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SEASON
EPISODE

Season 3

Aired 13 years ago - Nov 02, 2003

The day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems. When Peter wishes for a Jewish "money guy" to help them, Max Weinstein comes to the rescue. After meeting Max, Peter decides Chris could be successful if he converted to Judaism as soon as possible, but the plans for a "quickie" bar mitzvah in Las Vegas are quickly foiled by Lois. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 1
Peter, did you take the money from the family jar?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 2
Yes. Tomorrow.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 3
I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 4
A paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 5
- Where'd you get that? - This is from my stockbroker Ian Greenstein.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 6
The noise was good, but I thought they phoned in a lot of the funk.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 7
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I guess you can tell him I said hi. But don't make me sound desperate.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 9
Wondrous dancing speck of light
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 10
Since I can't give her a slap
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 11
To teach me how to whine
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 12
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Though by many they're abhorred
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 14
Jew
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 15
Now my troubles are all through
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 16
- Well, if there's anything I can do for you... - You can't leave!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 17
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 18
I'm Irish; I drink and I ban homosexuals from marching in my parade. Now get my money.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 19
Man, I hate these things. Uh, yeah, hi, this is Peter Griffin. Sorry I missed you...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 20
No way! That's Lois's rainy-day fund! Ah, dammit.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 21
- I got back the money for Meg's glasses. - Really?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 22
Mm? Oh, yeah, sure. He did it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 23
It is the white devil that has propagated,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 24
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Where was it you graduated from again? Hm? The University of Duhhhh?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 26
Like when he soiled himself at that dinner party.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 27
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Optimus Prime? He's Jewish?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 31
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 32
Oh, my God, I didn't mean "you people", I...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 33
Well, that was so nice. A good sermon and such beautiful songs.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 34
Kha-a-a-an!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 35
Peter, you took me in, fed me dinner, came to Temple with me. You're a nice family.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 36
- Could you sign this book, please? - Tony Robbins hungry!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 37
I don't wanna hear another word about this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 38
OK!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 39
I dunno, he's bicurious.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 40
Can't we skip it? I mean, if Chris could study he wouldn't need to become Jewish, right?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 41
where you can take a spiritual ceremony that begins a lifetime commitment
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 42
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 43
And in the comedy competition, Stewie Griffin receives three and a half stars.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 44
"Men be acting all like zombies at the mall. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 45
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Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 47
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Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 49
Oh, I got so many of 'em, too. I know, I know. "Shh. " But later...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 22 (S03E22) - 50
Aired 15 years ago - Feb 14, 2002

In a special three-story episode, Brian reads viewer mail and tries to answer profound questions: "Li'l Griffins" The Griffins as the little rascals. Kid versions of Peter, Joe, and Brian decide that they don't need girls. When they first meet Lois however, they quickly abandon their anti-girl sentiment. In school, Lois reads a book touting the virtues of bravery, and Peter and Quagmire try to prove who's the bravest by staying in a haunted house overnight. "No Bones About it" Peter rubs a beer bottle and a Genie pops out to grant him three wishes. Peter first wishes that Jackie Gleason wasn't dead. A zombie-like Gleason terrorizes the Griffins until Stewie blasts it dead. Peter then wishes he didn't have any bones. The Genie transforms him into a gelatin blob and he can no longer have sex. Upset, Peter flushes himself down the toilet and winds up in Hollywood. He meets a doctor who tells him about a re-boning procedure. Peter gets the operation, which turns out came from bones donated from his own family. "Super Griffins" A tanker truck containing radioactive waste slams into the Griffin house. The radiation affects each Griffin in a different way. Lois gains super strength while Peter has morphing ability. Lois tells her family that they must not abuse their powers. Of course that doesn't work and the town is forced to hold a meeting to see how to stop the Griffins from wreaking havoc. Adam West realizes he must fight fire with fire. He volunteers to roll around in toxic waste but he only gets lymphoma as a result. The Griffins, racked with guilt, use their powers to make Adam's recovery more comfortable. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 1
"Riding on a bus, riding on a bus, sitting next to bums
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 2
Oh, no. I gotta fart, but I don't know which way to lean.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 3
That's right, son. Take her down a peg.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 4
Let go!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 5
Your father gets incredibly filthy rolling around everywhere.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 6
We have to learn to accept this, like one of those stories on Dateline
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 7
I might've screwed up my life but there's no reason to keep screwing up theirs.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 8
Aaaargh!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 9
I'll have the studio send a flatbed for you! See you at eight!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 10
- I want to jump your non-bones. - Jeez, I can't believe I'm your type.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 11
- Aren't you Peter, the human stunt bag? - That depends on who's asking.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 12
I had the operation so I could go back to my family.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 13
Like I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 14
You dare me to pop a wheelie in this thing?
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Seven! Seven bats!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 16
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Dear me. Does anyone else feel a trifle queasy?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 18
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All right. Clearly something very strange has happened here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 20
...my superstrength,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 21
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Oh, God! Please help me!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 23
- They say I should do stand-up. - Oh! This is insane!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 24
We promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 25
All right, Meg, wait here. I'll be right back.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 26
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 27
- Agh! - I'm Gene Shalit now! Bye!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 28
Hi. Can I get some pretzels or something? I gotta drive.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 29
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Very strange story, Diane. Coming up next: Can bees think?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 31
You can't stop us, Mayor West! We are all-powerful!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 32
Is that bleeding? I guess it's all right. Ouch, though!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 33
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- Mayor West, you have lymphoma. - Oh, my!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 35
No, no! That's not what Mrs Garrett's bosom looked like. It looked more like this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 36
I'll heat up his soup.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 37
Thank you. As long as I have Mrs Garrett's giant rack by my bedside, I'll be all right.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 38
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 39
Hey! We told you guys to quit snooping around here!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 40
Hey, "kick me"!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 41
And remove her inflamed appendix before it bursts, causing sepsis.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 42
Thanks! Like I don't have enough trouble fitting in!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 43
I ain't chicken to spend the night!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 44
Aw, zip it, egghead. You with your big words and your...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 45
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- This house gives me the creeps. - Yeah, let's get out of here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 48
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 49
If we had a teacup, this would be like playing find the teacup in the bedsheet,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 21 (S03E21) - 50
My God! Not only are ghosts real, but their innards are made of children.
Aired 15 years ago - Feb 07, 2002

Stewie is addicted to the British hot children's show "Jolly Farm Review" based on Mother Maggie, a benevolent figure who looks after kids on a farm. Brian makes fun of Stewie for watching the show, but Stewie is determined to visit Jolly Farm in England because he thinks he belongs there. He stows away on a British Airways jet, which he assumes is headed for London. Brian tries to drag Stewie off the plane, but before he can, the plane takes off. When the plane lands, they discover that they are in Saudi Arabia are stranded in the middle of a desert with no passports or resources to get out. As luck would have it, Brian and Stewie encounter a Comfort Inn in the middle of nowhere and manage to steal a hot-air balloon to fly home, but the contraption falls apart over Italy, just as the Pope is about to address the masses. Brian wants to head home, but Stewie insists on finding the Jolly Farm in England. When they finally get to England, Stewie runs onto the set of the show. His fantasy is crushed when he encounters only a set full of props and disgruntled people, including Mother Maggie. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter travel to KISS-stock, where Lois embarrasses herself because she doesn't know the lyrics to a KISS song. She redeems herself though when it's revealed that she once hooked up with band leader Gene Simmons! MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 1
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 2
No, with the hole in the left butt cheek from holding it in for two hours
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 3
What's my future, coming from these squalid surroundings?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 4
Do whatever you want. Just don't eat from the candy tree.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 5
Not as painful as a tyre iron upside your head.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 6
"The receipt's on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 7
but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 8
You know, it might be chilly in London. I'm going to take the sweater. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 9
Spit-spot, Albert Hall, meat and two veg, Big Ben, Dave Clark Five, pip-pip, cheerio.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 10
- Hot towel? - Yes, thank you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 11
You know what I hate about flying? The peanuts.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 12
Wow, that's wacky!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 13
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Hey, Americans. You like movies?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 15
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"You get a stiffie from Phylicia Rashad
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 17
"There's not a whole lot that we've got to agree on
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 18
- " So awfully different... - " Doo doo doo
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 19
"I'd bet money you'll marry a honey
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 20
"And you get a kick out of stroking your...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 21
Oh, man, we're screwed. We're lost in the desert.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 22
He drank and stored enough water in his massive hump to slake the thirst of...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 23
- We'll die if we don't. - All right.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 24
Oh, God! I just threw up in his lung!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 25
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'76. I don't think anyone knows more about KISS than I do.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 27
New York High School of Music. Their band before KISS?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 28
How in the hell are we gonna get out of here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 29
- You know what I'm thinking? - Yes.
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"And... something something... all day
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 32
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- Pope, the floor is not a hamper. - Man!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 34
I have no intention of returning to that disgusting hovel
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 35
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I say! Brian, look. Three rows down.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 37
Besides its beautiful historic architecture,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 38
On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 39
I vill hear no more insinuations about Germans! Nothing bad happened!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 40
- Why is everybody glaring at us? - Why, Lois? I'll tell you why.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 41
I wanted to share in all aspects of your life, but I just was never that big a KISS fan.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 42
I'm exhausted. Come on, let's get a coffee.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 43
You are out there, man, in the ether.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 44
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Oh, man! I don't believe it! KISS is here!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 47
- Do you want me to sign the left or right? - No, no, no. It's Lois. Lois Pewterschmidt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 48
My Grand Slam was supposed to be with sausage.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 49
I mean Gene, you big rock star. Bye.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 20 (S03E20) - 50
- What? - Nothing.
Aired 15 years ago - Jan 31, 2002

Peter's jealousy reaches new heights when he accompanies Lois to the gynecologist. As the doctor prepares to examine Lois, Peter refuses to let him near her. Later, while shopping, Lois runs into an ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, who innocently asks her out for coffee. Fearful of Peter over-reacting, Lois sneaks off to meet Ross. At the same time, Joe picks up Peter for a joyride in his new high-tech surveillance van. While parked outside a diner, they see Lois and Ross inside. Using the van's high-tech gadgets, Peter misinterprets Lois and Ross' words. Angered, Peter decides to make Lois jealous by hiring prostitutes to pose as his ex-girlfriends. Realizing their marriage needs help, Lois and Peter see a marriage therapist, who suggests placing video cameras around the house for a week. After viewing the tapes, the therapist recommends that Peter and Lois date other people during a trial separation. Quagmire, hoping to take advantage of Lois' vulnerability, invites her on a date to a restaurant where they run into Peter and his gorgeous date, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Lois becomes enraged with jealousy and shoos Peter's date away. They leave together happily. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian accidentally super glue themselves together at the store. They have to wait a week before the solvent arrives in the mail. While stuck together, they actually begin to like one another. Of course, things return to normal the moment they're released from their glued prison. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 1
- Stewie, it's time to change your diaper. - Mind if I watch?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 2
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 3
Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 4
I can't let Peter's irrational emotions run my life!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 5
TC, fly the chopper around the island. I'll talk to the women.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 6
Oh, Peter. I'm just... gonna go out for a few hours.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 7
Lois, can you grab me a beer? Oh, my God! You've really let yourself go!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 8
I quit drinking. I might be an alcoholic.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 9
Minority suspect! Minority suspect! Danger, he's got a gun!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 10
Peter, isn't that Lois over there in that diner?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 12
Oh, your wife and children are beautiful. It's so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 13
Thank you for the eggs! I hope he didn't spit in my eggs.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 14
Oh, my God! That's who that is. Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 15
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 16
So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh? Well, two can play at that game.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 17
Ah, here it is.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 18
Hey, Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 19
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 20
And look! Look! I left the toilet just as it was the night we went to the prom.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 21
Let me handle this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 22
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 23
What a surprise that you would look me up! You always thought I was so handsome.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 24
I saw you and him breaking the Fifth Commandment!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 25
- I love too much! - What are you talking about?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 26
- I have a suggestion. - We'll do whatever it takes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 27
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"Today he was out in the yard raking leaves. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 29
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 30
Mr and Mrs Griffin, what I'm about to suggest may seem unorthodox.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 31
to lighten the mood by blowing up a surgical glove with his nose.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 32
I know. But maybe the doctor's right. This time apart could be good for us.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 33
- Oh. - Oh.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 34
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 35
to see if it syncs up in a significant way.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 36
- Hey, Lois, you want to go out? - What? I don't know, Glen.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 37
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 38
It's not as great as you'd think. I don't have the same way with women that I used to.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 39
Let me show you Mort's tape. He was so charming.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 40
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 41
What takes an hour? We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 42
Muriel and I feel that you need to follow your therapist's advice and start dating.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 43
Hi. Peter Griffin. We can go anywhere except the disco. They don't let me in any more.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 44
- What's going on? - There's a girl in that well.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 45
It's times like this I wish they'd used me for stem-cell research.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 46
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 47
Hey, that was my wife!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 48
You ordered a pie for an appetiser?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 49
Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 19 (S03E19) - 50
- You want some bread? - No!
Aired 15 years ago - Jan 24, 2002

When Brian expresses his interest in theatre, Lois tells him to try out for the Quahog School of Performing Arts. During the audition, Brian turns in a mediocre performance and is dismissed by the judges. Stewie, determined to get Brian a second chance, throws a melodramatic fit. The teachers, impressed with Stewie's theatrics, enroll him in the rising stars program. Stewie doesn't realize he is struggling at the school until he overhears his teachers discussing how he and Olivia, the school's most promising but overly haughty student. will be asked to leave if they don't shine in the quarterly review. Stewie tells Olivia that they must put on the performance of a lifetime or they'll get kicked out, and their routine is a hit. Stewie and Olivia become fast friends, but the harmony ends when competition, pressure and fast-fame set in. Olivia walks off the stage mid-routine, leaving Stewie to finish the performance. Stewie takes his act solo, but is booed everywhere he goes. Meanwhile Meg finally gets a boyfriend, a boy from an all-American family. There's only one problem with this family though - they're nudists. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 1
Well, just so you know, it was good, but I was also being generous.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 2
- We must be early. - Nonsense. You're right on time.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 3
- What am I doing? Come here! - Watch my hands, Lois.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 4
- What do you got? - I've got Busch.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 5
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 6
- Boobies! - Did you hear me, young man?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 7
- Break a leg up there, Brian. - You seem awfully enthusiastic.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 9
- Thank you. Next. - Next?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 10
But it was wasted. Wasted on all of you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 12
OK, Stewie, I'll give you a solo exercise.
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Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school. You're alone and scared.
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Madder. Madder!
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I've never heard anyone reference that outside the programme before.
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to come up with a joke like that all by yourself.
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- Meg? - Jeff! Wow, hey!
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I'd better go. So, um... would you wanna do something sometime?
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Thank you. Thank you very...
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Stewie Griffin is also on the fence. If he and Olivia don't deliver at their reviews,
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I'll spare you the details, but the phrase "garden variety" appears a number of times.
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Linda Evans, we have a spill in aisle 9. Linda Evans, a spill in aisle 9.
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- Kids, we're home. - Hello, Mr and Mrs Griffin.
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- You wanna sit down? - Wait a second. Don't sit down yet.
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How could you bring that naked kid to our house?
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Don't you hate that?
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Legitimate theatre, musical, stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime.
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- " Who's got the sweetest man in town? - " You do
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"Who's got the greatest love in the world?
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- " Who's got the gal with all the snazz? - " You do
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No secrets. I wanna share Stewie and Olivia with the world.
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Sure, Lois. Look at Elroy Jetson. He was a child actor and he turned out fine.
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"Thank goodness I've got you
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It was a good crowd. They didn't notice you missed that F sharp.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 39
Like this. Listen to me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 18 (S03E18) - 40
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Lead with strength, put your best foot forward, et cetera, et cetera.
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Hey! Why is everybody else naked?
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People, stop this craziness!
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You're one to talk. You've been stuffing your diaper since day one.
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I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia, this act is like Fire Island after Labor Day: Over.
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"And a pocketful of miracles, pocketful of miracles
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It's not easy living with my family. Bunch of characters, they are.
Aired 15 years ago - Jan 17, 2002

When Brian is arrested for drunk driving, he's forced to do community service, which consists of helping Pearl, a middle-aged, agoraphobic, bitter woman. Brian gets so fed up with her insanity, that he storms out of her house. Later, Brian watches a television documentary that reveals Pearl's past as a top advertising jingle singer of the 1950s and 60s. Brian warms up to her, realizing where her pain comes from, and eventually she warms up to him too. He convinces Pearl to actually go outside, but she gets by a bus. While on her deathbed, Brian and Pearl share a fantasy intimate moment, but as they are about to kiss, she dies. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and learns that a swallow has nested inside it. He wants to shave it off but can't when he finds out the bird is an endangered species. Peter eventually grows attached to the bird and starts feeling maternal. Lois is finally able to convince Peter to let the bird fly away and also teaches Brian about moving on with his life after Pearl's death. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 1
- No, I insist. I will make it my life's work... - We're fine. Drop it.
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Binary code is a computer language in which words are translated into zeroes and ones.
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01! 01!
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Hey, look at me. I'm a pole in a strip club! Oh!
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Richard Grieco would probably appreciate you more. Not take you for granted.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 8
- Brian? - Hey, Joe. How's it going?
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I'll meet you at The Drunken Clam. We'll tie one on.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 10
Hold on. Don't disguise his alcohol dependence as a ticket to self-realisation.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 11
Are you gonna listen to me?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 12
I wish you'd shave that thing. Beards are so ugly.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 13
In lieu of jail time, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 14
- What are you doing for community service? - I got assigned to Outreach to the Elderly.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 15
Aha! So they do make bigger diapers!
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- You could have warned me. - OK. It's gonna burn like hell in 30 seconds.
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Lois, it's horrible. I was cleaning her house all day.
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- Other side. - Here?
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I'm Dr Goodman of the Quahog Ornithological Society,
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I can't do that. Once the swallow has chosen its nesting place, it's illegal to disturb it.
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You're one phone call away from getting a human booster shot from a guy named Mali.
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- Shut up. - There's nothing I can do.
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We can all watch the movie. Shut up.
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You're a miserable, dried-up shut-in, trying to make everyone feel as bad as you do!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 29
Oh, thanks. And... you know, drop dead.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 30
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Yet from 1945 to 1960, you couldn't turn on a radio or television
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 33
which, by today's standards, would be just under 49 billion dollars.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 34
That's "Habanera" from Carmen. Oh, I've never heard it sung so beautifully.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 35
- She's presumed dead. - My God. I said those awful things to her!
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Pearl, listen to me. I heard you sing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 37
- You were sublime. - You... you liked my aria?
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A mother knows when it's time for her babies to leave the nest.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 41
Those wings, you angel. That was fantastic. That was so incredible.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 42
- I'm afraid. - I know. But I'll be with you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 43
"You've got a lot to see
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 44
"Cos it's a family place with lots to do
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 45
"No one really knows, my dear lady friend
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 46
"But that's a fear that you can put to bed
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 47
"You've got a lot to see
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 48
- " Lots you may have missed - " Like Pee Wee and his famous wrist
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 49
"They'll treat you right unless you're black or gay or Cherokee
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 17 (S03E17) - 50
"You've got a lot to see
Aired 15 years ago - Dec 21, 2001

Christmas comes to Quahog! While Lois attempt to make the holidays perfect for the Griffin family, Peter messes it up. Meanwhile, Stewie learns of Santa Claus’ ability to keep 24-hour surveillance on all the world’s children.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 1
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"How does his pee-pee work, Mommy?" I've got news for you, Becky. Not so well!
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- Hi, Peter. - Hi, I'm Prancer.
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Ha! That's a good one, Joe. Way to get into the spirit.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 6
I'd stroll you to a lake and hold you under until the bubbles stopped!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 7
I almost caught him last year. But he's magic!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 9
Whoa. Whoa! Aagh!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 10
Sounds like somebody's got a humbug up his butt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 11
You!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 12
Excellent, Stewie.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 13
All right, where's the wire? Show yourself, Claus!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 14
Shouldn't you have your sweater on?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 15
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- They had a meeting about it last night. - Why wasn't I told?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 17
Yep. Now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 18
So you understand, all these gifts were supposed to be for my family.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 19
It's my sexbox! And her name is Sony.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 20
I am a bit irritated that I have to shop again. But at least some good came out of it.
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- To the Kisscopter! - Yay!
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- Brian, can you turn the oven off at three? - No problem.
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Kids, why don't you take Stewie to see Santa?
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- It's working! - Santa, be careful!
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Ho, ho, ho. And what can I bring you this year?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 30
OK, wrap it up, kid.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 31
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That's it? Fish food? That's your ace in the hole?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 35
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 36
Gold? I thought we agreed on a $5 limit here.
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Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his family at serious risk.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 39
Jeez, kids. I was this close to losing it. But your mom's right.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 40
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and while you're at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to hell!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 42
Clarence, I wanna live again! I wanna live again!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 43
- What the hell is her problem? - Frosty, let it go!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 44
Ah! Ow! What the...?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 45
If this is the way she's gonna act at Christmas, do we even want her back?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 46
- The pageant means so much to her. - Where do you think she is?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 47
Hi, Lois! Do we look like ants down here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 48
Maybe if she sees the pageant, it'll bring her around.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 16 (S03E16) - 49
when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living.
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I am the Virgin Mary. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Aired 15 years ago - Dec 20, 2001

Joe gets discouraged, losing his self-confidence, after he loses a thief in a chase. Peter wants to help Joe get back to his old self so he volunteers to help train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter puts steroids into Joe's drink, pushing Joe on to victory. Meanwhile, Stewie, Meg, and Brian fight over $26.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 1
and, barring a massive infection, a new lease on life.
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Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like? Morgan Freeman.
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Come on, Joe. Cheer up. What do you say you and me go roller-ska...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 9
You could get a desk job. Huh?
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I was in Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to Books on Tape.
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Um... I don't quite know how to tell you this, Mr Swanson.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 14
Mort, Joe's gonna compete in the Special People's Games.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 15
Aisle three next to the creams. Oh, I don't like saying that word.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 16
- Bye. I'm goin' to the mall. - What for?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 17
Cool it. I am not gonna put up with this racket for two weeks.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 18
Hello and welcome to the Quahog Special People's Games. I'm Tom Tucker.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 19
I know I will, Tom. In fact, by the end of the day, we may all be going to hell.
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- You're gonna be late. - Maybe they're not there.
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Listen, Joe. You and I both know you have what it takes to win this thing.
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- How do you like that, buddy? - A stinker says "what".
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Good stuff. Good stuff.
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Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 27
That'll knock him out of the lead. Tough break.
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Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 29
Did he quit after losing millions of his father's friends' money in failed oil companies? No.
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- You did it, Joe - We did it, Peter.
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What the hell...?
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What is this?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 38
Why don't you just ask me to lay down and die?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 39
- Even if it's by myself. - You're a fool, Joe. A fool.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 40
Handicapped... Hm...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 41
For God's sake, I just had the damn thing renewed.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 42
Ho-ho. You're smarter than I thought. Give yourselves a round of applause.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 43
Mr Tucker, I have just become handicapped like Joe Swanson.
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Agh! Agh!
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Today we're here to honour Joe Swanson
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 46
Don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 47
Peter Yarrow, of Peter, Paul and Mary. Let's give him a hand, folks.
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Your acerbic anti-white humour was a constant inspiration. Thank you, sir.
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Yes, it is. I put steroids in your water bottle before the last race.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 15 (S03E15) - 50
All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass, the bell will ring.
Aired 15 years ago - Dec 06, 2001

While trying to teach Chris about his Irish roots, Peter stumbles upon Nate Griffin, a black man in his family tree. Peter tries to embrace his new-found heritage, but can’t quite get the hang of it. When Lois’ father, Carter Pewtershmidt, sits the Griffin kids down for a look at his family genealogy, a dark secret is uncovered.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 14 (S03E14) - 1
Meg, start at Psalm 41. Don't stop readin' till I tell you. The power of Christ compels you!
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Like those two weeks you spent narrating your life.
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Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had grown aware of her ageing.
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"I had to fend for myself with my own two hands
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 14 (S03E14) - 5
Some player-haters be throwin' salt in my game, grillin' me over my gear.
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- I just need to get their attention. - OK. That was much better.
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Consider yourselves lucky I'm not after your gully holes.
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because he doesn't know enough about his own.
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Dad, I don't wanna be here. I wanna be chillin' with my homeys.
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have found a way to convert our entire population to pure energy.
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Way to go, son. Here's a picture of your great-great-granddad, Osias Griffin.
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Thomas, would you please go look for a job?
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Holy crap, I'm black!
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"I was brushing down Lucy, the new colt, when she let out a fart right near my face. "
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I gotta tell Bonnie I'm sleeping with a black man!
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I'm telling you, Juice, she's screwin' around behind your back.
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Have yet to discover the secret of their mind-control powers.
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- I've found out I have a black ancestor. - Is that right? That's fantastic, Peter.
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Yeah, that's right. Y'all know that Exxon Valdez thing? That ain't how it happened.
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Although I think Connie Chung might've been substituting for him that night.
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Oh. Found the fire door.
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The family has become poor white trash since then, so they only gave what they could.
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He doesn't look very black to me.
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But... but... but I was also there for the bad times.
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So before you decide that I don't belong here, remember this: I was there!
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Yep. I even got my own posse. Big Dog, T-Bone, Shades, go make some sandwiches.
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Here's Silas Pewterschmidt bartering with some local Indians.
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Well... 'bout time for me to be hittin' the old dusty trail.
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Babs, it's time we went to bed. Things'll look better tomorrow.
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There must be some clue to the source of their mental manipulation techniques.
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That totally sucked! You guys call yourselves cheerleaders?
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Mission objective: Eliminate Cindi and take her place at the top of the pyramid.
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It's a dashiki. And don't call me Peter. That's my slave name. Call me Kichwa Tembo.
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Actually there is. I want reparations, just like Cleveland got.
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Not enough? Make it 20. How do you spell "Kichwa"?
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Well, the money helps, but I'll always feel my ancestor's pain.
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"It's a crazy, messed-up place where anything can happen
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- OK, say it. - Mekka lekka hi... God, I hate you so much.
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So it's agreed: We'll keep on pretending to like pigs' feet just to confound the white man.
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I've brought you the greatest gift of all.
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Uh, hey, how's it goin'?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 14 (S03E14) - 50
Oh, and that cockadoodie smiley face you use to dot it. You sicken me!
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 29, 2001

Peter and Lois go to the Pewterschmidts for the weekend, bringing Brian along. Brian, meanwhile, has some "issues" of his own to work out. Find out if Brian's future is to make puppies or become "less" than he is.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 1
- What's wrong? - He's speaking in tongues. He's possessed.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 2
It's just a phase. You've gone through a few yourself.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 3
Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had grown aware of her ageing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 4
"I had to fend for myself with my own two hands
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 5
Some player-haters be throwin' salt in my game, grillin' me over my gear.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 6
- I just need to get their attention. - OK. That was much better.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 7
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 8
My! So it's that easy to win you over.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 9
because he doesn't know enough about his own.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 10
Dad, I don't wanna be here. I wanna be chillin' with my homeys.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 12
Gentlemen, today we, Ireland's top scientists,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 13
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 14
Look, Dad. I found this book on our genealogy.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 15
And his great-grandpa was Thomas Griffin, a great philosopher.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 16
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 17
"I was brushing down Lucy, the new colt, when she let out a fart right near my face. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 18
Now I can wear clothes that actually show off my big butt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 19
I'm telling you, Juice, she's screwin' around behind your back.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 20
Have yet to discover the secret of their mind-control powers.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 21
- I've found out I have a black ancestor. - Is that right? That's fantastic, Peter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 22
- Wheelie time! Yee-hah! - Aaargh!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 23
Yeah, that's right. Y'all know that Exxon Valdez thing? That ain't how it happened.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 24
Although I think Connie Chung might've been substituting for him that night.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 25
Oh. Found the emergency exit.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 26
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 27
You don't deserve to eat!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 28
The family has become poor white trash since then, so they only gave what they could.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 29
He recently discovered he was black.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 30
Oh! Oh! Hallelujah! Those were happy times!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 31
So before you decide that I don't belong here, remember this: I was there!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 32
Now, Chris, what's the secret to happiness?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 33
Yes. Peter, we hear you're a Negro now.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 34
Now, kids, don't be taken in by the man. Stay black and proud.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 35
Oh, my God!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 36
- Yes, it is. And don't call me "boy"! - Peter! Please, calm down.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 37
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 38
Ugh!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 39
Mission objective: Eliminate Cindi and take her place at the top of the pyramid.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 40
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 41
Kichwa, we're both sensible men.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 42
I expect you never to mention this ugly business again.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 43
We now go live to the local black man.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 44
Oh, my God! You turned the den into Pee-wee's Playhouse?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 45
- Peter... - Watch this. Watch this. Hey, Jambi!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 46
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 47
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 48
I shared mine. You, however, have given nothin' back to the community.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 49
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 50
Cindi, I'd feel worse about this if you didn't spell your name with that insufferable i.
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 15, 2001

Chris chooses a robber out of a lineup, but after Peter accidentally tells the robber where the family lives, the Griffins are placed in the witness protection program. They are sent to the Deep South, where Chris makes a new friend, Sam. Peter questions the truth of a Civil War reenactment that showed the South winning the war, leading to Sam's father forbidding Sam from seeing Chris. Upset, Sam runs away with Chris and kisses him on the mouth. Chris tells Sam that he doesn't like boys and doesn't like him in a physical sense. The FBI agents guarding the Griffin house in Quahog accidentally tell the robber the location of the Griffins. Sam reveals to Chris that she is not a boy, but a girl. Then the robber arrives in the South, about to kill Chris, but the towns folk stop him just in time. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 1
No, thanks. I gotta get goin'.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 2
All right, then give me one of them horoscope scrolls and some Skittles.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 3
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 4
He's here to finger the guy who held up that store. Maybe you've seen him. Chris Griffin.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 5
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I'd lost all control of my bodily functions.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 7
I'm at this maximum-security facility, where a ruthless thug has engineered a daring escape.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 8
You wanna remove us from the area?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 9
The Deep South?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 10
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 12
Somebody's in the closet!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 13
Mom, Chris found a jar in the basement and it has a hand in it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 14
- This place is horrible. - OK, everybody calm down.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 15
No, it definitely doesn't go anywhere.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 16
- How much you wanna take out? - 40 dollars.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 17
- What is that magical device? - Banjo.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 18
OK, now you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 19
- Are you mad at that pond? - Shoot, no.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 20
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 21
That was great! Next time, let's get Meg to be Boss Hogg and Chris can be Anus.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 22
What's it like there? Y'all got them talkin' pictures?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 23
Ta-da! Possum surprise.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 24
I'm glad you're having fun, but we need money. Have you thought about a job?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 25
Where do you think you go when you die?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 26
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 27
Doing your...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 28
- Boy, it's so quiet around here. - I know.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 29
Brian, you're drunk. You're drunk.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 30
Ulysses S Grant, you invite me to lunch then show up an hour late, drunk?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 31
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 32
And if you think I'm mad now, you gotta answer to them Civil War survivors.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 33
That sucks, cos I really like spending time with you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 34
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 35
The weird thing is, kissing Sam kind of felt right.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 36
- Argh! How do I shoot? How do I shoot? - Press B button.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 37
- I didn't wanna play. - So it's good for everybody.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 38
- But I'd like it if we could still be friends. - I'd like that too. Wanna go for a swim?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 39
Even warmer today.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 40
"A big old Buddha belly and her breasts swing past her feet
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 41
You know, the kids are gonna be at that town social for a while.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 42
Good, good. Real good.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 43
Sheriff's office. Yes, this is Peter Griffin. I'd like to report a criminal coming into town.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 44
Yeah, well, see, I kinda pissed off the whole town at that Civil War re-enactment.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 45
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 46
Well, that's the thing. I'm no good at talking to girls. That's why I ran away from you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 47
And in the city, glasses are considered really sexy.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 48
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 49
I hated TJ Hooker. And I never actually saw McMillan and Wife, although I was aware of it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 50
- You folks all right? - Wow, you guys saved our lives.
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 08, 2001

Peter goes with Lois to visit her sister Carole, who is now pregnant, but alone since her husband walked out on her. Carole goes into labor and Peter helps deliver the baby. Caught up in the moment, Peter and Lois decide that they want another baby. Stewie however, does not agree. Stewie does everything possible to keep Peter and Lois away from each other, but when he is locked out of their room, he is forced to take desperate measures. Stewie ends up shrinking himself down to microscopic size and seeking out his sperm-brother inside Peter's body. Instead of trying to kill his unborn brother Stewie and him unite to destroy Lois. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 1
Mr Quagmire, I finished the scavenger hunt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 2
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 3
Carol, say "David Banner, I just slashed your tyres. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 4
Oh! Oh, God! The baby's gonna be here any minute. We'd better get moving.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 5
You must be a parking ticket, cos you got "fine" written all over you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 6
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 7
Don't worry. We're almost there. Peter, why are we stopped?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 9
These don't feel like gloves at all. They feel like used needles.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 10
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 11
A baby girl. I'm so happy!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 12
Oh, yeah.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 13
Peter, I think it's a wonderful idea.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 14
I remember the first day we brought it home.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 15
And the resulting lawsuit bought us this house. You're my favourite mistake.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 16
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 17
My cheeks are pinchable, my bottom is smooth, my laugh is heart-warming.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 18
- Hey, everybody! I... - Bobby, you get back in the garage!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 19
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 20
Blast! What is that name again? Bo... Bo... Bogeyman! Yes, that's it!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 21
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 22
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 23
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 24
Well, look at you there.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 25
And you got it all over your father's favourite shirt. Go to your room.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 26
Now I know how the Catholic Church feels. Ba-zing!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 27
Pardon me, you with severe aesthetic deficiencies.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 28
- What? - Dad, Meg keeps pushing me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 29
Hey, Peter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 30
Evil monkey! That's funny.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 31
Don't worry. We can always throw that chair out.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 32
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 33
Oh, dear. I'm afraid you're in a no-fly zone.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 34
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 35
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 36
"You can't spell "silo" without Lois
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 37
My God. Either they're watching Batman or they're doing the do.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 38
Oh, jeez! My duodenum's acting up.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 39
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 40
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 41
- Well, it seems you're out of ammunition. - As are you, Stewart.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 42
- Peter, I'm waiting. - I'm comin'.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 43
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 44
- I've got you in the sleeper hold. - As I you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 45
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 46
You hate Lois? I hate Lois, too. What else do you hate?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 47
I should embrace the idea of having a little brother.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 48
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 49
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 50
I think I know just the way.
Aired 15 years ago - Sep 12, 2001

Peter, Still out of a job, and now severely obese, decides to take on a new profession: Fishing. After buying a boat at a police auction, he soon finds himself in debt to a loan shark. When Peter hears of a legendary fish that, when caught, could win him the money he needs, he and the guys go searching for the mystical creature called 'Daggermouth'. Meanwhile, Lois tries to cheer up Meg with a spring break trip, where Lois is the one getting all the attention. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 1
I know, it creeps me out, too.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 2
- 45 bucks. - And when we caught her, she wet herself.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 3
- Aw, crap! - Thanks.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 4
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 5
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 6
You haven't told me how you expect to pay for that boat.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 7
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 8
- No. I want a skull. - OK. I'll go ahead and do Kermit the Frog.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 9
Hey, this is VH1 and we're rocking at spring break.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 10
She's a fine vessel. Welcome to the wharf. Name's Hennessey.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 11
Let's see, latitude 42, longitude 71. This is it. What the hell...?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 12
Cos I don't like you! We don't need any more fishermen crowding up this wharf!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 13
Nice face, Hennessey. Yes! Me, one. You, zero.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 14
I jerk 'em around. They fight for a while. Then they lay back and accept it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 15
If by read, you mean imagined a naked lady, then yes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 16
and you take an antibiotic, it makes it not work?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 17
Well, I tried.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 18
Yeah. But not with you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 19
- Oh, my God. - Come on, Meg! Get out of the car!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 20
- Well, that's the last of the furniture. - No TV. I miss my friends.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 21
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 22
Now let's go to Tom Green, who's gonna do something really outrageous!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 23
I still got another day to pay back the loan.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 24
- The port is good. - Yes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 25
- Wow. You are such a good dancer. - Way to go on that beer bong.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 26
and give me the ID so I can get inside!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 27
Good evening. Stevenson residence.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 28
All right. All right. I've got one. I've got one. OK.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 29
Oh, we're fine.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 30
- That's not gonna... - Come on!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 31
Why the hell would it be right the next ten times?! God!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 32
What? Don't look at me like that. Fat chicks need love, too. But they got to pay.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 33
Maybe I will, Hennessey.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 34
Sure, I'm blind in one eye, and my other eye was infected that day from picking at it,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 35
Daggermouth killed my friend Salty, and he was twice the fisherman you are.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 36
Not even if it means ending up like Shamus.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 37
I gotta be crazy to think I can kill that man-eating fish. What the hell am I doing?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 38
- This sucks, Mom. - Meg, stop moping.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 39
Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 40
Why do you cops always have to kill our buzz?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 41
I can remember when you saved all our butts.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 42
Worst of all, now I'm gonna have a police record.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 43
We're right on course. Give me another beer.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 44
- That's not a good choice. - She's so jagged.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 45
The chick with the three knockers from Total Recall.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 46
You guys are yanking me. "Let's put one over on old Quagmire. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 47
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 48
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 49
I heard that one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off-centre cos it's trying to escape.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 50
Would you mind holding still for a moment?
Aired 15 years ago - Sep 05, 2001

Peter's boss comes to dinner at the Griffin house but soon dies. The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is turned into the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute. Unemployed, Peter begins his search for a job and ends up going after his lifelong dream of becoming a knight at a traveling Renaissance Fair. Caught in a compromising position with the infamous Black Knight's wench, he must defend his family's honor in an duel with the Black Knight. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 1
if maybe you'd like to come to my house for dinner Friday night.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 2
- Buh... - Et.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 3
Oh, God. I hope I don't get so nervous I can't control the volume of my voice.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 4
- State your names. - Meg!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 5
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 6
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 7
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 9
Ahem. Peter, don't you have something to say to Mr Weed?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 10
Peter, being here with your wonderful family, your beautiful home
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 12
Police! Random dead-body search!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 13
Oh.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 14
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 15
Good afternoon.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 16
Anyway, before he died, Mr Weed promoted me to head of toy development.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 17
I'm Mr Weed's lawyer. We found this tape among Mr Weed's personal effects
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 18
OK, playtime is over. Turn it off, monkey, OK?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 19
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 20
I only have another week and a half here, and I have completely checked out.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 21
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 22
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 23
He's sampling a few things, searching for something that fits him just right.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 24
Yes, you go to Maple Street, and then take a left, and then you go...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 25
He was so forgetful, whenever he tried to remember a name, he drew a... "blank".
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 26
- This'll bring in a couple of bucks. - Peter, listen.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 27
Wow. Since money's tight, I was gonna suggest that we eat the kids.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 28
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 29
Yes. I'm trying to overcome my fear of swords
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 30
Here, Peter. Try one of these.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 31
- I can fly! - Oh, my God!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 32
And from that moment on, I knew someday I wanted to be a knight like him.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 33
Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 34
You want to make 16th-century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 35
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 36
Agh! Dammit! Look, I'm busy, all right?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 37
because I'm protected by my impenetrable cereal-box fort. Ha-ha-ha!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 38
If I'm gonna impress the Black Knight, my lance must be with me at all times.
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Oh, thou wishest to feast on the appendage of a humble ovine.
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- What's the problem, BK? - I don't like you.
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Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 44
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There you go. All fixed.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 46
It would be if you didn't remind us all of our grandmother's cleavage.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 47
"Ohh...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 48
The Black Knight's next challenger is Sir Mort Goldman.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 49
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here?
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- Where's he going? - Let him go, kids.
Aired 15 years ago - Aug 29, 2001

When Meg, due to her crush on Tom Tucker, the newscaster, applies for an internship at the local television station and gets the job, she is disappointed to find that her news partner is the most reviled nerd in school, Neil. Caught in a life-threatening news situation, Meg laments that she never had a first kiss and agrees to kiss Neil only to find that he taped the whole thing in order to broadcast it across the world. Meg broadcasts her own news that she has no interest in Neil, sending him to the ledge on top of Town Hall. She breaks his fall, only to find out that he had no intention of jumping and was just trying to get her attention again. Stewie's prized new tricycle is stolen by the neighborhood bully, but the bully soon learns not to screw with Stewie. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 1
What in God's name...? Mr Lassenbee, what the hell's going on here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 2
A teacher caught molesting children... with crackpot theories. Full story at 11.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 3
- Better hurry up, Mr Tucker. - I'm coming.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 4
In other news, school board elections took place last evening.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 5
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...turmoil when President Bush stuck his finger in a socket.
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Are you a student interested in the glamorous world of unpaid internships?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 10
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Wrong. The answer is: Only slightly, only slightly. Next.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 12
You and your partner will start tomorrow after school.
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Don't act any cheerier. You'll give us all diabetes.
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Can you believe it? Our little Stewie learning to ride his first tricycle.
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Columbus discovered America entirely by mistake.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 18
I gotta go check on dinner. You keep taping Stewie. Don't miss a moment.
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It's just some trash blowing in the wind!
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Oh, my God. Meg's in love with Tom Tucker!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 21
Sweet'N Low. That's for trying to steal my woman!
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Oh, I see. Oh, yes, I suppose you do have to ride it to truly appreciate its virtues.
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He... stole... my trikey?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mass Media Murderer?
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- Hey, why me? Why the media? - I've got my reasons.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 27
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Oh, my God, we're gonna die! There's so much of life I haven't experienced!
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Time to sign off.
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where a meeting of the tongues, a summit of saliva,
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Oh, my God. He put it on TV?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 34
Constable, I'd like to report the theft of my tricycle.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 35
Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute! Where's your mommy?
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Meg, I strongly suggest you hold my hand, lest you look like a slut.
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Goodbye 40 a month, let's do 35.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 39
And for the future, you came on a little strong.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 40
- Now I see where you get it. - Meg, he's so charming.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 41
I remember when Muriel and I had our first kiss, and it was just awful.
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Mine especially was very bad. I had terrible mucus coming out from inside my nose.
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Please flush the toilet twice.
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But then it dawned on me. Your cruelty merely stems from a deep-seated inner pain.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 45
The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold, and it's ugly.
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I mean, who in their right mind would? I went to the streets to find out.
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Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars can be choosers. And now this.
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- Now tell me where my tricycle is! - I don't know. I lost it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 49
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That means so much coming from someone so handsome.
Aired 15 years ago - Aug 22, 2001

Bonnie convinces Lois to join her Tae-Jitsu class and Quahog is invaded by New York "leafers" coming to look at the pretty colored leaves in fall. Lois quickly becomes a black-belt, and Peter uses his new dangerous wife to drive away all the annoying New Yorkers. However, Lois' new-found violent side finds its way into the Griffin household, and after trying counseling, the whole family has an all-out brawl to get it out of their system. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 1
Yo, God is good, huh? And he expects us to be good.
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from Valero's on 51st Street, best in the city.
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Whoa! I've got to lay off the coffee. Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 4
- You're doing great for your first lesson. - I'm really cuttin' loose.
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- Sure. - Transvestite! Back off.
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Leave my land or I will smite you with my powerful limb.
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and no one could hit you below the belt cos girls don't have anything down there.
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I emasculated him in front of all those people. I think he's really upset.
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Help me! Help me! For God's sake, he's gonna kill me!
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- What is it, Lois? - I don't think I should do tae-jitsu any more.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 15
- Peter... - Quiet. Men are talking.
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Damn. Must have pulled something playing hoops last week.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 18
I don't sweat you. Bring it on, bitch! Now how you gonna act?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 19
- She saw me walking to the swing. - She saw you. Easy, now.
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- Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine. - What?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 21
Now stay that way.
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- Are you crazy? - What did you say?
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That's right. Go back where you came from, you bastards!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 27
- Be a man and fight me yourself. - Lois, the sensei is a sacred position.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 28
And then when he's weary, emasculate him with your incessant nagging.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 29
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If this glacier goes slower than one mile a year, we're all dead!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 31
Yeah, OK, honey.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 32
Good morning. Peter, you look terrible. What happened?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 33
He freed the beast all over the back of Peter's head.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 34
Well, Stewie, tonight we have a really big show.
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I... I know who's responsible for Stewie's behaviour,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 39
Well, there seems to be a lot of anger in your household.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 40
OK. The psychologist wants us to try an exercise called role reversal,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 41
"I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales, but I don't let Peter buy anything he likes,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 42
"I'm a pompous antichrist who will probably drop my plans for world domination
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 43
Whoa, Peter, calm down.
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Mine just says "Dear Lois. " And after that it looks like someone just spit on the paper.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 45
but we need to get our anger under control before we kill each other.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 46
- " Ah-um - " Ba-ba
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- You can't hit me! I'm a girl! - Sometimes I wonder.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 50
- Shut up! This is all Dad's fault. - I don't like to be touched!
Aired 15 years ago - Aug 15, 2001

Peter sneaks away on his and Lois' anniversary to play golf at an upscale country club, only to be struck by lightning and have a near-death experience. Death promises to give Peter a revelation to help his marriage if Peter helps him get a date. Meanwhile, Peter sets up a fake scavenger hunt for Lois and the kids, which takes them all over Quahog.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 1
The fed will be lowering rates, so get your money out of T-bills and put it all into...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 2
OK, kids, keep your eyes peeled for a clue.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 3
Usually he can't even handle simple tasks.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 4
- Let's pack it in. There's too much water. - Let's hit the bar.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 5
- Peter! - All right, all right. Give me a Kleenex.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 6
That was close. That looks dangerous. Somebody's gonna get hurt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 7
You again?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 8
- So, when am I gonna die? - Two years after your wife divorces you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 9
- Say no more. - Peter, wait. I...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 10
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Yeah, me too. From now on, this'll be our song.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 12
It's like I can really be myself with you. I'm so happy.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 13
- I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt. - I love you, Peter Griffin.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 14
Oh, crap. I don't have time for this. Listen, I'm late for an appointment.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 15
OK. It says the next note will be right under my nose.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 16
My Nose out in front, followed by Sea Biscuit,
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Too late, Stewie. The fix is in and the noodles are boiling in the pot.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 18
You're shook up about that appointment. You're Death. What are you afraid of?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 19
Don't forget to zip up your fly. If you don't zip up your fly, a seagull will get ya!
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- Hi. Can I take my tie off yet? - Oh, Peter, you look so wonderful.
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Hey, Mr Pewterschmidt. What are you feeding this gal?
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That's world-class juice you got brewing in the old flesh balloon.
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- No, seriously. - Oh, that's great.
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Could you tell me when you're going back in time?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 26
- Brilliantly choreographed. - That's your tax dollars at work.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 27
All right. All right, that's it! I'm sick of both of you. Come on, Peter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 28
Whoa, wait! What are you saying?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 29
- What if... what if I helped you get a girl? - Really? You think you could do that?
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Don't worry. We've been studying fulcrums in school.
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Oh. Pull slower. I must remember to do this game when no one's around.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 34
I'm taking you out for shore leave.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 35
All right!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 36
You guys go on without me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 37
I met her last summer when her dad hung himself. I was too shy to ask her out.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 38
- I'll need that picture of Olmos's ass back. - Oh, yeah.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 39
He wasn't dead.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 40
So I thought that, uh... So... You...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 41
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Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 43
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I don't make monkeys, I train 'em.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 45
Wanna go somewhere and grab a coffee?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 46
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 47
Oh, boy. You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 48
She's just gonna be glad to see you. That's how it was with Lois.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 49
- Hi, Mr Pewterschmidt. - What are you doing here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 50
No deal. Lois may be worth a million to you, but to me, she's worthless.
Aired 15 years ago - Aug 08, 2001

Peter feels jealous when he finds out Chris has a larger penis than he does, so he tries various tactics like buying a new car and joining a gun club. He then takes Chris on a father-son hunting trip only for Chris to eventually save the day. Meanwhile, Meg finds herself to be a target of abuse from the cool kids at school when she joins the flag girl squad. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 1
Then everything got hazy. Kevin went to live with a foster family for a while...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 2
- It sure does... - Get the hell off me!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 3
- Oh. Like a happy special... - You're going to die.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 4
We perform at all the football games. I'm practically a cheerleader!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 5
Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 6
Lois, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 7
Really? Not even if I smoke this corncob pipe?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 8
and I'm all "I'm a flag girl now, I won't forget my lunch",
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- Shut up. - The dog just told me to shut up.
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- They've held hands all night. - I mean Meg.
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No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call! And I know something about stupid calls.
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Score's tied, next basket wins. You might finally beat your old man.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 16
Son, you played good, but your dad is still number one.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 17
- What's wrong, honey? - I'll tell you:
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 18
Oh, my. No wonder he's always slouching.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 19
They won't. I'm never going back to that school again.
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- Chris, drink your milk. It'll make you big. - No! No more milk for him.
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I just wish I'd known ahead of time. I would've brought potato salad!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 27
- Wow, thanks! - See ya.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 28
Why, you smug little bastard!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 29
Sure, all the sorority girls are clamouring for the plantain section. Stop with this!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 30
Nice, huh? Huh? Yeah. You like this?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 31
- Enjoy your new car, Mr Griffin. - Thanks, Jim.
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Yes. Now that they think you're their friend, it's the perfect time to exact your revenge.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 35
But keep talking. All this stuff about eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 36
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You see, Peter, the way we look at it, a man's only as big as the gun he carries.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 38
- Madonna or Janet Jackson? - Which Janet?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 39
Don't be stupid. I don't need to compete with my son or his freakishly large penis.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 40
- Can I have those blueprints? - Sure, here you go.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 41
Some guys from the club are going hunting tomorrow.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 42
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But wait a minute. I thought guns were bad.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 44
See, Lois? They're responsible.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 45
I was starting to think you didn't like me any more.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 46
Such grace. That's the thing about hunting - you gotta be patient.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 47
- They're my friends now. - They pelted you with meat.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 48
Have fun.
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I like where this is going. Giggidy-giggidy-good-goody.
Aired 15 years ago - Aug 01, 2001

When a hurricane strikes Quohog, everything is destroyed including The Drunken Clam, which is bought out by a Brit who turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie tries to teach Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter how to speak proper English.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 1
Yeah, like my dead-rat marionette theatre.
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Peter, look. The Clam.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 3
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Evening, gents. How about a nice warm lager?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 5
The new bowler has a cover point, long-on, square leg, extra cover and two short legs.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 6
- Anybody get that? - The only British idiom I know
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 7
- I think we should go. - Yes. This is a dark and evil place.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 8
- Peter! - Hello. Nigel Pinchley here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 9
- Bit of an awkward moment, really. - Awkward moment?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 10
You don't even know who I am.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 11
You wanna flower, little baby?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 12
I know The Drunken Clam was your bar,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 13
- All right. This place isn't bad. - Yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 14
Ohhh.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 15
Hope the loo is working.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 16
They took our bar, then our friendship. What's next? Apple pie, fast cars and action films?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 17
You are the anchor that gives my spirit licence to soar.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 18
You mean that horrid girl who talks like a scullery maid?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 19
You teach her. If you're up to it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 20
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 21
Yeah, back off. We kicked your ass in World War II and we can do it again.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 22
We're not gonna let this stop us. I've never been defeated. Except once.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 23
Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since high school. What are you doin' these days?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 24
Now, don't worry, these guys are trained to stay perfectly still. Check it out.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 25
- Welcome to the Quahog beer party. - I do feel a little guilty about pollutin'.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 26
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 27
Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, but our producer says yes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 28
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 29
This is better than COPS. You know there's a fat drunk guy in there.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 30
Good. Good.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 31
Straight to jail. Ha! Now you got burned! No bail.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 32
Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry this terrible tragedy has befallen you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 33
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 34
Oh, my God. See that guy? That's the most vicious killer I ever put away, Steve Bellows.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 35
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 36
Now try it again. "The life of the wife is ended by the knife. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 37
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 38
Excuse me. Where can I find Nigel Pinchley?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 39
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 40
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 41
I think she's got it. I think she's got it!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 42
"In the wife, in the wife
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 43
Hello. So nice to see you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 44
There you are, Lois. Shall I give you the grand tour and show you my... private quarters?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 45
Oh, Nigel. Since Peter's been gone, I've been searching for someone new.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 46
More! Tell me more!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 47
Mr Pinchley, I heard everything.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 48
Psst. You. Dogbert. Down here. Get a front-row seat for this one.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 49
Bloody 'ell! I've gone and wet meself.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 50
- Hurry, Peter. Steve'll be here in five minutes. - Oh, crap. We're dead.
Aired 15 years ago - Jul 25, 2001

Peter's toy company gets bought out by the El Dorado Cigarettes company, and the toys are then used to market cigarettes to children. When Peter, on Lois's advice, confronts his new bosses about their evil use of toys, they promote Peter to president to shut him up. Lois, pleased with all the perks that come with Peter's new position, keeps her mouth shut too, while Brian quits smoking in protest. Peter's bosses send him to Washington to lobby against a bill that would put them out of business, because they figure politicians will be able to relate to a big dumb fat guy. When Lois finds Stewie smoking a cigarette, she goes down to Washington to stop what Peter's doing, and Peter ends up getting the El Dorado Cigarettes company fined $100,000,000. Brian helps himself to a cigarette as the family drives away. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 1
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 2
Aha! Liar. Tomorrow, my office, 9.30.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 3
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 4
After 23 years of faithful service, I've been terminated!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 5
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 6
This is sweet! Why are you putting a window in the factory?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 7
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 8
Can't we eat? I'm so hungry, I could ride a horse.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 9
Hey, family, anyone in the mood for lobster? Ow! Oh, God! One of them has my pupil!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 10
- Hi, Kenneth. Did I get any mail? - No! If you come any closer, I'll slice ya!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 11
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 12
- Timmy, where's Lassie? - She's out in the orchard, Ma.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 13
Don't worry, Lois. I'll set 'em straight. Just like I did with Chris.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 14
- That's just not true. - What about this toy?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 15
"The first thing we want is to get kids to start smoking. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 16
- No. But I'm not the president. - Yes, you are... if you want to be.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 17
- How did it go? - I'm not finished yet.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 18
You shoulda seen the way they treated me. I've never gotten that respect before.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 19
The company finally thinks I'm worth something.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 20
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 21
This is so exciting. Your father's first day as president.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 22
A little chicory perks up the taste of roasted coffee beans. It's a good thing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 23
Oh, you don't need to park here, Mr Griffin. You have an executive parking space now.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 24
- I hate this tie. - It's awful, it's gaudy, it's gotta go.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 25
I'll have that fixed for you, sir.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 26
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Excuse me. Do you have a dollar? I'm a little short.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 29
Wait. Didn't we just make a fat, stupid guy president?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 30
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So what's this big assignment you got for me, chairman of the broad?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 33
- He's only half-Jewish. - You're fired.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 34
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 35
Bababooie! Bababooie! Howard Stern's penis! Bababooie!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 36
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 37
I'll show 'em a good time and get 'em to come around to our side.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 38
- Oh, God. No, seriously. What's his name? - Dick Armey.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 39
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 40
You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 41
Look, kids. Here's your father in People magazine with Jim Carrey,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 42
- Mom! - Honey, your face smells fine.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 43
Yes. I, too, applaud the oaf for finally showing initiative.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 44
And for what? Martha Stewart?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 45
"And I'm standing here on Capitol...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 46
Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 47
- Mr Griffin, time for your speech. - What about your son?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 48
I know a lot of you are already on my side.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 49
...and...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 50
Mr Griffin is right! Smoking is a horrible vice!
Aired 15 years ago - Jul 18, 2001

The Griffin family learns Brain has gone to Hollywood. After trying out on Kids Say the Darndest Things, Stewie awarded an appearance, and the Griffin get a free trip to Los Angeles. Brian doesn't want the family to know what he's really doing in Hollywood, and tries to cover it up.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 1
When I was writing Coastguard, I couldn't think of anyone other than...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 2
- Do you remember what he looked like? - Yeah. He had a scar on his arm
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 3
Next auditions in New York and Quahog, Rhode Island.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 4
You guys can come, but you gotta promise not to embarrass me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 5
Mm, I like your taste in women. Yes, she and I are going to have a good time together.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 6
That could be the ideal place to unleash my hypnosis device on the unsuspecting public.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 7
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 8
and a copy of my coming-of-age teen comedy set in Wisconsin.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 9
Look. It's Tom Tucker from the news. And that must be his son.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 10
Hey! Hey! Don't walk away from me! Hey!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 11
without branding oneself with useless labels?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 12
That's it. That's what you want to hear. Yes, jump through the hoop.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 13
and always say somethin' funny before the commercial break.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 14
Turn around. If you've got something to say, say it to my face.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 15
Wah! Wah!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 16
I think it's something I'd be excited to be a part of, so call my...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 17
Jasper's residence.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 18
Well, I was invited to the premiere of the new, uh...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 19
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 20
- How's the writing thingy going? - Terrible. I can't get my foot in the door.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 21
It says here this is the gutter where the policeman fell over laughing
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 22
- Sorry. - What? All he said was "black chick".
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 23
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 24
- Seriously. - I'm clean.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 25
Where do they get their ideas? You're the writer. You tell me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 26
- Oh, congratulations on all your success. - Uh, thank you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 27
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 28
Yes, and I'm tired of you people always calling during dinner.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 29
So, ready to shoot your first scene?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 30
So, this is a shampoo commercial, right?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 31
Is this any more degrading than washing cars? Here you can be creative.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 32
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 33
Argh! Ow! Argh! Ow!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 34
Cut. OK, nice take, Jenna, but let's try giving the lines a little subtext this time.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 35
Wow, a real movie set. Hey, this house looks kinda familiar.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 36
The Jacuzzi girl didn't show. How long can you hold your breath under water?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 37
Look at these crow's-feet. God. You stay up past 7.30 and you pay for it in the morning.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 38
It jumped right out in front of my car. Oh, I am so sorry.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 39
- Oh, well, he hides it well. - He wishes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 40
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 41
Sorry. I thought the name of the show was Kids Say the Darndest Things,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 42
What you got there? Oh, you're gonna go skiing now?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 43
Ooh, I'm goin' zip-zop, zooba-de-bop.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 44
- I like jump rope. - So you're gonna sit here and enjoy it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 45
- Good news. - What? More people I love think I'm a jerk?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 46
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 47
Add Mama to the Train, The Purple Head of Cairo and, uh...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 48
- I used to guest-host The Tonight Show. - Oh, yeah. What was that, 30 years ago?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 49
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 50
- Lois! - Hey, buddy. How are ya, Alfred Hitch Cock?
Aired 15 years ago - Jul 11, 2001

Brian takes a job on the police force as a drug-sniffing dog, which leads him down a path of cocaine addiction. Trying to kick the habit, Brian checks into a clinic. With the Griffin family cruise canceled due to Brian’s absence, Peter gets the idea to vacation at the rehab retreat.

Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 1
I-I can't. I...
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 2
Nurse! This dog is trying to kill me! Nurse!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 3
These are tranquilliser darts.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 4
- All right! - Run for your life, Peter!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 5
Yeah. One time it almost got me a spokesman deal.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 6
I was thinkin' of doin' it, you know, good. Like an actor. But your way's good too.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 7
Peter, are you OK?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 9
You're back from Manila. You ate lumpia, then you made love to two Filipino women.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 10
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 11
Don't move, dirtbag!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 12
Where shall we go for your week off?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 13
- Did you stay up all night writing that? - I got to bed around 2.30.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 14
Oh, come on, stop it, you guys. It's nothing. Oh, Lois, your toast is ready.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 15
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 16
- But these are just kids. - Oh, yeah? What's your name?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 17
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 18
Thanks. But the real hero here is God for blessing me with this nose.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 19
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 20
I must say, I've always dreamed of a life at sea.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 21
"My manner, quite effete, is mistaken on the street for a sailor who can pirouette on cue
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 22
Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 23
Where's the line any more? I got news for ya. It-it's not even on the radar screen.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 24
Knowin' the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 25
Well, kids, I'm gonna pass things off now to... Gerald, the happy and abstinent police clown.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 26
- That McGriffin guy was so cool! - Totally. I'm never doing drugs now.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 27
Oh, that's just fancy talk for sexified. Now, climb in.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 28
Hey, Dad, I'm in the Bible days, and there's a whole stadium of people clappin' for me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 29
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 30
Help! Help!
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 31
By the way, Horowicz, you should show Joe your impression of him.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 32
The Old Man and the Sea. I see you're gettin' in the mood for our cruise.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 33
Just because you can't feel your teeth doesn't mean the girl can't feel your insults.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 34
- Here's the channel Lois doesn't know about. - Chris, look away! Meg, take Stewie upstairs.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 35
I leave more personality in tightly-coiled piles on the lawn.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 36
Brian, I know I don't speak up much,
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 37
Uh... so she hated my tie until I told her it was made out of 100 per cent Buttafuco fibre.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 38
All right. That's it. A little tie music.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 39
I guess now we know what kind of dog he is.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 40
But why do we have to cancel our cruise just cos the dog's a cokehead?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 41
This is where God would come if he had to stop doin' blow.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 42
Oh, I see. The fat man makes a pun and everyone wets themselves.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 43
Just having some time away to sort things out is gonna do wonders. Thanks, Doctor.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 44
I whipped this speedfreak's ass at horseshoes today.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 45
Just work with the resistance of the water. Ten more reps. And one. And two.
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 46
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 47
I'll be keeping my eye on you. What's your name?
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 48
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 49
Recap of Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 50
I have made a lot of progress lately. Missing one session wouldn't be the end of the world.