Read my lips. We did not have sex.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 6
Really? I didn't notice that on the stencils.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 8
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 9
Yeah, well, that's not how it turned out.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 10
Then when they reconciled, Herb nailed Judith.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 11
Technically, maybe neither one of you is the father.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 12
That's just ridiculous. Judith won't even eat Mexican food.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 13
I would've dropped him off at an orphanage...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 14
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 16
Oh, right, play the money card. That's all you got.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 17
Ooh, I'm scared.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 18
Oh, come on. Come on, uh, sit down. You'll like it.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 19
Never have I felt a love so grand
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 20
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 21
- Surprise. - Herb doesn't need any help, Alan.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 22
It's like nine kinds of suck in an eight-suck bag.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 23
You couldn't really do that.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 24
- Okay, what the hell's wrong with you? - Nothing.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 25
In fact, I know exactly how you feel. My mom's second child ruined my life.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 26
...later on they move into your guest room with their kid and never leave.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 27
So if it's not the baby, then why have you been such a dillweed lately?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 28
Jolene Melnick.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 29
- Herb, can you get the cookies for me? - Oh, sure.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 30
If not for me, our little girl would be surrounded by metaphorical pony peni.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 32
Because my stupid uncle won't let me.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 33
- Hi there. - Gotta go.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 34
...like I give a rat's ass about your social life.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 35
- I can't tell you. It's embarrassing. - Okay, okay.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 36
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 37
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 38
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 39
Uh-huh.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 40
- Oh, please. How old are your friends? - Same age as me.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 41
But for a guy like you, the truth can be a powerful tool.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 42
That I don't know what I'm doing?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 43
"I'm new at this and I'm trusting you to be patient with me. "
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 44
- Thanks, Uncle Charlie. - No problem, buddy.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 45
All right, we're agreed on a Montessori preschool, but what about child care?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 46
- What demons? - Oh, ah, well, it's no biggie.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 47
oh, dear God, what the hell happened?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 48
...we found her face down in a bowl of Häagen-Dazs with Percocets in her hair.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 49
...but he was never the same after that.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 50
- How's it going in here? - Oh, honey. Good news.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 2 #2 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 3
You have a nice break till the, uh, old hemorrhoids come a-calling.
#3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 4
- Yes, we did. - Read my lips. We did not have sex.
#4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 5 #5 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 6
Really? I didn't notice that on the stencils.
#6 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 7 #7 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 8 #8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 9
Yeah, well, that's not how it turned out.
#9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 10
Then when they reconciled, Herb nailed Judith.
#10 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 11
Technically, maybe neither one of you is the father.
#11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 12
That's just ridiculous. Judith won't even eat Mexican food.
#12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 13
I would've dropped him off at an orphanage...
#13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 14 #14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 15 #15 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 16
Oh, right, play the money card. That's all you got.
#16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 17
Ooh, I'm scared.
#17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 18
Oh, come on. Come on, uh, sit down. You'll like it.
#18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 19
Never have I felt a love so grand
#19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 20 #20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 21
- Surprise. - Herb doesn't need any help, Alan.
#21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 22
It's like nine kinds of suck in an eight-suck bag.
#22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 23
You couldn't really do that.
#23 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 24
- Okay, what the hell's wrong with you? - Nothing.
#24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 25
In fact, I know exactly how you feel. My mom's second child ruined my life.
#25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 26
...later on they move into your guest room with their kid and never leave.
#26 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 27
So if it's not the baby, then why have you been such a dillweed lately?
#27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 28
Jolene Melnick.
#28 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 29
- Herb, can you get the cookies for me? - Oh, sure.
#29 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 30
If not for me, our little girl would be surrounded by metaphorical pony peni.
#30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 31 #31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 32
Because my stupid uncle won't let me.
#32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 33
- Hi there. - Gotta go.
#33 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 34
...like I give a rat's ass about your social life.
#34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 35
- I can't tell you. It's embarrassing. - Okay, okay.
#35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 36 #36 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 37 #37 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 38 #38 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 39
Uh-huh.
#39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 40
- Oh, please. How old are your friends? - Same age as me.
#40 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 41
But for a guy like you, the truth can be a powerful tool.
#41 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 42
That I don't know what I'm doing?
#42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 43
"I'm new at this and I'm trusting you to be patient with me. "
#43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 44
- Thanks, Uncle Charlie. - No problem, buddy.
#44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 45
All right, we're agreed on a Montessori preschool, but what about child care?
#45 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 46
- What demons? - Oh, ah, well, it's no biggie.
#46 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 47
oh, dear God, what the hell happened?
#47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 48
...we found her face down in a bowl of Häagen-Dazs with Percocets in her hair.
#48 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 49
...but he was never the same after that.
#49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 13 (S06E13) - 50
- How's it going in here? - Oh, honey. Good news.
#50