S5 E13
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Season 5  "Archer Vice: Arrivals/Departures"  5x13

Aired 6 years ago - Apr 21, 2014

Archer helps Lana with the delivery of her baby, while Krieger tries to prevent the delivery of a deadly weapon.

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Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 3
Air strike on the palace is a go, and I suggest we take Calderón's jet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 4
literally true. Oye, muchachos! Agarrenlos!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 5
- Let's get this baby out of me. - Gross! - Will you sh...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 6
- What is wrong with you? - Nothin', Roy. - Or Ray.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 7
- Ow! Come on. Ow! Ow! - Okay. - What happened?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 8
incoming bombers! From their heading, they appear... American!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 9
Nothing! You don't just turn it off! It wasn't my war!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 10
Oh, we're taking everything! Furs, jewels, the silverware,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 11
- you think you are! You are not robbing my palace! - Oh, yes, we are, and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 12
praying your driver doesn't rat you out to the Reds at the last checkpoint.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 13
Appropes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 14
Because this entire country's about to be up to its tits in U.S. Marines.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 15
bastard. I didn't know it was the CIA's cocaine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 16
Doing good, buddy. - Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 17
What? Jesus! What is your problem!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 18
- her, um... - Ew! No! You do it! - I'll do it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 19
- That thing is smooth. - I...! Thank you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 20
breathe, friend. Because, uh... Wow. Okay.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 21
- Which are...?! - Oh. Okay. So, I don't think we can disarm
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 22
- that, flight deck. Um... - Range-- 150. ETA-- 12 minutes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 23
Oh, no, that wasn't my dad. - Well, who was it? - Doesn't matter who.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 24
- Ugh! - Do you hear that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 25
on the palace, you won't be able to swing a dead cat around here without hitting a Marine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 26
- reporting for sploosh. - Take Tweedledick and Tweedleballs, go
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 27
- And get me some frickin' morphine! - Lana, come on, what
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 28
- Uncle. Uh, friend of the family. - Dude. Drop it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 29
- you. - Okay.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 30
- That's a chance I'm willing to take. - Me too.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 31
What the hell are you idiots...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 32
lying in the road. Come on, you don't want a thing like that falling into the wrong
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 33
♪ ...auto parts This year.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 34
- Cyril, for God's sake, be careful! - Would you shut up?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 35
- and see if you're crowning. - What?! - For the love of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 36
I've helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus, one time, my sister Edie?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 37
- I feel like I should. I mean, I am a doctor. - No, you're not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 38
- What-what if there's a-a birth defect or... - No. No, no,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 39
- Wait... - Oh, please. Like you're the only one who
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 40
Now move that big fat smelly ass, you hear? A Day No Pigs Would Die?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 41
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 42
- Oh, and, uh, I quit. - Wha... Why? - Because you lying to me
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 43
- Whatever. - Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 44
bribe some federal agents. Well, at least put a seatbelt on it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 45
You keep it up, mister, and I'll walk right back in there and tell her the whole
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 46
- Can't you give her a brain chip? - A what? - A brain chip.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 47
- And inject a sticker into my brain? - Are you out of your
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 48
- with a $50 million hole in our account. - There's 40 of it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 49
be a feather in your cap. They might even make you director.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 50
- million and you want to get on the CIA payroll? - Right after you

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 2 #2 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 3
Air strike on the palace is a go, and I suggest we take Calderón's jet.
#3
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 4
literally true. Oye, muchachos! Agarrenlos!
#4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 5
- Let's get this baby out of me. - Gross! - Will you sh...
#5
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 6
- What is wrong with you? - Nothin', Roy. - Or Ray.
#6
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 7
- Ow! Come on. Ow! Ow! - Okay. - What happened?!
#7
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 8
incoming bombers! From their heading, they appear... American!
#8
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 9
Nothing! You don't just turn it off! It wasn't my war!
#9
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 10
Oh, we're taking everything! Furs, jewels, the silverware,
#10
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 11
- you think you are! You are not robbing my palace! - Oh, yes, we are, and
#11
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 12
praying your driver doesn't rat you out to the Reds at the last checkpoint.
#12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 13
Appropes.
#13
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 14
Because this entire country's about to be up to its tits in U.S. Marines.
#14
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 15
bastard. I didn't know it was the CIA's cocaine.
#15
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 16
Doing good, buddy. - Archer!
#16
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 17
What? Jesus! What is your problem!
#17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 18
- her, um... - Ew! No! You do it! - I'll do it!
#18
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 19
- That thing is smooth. - I...! Thank you.
#19
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 20
breathe, friend. Because, uh... Wow. Okay.
#20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 21
- Which are...?! - Oh. Okay. So, I don't think we can disarm
#21
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 22
- that, flight deck. Um... - Range-- 150. ETA-- 12 minutes.
#22
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 23
Oh, no, that wasn't my dad. - Well, who was it? - Doesn't matter who.
#23
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 24
- Ugh! - Do you hear that?
#24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 25
on the palace, you won't be able to swing a dead cat around here without hitting a Marine.
#25
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 26
- reporting for sploosh. - Take Tweedledick and Tweedleballs, go
#26
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 27
- And get me some frickin' morphine! - Lana, come on, what
#27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 28
- Uncle. Uh, friend of the family. - Dude. Drop it.
#28
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 29
- you. - Okay.
#29
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 30
- That's a chance I'm willing to take. - Me too.
#30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 31
What the hell are you idiots...
#31
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 32
lying in the road. Come on, you don't want a thing like that falling into the wrong
#32
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 33
♪ ...auto parts This year.
#33
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 34
- Cyril, for God's sake, be careful! - Would you shut up?
#34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 35
- and see if you're crowning. - What?! - For the love of
#35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 36
I've helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus, one time, my sister Edie?
#36
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 37
- I feel like I should. I mean, I am a doctor. - No, you're not.
#37
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 38
- What-what if there's a-a birth defect or... - No. No, no,
#38
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 39
- Wait... - Oh, please. Like you're the only one who
#39
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 40
Now move that big fat smelly ass, you hear? A Day No Pigs Would Die?
#40
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 41 #41 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 42
- Oh, and, uh, I quit. - Wha... Why? - Because you lying to me
#42
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 43
- Whatever. - Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time.
#43
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 44
bribe some federal agents. Well, at least put a seatbelt on it!
#44
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 45
You keep it up, mister, and I'll walk right back in there and tell her the whole
#45
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 46
- Can't you give her a brain chip? - A what? - A brain chip.
#46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 47
- And inject a sticker into my brain? - Are you out of your
#47
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 48
- with a $50 million hole in our account. - There's 40 of it.
#48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 49
be a feather in your cap. They might even make you director.
#49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 50
- million and you want to get on the CIA payroll? - Right after you
#50