Aired 9 years ago - Nov 19, 2008
Butters is sure he’s seen a vampire at school but he can’t get anyone to listen to him. Meanwhile, the Goth Kids are angry and frustrated when the other kids can’t tell the difference between a Goth and a Vampire.
Are they trying to be goth?
So all of a sudden you
Justin and Britney wannabes think
We're just as dark as you guys.
Why is hamburger helper
in a glass of milk, Butters?
- See, there's these kids at school...
- What keeps a family together?
You do it right now
or you're going to be grounded.
I'll bet vampires
never get hollered at.
Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
Butters, what are you doing?
But... I think I would make
a really good vampire if you just...
Get out of our space,
you little twerps!
you can't ever leave.
You are grounded for two weeks,
you got that?
I am going to my room now.
that your new little fad
is scary to some.
But just make sure
that this new little trend
vampires are actually very spiritual
and deep beings, per se.
So we're back to that, are we?
And if someone must die so that
I can feed, I choose thee.
- Are you all right, sweetie?
Why is this happening?
I mean, why now?
what do you do when you want to change
vampires back to normal?
I'm not a vampire!
as something to brag about some day
to his little vampire buddies.
I should have known I wouldn't have
the stomach to be a vampire.
Until you stop behaving this way,
you are not going the leave this room!
But still more and more kids
are dressing up like vampires.
They aren't goth,
they are douches little vampire kids.
Some legends say that if you
destroy the vampire's lair,
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 12, 2008
Stan realizes he could lose Wendy if he doesn't get on board with the latest fad to hit South Park Elementary. Cartman would rather kill himself than succumb. But, when Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman all realize that Butters is now more popular than they are, they have no choice but to give in to peer pressure.
We are really getting old.
I no longer have any connection
to this world.
Frickin' hybrids, man.
They just don't do the trick anymore.
As long as we care about each other
We can still all have some fun
Don't care what other people wear
Or the way they like to style their hair
Do you feel like maybe
you're losing her, Stan?
Look, I just want you to know,
if you want to, you know,
I wouldn't have a chance with Bridon.
He can be with any girl he wants!
but what if she just doesn't
wanna hurt my feelings?
No, fuck off.
I'm not doing it!
Listen. You know this whole singing
and dancing thing you do.
I can't stand it.
Go and tell your dad you want to give up
singing and dancing and play basketball.
You can lay down the rhythm
and bring it
No son of mine is going to be a
sweaty little jock!
I will slap your face so super hard.
I slap, slap, slap you!
With all of our friends
What happened? I thought you
didn't wanna sing and dance anymore.
All the kids and the school funding
goes to the theater department.
- That's great, Bridon!
Your kid is really good at this.
You don't tell me
how to raise my son!
We promised each other
we would never do that. Remember?
Don't make fun of my diabetes.
Okay, that's totally true.
You better just turn your asses around
and get back in your little car,
We just wanted to talk to you
for a few minutes,
Oh, God, please! You have to get away.
He won't ever stop!
Guess we'll be working a lot together.
What did I do to deserve this?
And what am I supposed to do now?
- You the reach the stars...
- Please! You have to do something!
Can you believe it?
What'd he just say?
You get upstairs
That's enough, you guys.
It's not cool.
Third team foul on West Jeff Bobcats.
Ball goes back over to the cows.
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 05, 2008
While the country celebrates the outcome of the election, the new President-elect catches everyone off guard when he arrives at the White House prematurely.
- What's wrong with your brother?
- He was an McCain supporter.
I'm gonna spend the rest of the evening
getting some much needed rest.
- Man, that was perfect!
- I almost thought
the hard part's just starting.
Celebrate good Obama, come on.
I knew when you two ran for president
you were just working an angle.
The hope diamond is ungettable.
Every thief in the world knows that.
There is simply no side
of the Smithsonian that can be breached.
A two-mile long underground passage
that runs from the White House
The heist is on.
If we are indeed the greatest
thief club in the world...
Oh, my God.
That's not true!
I will need absolute privacy.
Is that understood?
Not anymore we don't.
Everything's different now.
You heard me, you piece of shit!
- Hey, I voted for Obama!
- Obama's not talking about you!
Maybe I'll run for
vice president again in 2009!
- I'll be there in 30.
- God, she's awesome.
You're going to deny them, too?
There isn't going to be a hospital.
Don't you get it?
It's just that your wife is here.
Michelle, there's something
I need to tell you.
They did replace the laser system,
but the new one isn't brand new.
- Shut up!
- "But I sent you away Obama
My girls need somebody better
than a world class diamond thief.
4:46, from inside I can open the doors
and let in the rest of the crew.
5:15 a.m., I walk out
of the oval office
Just one thing.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 29, 2008
Giant guinea pigs are attacking cities all over the world. The boys have the key that will save everyone from the onslaught but they're stranded in the Andes Mountains.
Sharon is here with me. And there's Shelley. Wave to the camera, Shelley.
Reports of attacks are coming from major cities all over the world.
Go, Randy, run!
to Peru, but had you land way up in Andes moutains of Peru,
Actually the whole rounding up of the panflute bands didn't make sense any of us either.
It's like humans have never been to this part of Peru.
More guinea pigs seem to be moving in from all directions.
No, sir. We diverted all the resources away from the panflute bands to deal with the guinea pigs.
- Oh, Jesus!
- Randy, run.
Randy? Were are you going?
You just winded up being set by the government to take down the city of Lima
We found the Stotch family hiding up here also.
It stung me, it stung me.
Because when you come across a spooky ancient ruine, you say
You guys, look at this. It's a wall of ancient drawings.
Dude, Craig, what's going on?
And how are the efforts to contain all this going?
All right, get the jets ready. I need to get to Machu Picchu.
We're in grocery store now. Some other survivors here.
There... there. Okay.
Hey, we aren't the ones on an ancient temple prophecy wall, buttwipe.
Guinea rabbits are still everywhere along with few guinea panthers.
What do you think about the guineasaurus rex, Shelley?
You are putting down that goddamn camera!
Behold! I am standing on your precious land.
They're a peruvian band that escaped. We must keep them contained.
would be unleashed and I have made that happen.
Oh, I'm much more than that.
Sir, I promise you, I'm not going to ruin your plan.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 22, 2008
The boys find a way to make money off an international crisis that requires no talent and very little effort. Cartman convinces the other boys to invite Craig to get in on their latest plan. He knows Craig has just what it takes to make their dream a reality.
and then make some crappy
pan flute music cds on my computer.
Come on in, Craig,
have a seat! Welcome.
You guys never hang out with me,
you never invite me to do stuff,
All right, guys. Just like we
rehearsed it! You ready, Craig?
Por favor, buy our cds de musica!
and ecological crisis
of disastrous proportions.
We will need every resource
available to see this through.
This country was founded on
beliefs in freedom and integrity.
Clear out. Move! This is a homeland
security operation, people. Let's go!
The government efforts to stop
the Peruvian flute band crisis
The flute bands contained
I said I'm not buying any god
damn cds today! You got that?
Which will take you
to Guantanamo bay.
I'm sure our parents are freaking
out right now trying to find us.
Nobody knows anything.
It's like the boys just vanished.
This is exactly why I've told
Kyle not to hang around that boy!
We've been researching,
but we can't figure it out.
Not "Peruvian", retards.
Peru! It's right here!
Sir, you better come quick.
and sell CDs of you with an llama
but you're not a Peruvian flute band.
- We speak english!
- And we're white!
- one of us.
- I agree.
then they could be our way
of taking out Peru once and for all.
That's why nobody likes
hanging out with you guys.
You don't have a choice.
- Si, no podemis ir!
- Que son protectores.
La muerte peludo!
Oh, my God!
My god! What is that thing?
Because you guys are jerks
and you never learn from your mistakes.
You guys took my birthday money,
got me arrested and sent to Miami
Why would homeland security
send us into Peru?
What the hell was that?
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 15, 2008
Wendy gets in trouble when she threatens to beat up Cartman after school. No matter how fired up Wendy is, all bets are on Cartman. Everybody knows a girl can't fight a boy and win.
She's not gonna show up
to a fight, dawg.
I'm gonna teach her a lesson,
I'm not gonna totally kick her ass.
- and tell you that...
Actually I was thinking
let's just keep this between us.
You did, you stood there and said you
apologized and don't want to fight.
What am I supposed to do about it?
there's nothing you can do
to stop this fight.
Wendy and I are suppose
to fight in like three hours.
but she feels like if she doesn't fight
me, all the kids will call her chicken.
God, you are such a pussy,
Stan, you're such a pussy,
I totally can't see the fight,
I've got detention after school.
that's how I roll, dawg, I do
hardcore stuff like that.
Your detention doesn't matter.
Tomorrow morning, you die
Wendy, have you been bullying
kids at school?
but she still wants to beat me up.
because I don't have
that many friends at school.
And so we must all recycle
We all must fight and hopefully kid
titty cancer will be a distant memory.
No, ma'am there isn't going
to be a fight.
I was diagnosed seven years ago.
Cancer doesn't play by the rules
so neither can you.
She's gonna fight. Wendy's gonna fight
Cartman right now.
- Butters get out of here.
- Wendy is coming to fight you.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 08, 2008
After watching the intimidating opening ceremonies of the recent Olympic games, Cartman understands that the Chinese are only just days away from invading his homeland. While the rest of the American people are haunted by the memory of a recent tragic event, only Butters will stand with Cartman as he confronts the Chinese.
We had to get out of there.
And because we did nothing,
they got away.
The Chinese are taking over the world
and nobody's doing anything.
- Why are they gonna kill my parents?
- Because the Chinese hate Americans.
We are not letting them
take over our country.
- Come on!
- It's horrible!
- Why are they doing this?
- Just run!
Here, put these teeth in.
And just say "harro" and "prease" a lot.
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
- Your waitress will be right with you.
- Ping po ching cho.
- I'm freaking out.
- Stay calm.
As you can see,
we are Chinese peoparu ourselves.
Look out, Indy!
It's Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!
He ain't going nowhere!
What day is American invasion again?
They're taking over our country!
This is life or death now! Help me!
This is stupid.
my name is Kyle broflovski.
That I'll have to relive
what I saw that day.
- Did you see it?
- Yes, I saw it, but I...
Hey, leave him alone!
These American traitors might have
bought your propaganda, but not us!
- The President?
- Come on men, we're going in!
Goddammit, what did I say
about shooting guys in the dick?
It's not okay.
Defeating Chinese won't be anything
I'm not going out and arresting
Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!
I didn't think anybody here saw it!
Did you, Mitch?
- What do you guys want?
- Don't say anything. Just do it.
If I go outside, there are more Chinese
ready to take me down.
Oh, it stings.
You can deal with the Chinese
Go inside. Move!
Aired 9 years ago - Apr 23, 2008
While the kids are on an educational field trip to a living museum, Cartman makes Butters sneak away from the class to go to the amusement center located next door.
Or you can head over the general store.
Oh, that's cool. Come on, eric,
we need to catch up with everyone.
What do you mean back then?
We ain't never heard
of no siren in 1864.
Whoa now! I'm sheriff mclawdog.
Store hand, you ever heard
of this fancy smancy phone?
This is not the time for that!
We should get back to the pioneer
village. That's what we should do!
What's the number to dial out?
Hah, I mean, this here
room sure is strange.
Sister, you don't know the half of it.
You got it! Nice!
♪ the answer to my
prayers super fun time ♪
♪ you make my life so
right super fun time ♪
Unfortunately, your police department got
wind of our robbery and chased after us.
How did they find us?
These are professionals
we're dealing with here.
I'd like to speak with
the chief of police.
Them there bandits sure
look mighty strange.
Oh, man, I can't wait to
see the look on kyle's face
Yeah, well, I guess that's kinda true.
Butters, listen to me. Listen.
The police have us completely
surrounded on all sides.
So, if we can get into the shaft, we can
tunnel our way around the police. Excellent.
I'm just a simple blacksmith. With my trustee force
i make all the metal works for the village.
Why, we got to put fires out ourselves.
I'm just a simple blacksmith.
I don't have time for your stupid game!
What he meant to say, kids, is that we
ain't never heard of no fancy door code
Yeah, we gotta, got, get
the hell outta here fast!
Look, see that traffic
signal down there?
Frolich, check in. Have you
found any other employees?
Tarnation, why'd you
let murdering murphy go?
Not me! Not me! Not me! Not me! Not me!
I was just supposed to look
after my partner and I blew it.
Quick, are you ready? We got to jump!
And women in our time ain't allowed to
know the carryings-on of the town proper.
Wendy, I have to do something.
But i done come from pagosa springs
to buy me some wares and such.
I reckon that maybe you could make a jail
door that opened with numbers instead of keys.
what would you villagers want the number to
be to unlock that there jail door shuck 'em up?
No! You got your door code. Let us go!
Or the witty anecdotes
of the towns people.
Our teacher said we have to hold
hands the whole time we're here!
Aired 9 years ago - Apr 16, 2008
The citizens of South Park wake up one morning shocked to find the Internet is gone. Upon hearing news that the Internet may remain in California, Randy decides to head out west with the family.
N, don't! You're wasting your time.
We can't! Don't you get it?
Hello? Do you have internet?
If my darling amir gets another internet
girlfriend, I'm going to kill him.
We're gonna head west.
In the meantime, I got a family
who needs internet right away.
Sorry, folks. We're full up.
Soon as we get us some
internet we can all rest easy.
Oh, I'm gonna sit down at that
internet and just start e-mailing.
How many folks heading
out to california?
My two children, they
tried to load a webpage.
You'll be able to get online
when we get to california.
Silicon valley, california!
All right. Stay in
line once you're inside.
Excuse me. We're looking
for some internet.
Aw, how am I supposed to
see internet porn that way?
There might be some internet still
in california, and parts of florida.
We got to get a reporter
out to the internet.
Gentlemen, president is very angry
that his internet still isn't working.
Here it is, general. The internet.
Next. Nelson, peter T.
I got used to being able to see anything
at the click of a button, you know?
Amir and I are closer than
anybody in this stupid family!
We all got used to seeing lots of
really perverted stuff on the internet,
Brazilian fart fetish
porn? Click. Click.
We now have a reporter on
the scene. Let's go live!
If we've angered you
somehow, let us know.
Hey, wait a minute.
This is taking too long.
What is that?
With nowhere else to turn, the government
is going to allow one brave 8-year-old boy
Aired 9 years ago - Apr 09, 2008
While Ms. Garrison is off trying to find a way to become the man he was always intended to be, Cartman is put in charge of the classroom.
In other news tonight, a south park
bio company is coming under fire
who have become disfigured
and need ears or noses.
Doctor, what about a penis?
I will give you all the money
I have to just try. Please.
Commend means you've done
a great job, eric, mkay.
These gentlemen from the denver county school
board have something they want to ask you.
That sounds like a chance to really make
an impact on some students who need it most.
because we took the answers out of
garrison's desk, and you know it!
They are going to murder you.
This may be your last shot at
graduating from high school at all!
I am here to teach you calculus.
And so here's your penis.
Okay, everyone take a silly bus
and pass it to the amigo behind you.
He's won three superbowls. How?
If you cheat and
succeed, you're savvyyyy.
How about a little pickup game?
No matter how many times you say I cheated, the scoreboard says 2
A penis is loose in our kitchen!
There! There you see it!
Today, we will discuss one of the
most fundamental ways to cheat --
Learn what's on the test before they
give it to you, and that way you can --
He simply said what every good
white cheater says when caught:
I misinterpreted the rules!
there he goes, stop you.
I won't be going to college.
Abortion isn't wrong.
They get pregnant, but they still want to
go to college so whatever, they just cheat.
It is at our most challenging times
that we must cheat our very hardest.
Is this pretty close?
Where is it?
♪ and seeing it so bright ♪
A very ugly one. Come on,men.
The test is going to be heavily monitored
in a private room at their location
I knew it,man!
Just before the last superbowl,bill
belichick gathered his football players
or else you can lose the
biggest game of your lives.
Aired 9 years ago - Apr 02, 2008
The head of the World Canadian Bureau leads the country into a long and painful strike and the responsibility of brokering a settlement rests with the boys.
Aired 9 years ago - Mar 26, 2008
In a South Park homage to the 1981 film, “Heavy Metal”, the boys are trying to get Kenny off the latest drug craze that’s captured the junior high and under set.
Aired 9 years ago - Mar 19, 2008
While trying to escape her troubles in the secluded mountains near South Park, Britney Spears has a run-in with the boys. Stan and Kyle get swept up in her celebrity as well as the non-stop feeding frenzy that plagues her wherever she goes. The boys must take Britney to the North Pole when they learn the secret behind what makes her so popular.
Well this costume was supposed
to be for the Easter musical, fellas,
We're professionals too,
you fucking butthole!
I didn't even know it was there.
- We did it guys!
- I told you that would work!
It ain't right to take advantage
of somebody no matter who they are!
How cold we know she would...
Aw we suck so hard.
We don't wanna upset her, we
just want to tell her that we're sorry.
This video was taken just hours ago
Chris, any word on why Ms. Spears went
for this radical "no top of the head" look?
Brit! Over here, Brit.
One for Star Weekly.
All right, Britney, let's take it from the top.
Remember to bring that sexiness to it.
that last lyric is supposed to be
No, I mean, she literally doesn't have
most of her brain! Her head is gone!
Here to perform her new song is the one,
and only, Britney Spears!
And we can put you
on SlimFast tomorrow.
and abandoned all those close to her.
Oh boy, now, Leslie, this seems
like a really bad camel toe offense.
She was sporting toe
like never before, Brian.
Colorado officials have taken
the squirrel to Johns-Hopkins
you'll be in the North Pole soon.
Look, you guys are
gonna end up killing her.
Just this one time, let's, let's
all stop before it's too late, huh?
The purpose is too great.
You want me to, to what?
What is going on?
Why do you want Britney Spears to die?
It's a damn shame too.
Old ways were butter.
and then sacrificed. For harvest.
They're gonna kill her!
They're going to in-
Sacrifice in March,
corn have plenty starch.
All right, enough already!
This has all gone on long enough!
Aired 9 years ago - Mar 12, 2008
After going in for a routine tonsillectomy, a botched transfusion leaves Cartman afflicted with an incurable disease. When he finds no comfort in his friends and family, how far will he go to find a cure?
What's going on?Are we in trouble?
The disease is in very early
stages and completely manageable,
All right,we're going
to bring eric in now.
How you doing,eric?
Now,you're not going to die,eric.
We are here tonight to salute the bravery and the courage
of one very special little boy who is living with HIV
The italian meatballs are fantastic.
and that money will certainly go
towards helping little eric martman.
I wrote this song for
a very brave little boy.
how he got AIDS I haven't
a clue wasting away again
Well,did elton john sing a song for you?
If you really felt bad,you'd
wipe that Smirk off your face!
Oh,and what,I deserve it?
I just,I don't know that I should
be helping you make kyle look silly.
All right. Now get the rope up over
that third rafter above the window.
You think HIV is something
to be laughed at,kyle?
Mrs. Broflovski,has your son
ever had a blood transfusion?
It took us a long time to narrow
it down,but there is no doubt.
Ooohhhh,you have HIV,huh,kyle?
You cannot purposely infect
other kids with your disease.
Should we just call it a truce?
There is no cure,you asshole!
He's still totally fine.
Because if you don't the cure
for HIV,I will break your xbox.
That would be $400 each.
Don't you get it?
Are you sure you don't
just have any cash?
We're so happy to help
accommodate you brave boys.
look,shouldn't you be serving people
drinks or something?Get outta here!
Magic,magic,could you come
to the front for a minute?
We were just hoping that maybe you have some
kind of key that could help us with our disease.
I don't think it's funny,kyle.
But if you want to be so
HIV negative all the time -
I would love to know so I could
help others,but I just don't
I don't know which thing is what keeps
my T-cell count high,so i try it all.
I sleep with all my money.
Take a look.
The cash does seem to restrain
the hiv cells from stabilizing.
We need FDA approvals,control studies!