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Continuing
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in 12 hours
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 16

Aired 4 years ago - Nov 07, 2012

Eric Cartman is hiding something in his bedroom that could change the entire outcome of the Presidential election.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 14 (S16E14) - 1
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- Sure you do. - What if I did, Kyle?
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I don't believe it.
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Do I have a study? I don't think I have a study.
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We presume you are pleased with the election results?
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I don't know how they did it but the Chinese secured my victory.
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Stacks and stacks of ballots from states all over the country!
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I guess this country is changing.
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But I thought Obama won pretty easily last night.
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Cartman has stolen the election!
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- Don't make me say any more. - Tell us what you know, right now.
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They're nearby.
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- The President! - Congratulations, sir!
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Come on, guys! President says get out!
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Can we please just try and talk to him?
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Then just tell me what Cartman is up to!
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(incomprehensible)
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- Red Lobster! - What?
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Okay, you want me to come in again, we can start over. What the fuck is this?
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I told you China would get the rights to Star Wars from Disney
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You see, when the United States created Star Wars
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take the rights from Disney if they helped him get re-elected.
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I get to play the part of Luke Skywalker's son.
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You are absolutely sure about this?
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I've told him to respect people's property. What did he take?
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What's this about a deal with the Chinese?!
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You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you, Butters?
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I have them hidden away, somewhere nobody would ever look.
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the reason this country works is because people go out and vote.
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- Like what? - I want a part in the new movies.
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Really?
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This is Breaking Election News!
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And you claim that a General Tsao hired your friend Fat Ass to steal the ballots.
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This has been a long campaign but someone's finally done it, wolf.
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If the election really just came down to a bunch of boxes Cartman stole,
Aired 4 years ago - Oct 31, 2012

Rocked by the recent news of drug use by a beloved icon, the world is left feeling lost and betrayed. The boys, join with the rest of the nation, and remove their yellow wristbands. Everyone is on board, except for Stan, who just can’t seem to cut off his bracelet.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 13 (S16E13) - 1
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Jesus asterisk Christ, Stan, people are really feeling cheated by all this!
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We are here tonight with the only person in America who still
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I've had it a long time.
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Okay, if Jesus rose from the dead with the help of drugs.
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That's because... that's because you're a retarded fish and you
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Yeah, you know, I can't believe in Jesus any more because he's a
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I just got really moved after I saw what you did for all those
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Dude, where are people getting all the brown wristbands?
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No, thanks, I'll stand.
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I stanground.
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If you have nothing to hide, then please hand it over, Mr. Marsh.
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Rumors have surfaced that Stan did not stand his ground as
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Are you afraid we will find glue on your bracelet, Mr. Marsh?
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It was Craig.
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You hold that lie inside... go Stan!
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The tests are done and the results are in.
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This is a dark day for honest French Swedish people everywhere.
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You probably should come clean and tell the truth.
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What nobody seems to remember are the farmers in Belarus!
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For what?!
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Can't you see I'm trying to do my a calisthenics?
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make a TV program written just a for you.
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Please I'm terrified.
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My child, the man who lives here has led a witch hunt to destroy my legacy.
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Yeah, I've been kind of seeing that.
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I just feel like if people could see me in action again, they'd
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Everyone just lost their faith.
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death struggle that's what should be important.
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Delightful!
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it in colors that show off your purpose.
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Why, there's even a scauses for just being fat!
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Dude, the hell just happened?
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Mkay, you should know that the Belarusian government is right now trying to...
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There's a guy selling them downtown, but they're not made
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People are saying that?
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It has become the biggest concern for most people.
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You know, I'm uh... I'm here to do whatever I can.
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conflict from escalating, is that right?
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and a jade green for how much I hate Kyle.
Aired 4 years ago - Oct 24, 2012

The boys plans to go as the Avengers for Halloween go awry when Randy can’t go at the last minute and Stan has to help his father with a new business venture.

Aired 5 years ago - Oct 17, 2012

It is time for Butters to begin a journey where he will follow in the path of his Hawaiian ancestors.

Aired 5 years ago - Oct 10, 2012

The man who visits all the homes in South Park every day is under suspicion. Cartman takes matters into his own hands and signs up for a home security system.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 10 (S16E10) - 1
Isn't possible your mom was raped by the UPS man?
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but I'm getting some goddamn security.
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How do you know she's not?
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[bleep] your wife.
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And none you you are safe.
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Oh, I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can afford this.
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Kyle is always taking my stuff.
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don't you need to be getting to work, ran?
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Sure, Chad, is it?
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Hey, Sharon, these came for you.
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Yeah, sure, 'cause people just order
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That's ok, do you have your security pass phrase you can tell me?
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It's all right, it happens all the time.
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I do but you don't know that.
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No, best to let him go on
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We used a pretty blond to lure him in.
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"No, just up to my boobs,
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and then you've got to go to the store for your stuff from then on.
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- Hello. - This is Michael with Wolf Home Security.
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Ok, we're contacting them now.
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Hey there, Mr... Stotch? Looks like another Amazon package.
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It's all stuff from Amazon.
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A man's wife is his life, Mr. UPS man.
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Hello, this is Varachnu with Wolf Home Security.
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side of the earth trying to protect me.
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raped my mom and you people have done absolutely nothing about it.
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All I can tell you is that so far, Bane has not been caught.
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Wouldn't be the only ones in your family completely in the dark.
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and I would also recommend you all get our newest personal security system
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only for your doors and windows to be monitored,
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than this knife through your [Bleep] skull, bastard!
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Don't let your families became another statistic.
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Just want you to know that if you want to steal somebody's stuff
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What?
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I just came from Will Paterson's house.
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I didn't think you had anyhow.
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And that applies to all of us, doesn't it?
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Please, I need you to come sit down for a second.
Aired 5 years ago - Oct 03, 2012

Cartman owns up to being fat and decides that driving around on a scooter is his right. Kyle sees that Cartman isn't the only one who finds no shame in his unhealthy lifestyle. Meanwhile, Cartman discovers he has a rival in America’s Sweetheart, Honey Boo Boo.

Aired 5 years ago - Sep 26, 2012

Randy's campaign to prevent head injuries in football radically changes the way the game is played, but the new rules become a national sensation and even make a South Park student a star athlete.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 8 (S16E08) - 1
Oh you're all not getting it!
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How about we call it -- sarcastaball!
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Excuse me. Pardon me.
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So you're happy with these changes?
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gathering followers by the hundreds.
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Let's make sarcastaball the official school sport nation wide!
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a big election coming up,
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Are we really going to go out there and play North Park like this?
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We been practicing and getting
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you're nicer than anybody I know.
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If they give you two balloons well you give 'em three!
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that place, inside you where all the gooey happy
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As Commissioner of the NFL I am so thrilled to see
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Randy Marsh!
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I love sarcastaball!
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Yeah, I'm a big fan of all your hit songs!
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Well, we might as well call up Lakewood and tell 'em we forfeit.
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Yeah, but I-- but I can't be team Captain,
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he's mine!
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Remember what we talked about,
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Save that for later!
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Manning met by Lamar Woodley- he's giving the balloon to Woodley!
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Yeahh!!!! Wooo!!!!
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Oh, yeah, I'm just the guy who invented sarcastaball.
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but we need to get better.
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I suck at being nice and polite.
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them where all the feelings of compassion and joy come from.
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And when I wake up,
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Really happy to have you on the show.
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How about last night's nail biter that ended 0 to 0.
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Oh, right, I can't stop being sarcastic now.
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Helllp me.
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Stay positive, Stan!
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How do we fix this, doctor?
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you think there's a correlation between sarcasm and sarcastaball?
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out in the waiting room who can't even remember his family,
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let's take all that money
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Hey, I love sarcastaball just as much as the next guy.
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So take your game to the next level with Butters Creamy Goo.
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When I get hot and tired only one thing can boost my compassion.
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we don't want you playing this sport any more.
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 25, 2012

Cartman is excited when a new girl comes to school and he discovers something inside that he never knew he had.

Aired 5 years ago - Apr 18, 2012

The boys try zip-lining in the Colorado mountains on the last day of spring break, but their adventure takes a dangerous, life-threatening turn.

Aired 5 years ago - Apr 11, 2012

Stan wants to raise awareness about the dangers of bullying by shooting a big dance video, while Butters falls victim to an unlikely bully.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 5 (S16E05) - 1
We think that bullying is bad.
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â€" Who said? â€" He didn’t want that disclosed.
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and not an uninformed backwards little dork?
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Look, what’s this over here?
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The student who lets bullying happen is just as bad as the bully himself.
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Ugly.
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What we, at Bucky Bailey’s Bully Buckers™, like to do
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Are you all chicken?
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Bullying has gotten out of hand, and it needs to be stopped.
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You wanna know who I hate? I hate that kid, Butters.
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over 200,000 students are afraid to come to school because of bullying?
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For a healthy world, bullying is unfit
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And make bullying kill itself
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We can beat its ass until it starts to cry
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It will be fun to see just how bad
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Trapped inside the darkness of my mind
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But this is just gonna make things worst for me.
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You’re gonna stop bullying?
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Every minute I’m watching this video become less about awareness
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Oh, Heavens to Betsy. This is such a yummy, yummy ham.
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Don’t fart on Grandma. She’s trying to enjoy her ham.
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I love the cute little canary on the dial.
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They want to do a photo shoot to make movie posters.
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Bucky Bailey’s Bully Buckers™ can become the legit organization
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Sorry, Grandma, but you brought this on yourself.
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Look, it’s Captain Pussy.
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The video was conceived, written and directed by the students.
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They wanna believe kids did something on their own.
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It will look bad with your Captain Kangaroo haircut.
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But since you walked out, you don’t get to come.
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To have his face put all over signs as the poster child for bullying?
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This video can change how people think about bullying.
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why don’t you put it on the Internet for free?
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We all know that bullying has become an epidemic.
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Stop trying to make me say things on your TV show.
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â€" Stop it! â€" This is for America.
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It’s your fucking movie!
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It’s eternal fire, and it’s gonna hurt real bad.
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I can’t lie, it felt kind of good,
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 04, 2012

South Park's big Easter egg hunt is in jeopardy when there are rumors of a dangerous beast lurking in the woods nearby. Cartman tries to warn everyone that their lives are at risk if they participate in the egg hunt. No one believes him until he produces video evidence of the mystery being.

Aired 5 years ago - Mar 28, 2012

Mankind's evolution begins to accelerate at a rapid and disturbing pace. Concurrently, another species on the planet is exhibiting the same drastic development. Eventually the two species will battle to the death and "Faith Hilling" may be humanity's only hope.

Aired 5 years ago - Mar 21, 2012

Cartman launches a gemstones network show and creates a very lucrative business. Stan searches for the real value of a piece of jewelry that was a gift from his Grandpa. Meanwhile, Cartmans lucrative new business preys upon an extremely vulnerable clientele.

Aired 5 years ago - Mar 14, 2012

One of the boys had been told time and time again about leaving the toilet seat up after he goes to the bathroom, but he didn't listen. His actions have consequences and ultimately result in an unimaginable catastrophe.

Recap of South Park Season 16 Episode 1 (S16E01) - 1
Dude, I'm telling you it was freaking hysterical.
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That's not what she said. You're putting extra's on it again.
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I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. What?!
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Why did you leave the toilet seat up, son?
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have a lot of time, Clyde.
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She always treated people with dignity and respect.
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it isn't a womens responsibility to see that the seat is down.
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And put it down before they go plopping their butts blindly to the toilet bowl?
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And now little Clyde's mother is dead.
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You're looking hideously ugly today, Ugly Bob.
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It's the toilet safety administration, hun.
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Federal law requires all toilets to be fitted with a harnes so nobody can fall in.
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Everywhere he goes people are telling him he has blood
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Okay, we wanna help him sue whoever invented the toilet.
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If you hire us, we'll work hard...
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If you're sitting on the toilet you need to wear your safety belt, sir.
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You can pay this by mail or appear in court on that date.
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This is unbelievable.
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No, just need to pee.
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Okay, I'm done.
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Yes.
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We call out to the land of the dead.
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My client is due compensation for negligence.
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We have a claim against a John Harrington. Do you know him spirit?
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Yes, that's him. Is his personage amongst you?
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No!
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This actualy went really, really well.
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Thanks.
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viewing the monitors in a discrete location.
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No, no. hold on.
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men will agree that they will always sit down to urinate.
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and then turn around and cut their poo in half with their urine?
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Yeah, I think we just got to live with the TSA.
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Hang in there, Clyde. This is all to make the world a safer place.
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managed to get through TSA security with a gun and a baby.
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What good is the TSA if they're not protecting us?
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Now it is time to take responsibility for ourselves.