Status
Continuing
Next episode
TBA
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 13

Aired 8 years ago - Nov 18, 2009

Things at the water park are not what they seem. The boys' fun filled day is about to turn deadly. Events are in play at Splash Town that signal the end of the world is upon us. Cartman tries to warn everyone but no one will listen. Disaster is about to strike and the boys are in a race to survive.

Aired 8 years ago - Nov 11, 2009

Eric Cartman seizes the opportunity to become the voice of change at the school when he takes over the morning announcements. His target is South Park Elementary’s Student Body President, Wendy Testaburger. Cartman is asking the tough questions and gaining followers.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 13 (S13E13) - 1
So you're, uh, trying out to be
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I've got this job in the bag!
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"Dear Casey, your voice is like butter to our ears.
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in the sultry summer sun, that is my voice.
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will be serving a selection of cold sandwiches.
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Ever since Wendy was elected student body president,
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What other school has a 15-year-old merry go round on it?
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The job is to read what is written on the paper, Eric,
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Well, because he was being murdered.
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not to speak out against his school.
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That is, of course,
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And besides that, who actually voted for Wendy Testaburger?
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A socialist dung hole...
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and... and I don't know if we can get it back.
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So when you look closely,
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we're gonna transform into something.
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I don't give a crap about Smurfs!
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- That was cool! - Awesome!
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Another person who cares about
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A book signing.
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or on her back taking the ol' in out for hours on end."
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- Whoa! - Yeah. Geez.
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is a penis hungry hooker with a huge vagina.
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I'm not acknowledging his stupid questions.
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Eric, apparently you wrote that Wendy's private parts
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sell your books on school grounds.
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but slowly, I began to earn their trust.
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And I shared with them stories of my country's forefathers.
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But I eventually proved myself to Papa Smurf
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I should have known!
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Suck my fat tits!
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You won't see any Smurfs.
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Our student council is corrupt and has to be dealt with!
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and do what we know needs to be done!
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- What the hell? - Whoa!
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Thank you so much for finally coming on my show, Wendy.
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Rehearsals for the school play are canceled this afternoon.
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The school was running out of power!
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No. You wiped them all out!
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 04, 2009

Everyone agrees they've had enough of the loud and obnoxious bikers that have arrived in South Park. The boys are taking on the Harley Riders. They thrown down the F word and the game is on.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 12 (S13E12) - 1
You know when people like you drive down the streets
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that little boy just called us fags.
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- Rev'em up! - Here ow go!
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- Really? - You do?
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Alright.Thanks for coming,everyone.
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And I think that together we can come up
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I'll go from city to city!
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I'm gonna be a harley rider.
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I think I just need two,maybe three buckets of kfc,extra crispy.
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I'm full!
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Me too!I got All over my pants now!
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This can't be happening!
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I thought we were past this.
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Now,if anybody knows anything about the kids who did this,you must come forward.
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Now just what the heck is going on here?
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Hey,that's not very nice,mayor.
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has been used in the english language since the late 16th century.
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was someone who made a meager living gathering firewood.
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Later,the term fag was defined as any awkward bundle to be carried,
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the word became a pejoritive term against homosexuals and transgender people
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How is it that you boys think referring to gay people as 'fags'
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Then you're not a fag.
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But the traffic coming at you just keeps coming.
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Alright.How about this:
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I believe we have an opportunity here to take a big step forward for our kind.
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And help the children change the meaning of the word
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A new movement in south park is bringing to question the word 'fag.
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Just point to which one is the fag.
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the mayor signed a new city ordinance today
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If you call me fag to my face one more time,you better
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crap.
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The town of south park and its mayor have once again shown themselves
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That lady said it's because fag still means homosexual in the dictionary.
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Now I don't know about you,but I think that town is starting a trend.
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Hey,bartlett!
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Four local boys will state their case to the head dictionary editor,
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and of course the dictionary's head editor mr.Emmanuel lewewis.
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I expect this proposal,for changing the definition of the word fag,
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No!We rolled in,kicked ass and took Over.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 28, 2009

Stan and his family are spending his birthday at the Denver Aquarium where they will get to swim with the dolphins. Things turn bloody when the Japanese attack, kill all the dolphins and ruin Stan’s big day. There seems to be no end to the senseless killing. Stan takes on the cause to save the dolphins from the Japanese.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 11 (S13E11) - 1
Uh dan,it looks like some japanese people are now rushing onto the field.
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This time at the six flags discovery kingdom near san francisco.
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And You dolphin!
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she's got to love nobody
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Dude,they've been doing that for a long time.
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- No.I just don't care at all. - Yeah,me neither.
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people are going to wish that at some point they had taken the time to care
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Hey,stan!
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And they take volunteers!
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We're not protesters.
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****You whale!
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Are we bad asses?
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I'll start right now!
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Let's get hardcore!
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- Wait that's it? - Yeah,we make'em stink!
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We are!People think our methods are extreme,
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Maybe he's okay.
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I want to hold them like they do in texas play
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I'll get him hot,
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Now!
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So stan,what motivated you,
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Was that the key to helping boost your ratings?
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and you say stan's methods are unethical.
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Yes,but it doesn't justify
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Yes,of course everyone knows that paul watson was a smug,
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Captain!Captain,some new volunteers showed up to help us in our crusade.
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Yeah,totally!
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I just want to be on tv.
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If he doesn't get there in time,hundreds of dolphins or whales could die.
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On deck,the crew is surprised at what they saw.
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♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪
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It's pretty typical time because we know that
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He loved dolphins so much,********
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Until a sound is heard.
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The whales are taking out the crab fishermen reality show.
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They do know.
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I I can't believe it.
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So you are the ones who has been a sinking our boats!
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Why can't you just stop?
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Over 50 years ago,this entire city was destroyed by nuclear bomb.
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At 8:15 am,the people of hiroshima were just minding their own business,
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Japanese babies born without limbs.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 21, 2009

The boys have found their new calling in life and they hurry to sign up for the wrestling club. They soon find out the kind of wrestling they teach at school is not the same thing they saw at the WWE.

Aired 8 years ago - Oct 14, 2009

Butters has made it all the way to the 4th grade without ever kissing a girl. All of his friends have been teasing him mercilessly. Butters is determined to catch up with the rest of the boys in his class. Meanwhile, one overly dedicated cop wages war on prostitution in South Park.

Aired 8 years ago - Oct 07, 2009

Powerful forces are tormenting Ike. He's freaked out and the stress could kill him. Kyle and the boys are doing everything they can to save him but the poltergeists won't leave Ike alone.

Aired 8 years ago - Apr 22, 2009

Butters and a small group of recruits join Cartman in his dream of living on skull island. Cartman promises that paradise awaits if they can just get to Somalia.

Aired 8 years ago - Apr 15, 2009

Randy is determined that Stan will win this year's Pinewood Derby. He comes up with a plan that will assure Stan a first place trophy.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 6 (S13E06) - 1
And only parts in the official pinewood derby kit?
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Think they're saving the best for last.
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oh,yeah! Oh,yeah!
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A parade was held for the winners earlier today.
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He's okay. He's okay. He's okay. He's okay.He's okay.
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We'd like to talk to you about your pinewood derby car.
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Apparently the alien came across your pinewood derby car and is now heading here to our planet.
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You got nothing on us.
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Nasa has confirmed that an alien ship has entered our solar system and is headed here.
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Mr. Marsh,you are on with with all the world leaders.
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Or will it be more like "contact" with jodie foster?
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That's ours,mr. Alien.
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I'm baby fark mcgee-zax!
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Abunaiii!
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Okay. Let's put the wheels on now,son.
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Do you have any idea how stupid that will make us look?
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C'mon,dad. We gotta come clean!
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I ain't going to space jail!
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Uh,no. We haven't seen anything.
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No. No,we haven't seen aliens.
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So then we're the first aliens you've ever seen?
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We will give you a call!
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Dad,it's over. We have to tell everyone we cheated.
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Uh,no. That's it. We're done!
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Yeah! All right,you got him,son!
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We'll never have to lie again.
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Or what if we didn't call the cops?
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Thanks to us,our planet is rich,son!
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Oh,you were talking about that alien?
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Hey,any of you other countries see any space cash?
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Just one more thing,earthlings.
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Yeah. They really needed new water parks.
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Will some country that speaks*******
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FATHER******
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no,japan! Will you listen to eme for five seconds?
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We believe the aliens are going to find out sooner or later what we did.
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Very well.
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What? What about it?
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Yeah. Somebody better break the news to norway.
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Everyone,i have an announcement to make.
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 08, 2009

Cartman decides to help Jimmy with his comedy routine. Everyone loves the new joke they come up with. The joke starts to take off and it even hits all the late night talk shows. The boys are thrilled with how popular it’s become until somebody tries to take all the credit.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 5 (S13E05) - 1
Fishsticks? Yeah,i like fishsticks,mkay.
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Do you like fishsticks?
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It is quite possibly the funniest joke ever conceived,and its origin is unknown.
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And I sure as hell ain't no fish,all right?
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You're a gay fish.
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Yeah.
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Maybe you were writing jokes for people's amusement,but I don't work for free.
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let me guess. You wrote the joke and cartman just laid on the couch eating twizzlers.
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I like you,jimmy. But you're not gonna win this.
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Just say,"cartman,you didn't have anything to do with this joke and you know it!"
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Now,are there any questions?
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recently we've all come to know the fishsticks joke as probable the funniest,most awesome joke ever.
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Well,you know,i was just kicking it with my homies and my brain --
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Uh,i don't know,eric.
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Well,you know,i mean,i basically wrote the thing and you just kind of ate chips.
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What does she think we are,gay fish?
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We had an agreement,jimmy,and if you wanna go back on that now,
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Kanye,look,we all think it would be better if you would just drop it.
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- Kanye,really -- - shut up!
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Gay fish are homosexual.
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I'm a lyrical wordsmith genius!
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Because we really did both come up with it.
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And people with messed up ego can do these mental gymnastics to convince themselves they're awesome
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I've always wanted to work with you.
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Now,let's see. The set-up could be "do you like fishsticks?"
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Hey,look,eric killed a dragon!
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Is it perhaps that I'm fashionable and fishsticks are crunchy?
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Oh,,man. Kanye west.
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Being a comedian but not being funny?
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I got to piss in a plastic bag,man. I got no dick!
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Now,explain it to me.
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I love putting fishsticks in my mouth.
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And ever since then us comedians have been kick ing ourselves for not thinking of it.
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Thank you,thank you. No,really. Thank you.
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But,guys,this joke is so perfect.
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Which can unite us in comedy.
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Was to make sure everyone knew that we came up with the joke,and not charles butthole mencia.
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I don't even know who you are!
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Oh,boy,it's my best pal,eric!
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Eric cartman,you are handsome and not even remotely fat.
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Oh,my god! What are jew bots doing here?
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What are you,a gay fish? There!
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 01, 2009

Someone played an April Fools joke on the boys and it didn't go over well. Butters is incapacitated, Cartman is furious and the rest of the boys are afraid someone might do it again.

Aired 8 years ago - Mar 25, 2009

Randy steps forward with a solution to fix the desperate financial state everyone finds themselves in. The town gets behind him and everyone starts to live a life that no longer depends on any economy at all. Meanwhile an unlikely savior makes the ultimate sacrifice to solve everyone’s problems.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 3 (S13E03) - 1
All right,everyone,eat up.
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They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need.
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So we have people having a hard time paying their loans meaning less money coming in.
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Do you understand,son?
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And so I say to you,do not listen to the wall street brokers for they
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Covetous jews,who have taken all our money and hoarded it for themselves.
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Who bought that $300,000 house when you only had $20,000 to put down. You!
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He's right. This is the first guy to actually make sense.
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And margaritas,yeah!
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Could you please put the receipt here on this table?
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You see,this margaritaville was purchased with a payment plan.
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You'll have to speak with the people at the top.
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Nay you hath forsaken the economy!
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And thou knowest that thy stockbroker did not fear the economy.
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Instead of cars that take gasoline,we can get around on lamas from drake's farm.
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The economy is our shepherd.
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Morning,al.
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Just tell us where the cave is,kyle.
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We best speak with the council.
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I want to return this margaritaville.
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Ooh,yeah. No. You know what? No,yeah.
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And I hook them up with investors who want to get into the margaritaville payment plan business,yeah.
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People have learned to hold on to their money so as to not feel the sting of the economy's mighty sword.
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Then perhaps soon our economy will return to us.
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Relax,father maxi.
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But then the sky went black and grand theft auto chinatown wars just melted in my hands.
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Garrison,you have brought your filth to this town for the last time!
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C'mon,this is ridiculous!
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What?
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The economy is just an idea made up by people thousands of years ago.
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This is only plastic.
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He is still going around convincing people to have faith in the economy by shopping.
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Our tireless work is obviously being undermined by this one jew.
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So saying it would be limiting to one son is stupid!
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No problem. We just need to consult the chart.
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And besides,i have this strange feel hag one of you is gonna totally betray me.
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Kyle,please. For sake,don't do anything drastic.
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Well,you don't get $90 trillion,but the chart says that's what it's worth.
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Sir,another insurance company is going under.
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Aired 8 years ago - Mar 18, 2009

“The Coon” rises from the trash and takes his place as a lone vigilante who wipes out crime in the town of South Park. A rival superhero appears on the scene in the form of “Mysterion” and challenges the Coon’s place as a “symbol” for the town.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 1
Jail's full,sir.
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But in the meantime,i have something that might interest you.
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hey,guys. Good morning.
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As for me,i certainly don't agree with the coon's reckless ways.
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And of course the most common question asked is --
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What we all need to know -- clyde.
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who the hell is that?
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No,no,no. I'm the symbol this town needs.
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I might be craig,an then again I might not be.
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♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪
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♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪
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Tomorrow is the most important day in the coon's life.
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Aren't you the little boy who had his ginger pride rally and his aids benefit here before?
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Who has taken to the streets in an effort to fight crime.
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He was dressed mostly in black with a kind of cloak.
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Butthole.
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Who is mysterion? Who is he? Who could he be?
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I could no longer watch as the city has become a cesspool of crime.
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Ah,mysterion,thank god you've come.
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You are a beecon of hope in an otherwise bleak and dreary world!
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I don't have time for this.
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So guys,any of you do anything interesting last night?
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What? Why?
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U-STOR-IT STORAGE FACILITY
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Come out where I can see you.
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I'm not here to stop you this time,chaos.
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I'm not on his side.
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Because mysterion is trying to -- ugh!
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But if this is some kind of set-up --
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Hello,kyle.
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Who? Me? Why?
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Can I offer you a coke or a sprite or something?
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Using our photos,we are trying to pinpoint mysterion's identity.
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All right,all right,look,chaos.
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Two days ago,an evil unknown terrorist threatened major consequences
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Are you nuts? What?
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If we're really evil villains,then we should betray him and blow him up with the hospital.
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I mean,i hate the world and all its puny inhabitants and all,but blowing up a hospital just seems mean
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This isn't your usual m.o.,chaos.
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Give him hell,mysterion!
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The impossible has happened.
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 11, 2009

Thinking it's his way into her heart and other body parts, Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert. His dream of taking their relationship to the next level is crushed when the Jonas Brothers give them purity rings.

Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 1
You know that teenage boy band?
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Can you... can you forgive me, Ken?
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I think if i bring her there I'll get a BJ.
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Boxed condom? Certainly, little boy.
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is the mouth of the american women.
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Slow down
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She'll make me clean in my room if I'm naughty, baby!
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Seasons change, baby.
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Good night!
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Ben want you to come backstage.
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Oh, fuck you, I got to inaudible tickle
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Just because they are a rockstars that doesn't mean I'll do that.
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Look, we called you back here 'cos we want to share a love of Christ with you.
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That's just how we roll.
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W-what that does mean?
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Yeah!
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I've heard that Kenny is still going out with that slut Tammy Warner!
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I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do.
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'cos now we're both wearing these rings for each other,
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No need to chase after girls it's the promise I can never break.
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'Cos we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings...
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JONAS BROTHERS "I'VE GOT A RING" WALT DISNEY PRODUCTIONS
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We've decided, as a band, not to wear purity rings anymore!
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Let's be strong, guys.
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I just love flying all the way to Colorado to hear about your problems!
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See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk,
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You don't f... talk to me like that!
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No sir, no mister mouse. No, mister mouse.
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We've had just about enough, dude.
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Kenny... Kenny... Kenny? Where are you looking, playboy?
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Oh my god, look at this! Motherf...!
Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 36
Hold tight, buddy. We gonna find a cure for you.
Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 37
Now tell us what are you doing in Denver, guys.
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Oh, well...
Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 39
You'll be dowsing girls in the audience with white foam is that correct?
Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 40
Hey, what are you think you're doing?
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Who the hell are these guys? Are they from Dreamworks?
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Shut up!
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In about ten minutes the Jonas Brothers are going to take stage into what Disney is calling
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Recap of South Park Season 13 Episode 1 (S13E01) - 47
You're lying, I'll cut you up.
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And you three faggots aren't gonna stop me. Nobody is ruining this event.
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And when little girls' jines tickle I make money.
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I've made billions off of christian ignorance for decades now.