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in 12 hours
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 17

Aired 3 years ago - Dec 11, 2013

When Wendy tries to prove a point about how much pressure little girls feel to look like celebrities, it gets her in trouble with everyone at school, and gets Clyde a new girlfriend.

Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 10 (S17E10) - 1
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You did! You said Kim is short, fat, with big hairy feet and she's a hobbit.
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Have you stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe...
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And you're gonna have to find that line because nobody likes a girl who's jelly.
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- Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that's right. - Uh-oh.
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Now, there've been malicious rumors started at this elementary school
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Yes, she has a friend named Gandalf who happens to be a wizard.
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Okay. If my fiancée Kim is a hobbit,
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in her room that is slightly below ground.
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No, I know, you just you smoke that long pipe sometimes when you sit by the fire.
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This is Lisa Burger's class photo, right?
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streamline the shoulders, put highlights in the eyes and... there.
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- ...and then go tell her I love her. - Butters!
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Uh, Butters, I don't know how to tell you this, but...
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- Wow, she's hot. - Yeah, we just started dating seriously.
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Yeah, dude. She looks amazing. Clyde sent me her pics.
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She's fat and ugly.
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Girls that don't have what you have will always put you down.
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Just maybe I should have you sent off to Jelly School.
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but she better watch her jelly behavior
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Uh, Wendy, I'm just trying to make you understand
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If my fiancée is a hobbit, then, um...
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She must be a beautiful sexy woman!
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If she was here you could all see for yourself how beautiful she is,
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I got it. Yup. Let me tell them. Love you too.
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'cause I'm making a fool of myself out here.
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Nobody here is jelly but the boys don't even notice the rest of us any more.
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Don't be sad. If you want to look really hot, like me,
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Get right up there.
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No way, go back to Annie Nelson. She's built like a slim-Jim.
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- Hey, Wendy, can I ask you a big favor? - What?
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- You have short legs. - I do?
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Wendy, in my office, right now, mkay?
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♪ On occasion she hangs out ♪ ♪ with dwarf friends. ♪
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Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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♪ My girl ain't no hobbit. Please, God, ♪ ♪ tell me I ain't engaged to no hobbit ♪
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Lisa Burger.
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I don't think so. We don't wanna cheer with a hater!
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What are you gonna do?
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and tomorrow will speak before the State Senate to ban the use of Photoshop images,
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And you're not just being a hater.
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OK, because I do understand that the Jelly School in Aurora
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That's fine! People can call me whatever names they want to. I don't care!
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And all the hobbit ever wanted was to be beautiful.
Aired 3 years ago - Dec 04, 2013

The doors to the mall will finally open for the biggest Black Friday sale in history. The boys are divided over which gaming device to buy and a bloody battle will determine whether Xbox or Sony will be the winner.

Aired 3 years ago - Nov 20, 2013

Hordes of souless shoppers approach the mall in anticipation of the Black Friday sales. The kids prepare for an epic battle where one faction's favorite gaming device will come out on top. Will Stan and Kyle's friendship survive Black Friday?

Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 8 (S17E08) - 1
doing this, right Because he wanted to be a princess, and I wouldn't let him.
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Two can play at kenny's back-stabbing game.
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Eric cartman. I'm a wizard and a king.
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Yes, hello. How are things going out there
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You sound ridiculous.
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Microsoft's a company that tries to be above all the petty commercialism okay
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Tom, tragedy struck last night
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- They can't do that! - What That's 90% off.
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If you are here for Black Friday, you cannot be on mall property
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We can walk really slow. Look.
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I need to know how to deal with him.
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is following the Game of Thrones model exactly.
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and if we should betray clyde or not.
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Hey, hey, bill gates actually showing up at corporate.
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Yeah, well, nothing I can't handle.
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Do you know what weakness is, steve
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There's only going to be one winner.
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Oh, here we go...2217.
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- We're not fans! - Yeah! We don't like it!
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You hate how I killed everyone off
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Soft and flaccid, his weiner glistens in the golden sunlight.
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- I'll order us some pizzas. - Okay, thanks.
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but stan is still the nuts and balls of the operation.
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Did you know that stan's dad is working a temp job as mall security - What
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Dude, you better stop harassing me, or I'm calling the cops.
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Oh, it's you.
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Let's not forget that having a blood bath on Black Friday
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Back to you.
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and none other than bill gates himself
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We understand that you've donated some guns to the kids as well.
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and agree that playstations are better, she'll consider it.
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Stan, this has gone too far.
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You're outnumbered ten to one, and there's no time left.
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He knows that stannis baratheon's weiner is probably shriveled from the cold
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But you said they were on their way like three hours ago.
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Mr. gates, I was hoping I could talk to you
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Don't worry, I'm quite good at letting my CEOs do what they want.
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Why don't you stay the out of my business
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There must be something you can give to kids who want sonies
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♪ Wiener, wiener wiener ♪
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♪ Wiener party ♪
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But this is the best part right before king joffrey gets poisoned.
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- Don't worry, they're coming! - Not just two pizzas.
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- I'll make calls. - I know a way to make sure
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 13, 2013

Anticipation for the biggest shopping day of the year is building. The dark days of winter are coming and that can only mean one thing: the fight to be the first in the mall on Black Friday has begun. The boys prepare to battle the crowds the day after Thanksgiving to get the best deal on the new gaming systems.

Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 7 (S17E07) - 1
- It is real. they do it every year.
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- That's right, Black Friday is just around the corner.
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her head was stepped on and crushed.
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- Tom, the South Park mall says they've beefed up security
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- But, my friends, we must still find others
Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 7 (S17E07) - 7
Oh, thanks.
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- The shoppers...
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It was 5:00 a.m. when they opened they doors.
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Before I knew it, they were all around me fighting, clawing.
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it's because that guy's in a love scene with another guy.
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They've agreed to join us.
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- No, guys,
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- No, the Xboxes are gonna be better.
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- Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?
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because that's how Xbox people are.
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I, uh-- all right, look.
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- Nobody else has thought of it, sharon.
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and I'm a sneaky little bee. Buzz, buzz.
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- God, these guys are such dorks.
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in getting Xbox ones super cheap?
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- You can't change his mind, sir Kyle.
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it's all soft and floppy,
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I'm lonely. Are you lonely?
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available at South Park mall, starting Black Friday.
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- You've murdered us, you soulless monsters.
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This is crazy. - I'll deal with these demons.
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We come seeking your help.
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We need people to help us be the first 20 inside the mall.
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- what's Betamax?
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come in the way of what's rightfully ours.
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I might need you to use that influence
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buzz, buzz, buzz
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- Listen, I know why you took this part-time job.
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Look, I just want to say I--
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They just don't listen.
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the swim team, and the Glee club.
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- Playstation.
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and if the first people inside that mall all got Xboxes,
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they're offering a special Black Friday bundle
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- sir Kyle, preorder doesn't mean shit, okay?
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Aired 3 years ago - Nov 06, 2013

Cartman's latest prank has brought about the necessary spiritual conditions for world peace. Religious leaders descend upon South Park to witness a Biblical prophecy that has been fulfilled. Cartman and Kyle are the only two at odds as the world embarks upon a thousand years of peace and harmony.

Aired 3 years ago - Oct 30, 2013

When Ike hits puberty, he and Kyle start to grow apart. To save their relationship, Kyle takes Ike to see a live performance of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 5 (S17E05) - 1
? Go, go, go Foofa
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I don't even know what the fucking Muno is.
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Mkay, have you set up a counseling appointment
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Make appointment.
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All right, I can do a look up for the name.
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Let's find an Intelilink panel somewhere.
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and all he talks about is sex.
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and go to the bathroom at the same time.
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and now you are reaching Canadian puberty.
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This stupid, bro. I already know all this.
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But now let's discuss how a man and woman make love.
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- I was being sarcastic. - Being sarcastic?
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You're fucking stupid, Kyle.
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He doesn't want me near him.
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so I can take my brother to see Yo Gabba Gabba live.
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Yes, a student's trying to make an appointment to see the principal.
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I'm a little baby... who's going to hold my fucking hand?
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{pub}? Don't bite people
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And what is your cool, cool, trick, Ryan?
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Do you have a cool trick?
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Wait! Oh, my God, what are you doing?
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- That's what I thought. - This is stupid, bro.
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Foofa, what you talking about?
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Oh, God, what has this little boy done?
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Don't you think this has something to do
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- I'm also your buddy. - Thanks, guy.
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and so far it's been an unmitigated disaster.
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and make sure it runs smoothly.
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Do you know how much money we wasted on this thing?
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- Oh, no. - It's a $10,000 upgrade,
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while you were "drinking" on a "hike".
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From kid show star to sex symbol,
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Foofa's got that nice shaved strange
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Foofa, you don't have to show your strange
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Screw off, Sinead O'Connor.
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Hello.
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Satisfied with... Wait a minute, what medication?
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People all over the world get their medication from Canada.
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large doses of hormones that were supposed to go
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That must be it. Don't you see, Terry,
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Not sure what his problem has been lately.
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Whatever is wrong with tom Brady
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Well, what you probably want to do
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Oh, you want the centurion package.
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with a performance from Yo Gabba Gabba's Foofa
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 23, 2013

One of the Goth kids has been sent to a camp for troubled children. When she returns, her friends find her changed in a disturbing way. With their very existence threatened, the Goths have to do something drastic. They are forced to ask the Vamp kids for help.

Aired 4 years ago - Oct 09, 2013

Cartman is deeply disturbed by a single person who he sees as a threat to all humanity. He races around the country to put an end to Patient Zero, the ticking time bomb that is Token.

Recap of South Park Season 17 Episode 3 (S17E03) - 1
and the jury will now decide his fate.
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♪ Hey, hey, hey, it's a beautiful day and I can't stop ♪
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and they're most likely about to go totally manace.
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Agh!
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My wife took it.
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M'kay. Token, come on in, please.
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What jury?
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I was not the bullet.
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It's not a poem, it doesn't even rhyme.
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Okay, thanks Token.
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Next we have a student would like to perform an original rap song
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Black or white. Let's not fight.
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Black people say he-ey.
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You think I should feel bad for you because of the Trayvon Martin verdict?
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Come on, come on!
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- Drive, you gotta drive now! - What's going on?
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The outbreak is starting. We've got to get the [bleep] out of here.
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There's no Denver left to go back to.
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than reports of an outbreak of some kind.
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a contagion outbreak of the worse kind.
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Find out if he thinks it's safe to land in Los Angeles.
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- Yes, let him think! - I can't think here.
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- He's just out looking for trouble! - That's you're side of it, Token.
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and he'll let it go. It will all be fine, m'kay.
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My husband, he said the outbreak was all over the news
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We have reason to believe it hasn't spread yet.
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If you can't stop this, if you can't save the world
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Oh, my God.
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going only off of this sketch which was found in a notebook at the airport.
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Alright, you want a rifle, like this .22 caliber.
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What? How am I supposed to get a person to break into my house?
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- Yes, that's what I need. I'll take that. - No, you have to be in the state
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Look at that, 6:00 A.M. and my family's already smiling.
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that the government has learned the identity of patient zero.
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... need you to shoot a young African-American for us.
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That may be true but I'll have to live with this the rest of my life
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although he survived the shooting, his wishes are to remain anonymous,
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- Dude, I'm saying I'm sorry. - So what.
Aired 4 years ago - Oct 02, 2013

The boys use the game of MINECRAFT as a distraction to keep their parents from hurting each other.

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You're making a mistake. Let me go.
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How is this stuff allowed to stay on the air?
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in which profit comes before morals.
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betrayal and murder on Hot Load Case Files.
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A what?
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Think if we watch shows about married people killing each other
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because 99% of the time they tell.
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How are they able to do this with their smartphones.
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Sorry, sir, if you need it now
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but we just need to send a technician to your house
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Oh, you can't? Jeez, that's too bad.
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it's all retro like legos
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We were told you're available for hire and we're desperate.
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Now, we're going to select an empty world.
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No, in the Minecraft forest how do you get wood?
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Minecraft don't have no winner.
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We don't have to have sex for our relationship to be good.
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They broke the parental lock somehow.
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He was holding sugar cane.
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Yeah, then my dad went berserk and threw me down a well.
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That's it.
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I was just playing mine... my banjo.
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Thanks to you and your stupid app
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Why?
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Maybe we need to trust our parents won't act out what they see.
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I don't even remember doing this.
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We heard you might be teaching Minecraft to adults.
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Ouchie, ouchie! Mommy rape my no-no.
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Aha!
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Yeah, I've seen that stuff.
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People copy everything they see people do on cable.
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and we want them removed, please?
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Oh, I'm sorry. Our company doesn't work that way.
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We want specific networks dropped from our cable.
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Oh, man. It's gonna be like three weeks.
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If they didn't have easy access they'd be bummed out
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How much would it bum them out?
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from regular programming.
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and we hope you'll voice all your concerns to us
Aired 4 years ago - Sep 25, 2013

When Cartman manages to get himself behind the doors of the NSA, he doesn’t like what he finds in his personal file. He thinks it’s time he told everyone the truth. Meanwhile, Butters finds someone new to listen to his prayers.

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And please watch over Mommy and Daddy.
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And thank you President Obama
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They're spying on you?
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Nah don't do that.
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You need that new thing where you don't need to type.
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it wasn't me that was homophobic.
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that can actually take the thoughts in your head,
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People who take their cats on planes should be shot.
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Go direct from thought to Internet with Shitter.
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Wait! Shh.
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Now as I infiltrate the NSA
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In 1982 I was at a party at Mike Douglas'house
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I did something really bad.
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Here we go.
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And then I ... I put my wiener through the hole.
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I will!
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that will give those faggots in Chelsea a run for their money.
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Yes sir, we believe the ... the truth.
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like showing people pictures of little girls
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and your government wants you to be happy.
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Only problem is checking all those emails, Twitter accounts
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Will do.
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as he went to question the possible suspect.
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Say what right does the government have
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but the brave can't be free if the land isn't home
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I fucked Jack lemmon's makeup girl in a porta potty.
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We went to DMV and we admit to
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Wul there's a lot of interesting stuff in here Craig,
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he means the government loves you. And it wants to forgive you
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then I wanna make sure I come clean about the bad ones maybe
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how they are able to keep track of everyone in the country.
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People who have a status of threat, possible threat or
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Oh yeah, we tracked him for a little bit
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and that's when I masturbated to game of thrones.
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Congratulations, brother! How do you feel?
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There'll be no joy here!
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Eric Cartman is the NSA's worst nightmare.
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How do you think we're able to really know who is doing what?
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and on Alec Baldwin's new television show via Shitter!
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And everyone's gonna think I'm super cool.
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is listening in on everything. Nobody cares that Santa Claus
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No, you don't have to fly to Russia hon.
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