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Continuing
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in 4 days
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 9

Aired 11 years ago - Dec 07, 2005

Stan is embarrassed in front of his friends when his dad gets pulled over for drunk driving. In a neighboring town, a bleeding statue of Mary is discovered and the faithful are flocking to the site hoping to be healed. Stan’s dad is sure the bleeding Virgin can cure him of his disease.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 14 (S09E14) - 1
Wull come on, that's impossible!
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What? What did I do?! What did I do?!
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Okay children, let's take our seats.
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Oh Jesus.
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Uh, you you shouldn't drink, because it leads tuuuh bad things.
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Well, I think we've all learned an important lesson, haven't we, class?
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"Is that who I want to be in thirty years?"
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As most of you know I once lost my job and my family because of my drinking.
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I've been using the 12-step program for about two months now and
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Um, my name's Randy and... I just, really like beer.
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Because I got a DUI and so I'm required to attend AA meetings for two weeks.
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Only then can you move on to the other 12 steps, like...
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You just have to admit that there is some kind of god which has power over you
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You have a disease.
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What? Did you go to your AA meeting?!
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Aw Goddamnit!
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Dad, you just need to not drink so much. It's very simple.
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The statue of the Virgin Mary has started to bleed. Out its ass.
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and we wanted to see it for ourselves and come and pray.
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hoping to witness the miracle and even cure their diseases.
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I've been sober now for five years and I've learned that drinking ice tea
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And, y-you can't just go around saying stuff like that to people like my dad.
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But thanks to you people, my dad now thinks he has a disease that he can't cure himself.
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As the statue of the Virgin Mary continues to miraculously cry blood...
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The blood always comes from the same area. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.
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What?
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I'm eight!
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Where. I can't see.
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I feel like this is my only hope.
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Heeey heh, Josh Garrett. How yo doin'?
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I just, my dad was-
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This is taking too long! I'm gonna run out of beer! Stan!
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I'm an alcoholic and I'm powerless over it.
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She's... beautiful.
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I'm... not... going... to drink this.
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Good morning, family. The Lord has truly blessed us with another beautiful day.
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At Whistlin' Willy's Pizza, so you can come with me.
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Boy this lemonade is great! Who knew how fun being sober could be?!
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But I put my faith in a higher power and I haven't had a drink for five days now!
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Aired 11 years ago - Nov 30, 2005

A “talking” whale inspires the fourth-graders to risk everything to return him to his family. With the police on their tails, the boys enlist the help of a foreign government and embark upon an adventure you’ll not soon forget. One in which the boys learn just how far you would go for a friend.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 13 (S09E13) - 1
Why? Aren't you happy here?
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And for those of you just joining us, this is the stingray tank.
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Dude, he talks!
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Jambu! Jambu, I'm back!
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Huhm. Jambu, you wanna talk about rocket ships?
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Come on, guys, let's leave Kyle with his stupid whale.
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You see, my name is actually Willzyx and I'm from the moon!
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You live on the moon?
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They want to kill all us zypods, so they keep us in these horrible tanks and make us perform.
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Can't. Talk. Any. More.
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The whale's name is Willzy-x and he told us he's dying on our planet.
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Weh-well, why didn't you tell anybody? - Well I thought I was crazy.
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Timmy...
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We're gonna bust you out of here.
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It must have been taken while I was going to the bathroom.
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Sir! Sir, we've found a note!
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We'll find out who was responsible for this!
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It was really funny!
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The economy is stale and I...
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Hi. My name's Kyle. Uh, I understand that your country flies people into space for money.
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We will just need, say, twenty million dollars?
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Kiss my ass, George Bush! This is not funny!
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We've gotta split up and find someplace cheaper, that's all.
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believe it or not, dozens of people have come to show support for whoever took the whale.
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One thing for certain: something is certainly FISHY here at the Sea Park. Tom?
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Will you relax? Those kids said they were from South Park.
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Whale poo.
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Do you think somebody's been using it?
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We're too late. They've moved on to another town!
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I'm telling you, we're close. It's going to be funny!
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Whales are mammals: they don't need water to breathe, dumbass.
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Hello? Jimmy, any luck at the Chinese Embassy?
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Yeah... He must be really sick.
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Uh, excuse me, we're looking for the Mexican Aeronautica y Spacia Administrashown?
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Flow, sí, sumi.
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Two hundred.
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Oh yes, that's my bubbe. Kind of a bad drawing though.
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My little bubbe is very caring.
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I'm going as fast as I can.
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You kids told me you won that whale at Pizza Hut!
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I know you're sick, but you could do it!
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You're not goin' anywhere! You're in a lot of trouble!
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These boys are trying to get that whale home! You're not gonna stop them!
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Jesus, Oh God!
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Mike? Mike?!
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Forty-five to dispatch...
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Look! The Mexican border!
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Get them!
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Kyle, it's all set to go! Just get Willzyx into the water!
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 16, 2005

Religious leaders recognize Stan as the second coming and a whole soap opera unfolds with the help of a famous R&B singer. The results of Stan’s personality test reveal that he’s depressed. While Stan looks to a new religion for answers, the church leaders recognize Stan as the second coming. Some A-List Hollywood celebrities join the faithful who have set up camp right in front of Stan’s house. MORE -LESS

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 12 (S09E12) - 1
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Ohhh Jesus, the answer is no, Stanley.
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why don't you take what you have out of your bicycle savings?!
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It's the beginning of a whole new life for you, Stan. See ya afterwards.
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Mr. Hubbard discovered that negative emotions
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I'll be taking readings here
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and take hold of the E-meter handles.
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Brian, could you come over here a second?
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Well, that sounds pretty reasonable, m'kay.
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He registered OT9!
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I took out the garbage yesterday.
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He's wonderful. He's wonderful.
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It is... a great honor to meet you!
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Look, we don't want our son to join your group, okay?
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Do you believe me now?
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Haven't you enjoyed my acting?
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Hundreds of onlookers here have gathered here in
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Nobody's gonna be mad, everything's gonna be all right.
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Nobody has no answers
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Wasn't L. Ron Hubbard a science-fiction writer?
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Please, your son deserves to be enlightened.
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you have to be in the church for several years, Stan.
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which was ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu.
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The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers
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The souls of those aliens, however, lived on
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There the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material
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which still to this day causes all our fears
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Neither did L. Ron when he started.
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Kate's not gonna think any differently of you.
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the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard doesn't like your acting.
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Stan, I just want you to know
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Mm-maybe you took what he said out of context.
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Hey, it's really nice n here.
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I'm gonna cap this biiitch!
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And best of all, I wrote that all the Scientologists
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You don't actually believe this crap, do you?
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Having them PAY you for it, stupid!
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But this is a scam on a global scale!
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Park County police have decided to try a new method.
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But everyone wants you out the closet.
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 09, 2005

Cartman suffers from a mysterious and sudden on-set of the disease, Gingervitus. Sick and tired of being ripped-on because he now has red hair, light skin and freckles, he rallies all ginger kids everywhere to fight against discrimination.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 11 (S09E11) - 1
Can I ask you a few questions?
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I'm sorry, but I don't understand. You both have dark hair and brown eyes.
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A lot of people carry the ginger gene and don't know.
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I know a guy who's marrying a Japanese woman very soon for just that reason.
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but by the melanins which control the pigment in all of our skins. Thank you.
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Informative if you want to die.
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And one night, when you're all sleepin' in your room, the gingers are gonna getcha.
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Yeah. Go on, beat it, re... rr-retard!
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We're gonna teach that fat bastard a lesson!
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I'M GINGER!
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Yes, I'm afraid that your son is suffering from gingervitus.
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I for one can't stand red-haired, freckled kids, but you need to understand, there is no cure.
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Is that an umbrella you're using?
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Hm. I don't really see the irony in that, Kyle.
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Dude, this is going awesome.
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What are you doing?
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Guys! Okay, look, maybe I'm ginger, but... I'm not like other ginger kids. I'm still me inside.
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We did it guys. We finally taught Cartman a lesson.
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we're thought of as somehow less important, and it's bullcrap!
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Right! Ron Howard! And uh... Aaaaand...
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Yeah !
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We are the noble descendants of great Americans like Ron Howard, and ...others!
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Better red than dead!
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Joining me now is the gingers' head spokesperson, Eric Cartman.
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And pretending to be ginger with makeup is the worst thing anybody can do!
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you can attend their first meeting this Friday in the Sunset Room at the Airport Hilton.
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Now it is my honor to introduce the man who has brought self-respect to gingers, Eric Cartman!
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Hate for awesome people like us.
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You're welcome!! Now leave us alone!!
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Now go! Go out into the night and take non-ginger kids from their homes!
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Dude, we're gonna go sneak into Cartman's and change him back into a non-ginger!
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You know, Cartman is an uncaring, bigoted intolerant asshole, but I have to admit, I had my own prejudice about gingers.
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More ginger kids. Um, meh-maybe we should just go home.
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Ginger kids! Nooo!
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Get this jamb on the door!
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You guys got everything you need in here? Need more coffee, buffet items?
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We will start... with the daywalker!
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 02, 2005

Mrs. Garrison realizes he still has feelings for Mr. Slave. But, Mr. Slave has moved on. He plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill. Mrs. Garrison leads the charge against gay marriage.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 10 (S09E10) - 1
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That's, that's wonderful, Mr. Garrison!
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No!
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Mr. Slave, I am legally a woman now! If you wanna get married, you have to marry ME!
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We'll just see about this, you fudge-packin' fags!!
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We figure that way it'll be easier to keep safe so we can get an A.
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I've been looking after it all day. I have to go to the hair salon and the candy store!
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Well I say: Marriage is a holy sacrament between a man and a woman!
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And there is only one way for us, all together, to make that messeage very clear!
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Well uh, we were thinkin' we would, you know, just go appeal to the Governor
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then this bill gets passed and now all the people against it want me to veto it
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Well, think of the children!
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But, if you had such a study, a scientific study which proved same-sex couples are incapable of raising a child...
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Oh great. It's a pretty easy project. Kyle's really good with the egg.
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You've all been doing a great job taking care of your eggs, but now we're going to mix it up a little.
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Come on, Bebe. We'll take your egg for you and Wendy to look after.
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Hoh now, what makes you say that, Wendy? I'm sure two boys can handle an egg just fine...
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Okay, there. Now we can carry this egg around in this case without it getting cracked.
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Wendy, I just wanna get an A, okay?
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Maybe I don't need your help!
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Okay, children, it's Wednesday! Time for an official egg check! Heidi and Eric?
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That's impossible!
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Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!
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Same-sex couples from all over the state have shown up in support,
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People in the gay community want the same rights as married couples, but dissenters don't want the word "marriage" corrupted.
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You broke your egg?? Uh but you're partnered with a girl.
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No. That's why I'm here. I think you should still give Heidi an A on the project.
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We'll pretend this never happened, all right?
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and burn down your house! Do you hear me?!
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Who do you want me to kill?
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What do you expect me to do with it?
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Aah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?! I took care of this egg, Kyle, not you!
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And I'm gonna hold it up in front of Wendy, and say "See?! I'm every bit as good as Kyle is."
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I don't. She's totally lame.
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It was really important for me to get an A, Stan.
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Stan... Do you really think my hat is stupid?
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 10 (S09E10) - 50
As some of you know, my biggest issue with gay marriage regards child-rearing.
Aired 11 years ago - Oct 26, 2005

The 4th grade girls are having a sleepover. It’s imperative that the boys find out what goes on behind those closed doors. Butters is picked to be the boy who must fake his death, become a girl and infiltrate this age-old feminine tradition.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 9 (S09E09) - 1
All right, gentlemen, our containment center for the timewall is nearly complete.
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If we... can get somebody invited to that slumber party,
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One of us is gonna have to go undercover, show up in school tomorrow disguised as the new girl who just moved to town
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Take your top man, fake his death, then send him in disguised as the enemy.
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N'aw geez! Now I'm gonna get grounded, too.
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And he shall be remembered as the peaceful little boy who warmed his parent's hearts.
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NOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO!! BUTTERS!!
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Now I know that we're all still in deep, deep mourning over the tragic death of our classmate, Butters
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Welcome to our school, Marjorine.
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I like dancin', an' and ponies, a-a-and getting my snootch pounded on Friday night.
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I'm sure all the other girls will be happy to show you around the school. Won't you, girls?
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I know, sweetie, but I got a call from Marjorine's mother.
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Oh Butters! Oh Butters, I miss you so much!
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Bring him back? Why... What are you talking about?
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It's been done before, what you're thinkin' of. The Nelson boy, back in '85.
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All right, Butters, that's Heidi's house.
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Now look, Butters, when the girls bring out the future-telling device, pay attention to how it works
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There's not gonna be any drinking, no pot, and most importantly, if I catch any boys anywhere near this party, they're gonna be in a world of hurt.
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Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
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AAAAAAAAAAH NOO! Witches! You're all witches!
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Yeah, and your hair is totally stupid!
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She's in the bathroom crying.
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Marjorine? Marjorine? Hey, we didn't mean it.
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Marjorine, you just have a different look, that's all. We just... we need to help you bring out your inner beauty.
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Come on, we gotta go check on him
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Working on what?! Your dance moves?!
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Well uh you know, it's easy. You just put your thumbs and index fingers in here...
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Stand back! I had a... great time tonight, but I gotta do what I was sent here to do!
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No! That darn device is nothin' but trouble! Ah I'm done, and I'm goin' home to tell my Mom and Dad I'm not dead!
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Stephen, you did what??
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Not like this. He wouldn't be our son, Stephen. He would be a walking abomination.
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Gentlemen, this is a historic day for all of boy- and mankind! In a few moments, we will know the future
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I'm askin' the first question! Let's just start with something simple.
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Guys, guys, guys, stop!
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 19, 2005

A global warming state of emergency is declared in South Park. The world’s largest beaver dam breaks and floods the adjacent town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, everyone in South Park tackles priority number one: who is to blame? Only Stan and Cartman know who’s really at fault.

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 8 (S09E08) - 1
Oh my gosh, those poor people!
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Any word on how the survivors in the town are doing, Mitch?
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No, no we haven't actually seen it, Tom, we're just reporting it.
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Yeah! George Bush doesn't care about beavers!
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Mom, dad... they-they're gonna go help those people, right?
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That's not important right now, son. What's important is figuring out whose fault this is.
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Dude, I-I just.. I-I don't know what to do here.
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Hey dudes. Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. What did you guys do?
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But now, shocking new evidence has indicated that the flood in Beaverton was caused by... Global warming!
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We were warned this would happen, and.. we didn't listen. We didn't listen!
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then this is only the beginning.
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My colleagues in the scientific community are still running tests, but - we believe it may happen the day after tomorrow.
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but the fact is no statistical proof has ever been confirmed that global warming exists.
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Listen! Listen! We finished running the tests.
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No Stan, I'm afraid us adults just let you children down. We didn't take care of our Earth, and now you've inherited our problems.
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I'm in pretty bad shape. My leg is broken, and my left boob is leaking.
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This is a Fox news update: Global warming disaster!
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Already we're reporting that the death toll here in Chicago is over six hundred billion people.
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Can you believe it Stan? I never thought global warming could happen so fast. I guess... I didn't listen.
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George Bush?
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why don't you share some of your Jew gold with the people caught in the flood?
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But.. we need supplies - food, silicone.
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All we can do is try to wait it out, as long as we can.
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The south western states might have a chance, but New York will have tidal waves that will envelope all of the north east.
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Oh, oh God damn it!
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Why haven't they come for us?
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Dad, we-we're trapped in Beaverton, we were trying to save everyone.
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You just stay put son. I'm coming for you. Do you hear me? I'm coming for you!
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Let me go, too.
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Feeling warm is a symptom of the last stages of hypothermia.
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Maybe we should strip our jackets off.. and warm our bodies next to each other?
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Sir, more people in Beaverton are calling. They say they're trapped in floods and fire now.
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We've just compiled some new information. The flood in Beaverton wasn't caused by global warming after all.
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Oh well, thank you so much. What a swift and speedy resuce.
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No Cartman, I have no idea what you're talking about.
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Dude we don't have time for your stupid jokes, we're gonna die!
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Aired 12 years ago - Apr 20, 2005

All the kids are getting ready for the big South Park Elementary Talent Show and Jimmy can’t wait to perform his new comedy routines. But lately, just like generations of little boys before him, Jimmy’s noticed that one of his body parts has a mind of its own. Knowing he can’t get up in front of the entire school in an excited state, Jimmy must find a way to gain control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the show. MORE -LESS

Aired 12 years ago - Apr 13, 2005

Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead. Although his parents have made it clear to him there are no such things as ghosts, Butters is sure one is haunting him. Butters knows he has to give up his ghost pal or be put into a mental institution.

Aired 12 years ago - Apr 06, 2005

If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.

Aired 12 years ago - Mar 30, 2005

Kenny is the only one of his friends to get the newest, coolest portable gaming device and Cartman can’t deal with it. Will they remain best friends forever?

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 4 (S09E04) - 1
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You're dead, but, your death was no accident. Heaven needs you.
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Satan is planning a massiva attack and he knows we are too few in number to stop him!
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The Dark Lord knows that our armies are few in number, and unorgamized.
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The child did something none of us could: Reach lever sixty on the PSP.
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They are... ten billion in number. Maybe more.
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Basically, Kenny, you... are Keanu Reeves.
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My fellow damned souls!
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Do not fear, my Lord. Your army is great!
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It is from here, Kenny, that you shall command the armies of heaven.
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The time is at hand, Kenny.
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Amazing, doctor! You've revived somebody who's been legally dead for almost a day!
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It's a miracle... Kenny, you're alive.
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But his soul is still in here.
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With it we can actually keep Kenny the tomato alive for years.
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The child's soul is now trapped inside his vegetative body.
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Are we in trouble or something?
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Dudes, you were the friends a guy could have.
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It is only because I feel so sorry for you that I leave you my Sony PSP.
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Your army nears the Kingdon of Heaven, my Lord.
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Full march, to the Gates of Heaven! Victory is ours!
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He's alive. He-ee smiles when I talk to him. I think...
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Kenny told me this one time, that he wouldn't wanna be kept alive via feeding tube.
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No! There is another.
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Gabriel and Uriel, you go down to Earth and try to get that feeding tube removed.
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You see your honor, I was the only one that Kenny McCormick told his wishes to.
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This is hopeless, Gabriel. We cannot interact with anything on Earth, how could we possibly get a feeding tube removed?
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Good. Now all we must do is pray nobody interferes with the child's death a second time.
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This is HBC News. A right-to-die case debate is heating up in Colorado,
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You bureaucrats have no right to play God and take that tube out!
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We must respect the wishes of people's BFFs.
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The feeding tube has been pulled!
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I will do what we always do: Use the Republicans.
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Who are we to decide if Kenny should live or die?
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The biggest battle of all time is about to begin: the battle of the feeding tube.
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If I should ever be in a vegetative state and kept alive on life support, please...
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Oh geez. Maybe we let this thing get out of hand.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 23, 2005

As talent agents, Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny can bank 10% of their client’s earnings. After they pool all their resources to impress their one and only client, another agency steals him away. Desperate to earn their money back, they take on another client with plans to launch her on a new reality show.

Aired 12 years ago - Mar 16, 2005

Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.

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This is a really nice town you have here. That's why the corporations are trying to use you to take it down.
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All right, in you go.
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Just go with it? We've been down here for days!
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Somebody's gotta help this world o'mine...
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Mom, the mall is a way for the corporate fatcats to imprison you into a life of servitude.
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For the past several days I've been... noticing a steep rise in the number of hippies coming to town.
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They'er thriving, if you will. I think that they're setting up for a... hippie music festival.
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In my professional opinion... I think we're looking at a full-blown hippie jam festival the size of which we've never seen.
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But I can't contain them on my own anymore. We have to do something, fast!
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I knew you were trying to have a hippie jam festival! All right, everyone pack up your crap, we're going to our basement!
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What is your problem? Get lost, little Eichmann.
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I was just over at your house and freed sixty-three people you had locked in your basement.
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- What did I do?! - You can't kidnap people and lock them in your basement.
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That kid really needs some psychiatric help.
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Thousands of people have descended on South Park for a hippie music jam festival.
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Sooo great to see sooo many people turn out to make an impact on on the world!
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Don't forget that we were both considered hippies back in the '60s.
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This is South Park News!
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We don't know where this music festival came from, but, it's very close to consuming us all.
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Randy! Randy, you've got to get out of here! If they just trample this park, we'll be trapped! It's too dangerous!
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Let me guess: they've started a hippie jam band music festival.
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We know you can do it, Eric. You're smart. Wha- why you're the smartest kid in school, m'kay?
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Unless of course it's the new Tonka radio-controlled play bulldozer.
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Well, we can promise not to buy one for Kyle, but we we can't make him watch you play th...
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parking lot where Kyle has to watch me and get super-jealous because he doesn't have one!
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Yeah, we'll have one guy who like, who like, makes bread. A-and one guy who like, l-looks out for other people's safety.
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You kids just haven't been to college yet. But just you wait, this thing is about to get huge.
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My only hope is to fight our way to the center of the crowd, and reach the heart, here.
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Along with me I'm gonna need a scientest, an engineer, and of course,
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Lessee, anyone would do, anyone who meets the qualifications, let's see...
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Look, it's a long shot! But it's also the only shot we-
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Some call it a suicide mission, but the heroic men and women of the hippie digger may be our only hope of survival.
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Ah I will, Mom.
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We're using the power of rock and roll to change the world!
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He's right. It's time for all of us to focus our energy and get this hippie jam into full swing.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 09, 2005

Mr. Garrison goes to great lengths to get what he’s always wanted…a sex change. As he enjoys his new womanly attributes, the rest of the town gets in touch with their inner feelings too. Meanwhile, Kyle wrestles with the fact that Jews just aren’t good at basketball.

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Well, it's just that... Jew's can't play basketball.
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Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa! You-hoo-hoo-hoo loh-ost! Hahahahahaaahaaa!
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Look at that, I'm peeing sittin' down like a dainty dignified little woman.
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You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
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What? Th'um, nuh-nothing. I- I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
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Gerald, that is very closed-minded of you! You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
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And so, they can have a surgery that makes them more into the person they see themselves as.
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Yeah. My school teacher wanted to be a woman, and you made him into one.
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...You what?
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What we do is slice your face and peel it back so we can insert now pig-ment producing cells inside.
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And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty to enhance the genitalia.
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Hello, Mr. Slave. Boy have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.
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Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
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Well, I ASSUMED you supported me. It's still me; I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
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- How can you say that?! You're gay too! - I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
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The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison his sex change said he can make me tall and black.
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This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be transracial!
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My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
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- Oh, that does it! - Where are you going?!
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What kind of nutjob would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
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I love dolphins, Ever since I was a child I dreamt of... But that has hardly any bearing on what I'm hear to-
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If I could swim with the dolphins, the soft and gentle dolphins... Why can't I swim with the dolphins?
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There's nothing crazy about a person wanting to look on the outside the way they feel on ths inside.
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Oh jeez, should I do it?! Should I do it?! Oh what the hell!
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Men are all the same. My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a fag.
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Sheila, ih-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
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All I did is change my appearance to look the way I felt... here.
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My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game to see if I can try out for the team again!
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You here for an abortion too? Yeah, I discovered a few days ago I wasn't bleedin' out my coo, so I guess I'm knocked up.
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- ...an abortion? - Yeah, I've got one growing inside me.
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Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body! A woman has a right to choose!
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You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
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...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.
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You made me into a FREAK is what you did! And I want you to change me back!
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And your scrotum has been made into a dorsal fin for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
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and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
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- All right! Dad, I can play! - All right Kyle!
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- Boys, have you seen Kyle?! He's not at home. - Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
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Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
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Well where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom? I I need a large tank with salt water.
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- Sorry ma'am, no tickets, no entry. - Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees and he's in serious danger!