Aired 11 years ago - Nov 18, 2009
Things at the water park are not what they seem. The boys' fun filled day is about to turn deadly. Events are in play at Splash Town that signal the end of the world is upon us. Cartman tries to warn everyone but no one will listen. Disaster is about to strike and the boys are in a race to survive.
♪ And the instructions in Spanish
on the Zipline Ride ♪
♪ Why can't they leave
this land alone? ♪
- ♪ Minorities ♪
- ♪ Mexicans and Asians ♪
My water park.
what are you gonna do?
Now look, guys,
I did some calculations.
- The who?!
- The Mayans.
in any water park
Add another for people who do
but don't admit it,
You can't barge in here and
tell me that I have to close down
Captain, these two men claim
to know the situation.
You can't just leave my son
in there with all that pee!
Why do you think
everyone washes their hands
It's not like you're peeing
on your hands.
Well, what are
we gonna do now?
What will the minorities
do with me?
It's all pee and
nobody can go in or out!
Randy, you've got to
We think we have it, sir.
Find an antidote
I should have-a
shut my water park down
The maintenance room is a
way down on the basement level.
You said you can hold
your breath the longest, Kyle.
You don't pee
in the shower, dude!
God chose to survive in this
because I was so happy
when I saw that movie.
that minorities make,
Now if you run a-into
the any problems,
you get a-the pressure.
What's a-the problem?
Make way! Make way!
The antidote is something
as simple as a banana?
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 11, 2009
Eric Cartman seizes the opportunity to become the voice of change at the school when he takes over the morning announcements. His target is South Park Elementary’s Student Body President, Wendy Testaburger. Cartman is asking the tough questions and gaining followers.
So you're, uh,
trying out to be
I've got this job
in the bag!
"Dear Casey, your voice is like
butter to our ears.
in the sultry summer sun,
that is my voice.
will be serving a selection of
Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,
What other school has a
15-year-old merry go round on it?
The job is to read what is
written on the paper, Eric,
Well, because he was
not to speak out
against his school.
That is, of course,
And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?
A socialist dung hole...
and... and I don't know
if we can get it back.
So when you look closely,
we're gonna transform
I don't give a crap
- That was cool!
who cares about
A book signing.
or on her back taking the ol' in
out for hours on end."
- Yeah. Geez.
is a penis hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.
I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.
Eric, apparently you wrote
that Wendy's private parts
sell your books
on school grounds.
but slowly, I began
to earn their trust.
And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.
But I eventually proved myself
to Papa Smurf
I should have known!
Suck my fat tits!
You won't see any Smurfs.
Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!
and do what we
know needs to be done!
- What the hell?
Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.
Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.
The school was
running out of power!
You wiped them all out!
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 04, 2009
Everyone agrees they've had enough of the loud and obnoxious bikers that have arrived in South Park. The boys are taking on the Harley Riders. They thrown down the F word and the game is on.
You know when people like
you drive down the streets
that little boy just called us fags.
- Rev'em up!
- Here ow go!
- You do?
Alright.Thanks for coming,everyone.
And I think that together we can come up
I'll go from city to city!
I'm gonna be a harley rider.
I think I just need two,maybe
three buckets of kfc,extra crispy.
Me too!I got All over my pants now!
This can't be happening!
I thought we were past this.
Now,if anybody knows anything about the
kids who did this,you must come forward.
Now just what the heck is going on here?
Hey,that's not very nice,mayor.
has been used in the english
language since the late 16th century.
was someone who made a meager
living gathering firewood.
Later,the term fag was defined as
any awkward bundle to be carried,
the word became a pejoritive term
against homosexuals and transgender people
How is it that you boys think
referring to gay people as 'fags'
Then you're not a fag.
But the traffic coming
at you just keeps coming.
Alright.How about this:
I believe we have an opportunity here
to take a big step forward for our kind.
And help the children change
the meaning of the word
A new movement in south park is
bringing to question the word 'fag.
Just point to which one is the fag.
the mayor signed a new
city ordinance today
If you call me fag to my
face one more time,you better
The town of south park and its mayor
have once again shown themselves
That lady said it's because fag still
means homosexual in the dictionary.
Now I don't know about you,but I
think that town is starting a trend.
Four local boys will state their
case to the head dictionary editor,
and of course the dictionary's
head editor mr.Emmanuel lewewis.
I expect this proposal,for changing
the definition of the word fag,
No!We rolled in,kicked
ass and took Over.
Aired 11 years ago - Oct 28, 2009
Stan and his family are spending his birthday at the Denver Aquarium where they will get to swim with the dolphins. Things turn bloody when the Japanese attack, kill all the dolphins and ruin Stan’s big day. There seems to be no end to the senseless killing. Stan takes on the cause to save the dolphins from the Japanese.
between the kansas city
chiefs and the miami dolphins.
Several whales and dolphins were again
slaughtered by the japanese today.
the current prime minister of
japan,yukio hatoyama had this to say.
she's got to love nobody
- You guys,you guys!
- p-p-p-poker face
It seems like everyone
has an attitude of
Stan,me and kenny don't give two
shits about stupid ass Whales.
I wanna roll with him
a hard pair we will be
But I wanted to tell
you,there's these fellers on tv.
The fight is on!
what do we do?
Wait,wait,wait!I've got a better idea!
It's time to bring out the big guns.
Those guys always covered
in dolphin and whale guts!
but we'll keep making their boat stink as
long as they are killing whales and dolphins!
What did you do?
I want to hold them like
they do in texas play
show him what I've got
Hey jordon!I'm on larry king,mate!
Was that the key to
helping boost your ratings?
Joining us now is one of those people,
but incompetent vegan
Doing absolutely nothing
as long as it served his cause.
knowing they could
be absolutely anywhere.
Oh what,so now that I have a hit tv show
you guys care about dolphins and whales?
Look,if you admit that you are only
doing this because you want to be on tv,
Alright.Let's go save
those whales,you guys!
The japanese want to play that way,huh?
You think you're a big boat
reality show on the block?
Can't go after the japanese,can't
help the whales or dolphins.
It's like we've dedicated all our times
and our lives to saving these creatures.
Because they know that only we
can save them from the japanese.
Japanese people really
do not like whales.
Oh,I'm sorry.Am I making things
uncomfortable for you,stan?
japanese balls got me
You have caused us many problems!
You think you have the
right to tell us what is ok?
Over 50 years ago,this entire
city was destroyed by nuclear bomb.
Aired 11 years ago - Oct 21, 2009
The boys have found their new calling in life and they hurry to sign up for the wrestling club. They soon find out the kind of wrestling they teach at school is not the same thing they saw at the WWE.
Let me guess, you just went to that stupid
WWE show in Denver last night!
I got half a mind to report...
Report you to the police, sir!
Let's start wrestling.
- Wait for it, wait for the whore line.
- Oh, right. Sorry.
That kid was in Nam?
Man, that's incredible.
I have brought my comrade
from Mexico to wrestle against you!
then tell what you did two years ago.
How you killed his child!
These kids ain't more
than eight or nine years old
by nearly every boy there.
and she ain't even ten yet.
But you don't know what real pain is.
Pain, like I've known.
your employment here
at South Park Elementary.
Principal Victoria, just let
me stay on and I can teach kids
with his alcoholic father
after you smash Butters onto the table.
"that it will be sending a talent scout,
president Vince McMahon,
I just think Rad Russian
has his number.
Walked out of the apartment
without saying a word.
I'll fight anytime, anywhere!
at making it
into the WWE, right?
he has no emotion, no timing.
They're gonna hurt
We just gotta hold tryouts.
You dirty, Muslim bastard!
Not a whole lot to tell, really.
Was born in Fort Collins.
winning that belt.
You know what you have to do
I think maybe
I'll have another abortion
- Irene, there is no way.
- What do you think?
When are you going
to face reality, Congo?
Aired 11 years ago - Oct 14, 2009
Butters has made it all the way to the 4th grade without ever kissing a girl. All of his friends have been teasing him mercilessly. Butters is determined to catch up with the rest of the boys in his class. Meanwhile, one overly dedicated cop wages war on prostitution in South Park.
- You're a man!
- Nice job!
I gotta start
thinking about a career.
The next key
to a successful business is innovation.
Meagan, I'm moving you
to the baseball field after school
Let the men of this town
know that if they pay for sex,
Right here's good, sexy.
It's the most genius idea
I ever came up with.
"The person managing
all the women is known as the pimp."
You be pimping?
It's all about knowing the game.
but she still a bitch,
know what I'm saying?
Can't let em go shopping,
spending their money on stupid shit.
Sally is just my bottom bitch!
Let's just get to this, baby.
Come on, harder!
That was great.
You are under arrest
for soliciting prostitution!
I just hold on to all the money.
Bitches can't be trusted with it.
I'm just saying
the bitch should be working.
Do you have a problem?
All right, how about a freebie?
Kyle, every boy pays for kisses.
Do you know what I am saying?
- Butters, what's happened to you?
- What happened is I became a man.
All right, ATOs!
Come on, you sissies.
I can fit more of you!
Half of them didn't even use
My daddy needs me right now.
Lots a girls
are switching over to him.
My black employee Sharise,
Get out of here!
Aired 11 years ago - Oct 07, 2009
Powerful forces are tormenting Ike. He's freaked out and the stress could kill him. Kyle and the boys are doing everything they can to save him but the poltergeists won't leave Ike alone.
I see dead celebrities.
Just Ed McMahon.
This is him.
caused by Chipotle
off your underwear.
Chipotlaway gets rid of blood stains
and leaves your underway good as new.
I use it all the time.
We have to help Kyle's brother
and get to the bottom of this.
What we have this week, Chris?
Did you hear that?
It was like a...
Are you getting this?
there's blood in your underwear.
You understand this?
before they reach the after life,
All these dead celebrities
They are not serving drinks yet.
Mr. Jackson, you aren't alive.
Shut up, Billy Mays!
I'm a little white child.
Stay in your seat
with your seatbelt fasten.
The first time you saw
blood stains on your underwear,
"A ghost that enters
and refuses to leave a living host
- And white.
- Look, a planet.
First up, we have the beautiful
Billy Mays here
for the little Country Handy Pillow.
With two easy steps,
I can climb over these seats
He checked some of that baggage in.
So the crew has to go through it
Excuse me. Please do us a favor
and vote for little Miss Jackson.
Thank you, Miss Cassie.
A little white girl like me
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 22, 2009
Butters and a small group of recruits join Cartman in his dream of living on skull island. Cartman promises that paradise awaits if they can just get to Somalia.
Congratulations on leaving your
meaningless lives behind to become pirates.
So you've decided to join
Please get it out of here.
Dude,i'm a pirate!
I see,you five boys are all booked
through to cairo by yourselves?
The path to adventure lies
just beyond this ticket counter,
butters,get the phrase book out.
Ah,nice! Come on,mateys!
All right,seriously. You
guys,what kind of pirates are you?
You said there was gonna be crystal
clear lagoons and treasure and plunder!
Surrender your plunder lest we
start firing shots across yer bow!
Oh,kyle! He's gone!
and if one more person talked to me about
that Susan boyle performance of "les miserable"
Oh,god,what have i done
I said get off me boat!
That's it! Get in there ya swarmy dogs!
Hard to port!
that's good! Now bring
'er round topside!
Ah,a fine day of plunderin' we
had,boys. What about yourselves?
What kind of pirates are
you? Look at yourselves!
somalian pirates we
- somalian pirates we
If i can get you and abdikarim to
sing the harmony on the second yo ho.
And a trick a lotty do
We found them adrift.********
Elles avait lightsaber!
Gentlemen,i want the president
of the united states on the phone.
this is cnn.
U.s.navy ships have been deployed and
the pirate standoff is about to get ugly.
In the cafeteria you
said somalia was awesome.
Even the fish here are radioactive.
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 15, 2009
Randy is determined that Stan will win this year's Pinewood Derby. He comes up with a plan that will assure Stan a first place trophy.
And only parts in the
official pinewood derby kit?
Think they're saving the best for last.
A parade was held for
the winners earlier today.
He's okay. He's okay. He's
okay. He's okay.He's okay.
We'd like to talk to you
about your pinewood derby car.
Apparently the alien came across your pinewood
derby car and is now heading here to our planet.
You got nothing on us.
Nasa has confirmed that an alien ship has
entered our solar system and is headed here.
Mr. Marsh,you are on with
with all the world leaders.
Or will it be more like
"contact" with jodie foster?
That's ours,mr. Alien.
I'm baby fark mcgee-zax!
Okay. Let's put the wheels on now,son.
Do you have any idea how
stupid that will make us look?
C'mon,dad. We gotta come clean!
I ain't going to space jail!
Uh,no. We haven't seen anything.
No. No,we haven't seen aliens.
So then we're the first
aliens you've ever seen?
We will give you a call!
Dad,it's over. We have to
tell everyone we cheated.
Uh,no. That's it. We're done!
Yeah! All right,you got him,son!
We'll never have to lie again.
Or what if we didn't call the cops?
Thanks to us,our planet is rich,son!
Oh,you were talking about that alien?
Hey,any of you other
countries see any space cash?
Just one more thing,earthlings.
Yeah. They really
needed new water parks.
Will some country that speaks*******
no,japan! Will you listen
to eme for five seconds?
We believe the aliens are going to
find out sooner or later what we did.
What? What about it?
Yeah. Somebody better
break the news to norway.
Everyone,i have an announcement to make.
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 08, 2009
Cartman decides to help Jimmy with his comedy routine. Everyone loves the new joke they come up with. The joke starts to take off and it even hits all the late night talk shows. The boys are thrilled with how popular it’s become until somebody tries to take all the credit.
Hey,kevin,do you like fishsticks?
you like fishsticks,paul?
In fact,the only person who appears to
not get the joke is rapper kanye west,
If I was a homosexual
or a fish,i would know.
You are male.
And then it was on leno
and jimmy kimmel show!
There's lots of people out there
using our joke on their shows.
Actually,it was potato chips.
Craig,if cartman didn't do anything then
he doesn't deserve any of the credit.
Just give him half.
Doctor,do I have gills?
Do you like fishsticks?
But who originally came up with it?
Well,you know,i was just kicking
it with my homies and my brain --
Uh,i don't know,eric.
Well,you know,i mean,i basically wrote
the thing and you just kind of ate chips.
Do we like fishsticks?
Look,exactly who came up with which
part of the joke isn't even relevant.
Here he is,y'all. Give
it up for kanye west!
It just doesn't make any sense,yo!
Interacting with me.
Then under me,we have rapper,genius.
You see fish dicks is a play on words.
I'm starting to think he might try and
jew me out of half of the fishsticks joke.
Your ego is so out of whack that it will
do whatever it can to protect itself.
You're really onto something there!
- What is that?
- It's a dragon of some kind.
Nope. No,i definitely
helped write this joke.
You told us to track down whoever
started the whole fishstick thang.
You just saying that
now 'cuz you're scared!
You think you can make
fun of me? I'm a genius!
I pay people to do that for me.
'Cuz,'cuz you like
You're,you're a gay fish,man.
But today,we have with us the true
creators of the fishsticks joke.
So,guys,i gotta ask.
But,guys,this joke is so perfect.
Working with crippled
people is really important.
Was to make sure everyone knew that we came up
with the joke,and not charles butthole mencia.
This is bullcrap,jimmy,and you know it!
Please! I wasn't
starting rumors about you.
You wanna know how it happened?
You know,'cuz fishsticks
sounds like fish dicks,jimmy?
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 01, 2009
Someone played an April Fools joke on the boys and it didn't go over well. Butters is incapacitated, Cartman is furious and the rest of the boys are afraid someone might do it again.
That's right. It's a hot new
canadian show we're trying out.
Sorry,guys,but if you ask me,
your farts have gotten stale.
You wanna tell me what's funny about two women
shooting air from their vagina into a man's face?
They replaced it with the queef sisters.
Hey,guys,we have a
little surprise for you!
Okay,well,thank you for telling
me,mr. Stotch. I'll spread the word.
Sometimes bad things
happen to good people.
We've had a terrible
incident occur at the school.
We're here to find out why!
What the was that have
to do with anything?
But i mean,really,isn't
queefing a bit juvenile?
Here's some cookies.
And you can of course feel free to add little
flowers,or maybe some festive easter grass.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
'Cuz that was a great barrier queef!
Okay,how about this?
I have a friend abbey.
C'mon,stanley. Let's go.
Why kill us? We love you!
Know that it is an honor
to die by your hand.
Last week at our school,a girl
queefed right into our friend's face.
Men have always joked about farts
and we,in fact,name our farts.
excuse me!If that really is your
argument, it isn't a very sound one.
We've got the chinese firecracker.
After everything we've been through?
Is that really what you
think this has all been about?
Because even though things
are getting better for women,
didn't mean --
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 25, 2009
Randy steps forward with a solution to fix the desperate financial state everyone finds themselves in. The town gets behind him and everyone starts to live a life that no longer depends on any economy at all. Meanwhile an unlikely savior makes the ultimate sacrifice to solve everyone’s problems.
We'll have the rest of dan's
interview tonight at 10:00.
Mom,dad,how come there's
suddenly no money?
That looked appealing because
they thought money was endless.
And they made the economy very angry.
Because the government kept
interest rates too low for too long!
- They are the ones who knowingly drove us down this pathway of doom.
- and so where has all the money gone?
And now we hear all different people casting all
different kinds of blame from person to person.
Finger-pointing gets us nowhere. Steve!
Instead of paying for
cable,let us watch clouds!
Sorry,our computers are slow today.
Customers just pay for some of the machine
and the finance company pays for the rest.
I can give you the finance company's
address if that's agreeable with you.
Oh,thoust can shop in
a sporting goods store,
You have brought the economy's
vengeance upon yourselves.
Instead of cars that take gasoline,we
can get around on lamas from drake's farm.
We shall not want!
You want something
new every week,fat ass.
Just tell us where the cave is,kyle.
We best speak with the council.
I want to return this margaritaville.
Ooh,yeah. No. You know what? No,yeah.
And I hook them up with investors who want to get
into the margaritaville payment plan business,yeah.
People have learned to hold on to their money so as
to not feel the sting of the economy's mighty sword.
And pat saltzman is doing house checks to make
sure nobody's ordering anything stupid online.
He was rallying people to spend more!
I was in a field,and I had grand theft
auto chinatown wars right next to me.
You have sinned!
Hey,stop it! Stop!
And huck the next squirrel
So I can return it to the bank?
Listen,this is all you need to know.
I applied for this
yesterday to prove a point.
Without faith,it is only
plastic cards and paper money.
Worse,it has declined.
Well,then there's only one option.
I want to return this margaritaville.
Really? Thank you.
Hey,what's the matter,kyle?
There's no choice anymore,guys.
Well,you don't get $90 trillion,but
the chart says that's what it's worth.
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 18, 2009
“The Coon” rises from the trash and takes his place as a lone vigilante who wipes out crime in the town of South Park. A rival superhero appears on the scene in the form of “Mysterion” and challenges the Coon’s place as a “symbol” for the town.
But in the meantime,i have
something that might interest you.
hey,guys. Good morning.
As for me,i certainly don't agree
with the coon's reckless ways.
And of course the most
common question asked is --
What we all need
to know -- clyde.
who the hell is that?
No,no,no. I'm the
symbol this town needs.
I might be craig,an then
again I might not be.
Tomorrow is the most important
day in the coon's life.
Aren't you the little boy who had his ginger
pride rally and his aids benefit here before?
Who has taken to the streets
in an effort to fight crime.
He was dressed mostly in
black with a kind of cloak.
Who is mysterion? Who
is he? Who could he be?
I could no longer watch as the
city has become a cesspool of crime.
Ah,mysterion,thank god you've come.
You are a beecon of hope in an
otherwise bleak and dreary world!
I don't have time for this.
So guys,any of you do anything
interesting last night?
Come out where I can see you.
I'm not here to stop
you this time,chaos.
I'm not on his side.
is trying to -- ugh!
But if this is some
kind of set-up --
Who? Me? Why?
Can I offer you a coke
or a sprite or something?
Using our photos,we are trying
to pinpoint mysterion's identity.
All right,all right,look,chaos.
Two days ago,an evil unknown
terrorist threatened major consequences
Are you nuts? What?
If we're really evil villains,then we should
betray him and blow him up with the hospital.
I mean,i hate the world and all its puny inhabitants
and all,but blowing up a hospital just seems mean
This isn't your usual m.o.,chaos.
Give him hell,mysterion!
The impossible has happened.
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 11, 2009
Thinking it's his way into her heart and other body parts, Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert. His dream of taking their relationship to the next level is crushed when the Jonas Brothers give them purity rings.
But it was before you and I were together and it wasn't my fault.
But it was only for one second and I had my eyes closed.
Girl's mouths are full of germs!
Kenny, aren't you a little too young for this?
I'm ready to get it on.
- Can we do the day I kiss you
- Oh my god, it's start tingling again!
Tell me how was that in love...
Yeah yeah I'm gonna take my time,
- 'Cos I still love you, baby...
- Love you, baby! Baby!
Oh my god! I'm so worked up.
Yeah, I'm not giving a blowjob to anybody!
Look, we called you back here 'cos we want to share a love of Christ with you.
Well, well, well...
W-what that does mean?
I've heard that Kenny is still going out with that slut Tammy Warner!
'cos now we're both wearing these rings for each other,
'Cos we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings...
We adore Gray's Anatomy, don't we, Nancy?
Babe... Babe Baby! Baby!
Our decision is final!
Yeah, I hope you're right, because the boss is on his way here.
We... need to talk about something.
You have to wear the purity rings, because
that's how we can sell sex to little girls.
Rings stay on!
Get the f... off. Get the f... out, ha.
DVD SALE 20% OFF
Grey's Anatomy? Kenny!
This Disney, douchebag, and it's one cause of all this.
that would be a live broadcast on a Disney channel.
Don't approve thing of being naughty or filthy.
Well, you can give an audience a peak. What you say girls,
Great stuff, boys. You like taking a Jonas Brother's hot foam on your faces, girls?
This whoile thing is a freaking shame.
Wake up, wake up, you little prick
And now, Disney Channel presents...
In about ten minutes the Jonas Brothers are going to take stage into what Disney is calling
We understand that Jonas Brothers are getting ready.
You're lying, I'll cut you up.
And you three faggots aren't gonna stop me. Nobody is ruining this event.