S3 E5
Status
Continuing
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in a month
Airs
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC (US)
SEASON
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Season 3  "Hit and Run"  3x5

Aired 7 years ago - Oct 12, 2011

Gloria tries to help Jay and Manny with their problems but both are unreceptive. Claire considers running against Councilman Duane Bailey. Cam and Mitch are the victims of a hit-and-run accident.

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Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 1
I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud,
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 2
Apparently, you're a 12-year-old prepubescent girl.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 3
- Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails? - No, it's a tumour.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 4
The end result of a drunken backseat gropefest and a broken prophylactic?
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 5
Way to go, Stewie. Chris, I'll see your fork and raise you a gravy ladle.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 6
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 7
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 8
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 9
and she's all "Don't forget your halftime routine. "
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 10
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 11
I demand to know what you plan to do about this. Hey!
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 12
- Hi, Meg. - Hi, Meg.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 13
- They've held hands all night. - I mean Meg.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 14
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 15
No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call! And I know something about stupid calls.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 16
- No. - Now I'm at the office.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 17
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 18
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 19
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 20
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 21
Win your enemies over with unflappable kindness.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 22
Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart. I know what it takes to be cool.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 23
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 24
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 25
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 26
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 27
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 28
- Whoa! How'd you get that? - I spent the night with Mr Burler.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 29
Wanna go push the janitor, knowing he can't legally push us back?
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 30
In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas,
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 31
I mean, mine goes inside me when I stand up. How do you think I feel?
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 32
Stop it, Peter. You're embarrassing me. Look, I know you're upset, but...
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 33
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 34
Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 35
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 36
Yes. Now that they think you're their friend, it's the perfect time to exact your revenge.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 37
But keep talking. All this stuff about eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 38
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 39
You see, Peter, the way we look at it, a man's only as big as the gun he carries.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 40
Oh, yeah. Who's the big man now, huh?
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 41
Don't be stupid. I don't need to compete with my son or his freakishly large penis.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 42
- How'd you get these blueprints? - Oh, your mother has her ways.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 43
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 44
Take a look at our new video.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 45
- Yes. - Me, too. Hold me.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 46
So remember: Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 47
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 48
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 49
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 50
OK. Now we're gonna play Seven Minutes in Heaven,

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 2
Apparently, you're a 12-year-old prepubescent girl.
#2
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 3
- Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails? - No, it's a tumour.
#3
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 4
The end result of a drunken backseat gropefest and a broken prophylactic?
#4
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 5
Way to go, Stewie. Chris, I'll see your fork and raise you a gravy ladle.
#5
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 6 #6 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 7 #7 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 8 #8 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 9
and she's all "Don't forget your halftime routine. "
#9
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 10 #10 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 11
I demand to know what you plan to do about this. Hey!
#11
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 12
- Hi, Meg. - Hi, Meg.
#12
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 13
- They've held hands all night. - I mean Meg.
#13
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 14 #14 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 15
No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call! And I know something about stupid calls.
#15
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 16
- No. - Now I'm at the office.
#16
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 17 #17 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 18 #18 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 19 #19 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 20 #20 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 21
Win your enemies over with unflappable kindness.
#21
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 22
Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart. I know what it takes to be cool.
#22
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 23 #23 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 24 #24 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 25 #25 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 26 #26 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 27 #27 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 28
- Whoa! How'd you get that? - I spent the night with Mr Burler.
#28
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 29
Wanna go push the janitor, knowing he can't legally push us back?
#29
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 30
In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas,
#30
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 31
I mean, mine goes inside me when I stand up. How do you think I feel?
#31
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 32
Stop it, Peter. You're embarrassing me. Look, I know you're upset, but...
#32
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 33 #33 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 34
Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle.
#34
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 35 #35 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 36
Yes. Now that they think you're their friend, it's the perfect time to exact your revenge.
#36
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 37
But keep talking. All this stuff about eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky.
#37
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 38 #38 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 39
You see, Peter, the way we look at it, a man's only as big as the gun he carries.
#39
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 40
Oh, yeah. Who's the big man now, huh?
#40
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 41
Don't be stupid. I don't need to compete with my son or his freakishly large penis.
#41
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 42
- How'd you get these blueprints? - Oh, your mother has her ways.
#42
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 43 #43 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 44
Take a look at our new video.
#44
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 45
- Yes. - Me, too. Hold me.
#45
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 46
So remember: Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.
#46
Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 47 #47 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 48 #48 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 49 #49 Recap of Modern Family Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 50
OK. Now we're gonna play Seven Minutes in Heaven,
#50