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Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 7

Aired 7 years ago - May 17, 2009

Peter learns from a psychic through a palm reading that he had a fascinating past life in the 17th century as Griffin Peterson, a dignified English gentleman who vied for the love of Lady Redbush in the newly founded American colony of Quahog.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 16 (S07E16) - 1
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
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that Miles Chatterbox Musket founded Quahog, after he was saved by the magic clam.
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No, we're off. It's Martin Luther Day.
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who isn't dying a slow, painful diarrhoea death.
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and I thought I'd come by and ask you a little question.
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But in another part of London there was a man
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- You told her, I told you I kissed her? - Dude, you broke the bro' code.
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Well, yeah. We get a pretty sizeable chunk of Princes 18 to 34.
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and let the humour flow organically from everyday situations.
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And I said, "Frieda, you've spelled Tom's name wrong."
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Ah ha ha. Well, now I'm in a wonderful humour.
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That's Lady Redbush, and her husband-to-be, Griffin Peterson.
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Why is he such a jerk to everybody?
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What a wonderfully exciting day. I'm young, I'm all dressed up,
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Oh, yeah. The one's with your profile.
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Lady Redbush, I wish I was here on a happier errand.
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King Stewart was now free to marry her.
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We're right in the middle of our show.
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Oh, oh, look! There we go! Oh, look at 'em jostling each other around.
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- Well, it's been nice knowin' you guys. - So, what'd you do to get exiled?
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.. mumble .. mumble .. mumble .. .. mumble .. mumble .. mumble ..
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We'll have a happy new life, and we'll have equal rights for all.
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No, y'know what? Not even whites.
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So, listen. You and I need to have a conversation
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Well, why don't we do it tonight?
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Hey! hey, hey, hey ... hey.
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Yeah, and we finally finished the town Abortion Clinic.
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Ahhhhhh ....... We should probably open up some windows.
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I was ordered to keep silent by the King, under threat of execution
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If I stay here, the King'll execute me for telling you all this.
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And so Lady Redbush sailed off to the new world.
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.. I'd missed another spot, and there was a clump of cornmeal
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procedure required by 18th century society.
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Don't you share a bed chamber with her?
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Well then, I guess we've gotta go get her.
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Then all at once the trouble started
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Here I am, sir. Yessir, right indeed, here indeed, yes I am, sir.
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from eatin' some bad sausages. Yes, bad sausages that I eat, indeed, sir.
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seein' your face in the back of my wife's head.
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I'm gonna take my wife back, and then I'm gonna kill you!
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Go ahead and kill him, Griffin. You kill him, and I'll kill her.
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You know, my aunt Frieda was a real card.
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And I said, "Frieda, you've spelled Tom's name wrong."
Aired 7 years ago - May 10, 2009

Peter imagines his friends and family in three of Stephen King's most famous works. Stand by Me parody - Twelve-year old Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe travel along a railroad track on a journey of self-discovery. Misery parody - Brian is injured in a bad car crash only to be "rescued" by his "number one fan," Stewie. The Shawshank Redemption parody - Cleveland and Peter become fast friends in prison. MORE -LESS

Aired 7 years ago - May 03, 2009

Brian is devastated to learn that his ex-girlfriend Jillian is getting married until he meets The Hills star Lauren Conrad. Though Brian begins to think he and Conrad are the perfect match, he finds his heart may still belong to Jillian.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 14 (S07E14) - 1
Oh, hey, Jillian. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals.
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And it's good for you.
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Wow, Derek, that's pretty good French you speak there.
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- Ahhhhhhh ... oh ... oh ... oh ... - Aah ... ah ... ah ... ah
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You are not even ... You're goin' in there to look ... That's even gayer.
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Like in the funnies.
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Oh ... oh, man.
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Oh ... oh, thanks.
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Hey ... Brian, is that you? Is that Lauren Con ...?
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Yes, we would love to. Brian, don't wreck this for me.
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Ah, that's Heidi and Spencer. I don't really talk to them.
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I can't believe that came out of Bruce Jenner's vagina.
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I need to be, like, fine, to be alone, and, like, not even want to date someone
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Oh, yeah? Did you stay in town or did you head for 'The Hills?'
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Great ... great... That ... that's fantastic.
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When asked about their sex life, Brian was quoted as saying
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Apparently she gave that dog a bone and ... he gave it right back!
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Tell her I like "Jake and the Fatman".
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- Oh, yeah. - It's pretty worn out.
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Come on. I'll show you what I did yesterday.
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The life forms grew later at a substantially accelerated rate.
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Yeah, once, but .. so this whole persona is just a publicity stunt?
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and get ready for the most splendiferous pudding pop you have ever seen.
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- Do Junior Mints play MP3s? - My iPod is chocolate?
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Well, Lauren, it's a real pleasure havin' you here for dinner.
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- So, y'know, guys ... - Bitch.
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- I'll take the wheel, Mr Magoo. - I'm too old to go to prison.
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Y'know, I don't mean to be rude, but do you have a more comfortable chair?
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- Playin' baseball. - Well, why aren't you playin' with 'em?
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It was so cute when you thought Manet was Monet.
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so Spruance, who prior to June of 1941, was primarily a desk Admiral
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You don't have to be. You're adorable. Like those calendars
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Yeah, baby, yeah!
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She needs to see you on the arm of a beautiful woman.
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Hey, Brian. I just noticed you over here.
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Oh ... hey, Lee...
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- I've completely run out of options. - Not quite, Brian.
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Well, maybe I'll wear 'em and maybe I won't.
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I want more of those days. Please, Jillian ...
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 26, 2009

Stewie starts going to the gym with Peter after he gets beaten up by Joe's baby daughter Susie, but just when it seems that his hard work is paying off, Peter reveals that he's been giving him anabolic steroid. Meanwhile, Chris begins dating a popular girl at school, only to see her popularity subside.

Aired 8 years ago - Apr 19, 2009

Brian and Stewie attempt to rally Quahog to try and legalize marijuana.

Aired 8 years ago - Mar 29, 2009

Meg becomes extremely religious, and tries to convert Brian from Atheism. Meanwhile, after the family visits a Star Trek convention, Stewie kidnaps the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation and forces them to hang out with him.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 11 (S07E11) - 1
- This is all s*** - And that's a last question
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And some cases the symptoms could spread to the testicular glands
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So I told Branda:
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- Holy crap, no way! - I know, classic!
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Here is your TV, Meg. It's a little old and there is no remote and only gets one channel and it's not on that channel right now.
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"Kirk and a Lord" just hanging. With me, Kirk Cameron.
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Here you go honey.
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If my calculations are correct the cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" will soon be here to anwser all my questions!
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Wow, look who's finally out of room after five days.
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Is that damn religion channel? She was watching it all day while she was bedridden.
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I have been stuck on "Bold Ball" for four years.
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- But.. you are baby. - Yes, that's right Denise Crosby.
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Oh my God! I'm already having a fantastic time.
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- Say "wheet" - Wheet.
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Oh, again Meg?
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What? Brian?
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- Guys, I'm just trying to say.. - Shut up beast!
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- Oh, hailing frequencies open, huh?
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Stewie, can I take this fucking headband off?
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Hey Brian! In hopes that you'll open your heart to God
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Brian, Kirk Cameron is the one who converted me
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What have I told you about any sexual favors for Sudafed?
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What you call "God" is inside you, all of us.
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Local church goer and junior christian soldier Meg Griffin
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If a man hath ears, let him hear, Brian!
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Well if you ask me, I think laying off the souse could do you some good Brian.
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Great, we have a game plan.
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Come on, drink me! What are you waiting for?
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- Johnathan, we were just up in the counter, why didn't you get the shoes? - I don't have my shoes either.
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For mine put Dirt Tickler
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of course Brian, but first we have work to do
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You ought to be able see that what's going on here is wrong!
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Would he give you a smoking hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter?
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Oh that's all part of the human experience. It's what we're here to find out.
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Oh, we've been over and over this. There is nothing under your bed.
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 22, 2009

Lois gets a job working for FOX News and has to do a report on a liberal filmmaker. However, she loses the job when her story implicates a conservative radio host.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 10 (S07E10) - 1
Oh no.
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Well, I did write for my college newspaper.
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Hey, Lois. A little less yackity-yak, little more cuttin' up my banana.
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The contusion on his left temple implies he was hit by a blunt object.
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Aaaaaaah ......... thank God.
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Y'know, I've been doing this job a long time, and I think you've got what it takes.
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Great. Here's your contract.
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Y'now, I just might take you up on that, Lois.
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Ooh ... how about a show about a bunch of disabled ducks
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Alright. Names. Names. Names. C'mon now.
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- She doesn't understand. - .....it's just not funny
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Oh, this is my dog, Brian. He was just dying to see the studio.
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Ooh! What if Red Hynie Monkey and Poopy Faced Tomato Nose
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"Boy, this house of cards just doesn't wanna stay up."
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(Both) and we're sweating, and our hands are all slippery
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Uh-huh. Chris, can I see you in the kitchen?
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We have reason to suspect that Michael Moore
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Why does he have such a big red bum?
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And her name is Bitch Duck.
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But don't pretend that you're doing it for her benefit.
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Oh, my God, it's true!
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I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself.
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That would be as foolish as F.D.R hiring that midget press secretary.
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OK, actors. Welcome to the first voice record for Handi-Quacks.
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It's all comin' together. This is it. Our vision. Come to life.
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Colonel Tush Finger lives on the moon, you idiot!
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So they want me to drop the story completely because they don't want to embarrass Rush Limbaugh.
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But you want me to do the story if it's gonna embarrass Rush Limbaugh?
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I guess you're right, Brian.
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You realise that the only reason I'm taking this meeting is that
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enjoying out little tale, think you know what's coming. BOOM!
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Take a look at what we got, Peter.
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♪ And they never got their soda ♪
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Easy. I just walked into the wood stove store and said
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It's a small change. And if you do it, we'll really get behind this show.
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Well, that was a miscalculation.
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Mr Moore. Mr Limbaugh. Do you have anything to say to FOX News about this ...
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Well that's not the end of it.
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I had finally gotten the recognition I deserved.
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I don't think I was cut out to be a TV reporter.
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Aired 8 years ago - Mar 15, 2009

Peter finds an old winning raffle ticket from 1989 that entitles him a golf outing with O.J. Simpson. After befriending him, Peter brings O.J. home home to meet the family. However, the people of Quahog aren't too fond of the former running back.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 9 (S07E09) - 1
Maybe I have to fix the dish.
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What are you doing up there?
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Is that the title of your new film?
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'cause, you know, that's the game you just not gonna win.
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I have to tell you 'bout the future.
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There's a racoon up here.
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
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to lighten you up, what more is it gonna take?
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No, thank you, Peter.
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I won this in 1989 from a Honey Nut Cheerios sweepstakes
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Yeah, he wasn't in The Towering Inferno, you dumb beaver.
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O.J. Simpson?
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Man, they have to be stupider than you are
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tomorrow with the one and only O.J. Simpson.
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Kansas - Dust In The Wind
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Kansas - Dust In The Wind
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Wow, imagine it. Peter Griffin - the guy who took down O.J.
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He was in our house earlier.
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Loud and clear, Peter.
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My wife were supposed to polish 'em but clearly she forgot.
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Guys, guys, someone's getting frogged in the clubhouse.
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Oh god, O.J. please, don't kill me.
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Even though I was found innocent by jury of my PS.
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It's been so long since I had a friend.
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two arrests and no convictions. All it's O.J. Simpson.
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Peter, are you out of your mind
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That's it, isn't it? You idolized O.J. Simpson
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Anything I can do to help make dinner?
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Uh, it's all right, O.J. Le-let me get something to clean that up.
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two... Oh-oh, hang on, hang on, Brian. Stop the wheel, stop the wheel.
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Good grief.
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Nobody likes the mustache.
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white sandy beaches and harboring bloodthirsty murderers?
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but I must confess
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opera-style song
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opera-style song
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I say you let people get to know you the way I have.
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and give them a chance to know a real O.J. Simpson.
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We don't want you in our town, Simpson.
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 08, 2009

Peter is injected with the gay gene as part of a scientific experiment to determine whether or not homosexuality is a learned trait or something that people are born with. He ends up in a gay relationship and winds up in a "straight camp".

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 8 (S07E08) - 1
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All right. Uh-oh.
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- Where's your midget? - Sorry, boss. Had to pee.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 8 (S07E08) - 8
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...followed by Free Ride, Method & Red, Tru Calling...
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...just as fast as their fingers can shape the phonemes...
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- What's that? - "Experiments. "
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Is this one of those movies where you're an educated Boston street tough?
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These are facts.
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I gotta get some beers with the fellas before I go out on this date.
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...and not choice or environment.
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- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.
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I'm gonna squeeze right in here if my thighs will let me.
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...when you said, "What did you say?" It was the most unusual.
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Are you...? Are you being serious right now?
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Oh, my muffins are ready.
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Let's not be too hasty.
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Hey, hey, hey, where you guys going?
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For example, if there are three glory holes in the bathroom at the club...
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We now return to That Black Guy Must Be Doing Well...
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...and-Still-Fits-Into-a-Size-Four. I could scratch your eyes out.
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Come on, sweetie. Let's have some fun.
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And something definitely got packed.
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I don't see the big deal. I like myself this way.
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...and learn to accept your father for who he is.
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I'm here. I'm queer. Don't get used to it, I'm leaving you.
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...and be the best leader of this household you can.
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We're still a family, right?
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- Penis for your thoughts. - I just...
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 8 (S07E08) - 42
We now return to Meredith Baxter in Raped by a Clown.
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...our house hasn't been destroyed by shenanigans on a weekly basis.
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...and redeem yourselves in the eyes of your lord and savior, Jesus...
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Now, take these baseball bats and get to it.
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Peter, we'll start with you. Repeat every word I say exactly as I say it.
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Then it's straight to the bars to find women to have sex with.
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I haven't seen Peter in two days and I thought he might be here.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 15, 2009

After being pregnant for seven years, Bonnie finally gives birth to a beautiful baby girl named Susie! Stewie quickly falls for the little tyke and vows to do anything to win her heart and get in her diaper. Meanwhile, Joe borrows $20,000 from a bookie to pay for Bonnie's medical bills, but then plans to steal the money from Mr. Pewterschmidt to pay his debt. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 7 (S07E07) - 1
She sure is, Joe.
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You've just contradicted me. You hate America!
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Here's the reality of the situation. I've got a hospital bill this morning.
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Oh, honey, that's silly.
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so I've had no choice but to take this job
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Away from you, people.
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Ok.
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Well, I'm still gonna do a little work on it.
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Sherry, Lora, Wendy, Maria, Peggie Sue, Minnie the Moocher
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Well, sounds like we need another lawn shark.
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You know what we should do?
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I don't know Peter, we've been out here all day
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Now we don't have any money and our feelings are hurt.
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In about an hour I'm gonna piss away 20 grand.
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Look at that, she can fit that full bottle in her mouth.
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maybe I'll take a walk outside
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then we go to E minor oh, definetly goes some weather
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but he's gonna learn pretty fast that he's wrong
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Hey Swanson, the boss is getting impatient. He wants his money.
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That is pretty funny.
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Guys, we are gonna plan a robbery.
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But we only need 20 thousand.
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I'm not gonna walk around and rip your fucking lights stand in a middle of a scene.
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Having somebody walking up behind bries(?) in the scene.
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Ah! Good for you! And how was it?
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some more and I walla scenes going (?).
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(?)
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(?)
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Oh, really? Music video?
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Look into your heart - you will find
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I would give it all - I would sacrifice
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You know it's true
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And no other - could give more love
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All the time - all the way
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Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
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Walk the wire for you - yeah I'd die for you
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Everything I do - I do it for you
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Hello, mr. Gates.
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All right, Peter, Quagmire, start the diversion.
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We can dance if we want to
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Good thing I brought Reese Witherspoon's cheen.
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It's me, Carter, I want my money.
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Let me handle this.
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 16, 2008

Peter's boss Angela sends him back to the third grade so that he can qualify for a work promotion. Meanwhile, Brian, Frank Sinatra Jr. and Stewie open the coolest club in Quahog.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 6 (S07E06) - 1
Sorry, I can't pay you more, guys, but business has been bad.
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All right now, next up we get the comedy style, it's Kim Li Song, give it up.
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Wow! What is this? Have you been cleaning?
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Yes I did. I put hope in there.
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Oh god! It's harming people.
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Franck and I just closed the deal to buy the Quahog Cabana club.
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A lot of people says Stacy's no good
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and I've seen that you've been working very hard lately.
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Grrr, this is gonna be the bigger pain in the ass than getting into "Last Clap" contest with Cleveland.
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[Martin Mull elementary]
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We called her mrs. Killson. 'Cause she had an abortion.
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What are you doing in our class? You're old. Are you stupid or something?
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like John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band.
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Even more aggressive than Michael Jackson's treatment of his own groin on stage.
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[Martin Mull elementary]
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Not for long.
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- Daady? - Oh god!
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And all the juice is being collected underneath?
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My dad hits me but I bet, if I hit others, the pain stops.
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Not even Omar can spell those.
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We're making money now and besides this place ain't no bad.
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But, Lois, I'm ascared, there's no way I can compete against other kids.
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Don't be said, Paiter. That's why they call it shpoople.
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sperm-killing and testicles-grippinest jeans I ever tried on.
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You're gonna hear from my lawyer.
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So, who wants to come back to hotel and take a wack at my genitals?
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- Andy Dick! - Oh, no!
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I paid fifteen cents for this ticket.
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Peter, your word is tree.
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We're now down to our final two competitors.
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And you're a fart smeller, Meg.
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There was an investigation, fingerprints, forensic reports.
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It's in here, human heart.
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On the western side of Quahog
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just to take home slutty women
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 09, 2008

Eight-year-old Brian (who is 56 in dog years) seems to have lost a step or two, so Peter gets a new talking dog, New Brian, to "take some of the load off" the old one, who doesn't like the idea at all.

Aired 8 years ago - Nov 02, 2008

Peter gets a lasting supply of gasoline for the year, so the family decides to use it to take a road trip to the Grand Canyon. They pack up and hit the road, but it takes them a while to realize that they had forgotten to bring Stewie with them; when they do, they must make their way home posthaste.

Aired 8 years ago - Oct 19, 2008

Mort Goldman accidentally steps into Stewie's time machine and goes back in time to 1939 Poland, and Brian and Stewie follow to retrieve him. When they find him, the Nazis invade and Mort is taken to Germany, where Stewie and Brian must go to save him, as well as find a way back to the present.

Aired 8 years ago - Oct 05, 2008

When Peter re-discovers his love for the painfully annoying yet seductively catchy tune "Surfin' Bird," Brian and Stewie decide to take matters into their own hands to ensure that the song will never be heard again! On the verge of tears, Peter goes to every record store in Quahog to track down his beloved jingle, and he runs into a familiar face and ends up hanging out with Jesus Christ. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 2 (S07E02) - 1
Lois... I'm gonna ask you this only once
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You know there's an issue facing many americans today that are no concern a great number of us.
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Sir! Our math show that the bird is equal to or greater than the word.
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I look so good. I lost almost weight.
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Yes Peter, what has you upset?
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But Meg didn't count on me discover she has no twin sister.
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If you ain't gonna play me, don't complain when I try to split.
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Are you Jesus Christ?
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What word?
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Will you keep it down? It's not the second coming.
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You seem like a nice guy. Won't you come over to my house for dinner tonight?
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De nast memty.
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I wanted tell you that one of you will betray me.
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Then they put me into hole with a rock in front of it for two whole days.
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Ah, you know Jesus if I go get myself on, would you mind talking to my friend Neil Goldman?
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Sure Peter, what is it?
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I answer to a power of Jesus Christ.
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You may look like bum but you've got a lot of talent, young man.
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I'm so ready to have sex with you. Oh, is that my phone?
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That's right. That's Jesus Christ. Right here.
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Ah, never mind about that pal. You just go out and knock 'em dead.
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I raised River Fenix from the dead then we went out to the viperome and DOD again.
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Hey you know what I hate? When you eat an ice cream cone and it's all like cold.
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And now to present the award for sickest unscreen gangsta pimpbound breathness...
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Well, I've lost my trained thought. But yeah, that's my buddy Jesus.
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C'mon guys, let's head over to my crib.
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That means a phone rang, he saw it was me and then he pressed a button and sent it straight to voice mail.
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Heeey, I've just drink a beer, who wants to do me?
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None of this would have happen if somebody haven't stolen my fucking Surfin' Bird record!!!
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Brian, you think that's our Jesus?
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Jesus Christ look at you. You've had it all: money, fame, eternal life. And you blew it. You let it all go to your head.
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I don't know. Maybe I'll try coming back in another thousand years when I'm a little more mature.
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Well, I guess that's it then. Jesus is gone.
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Aired 8 years ago - Sep 28, 2008

Dissatisfied with his current love life, Brian decides to slow things down when he meets the girl of his dreams, Carolyn. However, Cleveland soon sweeps Carolyn off her feet, and Brian must do anything he can do, to win her back, even if it means involving Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta.

Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 1
Yeah, have a good evening. Come on, buddy, lets go.
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Ah, things'll work out for you.
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- So am I. - It's all yours.
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'Cause... missing will... Hey, listen... here's-here's my address.
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You haven't even open the one that came for you a week ago.
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Can I interest you folks in some of our heavenly cheesecake?
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connected with another person like I have with you. I'm really enjoying your compagny.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 10
The way we danced and hummed our favorite song
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The Midway and the fun
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The things we did last summer
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Don't do it Brian.
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You always try too soon and end up blowing it.
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Yeah... You knew it was gonna be a touching comedy
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We've been going out for three weeks and I haven't tried anything.
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Oh hey Brian, close that window you're letting all the stink out.
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And I met Cleveland, and, things just kinda took off.
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But, Carolyn, you completely misunderstood me... I wanted you like crazy, but...
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You need to stop pointing fingers, and get out of the house, have some fun!
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- I'm sure it was on self-defence. - No. I just felt like killing.
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Halloo! Welcome to Fjurg's Backery.
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- Oh, you know, I can just wash if off when I get home. - Why, what's in here?
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Ok look, next time we'll go to another store, how about that?
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Ooh, and boom goes the dynamite.
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- Oh that was a great game. - Carolyn it's been so nice getting to know you.
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- Loretta! That's our answer. - What do you mean?
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No, I think because of Cleveland, she's close enough to the main cast
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- Cleveland sent us, he... really want you back. - What?
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- Hey Brian, d'you see that treadmill in the living room? - Yeah.
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Listen, I just wanna clear any bad feelings
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I love you Cleveland.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 41
and wanting to get our family back together and whatnot.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 42
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 43
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 44
pursue a life of religious fulfillment
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 45
Hey, Quagmire!
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 46
Oh, Oh Ok, Ok I'm with you now... I can probably work that in.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 47
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 48
- Room service. - I didn't order no room service.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 49
Oh, you can't resist the Q man and my superpower Genitalia.
Recap of Family Guy Season 7 Episode 1 (S07E01) - 50
- Hey Cleveland. - Why are you staying in a hotel?