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Archer (2009)

S5 E5
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Season 5  "Archer Vice: Southbound and Down"  5x5

Aired 11 years ago - Feb 24, 2014

Malory buys a bus and takes everyone on a road trip. Put that hammer down and give it hell.

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Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 3
- ten-goddamn-four?! - How about how much did this cost?
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 4
anything. All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes...
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 5
- out to pro-abortion, super-PACs! - Still no words.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 6
- The what? - Okay, first of all...
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 7
- a car with T-tops and a four-barrel. - Wha... Who's gonna do
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 8
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 9
anywhere else? It's bad enough I have to drive 24 hours straight.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 10
Sorry, I'm a bit stressed out about Cherlene getting a record deal.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 11
when the Feds took ISIS, and Ron took what little I had left, so now I need to
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 12
- Uh... oh! Uh, sorry, Archer. - Exactly the opposite
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 13
- Ow! Whose ring is that, the Pope's?! - Ouch!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 14
and B: If they weren't sitting on a
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 15
- cocaine to forget they live there. - Yeah, but not 100 pounds.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 16
Well, but see if there is one, just
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 18
booze, and soft cheeses, I'm also supposed to abstain from bus crashes!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 19
- Hey, sleepyhead! Welcome to Texas! - Already?
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 20
Uh, breaker breaker, you got your
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 21
Truck stops... are crazy awesome! This is Snowball, good buddy.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 22
- Obviously, you idiot! Why?! - Kidnapping!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 23
Hey, treebeard! Take me with you! You can do unspeakable
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 25
but neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 26
- Gun-gun-gun-gun! Cyril look out! - No!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 27
- Cyril, do not stop this bus! - Okay!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 28
Are you, like, sure you brought it?
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 29
Where's my gun, Pam?! What, did you spit it in some trucker's mouth, too?!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 31
- Oh shi... - ...it!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 32
No? No? No?
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 33
- Lana! - Yeah, you're one to talk.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 34
Well, it's a good damn thing I ain't paying you to think!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 35
What?! I mean, that's just absolutely crazy. We have nothing.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 36
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 37
Sorry, I had to sell it. Chop-chop! Get the lead out, lickbag!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 38
Whew! Okay, that's got it.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 39
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 40
- Oh, shit! - Yeah, I'm gonna pull over.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 41
- Are you nuts?! - Are you? You want them to get
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 42
- Burt Reynolds! - They don't have the coke, lickbag!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 43
That because of your fat, blabbering mouth Lana would get caught with it
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 44
♪ We got a long way to go ♪ ♪ And a short time to get... ♪
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 45
- What the shit, Snidely Whiplash?! - Now both of our cars
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 46
price to pay for beauty!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 47
Nobody really knows! Hang on!
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
- you have coke, Pam. - Well, and the snowballs, but...
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 49
That's just subcutaneous adipose tissue. Albeit a shitload of it.
 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 50
but explain all that to the Brazos County judge, and maybe he'll...

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 2 #2 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 3
- ten-goddamn-four?! - How about how much did this cost?
#3 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 4
anything. All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes...
#4 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 5
- out to pro-abortion, super-PACs! - Still no words.
#5 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 6
- The what? - Okay, first of all...
#6 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 7
- a car with T-tops and a four-barrel. - Wha... Who's gonna do
#7 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 8 #8 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 9
anywhere else? It's bad enough I have to drive 24 hours straight.
#9 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 10
Sorry, I'm a bit stressed out about Cherlene getting a record deal.
#10 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 11
when the Feds took ISIS, and Ron took what little I had left, so now I need to
#11 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 12
- Uh... oh! Uh, sorry, Archer. - Exactly the opposite
#12 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 13
- Ow! Whose ring is that, the Pope's?! - Ouch!
#13 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 14
and B: If they weren't sitting on a
#14 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 15
- cocaine to forget they live there. - Yeah, but not 100 pounds.
#15 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 16
Well, but see if there is one, just
#16 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 17 #17 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 18
booze, and soft cheeses, I'm also supposed to abstain from bus crashes!
#18 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 19
- Hey, sleepyhead! Welcome to Texas! - Already?
#19 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 20
Uh, breaker breaker, you got your
#20 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 21
Truck stops... are crazy awesome! This is Snowball, good buddy.
#21 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 22
- Obviously, you idiot! Why?! - Kidnapping!
#22 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 23
Hey, treebeard! Take me with you! You can do unspeakable
#23 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 24 #24 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 25
but neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!
#25 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 26
- Gun-gun-gun-gun! Cyril look out! - No!
#26 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 27
- Cyril, do not stop this bus! - Okay!
#27 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 28
Are you, like, sure you brought it?
#28 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 29
Where's my gun, Pam?! What, did you spit it in some trucker's mouth, too?!
#29 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 30 #30 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 31
- Oh shi... - ...it!
#31 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 32
No? No? No?
#32 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 33
- Lana! - Yeah, you're one to talk.
#33 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 34
Well, it's a good damn thing I ain't paying you to think!
#34 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 35
What?! I mean, that's just absolutely crazy. We have nothing.
#35 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 36 #36 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 37
Sorry, I had to sell it. Chop-chop! Get the lead out, lickbag!
#37 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 38
Whew! Okay, that's got it.
#38 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 39 #39 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 40
- Oh, shit! - Yeah, I'm gonna pull over.
#40 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 41
- Are you nuts?! - Are you? You want them to get
#41 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 42
- Burt Reynolds! - They don't have the coke, lickbag!
#42 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 43
That because of your fat, blabbering mouth Lana would get caught with it
#43 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 44
♪ We got a long way to go ♪ ♪ And a short time to get... ♪
#44 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 45
- What the shit, Snidely Whiplash?! - Now both of our cars
#45 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 46
price to pay for beauty!
#46 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 47
Nobody really knows! Hang on!
#47 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
- you have coke, Pam. - Well, and the snowballs, but...
#48 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 49
That's just subcutaneous adipose tissue. Albeit a shitload of it.
#49 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 50
but explain all that to the Brazos County judge, and maybe he'll...
#50