Aired 12 years ago - Dec 15, 2004
Stan is approached by the forest critters and asked to help them build a manger in anticipation of the birth of their Lord and Savior. Stan complies, only to find out that they serve a very different Lord.
I deduce the man-boy doesn't understand
the seriousness of the fertilization.
The mountain lion! Hide!
Well, this is the end. The mountain lion
obviously knows Porcupiney is pregnant,
Hey, we shouldn't be upset this Christmas.
We've got Stanny!
For the critters to be saved,
someone had to stop that nasty old cat...
I guess that means our Savior
is gonna be made into Savior stew.
I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.
Waiwait, the Antichrist?? You said she
was giving birth to your savior!
Yay, blood orgy! Blood orgy, yay!
All of this because of the little boy in
the red poofball hat.
All right all right all right!! God!!
That way he could take over the whole world.
The whole world!
Oh dear, maybe we won't have
a critters C-Christmas after all.
Oh boy! Our satanic powers sure did the trick!
Yeah, better this than the slow death
we'd face without a mother around.
But, we don't know how to give abortions.
Yes he did.
If you wanna be in the OR, a pass is required!
And so the little boy
and the cubs gathered around the chair base,
Every animal big or small,
When we hear about how Christmas only comes
No. I'm Jewish.
Twas the night before Christmas,
and above the woods, way up high,
He arrived at the critter forest ready to fight,
The Antichrist had been born,
sealing the world's fate.
Now all we have to do is put
the Antichrist into our human host.
I mean, I didn't mean to help them,
I I tried to stop them!
Yes, yes!! Now the Jews will take control
of Christmas once and for all!
Sorry, Eric, but if Kyle feels discriminated against, you'll
have to stop or else I'll get a call from his mother.
No, it all worked out, right? The world was
saved and I went home for Christmas dinner.
Aired 12 years ago - Dec 08, 2004
After sustaining a severe head injury, Cartman appears to have the power to see into the future. South Park detectives are quick to enlist his help in cracking unsolved murder cases and Cartman is more than willing to help, for a price. In the meantime, a group of licensed psychics cry foul when Cartman refuses to join their ranks.
Now, Eric, you've suffered massive head traume.
Your road to recovery will be long and arduous.
Oh, you're sounding just like your old self again.
Good, because you assholes have
kept me up for three hours!
I've... heard cases where people suffering head
trauma awaken to some psychic abilities.
Young man, how did you know
the nurse was gonna walk in just now?
His new... powers?
How come the outline is missing its hand?
...and he puts it together to make Quadruple-Stuffs!
Wuhsure, come on in.
Which can only mean one thing!
What the hell is wrong with these people?!
I said quiet, you little brat, or I'll have
you arrested for interfering with the law!
Eric, sweetie, there's um,
some people here to see you.
Kid, we have a problem. You didn't go through the proper
channels to become a psychic detective like we all did.
Well you just can't say you're a psychic detective,
you have to use the ad in the comic book!
We are ...obviously quite evenly matched.
I guess this will have to be settled in court.
Her name is...
! Jesus! Where will it end?!
I'm pretty sure he's your man.
Why won't anybody listen to me?!
Be sure to take me to the same hospital!
Call an ambulance.
Before you die, let me show you the things that I've done,
so you will understand the breadth of my transformation!
Here I am at the Alamo in San Antonio.
Sir! Dr. Kels just called from the hospital! He
says another little boy just awoke from a coma,
and he lives at 621 Castillo Street. He's
usually there between seven and eleven p.
Yeah yeah, restraint. We'll check this guy out,
but let's use some restraint.
See, on your left hand, the thumb faces to the left.
Those are all right hands.
Aired 12 years ago - Dec 01, 2004
All the fourth grade girls idolize a rich, famous and spoiled socialite. They even have her brand new toy set that comes complete with video camera, night vision filter, play money and losable cell phone. In an effort to impress their idol, the girls pursue the boys to make their own videos.
I flashed all these hicks with my boobs;
you should've seen the look on their faces!
Oh, well, you wanna maybe go to the art museum?
...Stupid Spoiled Whore video playset!
I'm pretending to be calling my friends on
the cellphone while my man waits for more sex!
Lu lu lu, I've got some apples,
Lu lu lu, you've got some too.
Won't he be soo cute dressed up as a bear?
I think young women are being marketed
to by corrupt, moral-less corporations.
We're marching down to
that store right now, young lady!
Unpopular?! If she's not a whore?!
- Yeah! Right!
- Yeah, like, when men shave their balls it's fine,
Oh, uh uh sure I, I can buy a purse.
Where am I?
I said I'll give you 200
million dollars for it!
Butters, right now!!
What should we do, Mr. Biggles?
I drank too much.
Yeah, and you get straight A's in school!
You're just not a whore. Get lost!
I'd like to swivel his pixie stick.
Be at Bebe's house, tonight, at seven!
Huh. Didn't I... Whoa, that's
the darnedest thing I ever saw.
It'll have to be 250 million, cash, up front.
if you can raise the 250 million
dollars yourself, you can stay.
That should keep him busy for a while
while we get this transaction finished.
We had a great time, didn't we Clyde?
Kelly Rutherford Menskin.
Oh Jezuth, Jezuth Christh!
Did you dig up 200 million
dollar's worth of coal?
This time I have to get a picture
of my new pet BEFORE anything happens.
We're being stupid spoiled whores.
Paris Hilton is a nobody!
What isn't great about it?
Wow, what a bitch.
Paris is gonna rock his world.
Give him time, Wendy. Give him time.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 17, 2004
The boys of South Park produce their own morning news show on the school’s closed-circuit television station and are immediately caught up in the intense competition for ratings.
and our news team them, very much.
There you go!
Yeah, well, I've got an overall
deal with the school, heh.
You're helping Craig make his show?! I can't
believe you would betray us like that?!
Hey gang, I brought the new episode
of wide angle close-up animals.
Wow, those animals are pretty cute.
Hey, yeah. Uhwhy I could say I saw celebrities even though I didn't,
a-a-and then lie about what I saw them doing.
Yeah! We should make up a bunch of reports
about how dangerous it is to be alive.
.. Seeing African-Americans on the news,
not hearing them.
No tornadoes, Eric, but interestingly enough, there is a low-pressure
storm moving in over the Park County Valley.
pees sitting down like a girl. We've also
got confirmation that Sally Turner
Oh yeah, Panda Bear Madness! And now, let's
get a look at the celebrity scene shot,
Then let's do Token's report on how global warming
is going to kill everyone in the fifth grade.
Oooo, interview with the vice-President, hmmm.
Frankly, Jimmy, I don't know how we're
Aww! Ohh! God, I just got so sleepy. I'm sorry,
what were we talking about?
And if we can't report news the honest way,
what good is n-news reporting?
Your show beat Close-up Animals with
a Wide Angle Lens by three viewers!
You have to learn now how important ratings are!
Butters, only gay little dweebs read the funnies!
Wait! You know what we should do? We should
all take a bunch of cough medicine!
How about this one? Calminex?
Woo. We aren't havin' a party.
and when all the ideas start coming, just write 'em down.
We might not remember everything otherwise.
I wrote down... all the lyrics to the Happy Days theme song.
Fellas, this is our chance! Everyone get your
hair looking as fantastic as possible.
Hoochie, wombat juice,tigger yum yum.
Hello, I'm Rick Cartman.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 10, 2004
For five long years, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters have kept a secret about a horrible incident that happened back in pre-school. Now, the kid who took the fall for the group, Trent Boyett, is getting out of juvie and his first order of business is revenge.
Tell them it was an accident:
you thought you could put it out.
You'd better pray I never get out of Juvenile Hall!
You'd better ALL pray!
All right, yeah, woohoo, we did it!
Hello, Ms. Claridge.
One marble, blue. And one
Nothin' wrong, sir. Eh nothin' at all.
Just keep the door locked, honey. Butters
can't be a house hermit his whole life.
Oh hey! Trent Boyett Gosh
I... haven't seen you in a whle.
You name it!
He received a massive snuggie,
It also appears like he received a noogie,
and, a Polish bike ride.
That's nothing compared to what my mom will do to me
if she finds out I've been lying for five years!
Stay cool, guys. If anybody can protect us from Trent Boyett,
it's the sixth graders.
What are you little
Fourthies doin' in our hangout?!
A twelve-pack of Dr. Pepper, A Shoots
& Ladders game used only three times,
Yeah! I totally wanna suck your mom's tits.
So long, Fourthies!
That's the preschool teacher,
You can talk to me, Ms. Claridge. I understand:
one beep for yes and two for no.
Man, I would have loved to seen to seen the look on Trent
Boyett's face when all the sixth graders showed up!
Hey guys, you know what we should do?
We should go get a-
We... told him not to mess with you guys.
.. We told him... you paid us.
I only know that I wouldn't ever want
to be on that kid's bad side.
From who? We can't ask adults for help and
there's nobody tougher than sixth graders.
Shelley, you're my sister, right? And families.
.. depend on each other.
We didn't think and now he's gonna kill us!
You can't run from your past, turds.
Apologize and make amends.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 03, 2004
The streets of South Park are like a ghost-town when a giant Wall-Mart lures all the townspeople to the new store with its incredible bargains. Cartman becomes a boy possessed by the power of Wall-Mart and its low, low prices. In order to save their
town, Stan and Kyle have to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding superstore while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back.
Just look at the Marsh family, huh?
I can all the bargains to myself!
Excuse me! Hello! Can somebody tell my why we're going to Jim's Drugs
to buy Voltar cards when Wall*Mart has them for three bucks cheaper?
That's called progress, Kyle.
Checkout line... They had these... little
stickers filled with glitter!
who can't love it, right?
Eh, I remember when we could afford to buy
six steaks when we shopped at Wall*Mart.
Oh Jesus, a broken glass! Well, I don't see any choice now!
We have to go to Wall*Mart!
I came because I wanted to make sure nobody was shopping here.
It's like some mystical evil force.
No! All we have to do is not shop at Wall*Mart anymore!
If you want it to go away,
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.
Kumbaya, my Lord...
We can't destroy it, son.
We have to learn to live with it.
Don't you see? Wall*Mart isn't our enemy,
it's our neighborhood friend.
You're gonna have to talk to the higher-ups.
Three tickets to Bentonville, Arkansas, please.
He is working for the Wall*Mart
to stup us from succeeding!
Who does? Nobody likes what the Wall*Mart does,
but it keeps... right on doing it.
We... invented the Wall*Mart Super Center in 1987.
The idea was simple: build a store
Destroy the heart
and you could reverse the entire process!
All right, this is it! If Wall*Mart has a heart,
we have to find it and destroy it!
No you didn't.
I can't hear you! Lalalalalala!
Welcome to Wall*Mart.
One of the creators told us. You have to take
your keys over to the television department.
Come on, Dad!
I've taken this form in order to talk to you.
But I can take many forms.
To find the heart of Wall*Mart,
one must first ask oneself,
Very well. You want to see the heart of Wall*Mart?
It lies beyond that plasma-screen television.
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 27, 2004
When PETA demonstrates against the use of a cow as South Park Elementary’s mascot, the student body is forced to choose a new one. As the election approaches, Kyle tries to convince everyone that his candidate, a giant douche, is better than Cartman’s nominee, a turd sandwich.
What we should do is we should secretly go around and tel
all the sstudents we can to not check any of
Kenny, what's funnier? A giant douche or a turd sandwich?
Butters which is funnier? A stupid not-funny giant douche
or a super funny turd sandwich?
That''s a... fantastic idea fellas. Uh, the key to successful
humor is s- staying power. Uh tell me the first mascot idea.
Okay, I think, that's it. Number 2?
We've got spirit, yes we do! We are sandwiches
filled with poo! Yeeaahhh!
Vote for Turd Sandwich. This is the most
important election of our lives.
Kenny, we have got to make Stan understand the importance
of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy.
Did you just say that... voting is ridiculous?
You don't care?! You really want a turd sandwich as your
school mascot?! On your football helmets?! A turd?!
I am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch!
Democracy is founded on one simple rule!
I said vote, bitch, or I'll f_____ kill you!
Okay. I'll vote.
Oh really? Well that's interesting. You certainly should
think about it and make the right decision.
You see, what Turd Sandwich brings to our school,
Clyde, is a complete package.
I'm still not totally sure.
I thoght I was supposed to make my own decision.
Oh forget it!
I'm not gonna be persuaded into voting
You see? He's out of control. It's nearly
torn our whole family apart.
Stan Marsh, for not following our most sacred of rites,
you are hereby banished from South Park for all eternity.
You, Puffy man,
are we just gonna let this happen?
Jesus. I guess maybe you'll never understand
how important voting is.
That's... one of the hardest things
a parent ever has to do.
Look! What is that?
This poor creature is in need of food and water.
We don't normally allow outsiders.
See, here we live in harmony with animals.
And Gary and Sally here have just
managed to have a child together.
It's not up to you.
You'll have to talk with Dr. Cornwallis.
Sir, some students and parents are reluctant
to have a... giant douche represent them.
He is a turd sandwich.
Anyway, as I was saying, ahh... wait
I I forgot what I was saying.
... Uh you know, uh, my opponent wouldn't even
know the answer to that question.
She seems to have taken a liking to you.
I can't. I was banished for not voting.
They're the only people who suck up
enough to make it that far in politics.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 28, 2004
Humans from the year 4035 are arriving in droves in South Park! Everything gets a little too crowded when people from the future arrive through a recently discovered time portal. When the boys try to earn some extra money, the time immigrants, who are willing to do the same work for next to nothing, take their jobs.
Incredible, absolutely amazing news today.
A man from the future has come
His condition is stable, and speculation
continues as to why he has come.
Aaron, I'm standing at the time border which
scientists say follow Terminator rules.
Breaking news here at the time portal, Aaron. It appears
that another person from the future has just arrived!
One of those immigrants from the future. He
said he would do it for twenty-five cents.
Still more immigrants from the future
arrived at the time border today,
The people in the future speak a complete mix of English,
And now these people from the future are showin' up
and offerin' to do the same work for next to nothin'!
They took your jobs!
We were trying to be responsible and make money,
That's our new housekeeper, Mrs. Gruhd.
They're only taking the small menial jobs
that nobody else really wants to do.
to judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?!
You're Goddamned right! These people from the future are takin'
all the work away from us decent present-day Americans!
Heh it's typical for conservatives rednecks like
these to view the immigrants as the problem,
So, with that in mind, let's continue our lessons on verbs.
Remember that there are transitive verbs such as
"The 11:15 bus from Denver arrived twelve hours late.
" Or in Futurespeak, "Vvut."
Hey now, these immigrants have a right to retain their culture.
Who are we to say our language is best?
"The sad girl puts balls in her mouth." Or, in Futurespeak of course,
"Gluch gligh balls glych gligh."
shooting everyone who
crosses the time border is inhumane."
Hey that's right! If there is no future, then there'll be
no people from the future to come back and take our jobs!
the polar ice caps melt,
and and it ushers in a new ice age?
Chet, you are a fuckin' retard, you know that?!
Even if global warming were real,
Now, come on people, we've got to think!
Damnit, they took our jaorbs!
A cheeg- fry?
I want a Goddamned cheeseburger and some
Goddamned fries you fucking goobacks!
All right, you future bastards! Think you can take our jubs?!
Well, we'll show you! Come'ere, Earl!.
Everyone who believes in America, join in with us!
We're gonna make these future bastards nonexistent!
Well we found an immigrant from the future who knows
geology and he offered to work for next to nothing.
Hundreds of men who have lost their jobs to time
immigrants are here having sex with one another.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 21, 2004
All the children of South Park are attracted to Mr. Jefferson, his son and their home filled with games, toys and animals. Cartman goes out of his way to get Mr. Jefferson to love him while the local police force resent him for being black and wealthy and decide bring him down.
Yes we can do everything, and I mean,
everything! Chuckajam on
We met this kid named Blanket, and
he has the coolest dad in the world!
I believe in Mr. Jefferson.
Choo-choo train! Yay!
Cartman, you have a beautiful voice.
So, dude, do you have any brothers or sisters?
You guys know what Mr. Jefferson said?
and KYLE has to see a problem with it!
No, theh, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.
I think that God is in the face of every child.
Dad says I have to keep my face hidden.
You'd better not be talking bad
about me in there to Mr. Jefferson!
that the police go around framing rich
black people just because they're jealous..
One Mr. Jefferson, age 50, bought
a house there and paid cash.
I want him humiliated and dragged through
the dirt, and I want it done by the books!
I'm a little boy forever.
Dude, look who I found prowling around in my back yard.
of fun and adventurous things shamon!
Murphy, you inside?
All right, when this Jefferson guy shows up,
Oh why? I guess I never thought
about why, sir. We just do it.
with water and we're just goin' along for the ride.
Come on, Blanket!
Holy God, his son isn't black either!
Oh Jesus !
We could have made an innocent man
go to jail who wasn't black! Oh!
Sir, it's possible that he is black,
even though he doesn't look it.
Really? You mean it?
Blanket likes to play, don't you Blanket?
It's okay, Blanket. Here, look.
I'm givin' up, Maggie.
I'm quitting the force.
Maybe I can't tell the difference anymore.
Maybe it doesn't matter.
and said the N word out loud too many times.
Wipin' that rich, smug smile off their faces is
I know you live in California;
I'll pay for your plane ticket!
I don't think Mr. Jefferson pays enough
attention to his son to notice.
Dude, whatever. At least you finally
get to do something.
Hm. No, we never had a any rich
African-Americans named Jefferson here.
We uhhh found some kids
that had stayed over at his place,
What are you doing with my Blanket?
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 14, 2004
Cartman dresses up like a robot, calls himself AWESOM-O, and moves in with Butters. His plan is to learn all of Butter’s innermost secrets and then use them against him. While Butters is thrilled to have found a new best friend, the Army believes
AWESOM-O is some new secret weapon, and Hollywood is after the phony robot to develop their next big blockbuster.
Well, guess what, Butters.
I have a surprise for you.
Huh ? Oh, I dunno. It's around here somewhere.
Oh, son of a bitch !
I like to dip and daddle
with my robot friend.
Oh, is your little robot friend staying the night?
I like to brush my teeth in
the morning and at night.
Hey, I gotta put in my suppository.
Can you help me?
I'll pull down my pants ...
and just slide it up in my anus there.
If you leave me now, you'll take
away the biggest part of me.
Just know, AWESOM-O,
that I did it because I love you.
Don't be silly, AWESOM-O.
Robots don't need to drink nothin'.
Ah, hey fellas! Ah I see you met my robot.
Oh wait. Hey AWESOM-O,
Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Mrs. Stotch.
for trying to exterminate the Jews two weeks ago.
It's been arranged: you two are both going
to Los Angeles to visit Butters' Aunt Nellie!
Hey Nellie, guess what I found
scrampin' around the airport.
or are you guys hungry after such a long flight.
We're two of a kind- That's me!
The film studio commissary.
Hey, what's that over there?
Uh, excuse me sir, but uh, that's not a robot.
Watch this: AWESOM-O, given the
current trends of the movie-going public
...golden retriever, or something.
but first, he has to, like,
become a ...boxer, or something.
Buy some robot pants? Haha, no!
The AWESOM-O 4000.
You're thinking the robot could be
used to come up with anti-Islamic movies?
Unethical? Let me explain something to you, Mr. Scientist!
We, we have no data suggesting the Japanese
have developed a robot with offensive capability.
Let me show you what I mean.
AWESOM-O? Hey, where'd ya go?
Good. I don't want that robot mobile
until I know what it's capable of.
Where the hell am I?!
Hey, why can't I move?!
Goddamnit, get me down from here!
Sure, why not?
Scientist!! I want that robot's memories
and consciousness E-RASED,
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 07, 2004
It’s up to Stan to put a team of South Park’s best dancers together to compete against a rival troupe from Orange County. While Butters has won awards for his dancing, he refuses to help Stan out, as he hasn’t been able to dance since the tragic death of eight audience members at his last competition.
- But Dad...
- Now !
Yeah! Go Stan!
- All right!
- No no no!
Oh Lord it's on!
Now you've gotta compete against them
in the dance competition on Saturday!
- So what happened?
- It's on!
Come on now, keep it tight!
- I heard that!
- All right, it was good.
Ih, it was my fault that Stanley
served your boys the other day.
I'm keeping my son home on Saturday.
I just came by to let you know so you can...
His dancing was so fast I...
couldn't do anything.
Boy. You must really wanna take to
to those Orange County kids now, huh Stan?
- Yeahh I'm I'm right here, Dad.
- Stan, listen to me.
My friends can't do it because they suck ass,
so, will you be in my dance troupe?
- Will any of you do it?
- I'm not doin' it.
I think we just got put in our place.
- Okay. I'll give it a shot.
- All right, that's three!
Hi guys, welcome to Raisins.
Three of you?
What? The state tap champion is from here?
Butters, listen. There's gonna be a competition
this Saturday, and we want you to join our troupe.
I'm sorry, kids, you'll have to go.
There he is. That's Jeffy.
Honey, babe, be mine.
You have the heart, but you don't have the soul.
What? I don't wanna get served.
Did she also tell you my dancing
got eight people killed?
And eleven if you count the two family members
that killed themselves afterward.
Get out of my room, Stan!
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 31, 2004
Kyle finally sees “The Passion” and is forced to admit Cartman has been right all along. Meanwhile many of the film’s hardcore fans band together under Cartman’s leadership to carry out it’s message.
But, because this is such an important film that
actually depicts the selfless act of Jesus Christ,
I didn't know, I... I didn't know.
From this day forward I will dedicate my life
to making sure your film is seen by everyone.
Me neither. Oh honey, let's be
good Christians from now on!
I can't refund your money.
You sat through the whole movie.
You'd have to take your complaint up
with the film's producers.
Welcome to Mel Gibson's ThePassion.com,
Hi, uh, my friend
and I just went to see The Passion.
the horror and filthiness of the common Jew.
It has made people the world over open their eyes.
Ohoh yeah?! I'd like to see you try, asshole!
I'm like six feet tall!
Come on, Kenny, we're going to Malibu!
Eric, sweetie, there's a bunch of people showing up in our backyard
saying something about a meeting?
Okay, I'm ready.
I'm ready to do thy bidding, Mel Gibson.
It's a perfect idea to have us organize
so we can strengthen the Christian community.
We sure do.
The Passion is causing a revolution of spirituality,
and we owe Mel Gibson and this little boy our thanks.
Oh, what a great idea! We each make it
our responsibility to convert one more person!
Dude, can we please just have
the eighteen dollars back from you?
How dare you call me crazy!
This means war!
And he didn't deserve what happened
to him in Mel Gibson's movie.
Well, if you really care about your friend's soul,
then perhaps show him the way of Jesus.
You wanna get outta here? Talk to me.
And good evening, friends!
Fellow fans of Mel Gibson, our numbers have grown and now,
together, we have the power to change the world!
So, when I say
"Es ist Zeit für Säuberung,"
Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!!
- Es ist Zeit für Rache!
- Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten.
This proves the anti-Semitic effect
that movie is having!
- Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!
- Es ist Zeit für Rache!
- Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!
Well it looks like with these bus tickets we spend about eighty...
seven dollars getting our money back from Mel Gibson.
Hey dude, you've gotta speed up.
He wouldn't give us our money back for The Passion,
so we kinda took it.
This movie is causing anti-Semitism!
You must remove it from your theater!
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 24, 2004
Jimmy is in training for an upcoming sporting event and he’s determined to win at any cost. Cartman feels he can easily take first place against Jimmy. He just has to convince the qualifying committee he’s handicapped.
YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! I have the best
idea ever! I'm gonna be rich!
So?? So dude, think about it.
Terrible?? Whatever! You guys's brains just can't compute
complex plans like mine can! It'll work, you'll see.
All I have to do is make people think I'm handicapped,
and I get a thousand dollars.
I was hoping we would study for
the spelling test tomorrow.
I read the brochure, Cartman!
If you're under eighteen,
so I can beat all the handicapped kids
and win a thousand dollars?
...I'm sorry, Eric. The answer is No.
I've sometimes looked at people with disabilities as people
God put here on earth for my amusement, but...
Well, I'll see you nice and early for p-practice,
Tim-tim. Oh, uh, can you hand me my bag?
You know as well as I do most of the kids
in Special Olympics aren't shooting up to compete.
Hello. Um, I would like to...
sign my son up, please.
Oh, Jimmy Valmer!
Oh, okay, what about him?
Right. He's Jimmy, yeah.
I know that I often have serious moral
objections to the things that you do, but...
Um, the thing is, you really have kind
a warped view on morality because you're Jewish.
And instead you had to break through yourself. This is really
the beginning of a whole new chapter of your life, Kyle.
You're not the boy I fell in love with last
week during Free Period. I'm leaving you.
You just keep your G-Goddamned
mouth shut and do what you're t-t-t-uh-tol-told!
Take your marks.
Here to present the award are baseball legends
Mark McGuire, Jason Giambi, and Barry Bonds.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 17, 2004
South Park takes on the look of Japanese Anime. The boys are transformed into Japanese Warriors after they buy martial arts weapons at a local flea market. Their sworn enemy, Professor Chaos, confronts them and a highly stylized battle ensues.
Oh yeah?! My mom took me to see
Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion,
and you can't play with us.
I'm a lost soul. A dark lonely shadow of a person-
the most destructive supervillain of all time!
Hold on you guys.
I actually have another power.
Yeah, that it, Cartman!
You don't get to have any powers!
Fools! I am Professor Chaos!
Bringer of Destruction and Doom!
All right! And now I will use my power to...
turn Kyle into a chicken! Bleh!
- Oh, dude! It's stuck in his eye!
- What the hell did you do that for, Kenny?!
If we take him to the hospital,
they're gonna find out what happened.
Shut up, Butters. Now, there's a way out of this.
We just have to use our... ninja reasoning.
- So if we make Butters up to look like a dog,...
- Ohh no. - We might pass him off as our pet.
Now remember, Butters, when you get to the vet's
office you need to stay down on all fours and-
Aw man, now every
in town has a weapon! Lame!
And I am Black Taku,
with the power of perfect spelling!
- Then fight us!
- Very well, Clyde. Kiyaaaa!!!
Oh, nice going, you assholes!
You made us lose him!
If Butters tells on us, we're gonna tell on you,
and that's the ninja code!
- Butters! - Butters! - Here, Butters!
the four ninjas ran into Craig and his three friends.
It's hopeless, dude! Butters must have made
it to the hospital.
Okay. Go ahead, Kyle. Throw
your nunchakus away. If you can.
You know this to be true.
It's all right, Kyle.
We'll go back to the fair and return them.
There you go, right in there.
Somebody threw a ninja star
in that poor puppy's eye?
All right, the county fair's still open!
- You guys! You guys!
- What is it, Craig?
All right. Looks like I have to use
my power of invisibility to get by.
Now, this lamp comes from the estate of Edna
and James Hollinger, who lived in upstate Wyoming.