Status
Continuing
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in 4 days
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 15 years ago - Dec 12, 2001

Butters finds out what his father has been up to late at night and when his mother hears, she overreacts by trying to kill her son and then herself back at home. After returning home and forgiving her husband, she realizes what she has done to her son and they spin a story to the media to cover their tracks. Meanwhile, Butters obsesses with returning home so that he can join his parents for an anniversary dinner at Bennigan’s. MORE -LESS

Aired 15 years ago - Dec 05, 2001

In a very special episode of South Park, Cartman fights for Kenny's life when he speaks before Congress in favor of stem cell research. Meanwhile, Stan has trouble dealing with his friend's impending demise.

Aired 15 years ago - Nov 28, 2001

Feeling like an outcast for being the only rich kid in town, Token succeeds in attracting several other wealthy people to South Park. Meanwhile, the townspeople, fearing that their little hamlet is rapidly going up the drain, attempt to run the new residents out of town by any means necessary.

Aired 15 years ago - Nov 21, 2001

Kyle’s cousin comes to town and after Kyle sees how stereotypically Jewish his cousin Kyle is, he worries about how Cartman is going to react when he meets him. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison invents an alternative form of transportation that requires the rider to use more than just their hands and legs to control it.

Aired 15 years ago - Nov 14, 2001

Cartman has finally gone too far when a prank involving Kenny's sweet cheeks results in him blowing a "funny fuse." After a photo of Kenny's better side finds it's way onto the side of a milk carton, an unusual couple arrives in South Park to claim their missing child. Much ass kissing ensues.

Aired 15 years ago - Nov 07, 2001

In the wake of the terrorist attack on the United States, the boys find themselves accidentally sent to Afghanistan, where they encounter their Afghani counterparts and try to understand why they hate Americans. While they are there they also take on the Taliban and Cartman pits his fat ass against Bin Laden himself.

Aired 16 years ago - Aug 08, 2001

The boys get a new video game system and their plans for the next 38 hours is to play it! Untill they discover Towelie, a government secret, genetically engineered towel that gets his special powers from gettin' high. When the government steals Stan's new Game Sphere the boys will stop at nothing to get it back. Losing precious gaming time they find Towelie and begin the struggle of the century. MORE -LESS

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 1
Yeah, but you still "shouldn't have done that, he's just a boy."
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Awesome!
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Okay, we will.
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Okay, boys, that's it, you have to go now.
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Yeah, real life is so boring and stupid.
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I've got a code five at... park county, colorado.
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That was the longest day of school ever.
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What, who is this?
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This is hopeless, we're never gonna find him.
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Be sure to bring a towel so you don't get all wet.
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Step away from the towel!
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About to cross into the caverns of madness.
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Come on, they gotta have our video game around here somewhere.
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Huh? Oh yeah, back at the base.
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Perhaps they're telepathically linked to the towel, sir,
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Hey, do you love towelie?
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You wanna get high?
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I can't remember, it all looks the same.
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The base where you're from and our okama gamesphere is.
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God damn it.
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Oh my god! Oh, no!
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Where you going?
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Uh, hi, is this where our okama gamesphere is?
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A towel that would sense how wet or dry the user's skin was
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Ah yes, your video game.
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They wanted to turn towelie into a weapon of mass destruction.
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Tell me, marine, did you accomplish your primary goal?
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Why we just got footage of the towel returning to tynacorp?!
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In a moment we will be over the base.
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We're not doing it for the world,
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Dude, i figured what? It out.
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You're a towel!
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That's it.
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Oh my god, no!
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We discovered a certain terrifying secret.
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You get out of the shower and dry yourself off.
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You've been double-Crossed by tynacorp, kids.
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Then we will launch a sneak attack on tynacorp as well.
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We don't have the manpower to hold off the entire military
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Don't make a move, you bastards.
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Oh sweet, it still saved our place.
Aired 16 years ago - Aug 01, 2001

Thanks to Stan's "handy" work, the children of South Park must endure sex education from the unlikely duo of Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik. While the two adults take their lessons to heart, the children are left frightened, mis-informed, and armed for battle against the opposite sex. Much hilarity ensues.

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 1
Sexual education- Haven't you learned that yet?
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Look, our kids are learning sexual things on the streets and on television.
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Look, parents, do you really want your children learning about sex?
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Is by educating children before they have sex.
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The man takes his penis and he...
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 8
M'kay...
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Yeah, we think it's gonna be fun.
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Today over 20,000 americans will contract a sexual disease.
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These are serious diseases!
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How is sexual education class going?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 13
Hey, maybe we should ask the girls what they learned in sex ed.
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Aah!
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Condoms?
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Would you rather them do it unprotected?
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And they're only 5.95 for a box of 50.
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With the boys, but i, ah,
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Penis or vagina, right, oral sex, m'kay.
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I was made fun of most my life for having such large glasses.
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Actually, i understand perfectly.
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Anyway, i sort of lost any confidence
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M'kay.
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How the heck should i know?
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I don't even understand how this thing-
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How do you feel? Pretty good.
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Apparently, almost all of our 4th graders are sexually active.
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Kindergarten.
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Okay, children, who can tell me what a condom is?
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No, we can't do finger-Paints!
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Put it in your mouth and apply.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 33
The most horrible disease they can give you of all.
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The time is drawing close for delivery.
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She's still got some afterbirth to push out of her.
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This is where the man puts his-
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 38
All this time, it's the girls that giveusdiseases.
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Missionary position, good.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 41
Yes, you can give your partner the old hot karl, sure.
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Ha! They're your diseases.
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Just walk away.
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Is supposed to involve secretion of bodily fluids, m'kay.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 45
Play an important part in intercourse.
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Oh yes, the nerve endings are the most concentrated
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 47
I don't know, it doesn't feel wrong.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 48
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M'kay, m'kay!
Aired 16 years ago - Jul 25, 2001

Cartman inherits one million dollars from his grandmother, fulfilling his lifelong dream of owning his own amusement park, Cartmanland! A hemorrhoid erupts in Kyle's ass when he learns of Cartman's undeserved fortune, making him question the very existence of God, and whether there's a reason to stay alive in a world where someone like Cartman is happy. MORE -LESS

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
Damn, dan, i've never seen that much cash.
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On my dream,
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What the hell are you doing, fat-Ass?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 4
What about all the years i spent making grandma like me?
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How is it that god gives him a million dollars?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
And now you just sign here mr. Foon.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
Oh, but i'm not buying the park to get people to come.
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The rides are are great,
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 9
Then there's lines for the bathrooms, lines for drinks.
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Mr. Cartman, congratulations, the theme park is yours.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 11
I felt down there and found this big sore lump...
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
I'm nine years old and i have a hemorrhoid, stan.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 13
I'm always saying, "y'know, i learned something today."
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 14
I bet he's sick of it already.
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Heh, heh, heh-Heh.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 16
Ooh, adventure island, check it out, awesome!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 17
Great.
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Six roller coasters, and tons of great surprises.
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And nobody can go. Especially stan and kyle!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 20
Whoa! Heh, heh.
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Oh, god, i popped it. Oh, it hurts!
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My life can't get any worse!
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I'll let you ride two rides a day.
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Any ride you want, no lines.
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It could've killed you.
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I was thinking we could put on disguises and get in.
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Why, why mom?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
Cartmanland is open, but only to two people each day.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
Oh boy, oh boy!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
We're in line for the spook house.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
I need you to fix it.
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I've had to hire a maintenance person
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
Understood?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 35
Move along, sir.
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You see, job lived in the east of jordan
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
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"Oh yeah? I'll show you satan.
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God sent a mighty wind to collapse the house
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41
"See? I told you! Job still praises me."
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Oh, uh, i don't know.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
Clean-Up crew for the bathroom
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
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That was seeing less than 100 attendees a day
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That this technique is already being applied
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
Amazing.
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Congratulations on your success.
Aired 16 years ago - Jul 18, 2001

In the grand tradition of Wham UK, flatulant Canadian superstars, Terrance and Phillip, have broken up over creative differences. The clock is ticking as the boys struggle to reunite the fartastic duo, and recruit them in time for South Park's Earth Day festivities.

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
Nothing matters more than saving the planet from republicans.
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And we're going to see them tomorrow
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Earth day people can be very unforgiving.
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Hello, denver!
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Uh...
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Come on, guys, we're getting to the bottom of this.
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You and about a thousand other people at one time or another.
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Oh yeah, oh, that's good, baby.
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The last thing i need is more kids.
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Y'know, i'll let youtater tots in on a little secret.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 14
Why?
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The last i heard he was doing canadian shakespeare in toronto.
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And he says there actually isn't any concrete evidence
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I need terrance and phillip's information
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You will get us terrance and phillip or else.
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Hey, guy, she swoons to see them bleed.
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Lo, here i lie never to rise again.
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He is served, it is a poison tempered by himself.
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Had i but time- As this fell sergeant death is strict in his arrest-
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The rest is silence.
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If you and terrance got back together for a reunion-
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Once terrance and phillip get together again,
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And your terrance and phillip haven't shown up.
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Head of the earth day committee.
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So, this is your doing, huh, terrance?
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All right, we'll come off the speech of the dying whales
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Why don't you go eat some more pudding, you fatass drug addict!
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You bastards.
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Which is being broadcast live all over the country.
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All right.
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On video?
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I taped it last month.
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And decided to enroll him in the canadian school for gifted babies.
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Where american audiences would be exposed to canadians
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Oh my god, what's wrong with their heads?!
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Excuse me, which way is the bus station?
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Aren't as stupid and short as you.
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Kyle, none of this would be happening
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Terrance and phillip were already starting to taste
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Even a saturday morning cartoon was made
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I have seen my species nearly wiped out by your dangerous gas.
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Written by and starting terrance and phillip
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They were enraged, bewildered and scared.
Aired 16 years ago - Jul 11, 2001

Cartman goes medieval on Scott Tenorman's ass when ginger-haired Scott tricks our supple hero into buying his pubic hair for $16.12. Radiohead guest stars and plays a role in Cartman's elaborate scheme at getting sweet revenge on his unsuspecting foe.

Aired 16 years ago - Jul 04, 2001

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny discover David Blaine, magician and Cult Leader. Stan finds out early that the Blainiacs are not as nice as they thought. Stan has to convince Kyle, Kenny and Cartman that they've been brainwashed... but will he get to them in time? Jesus has a few tricks up his sleeve! Super Best Friends to the rescue!

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 1
If you look through david blaine's incredible book,
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Learning about how we aren't actually happy.
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Ike, you will eat this!
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Now, we have very important work to do.
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Kyle, i'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
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I don't care, i'm leaving!
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I don't wanna talk about it, i just wanna leave.
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Whoa, whoa, i'm not going anywhere.
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Oh yeah - God damn it-
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Then i guess we're not best friends anymore.
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Uh-Oh, my husband warned me about you "blaine-Iacs".
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You may have seen his television specials onabc.
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And i'm so thankful that he showed me the way to true happiness.
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All right, two tickets.
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Stan marsh. Stan marsh.
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The miracle i'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
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That's it?
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Oh, don't worry.
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As magician david blaine will now eat his own head.
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Thank you, everyone.
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You should be using your money and time for other things.
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Turn around.
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Your magic is old and outdated, jesus.
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He's incredible.
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I cannot face him alone.
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Distances unfathomable to man.
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I have great news for all blainetologists
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From every city and state to march into washington
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We've been working hard since we got your distress call.
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And link mentally with fish.
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Jesus, come look at this.
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That's what i said, semen!
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Dude, i don't think i want to be part of this anymore.
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That could be difficult, brother kyle.
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Cartman?
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And you know what else kyle said?
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Meanwhile, at the hall of super best friends...
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Give me the information.
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At his performance, david blaine said something
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If the government will not give us tax-Exempt status,
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Cartman, we've been brainwashed, don't you see?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 45
Yes, but this time, i've brought some help.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 46
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 47
Now it's your turn, blaine.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 48
They rigged this thing to fill with water.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 49
It is too powerful, jesus.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 50
Wait a minute, ummm...
Aired 16 years ago - Jun 27, 2001

Big Gay Al returns to South Park, only to be thrown out as Scoutmaster to the boys for being gay. The boys rally to his defense, with the help of the new "handi-capable" kid, Jimmy. But there's only room for one crippled kid in South Park, so Timmy and Jimmy throw off the gloves, as well as the crutches and wheelchair, in an all out slugfest to end all slugfests. MORE -LESS

Aired 16 years ago - Jun 20, 2001

The you-know-what hits the fan 162 times when the citizens of South Park hear the word "Sh*t" on the popular show, "Cop Drama." Boffo ratings have the executives at HBC plotting further use of the curse word, as the nation is struck by a mysterious plague that unleashes the ancient Knights of Standards and Practices. Only Chef and the boys can save South Park, and the world! MORE -LESS

Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
Uh! Uh!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 2
Let's just try and stay friends no matter what.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 3
Dude, you missed it, kyle, it was so awesome!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 4
What the hell?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
Whoa, shit!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
For instance:
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
For example:
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
Like, "oh shit!" Or "shit on a shingle"?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
I may now say, "hand in your shit."
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 11
And admitted that i was a homosexual- I'm gay.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
♪ Hey there shitty shitty fag fag♪
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
Ohh, looks like the weather might turn shitty.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14
Shit if i know.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
Because i'm gay, and that means i'm free to use the word "fag"!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 17
Like "cock" and and meecrob.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 18
It all started when they said "shit" on television.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 19
But i think we better ask someone.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
Sir, i'd just like to take this opportunity-
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
What's the new idea? I can hardly wait.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
Might have something to do with everyone getting sick.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
It says here the word "shit" has been around for over 600 years.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
Just about everything you could want to know about the plague
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
It says the people in england believed the plague was a curse.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 28
Holy shit! Oh-Ho, gross!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 29
That the plague and "shit", could be linked.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 30
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 31
With the show that said "shit" seven times.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
And have everyone say "shit" in place of their written lines.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 33
I'll get it.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 34
And indeed, the great country that it is.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 35
No.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 36
Aaahh!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 37
Oh, tell me you guys didn't.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
Security!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
Of castles, knights and kings.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
How can i help you, noble sir?
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 41
Knows about wizards and dragons and curses.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 42
Starting now, four straight hours of pure shit!
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
Let us make haste to the inner sanctum.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
And curse word means something
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
I've seen this before.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 46
It's not really funny anymore.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 47
I should be able to say fag.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 48
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 49
And asshole.
Recap of South Park Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 50
Oh, no! What?