S5 E1
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Season 5  "White Elephant"  5x1

Aired 6 years ago - Jan 13, 2014

ISIS is raided and disbanded by the U.S. government when it transpires that the agency was never sanctioned by them. Its former staff discover a hidden vault containing one-ton of cocaine, and form a drug cartel to sell the drugs to fund their retirements. Then, Archer becomes Archer Vice.

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Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
Bitches, I am pregnant!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 3
- Goddamn it, I can't hear... - Brett?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 4
She meant who the hell are these guys, you big dumb idiot asshole!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
Nobody move! FBI!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
Ow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
Uh, in addition to the attempted murder of a federal agent?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
Is this about the fake hydrogen bomb?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
And like 50 times I lied.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 11
What are you gonna do, taser...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
Thank you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
I don't care who you are, when you get zapped with 50,000
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
- You know... - Zip it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
You heard me, J. Edna.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 17
And I mean from everything.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 18
Yeah, until he got blown up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 19
One of which belonged to the prime minister of goddamn Italy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
I want to say... Burt Reynolds?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
I want to say Burt Reynolds.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
Which time?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
- And so if I were you... - You'd get laid a lot more?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
Oh, nice to meet you, Mrs. Hello My Kid's From A Sperm
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
I can't believe they fell for that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
Then that's where you say...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
- Uh... - Oh, shit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 28
I'm serious-- we can go underground, get new identities,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 29
Okay, that-that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 31
"Cheryl and/or Carol Tunt."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
Or wherever, but come on, chop-chop, I got to go start enjoying my immunity.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 33
Would you just come on?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 34
Because, spoiler alert, they're unisex.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 36
No, no, no, no, no.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 37
"In lieu of criminal prosecutions for..."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
You got to be kidding me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
Even if it weren't legal, they'd enforce it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
Bunsen frickin' Honeydew!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 41
Oh, and our health insurance.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 42
Tightly by my childhood's throat.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
I'm gonna be bigger than Mac Davis.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
Although, I guess I could always go back to being a defense attorney.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 47
Are you done?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 48
- Well... - Wha...? Oh, come on!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 50
We're gonna go ahead and take the cocaine and the money.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 2 #2 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 3
- Goddamn it, I can't hear... - Brett?
#3
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 4
She meant who the hell are these guys, you big dumb idiot asshole!
#4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
Nobody move! FBI!
#5
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
Ow.
#6
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
Uh, in addition to the attempted murder of a federal agent?
#7
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
Is this about the fake hydrogen bomb?
#8
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
And like 50 times I lied.
#9
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive.
#10
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 11
What are you gonna do, taser...
#11
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
Thank you.
#12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
I don't care who you are, when you get zapped with 50,000
#13
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14 #14 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
- You know... - Zip it!
#15
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
You heard me, J. Edna.
#16
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 17
And I mean from everything.
#17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 18
Yeah, until he got blown up.
#18
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 19
One of which belonged to the prime minister of goddamn Italy.
#19
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
I want to say... Burt Reynolds?
#20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
I want to say Burt Reynolds.
#21
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
Which time?
#22
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
- And so if I were you... - You'd get laid a lot more?
#23
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
Oh, nice to meet you, Mrs. Hello My Kid's From A Sperm
#24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
I can't believe they fell for that.
#25
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
Then that's where you say...
#26
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
- Uh... - Oh, shit.
#27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 28
I'm serious-- we can go underground, get new identities,
#28
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 29
Okay, that-that
#29
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 30 #30 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 31
"Cheryl and/or Carol Tunt."
#31
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
Or wherever, but come on, chop-chop, I got to go start enjoying my immunity.
#32
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 33
Would you just come on?
#33
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 34
Because, spoiler alert, they're unisex.
#34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 35 #35 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 36
No, no, no, no, no.
#36
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 37
"In lieu of criminal prosecutions for..."
#37
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
You got to be kidding me.
#38
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
Even if it weren't legal, they'd enforce it.
#39
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
Bunsen frickin' Honeydew!
#40
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 41
Oh, and our health insurance.
#41
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 42
Tightly by my childhood's throat.
#42
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
I'm gonna be bigger than Mac Davis.
#43
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44 #44 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
Although, I guess I could always go back to being a defense attorney.
#45
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 46 #46 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 47
Are you done?!
#47
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 48
- Well... - Wha...? Oh, come on!
#48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 49 #49 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 50
We're gonna go ahead and take the cocaine and the money.
#50