Aired 9 years ago - Nov 18, 2009
Things at the water park are not what they seem. The boys' fun filled day is about to turn deadly. Events are in play at Splash Town that signal the end of the world is upon us. Cartman tries to warn everyone but no one will listen. Disaster is about to strike and the boys are in a race to survive.
♪ And the instructions in Spanish
on the Zipline Ride ♪
♪ Why can't they leave
this land alone? ♪
- ♪ Minorities ♪
- ♪ Mexicans and Asians ♪
My water park.
what are you gonna do?
Now look, guys,
I did some calculations.
- The who?!
- The Mayans.
in any water park
Add another for people who do
but don't admit it,
You can't barge in here and
tell me that I have to close down
Captain, these two men claim
to know the situation.
You can't just leave my son
in there with all that pee!
Why do you think
everyone washes their hands
It's not like you're peeing
on your hands.
Well, what are
we gonna do now?
What will the minorities
do with me?
It's all pee and
nobody can go in or out!
Randy, you've got to
We think we have it, sir.
Find an antidote
I should have-a
shut my water park down
The maintenance room is a
way down on the basement level.
You said you can hold
your breath the longest, Kyle.
You don't pee
in the shower, dude!
God chose to survive in this
because I was so happy
when I saw that movie.
that minorities make,
Now if you run a-into
the any problems,
you get a-the pressure.
What's a-the problem?
Make way! Make way!
The antidote is something
as simple as a banana?
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 11, 2009
Eric Cartman seizes the opportunity to become the voice of change at the school when he takes over the morning announcements. His target is South Park Elementary’s Student Body President, Wendy Testaburger. Cartman is asking the tough questions and gaining followers.
So you're, uh,
trying out to be
I've got this job
in the bag!
"Dear Casey, your voice is like
butter to our ears.
in the sultry summer sun,
that is my voice.
will be serving a selection of
Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,
What other school has a
15-year-old merry go round on it?
The job is to read what is
written on the paper, Eric,
Well, because he was
not to speak out
against his school.
That is, of course,
And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?
A socialist dung hole...
and... and I don't know
if we can get it back.
So when you look closely,
we're gonna transform
I don't give a crap
- That was cool!
who cares about
A book signing.
or on her back taking the ol' in
out for hours on end."
- Yeah. Geez.
is a penis hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.
I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.
Eric, apparently you wrote
that Wendy's private parts
sell your books
on school grounds.
but slowly, I began
to earn their trust.
And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.
But I eventually proved myself
to Papa Smurf
I should have known!
Suck my fat tits!
You won't see any Smurfs.
Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!
and do what we
know needs to be done!
- What the hell?
Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.
Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.
The school was
running out of power!
You wiped them all out!
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 04, 2009
Everyone agrees they've had enough of the loud and obnoxious bikers that have arrived in South Park. The boys are taking on the Harley Riders. They thrown down the F word and the game is on.
You know when people like
you drive down the streets
that little boy just called us fags.
- Rev'em up!
- Here ow go!
- You do?
Alright.Thanks for coming,everyone.
And I think that together we can come up
I'll go from city to city!
I'm gonna be a harley rider.
I think I just need two,maybe
three buckets of kfc,extra crispy.
Me too!I got All over my pants now!
This can't be happening!
I thought we were past this.
Now,if anybody knows anything about the
kids who did this,you must come forward.
Now just what the heck is going on here?
Hey,that's not very nice,mayor.
has been used in the english
language since the late 16th century.
was someone who made a meager
living gathering firewood.
Later,the term fag was defined as
any awkward bundle to be carried,
the word became a pejoritive term
against homosexuals and transgender people
How is it that you boys think
referring to gay people as 'fags'
Then you're not a fag.
But the traffic coming
at you just keeps coming.
Alright.How about this:
I believe we have an opportunity here
to take a big step forward for our kind.
And help the children change
the meaning of the word
A new movement in south park is
bringing to question the word 'fag.
Just point to which one is the fag.
the mayor signed a new
city ordinance today
If you call me fag to my
face one more time,you better
The town of south park and its mayor
have once again shown themselves
That lady said it's because fag still
means homosexual in the dictionary.
Now I don't know about you,but I
think that town is starting a trend.
Four local boys will state their
case to the head dictionary editor,
and of course the dictionary's
head editor mr.Emmanuel lewewis.
I expect this proposal,for changing
the definition of the word fag,
No!We rolled in,kicked
ass and took Over.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 28, 2009
Stan and his family are spending his birthday at the Denver Aquarium where they will get to swim with the dolphins. Things turn bloody when the Japanese attack, kill all the dolphins and ruin Stan’s big day. There seems to be no end to the senseless killing. Stan takes on the cause to save the dolphins from the Japanese.
Uh dan,it looks like some japanese
people are now rushing onto the field.
This time at the six flags
discovery kingdom near san francisco.
And You dolphin!
she's got to love nobody
Dude,they've been doing
that for a long time.
- No.I just don't care at all.
- Yeah,me neither.
people are going to wish that at some
point they had taken the time to care
And they take volunteers!
We're not protesters.
Are we bad asses?
I'll start right now!
Let's get hardcore!
- Wait that's it?
- Yeah,we make'em stink!
We are!People think our
methods are extreme,
Maybe he's okay.
I want to hold them like
they do in texas play
I'll get him hot,
So stan,what motivated you,
Was that the key to
helping boost your ratings?
and you say stan's
methods are unethical.
Yes,but it doesn't justify
Yes,of course everyone knows
that paul watson was a smug,
Captain!Captain,some new volunteers
showed up to help us in our crusade.
I just want to be on tv.
If he doesn't get there in time,hundreds
of dolphins or whales could die.
On deck,the crew is
surprised at what they saw.
It's pretty typical time
because we know that
He loved dolphins so much,********
Until a sound is heard.
The whales are taking out the
crab fishermen reality show.
They do know.
I I can't believe it.
So you are the ones who has
been a sinking our boats!
Why can't you just stop?
Over 50 years ago,this entire
city was destroyed by nuclear bomb.
At 8:15 am,the people of hiroshima
were just minding their own business,
Japanese babies born without limbs.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 21, 2009
The boys have found their new calling in life and they hurry to sign up for the wrestling club. They soon find out the kind of wrestling they teach at school is not the same thing they saw at the WWE.
Let me guess, you just went to that stupid
WWE show in Denver last night!
I got half a mind to report...
Report you to the police, sir!
Let's start wrestling.
- Wait for it, wait for the whore line.
- Oh, right. Sorry.
That kid was in Nam?
Man, that's incredible.
I have brought my comrade
from Mexico to wrestle against you!
then tell what you did two years ago.
How you killed his child!
These kids ain't more
than eight or nine years old
by nearly every boy there.
and she ain't even ten yet.
But you don't know what real pain is.
Pain, like I've known.
your employment here
at South Park Elementary.
Principal Victoria, just let
me stay on and I can teach kids
with his alcoholic father
after you smash Butters onto the table.
"that it will be sending a talent scout,
president Vince McMahon,
I just think Rad Russian
has his number.
Walked out of the apartment
without saying a word.
I'll fight anytime, anywhere!
at making it
into the WWE, right?
he has no emotion, no timing.
They're gonna hurt
We just gotta hold tryouts.
You dirty, Muslim bastard!
Not a whole lot to tell, really.
Was born in Fort Collins.
winning that belt.
You know what you have to do
I think maybe
I'll have another abortion
- Irene, there is no way.
- What do you think?
When are you going
to face reality, Congo?
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 14, 2009
Butters has made it all the way to the 4th grade without ever kissing a girl. All of his friends have been teasing him mercilessly. Butters is determined to catch up with the rest of the boys in his class. Meanwhile, one overly dedicated cop wages war on prostitution in South Park.
Boy, oh, boy.
I finally did it.
You gotta buckle down
and find yourself a way to make money.
Even if you got diabetes.
I could drum up
some third grade customers
We bring someone on,
show her what to do,
So what if we start
also charging just $2 for a hug.
Any girl that sells
more than twenty kisses gets...
Not in my county!
so we can arrest any citizens
looking for cheap thrills.
I heard that.
Even Stacey Anderson is selling kisses.
You made all that money
off of chicks?
There's kissing companies
all over the country.
I gotta get to that convention.
I could learn all kinds a stuff.
You be pimping?
It's all about knowing the game.
but she still a bitch,
know what I'm saying?
Bitch got to think that's your money,
know what I'm saying?
Teach me a lesson, daddy!
You really gave
my little hole quite a...
Please, don't do this.
I have a wife and kids!
If you want to buy anything,
just talk to the bottom bitch,
- Leave me alone.
- You were made for the playground.
If you don't stop this,
I'll kick your ass.
Can't you see this is wrong?
You've got little boys
Sir, some of us are wondering
if maybe you're not...
now you gotta take care of your pimp,
know what I'm saying?
They say he's real respectful.
- And you're making a profit?
Do you keep any record
of the men getting these "kisses"?
He must get sleepy.
I'd like to know
all about your operation here.
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 07, 2009
Powerful forces are tormenting Ike. He's freaked out and the stress could kill him. Kyle and the boys are doing everything they can to save him but the poltergeists won't leave Ike alone.
Aired 10 years ago - Apr 22, 2009
Butters and a small group of recruits join Cartman in his dream of living on skull island. Cartman promises that paradise awaits if they can just get to Somalia.
Your life of boredom is at an
end,thanks to captain cartman!
Uhhh,guys. Who let
in the g-i-n-g-e-r?
It's time for us to start
rappin' and plunderin'!
The land of pirates awaits!
Oh,jeez. I don't know if i can
really go through with this.
- Do you really want to go back to that?
- No! I'm sick of it!
He's right,lads. To adventure!
We're looking for all the
pirates.Where can we find the --
Oh,he says they're in there!
All right,seriously. You
guys,what kind of pirates are you?
You said there was gonna be crystal
clear lagoons and treasure and plunder!
Keep your eyes open for boats to plunder
Yeah,that's good but now go "arrrgh!"
You really he'll die in somalia?
He left a note saying
he's never coming back!
I love you all,but i have to move on.
This boat is now pirate property!
The is this?
we'll kick your ass Then rape
your lass somalian pirates we
we'll brave the squalls And bust
your balls somalian pirates we
If i can get you and abdikarim to
sing the harmony on the second yo ho.
And a trick a lotty do
Elles avait lightsaber!
We can no longer fight
the pirates on the seas.
breaking news of yet another
pirate cris in somalia.
Or are you lying now?
Cartman,just give me my brother
and let us get out of here.
Excuse me. Can i ask you a question?
But that's what i do not understand.
Aired 10 years ago - Apr 15, 2009
Randy is determined that Stan will win this year's Pinewood Derby. He comes up with a plan that will assure Stan a first place trophy.
And only parts in the
official pinewood derby kit?
Think they're saving the best for last.
A parade was held for
the winners earlier today.
He's okay. He's okay. He's
okay. He's okay.He's okay.
We'd like to talk to you
about your pinewood derby car.
Apparently the alien came across your pinewood
derby car and is now heading here to our planet.
You got nothing on us.
Nasa has confirmed that an alien ship has
entered our solar system and is headed here.
Mr. Marsh,you are on with
with all the world leaders.
Or will it be more like
"contact" with jodie foster?
That's ours,mr. Alien.
I'm baby fark mcgee-zax!
Okay. Let's put the wheels on now,son.
Do you have any idea how
stupid that will make us look?
C'mon,dad. We gotta come clean!
I ain't going to space jail!
Uh,no. We haven't seen anything.
No. No,we haven't seen aliens.
So then we're the first
aliens you've ever seen?
We will give you a call!
Dad,it's over. We have to
tell everyone we cheated.
Uh,no. That's it. We're done!
Yeah! All right,you got him,son!
We'll never have to lie again.
Or what if we didn't call the cops?
Thanks to us,our planet is rich,son!
Oh,you were talking about that alien?
Hey,any of you other
countries see any space cash?
Just one more thing,earthlings.
Yeah. They really
needed new water parks.
Will some country that speaks*******
no,japan! Will you listen
to eme for five seconds?
We believe the aliens are going to
find out sooner or later what we did.
What? What about it?
Yeah. Somebody better
break the news to norway.
Everyone,i have an announcement to make.
Aired 10 years ago - Apr 08, 2009
Cartman decides to help Jimmy with his comedy routine. Everyone loves the new joke they come up with. The joke starts to take off and it even hits all the late night talk shows. The boys are thrilled with how popular it’s become until somebody tries to take all the credit.
Fishsticks? Yeah,i like fishsticks,mkay.
Do you like fishsticks?
It is quite possibly the funniest joke
ever conceived,and its origin is unknown.
And I sure as hell
ain't no fish,all right?
You're a gay fish.
Maybe you were writing jokes for people's
amusement,but I don't work for free.
let me guess. You wrote the joke and cartman
just laid on the couch eating twizzlers.
I like you,jimmy. But
you're not gonna win this.
Just say,"cartman,you didn't have anything
to do with this joke and you know it!"
Now,are there any questions?
recently we've all come to know the fishsticks joke
as probable the funniest,most awesome joke ever.
Well,you know,i was just kicking
it with my homies and my brain --
Uh,i don't know,eric.
Well,you know,i mean,i basically wrote
the thing and you just kind of ate chips.
What does she think we are,gay fish?
We had an agreement,jimmy,and
if you wanna go back on that now,
Kanye,look,we all think it would
be better if you would just drop it.
-- - shut up!
Gay fish are homosexual.
I'm a lyrical wordsmith genius!
Because we really did
both come up with it.
And people with messed up ego can do these mental
gymnastics to convince themselves they're awesome
I've always wanted to work with you.
Now,let's see. The set-up could
be "do you like fishsticks?"
Hey,look,eric killed a dragon!
Is it perhaps that I'm fashionable
and fishsticks are crunchy?
Oh,,man. Kanye west.
Being a comedian but not being funny?
I got to piss in a plastic
bag,man. I got no dick!
Now,explain it to me.
I love putting fishsticks in my mouth.
And ever since then us comedians have been
kick ing ourselves for not thinking of it.
Thank you,thank you.
No,really. Thank you.
But,guys,this joke is so perfect.
Which can unite us in comedy.
Was to make sure everyone knew that we came up
with the joke,and not charles butthole mencia.
I don't even know who you are!
Oh,boy,it's my best pal,eric!
Eric cartman,you are handsome
and not even remotely fat.
Oh,my god! What are jew bots doing here?
What are you,a gay fish? There!
Aired 10 years ago - Apr 01, 2009
Someone played an April Fools joke on the boys and it didn't go over well. Butters is incapacitated, Cartman is furious and the rest of the boys are afraid someone might do it again.
That's right. It's a hot new
canadian show we're trying out.
Sorry,guys,but if you ask me,
your farts have gotten stale.
You wanna tell me what's funny about two women
shooting air from their vagina into a man's face?
They replaced it with the queef sisters.
Hey,guys,we have a
little surprise for you!
Okay,well,thank you for telling
me,mr. Stotch. I'll spread the word.
Sometimes bad things
happen to good people.
We've had a terrible
incident occur at the school.
We're here to find out why!
What the was that have
to do with anything?
But i mean,really,isn't
queefing a bit juvenile?
Here's some cookies.
And you can of course feel free to add little
flowers,or maybe some festive easter grass.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
'Cuz that was a great barrier queef!
Okay,how about this?
I have a friend abbey.
C'mon,stanley. Let's go.
Why kill us? We love you!
Know that it is an honor
to die by your hand.
Last week at our school,a girl
queefed right into our friend's face.
Men have always joked about farts
and we,in fact,name our farts.
excuse me!If that really is your
argument, it isn't a very sound one.
We've got the chinese firecracker.
After everything we've been through?
Is that really what you
think this has all been about?
Because even though things
are getting better for women,
didn't mean --
Aired 10 years ago - Mar 25, 2009
Randy steps forward with a solution to fix the desperate financial state everyone finds themselves in. The town gets behind him and everyone starts to live a life that no longer depends on any economy at all. Meanwhile an unlikely savior makes the ultimate sacrifice to solve everyone’s problems.
All right,everyone,eat up.
They wanted a bigger house and materialistic
things that they didn't even need.
So we have people having a hard time paying
their loans meaning less money coming in.
Do you understand,son?
And so I say to you,do not listen
to the wall street brokers for they
Covetous jews,who have taken all our
money and hoarded it for themselves.
Who bought that $300,000 house when
you only had $20,000 to put down. You!
He's right. This is the first
guy to actually make sense.
Could you please put the
receipt here on this table?
You see,this margaritaville was
purchased with a payment plan.
You'll have to speak with
the people at the top.
Nay you hath forsaken the economy!
And thou knowest that thy
stockbroker did not fear the economy.
Instead of cars that take gasoline,we
can get around on lamas from drake's farm.
The economy is our shepherd.
Just tell us where the cave is,kyle.
We best speak with the council.
I want to return this margaritaville.
Ooh,yeah. No. You know what? No,yeah.
And I hook them up with investors who want to get
into the margaritaville payment plan business,yeah.
People have learned to hold on to their money so as
to not feel the sting of the economy's mighty sword.
Then perhaps soon our
economy will return to us.
But then the sky went black and grand theft
auto chinatown wars just melted in my hands.
Garrison,you have brought your
filth to this town for the last time!
C'mon,this is ridiculous!
The economy is just an idea made
up by people thousands of years ago.
This is only plastic.
He is still going around convincing people
to have faith in the economy by shopping.
Our tireless work is obviously
being undermined by this one jew.
So saying it would be
limiting to one son is stupid!
No problem. We just need
to consult the chart.
And besides,i have this strange feel hag
one of you is gonna totally betray me.
Kyle,please. For sake,don't
do anything drastic.
Well,you don't get $90 trillion,but
the chart says that's what it's worth.
company is going under.
Aired 10 years ago - Mar 18, 2009
“The Coon” rises from the trash and takes his place as a lone vigilante who wipes out crime in the town of South Park. A rival superhero appears on the scene in the form of “Mysterion” and challenges the Coon’s place as a “symbol” for the town.
But in the meantime,i have
something that might interest you.
hey,guys. Good morning.
As for me,i certainly don't agree
with the coon's reckless ways.
And of course the most
common question asked is --
What we all need
to know -- clyde.
who the hell is that?
No,no,no. I'm the
symbol this town needs.
I might be craig,an then
again I might not be.
Tomorrow is the most important
day in the coon's life.
Aren't you the little boy who had his ginger
pride rally and his aids benefit here before?
Who has taken to the streets
in an effort to fight crime.
He was dressed mostly in
black with a kind of cloak.
Who is mysterion? Who
is he? Who could he be?
I could no longer watch as the
city has become a cesspool of crime.
Ah,mysterion,thank god you've come.
You are a beecon of hope in an
otherwise bleak and dreary world!
I don't have time for this.
So guys,any of you do anything
interesting last night?
Come out where I can see you.
I'm not here to stop
you this time,chaos.
I'm not on his side.
is trying to -- ugh!
But if this is some
kind of set-up --
Who? Me? Why?
Can I offer you a coke
or a sprite or something?
Using our photos,we are trying
to pinpoint mysterion's identity.
All right,all right,look,chaos.
Two days ago,an evil unknown
terrorist threatened major consequences
Are you nuts? What?
If we're really evil villains,then we should
betray him and blow him up with the hospital.
I mean,i hate the world and all its puny inhabitants
and all,but blowing up a hospital just seems mean
This isn't your usual m.o.,chaos.
Give him hell,mysterion!
The impossible has happened.
Aired 10 years ago - Mar 11, 2009
Thinking it's his way into her heart and other body parts, Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert. His dream of taking their relationship to the next level is crushed when the Jonas Brothers give them purity rings.
You know that teenage boy band?
Can you... can you forgive me, Ken?
I think if i bring her there I'll get a BJ.
Boxed condom? Certainly, little boy.
is the mouth of the american women.
She'll make me clean in my room if I'm naughty, baby!
Seasons change, baby.
Ben want you to come backstage.
Oh, fuck you, I got to inaudible tickle
Just because they are a rockstars that doesn't mean I'll do that.
Look, we called you back here 'cos we want to share a love of Christ with you.
That's just how we roll.
W-what that does mean?
I've heard that Kenny is still going out with that slut Tammy Warner!
I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do.
'cos now we're both wearing these rings for each other,
No need to chase after girls it's the promise I can never break.
'Cos we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings...
"I'VE GOT A RING"
WALT DISNEY PRODUCTIONS
We've decided, as a band, not to wear purity rings anymore!
Let's be strong, guys.
I just love flying all the way to Colorado to hear about your problems!
See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk,
You don't f... talk to me like that!
No sir, no mister mouse. No, mister mouse.
We've had just about enough, dude.
Kenny... Kenny... Kenny? Where are you looking, playboy?
Oh my god, look at this! Motherf...!
Hold tight, buddy. We gonna find a cure for you.
Now tell us what are you doing in Denver, guys.
You'll be dowsing girls in the audience with white foam is that correct?
Hey, what are you think you're doing?
Who the hell are these guys? Are they from Dreamworks?
In about ten minutes the Jonas Brothers are going to take stage into what Disney is calling
You're lying, I'll cut you up.
And you three faggots aren't gonna stop me. Nobody is ruining this event.
And when little girls' jines tickle I make money.
I've made billions off of christian ignorance for decades now.