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Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 9 years ago - May 20, 2007

Death grants Peter's wish to go back in time to 1984 when he was 18, but only for one night. He ends up bailing on a date with Lois to hang out with a movie actress. When he returns to the present, he soon realizes that everything is anything but normal, as he is now married to the former actress, and Lois is with Quagmire. Meanwhile, Stewie, Chris and Meg have also taken on Quagmire's charming characteristics. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 1
All right, now I want you to meet me at this address
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Aha, gotcha!
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Peter, you're the one from the future. You should know... Ah, forget it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 7
Yeah, I've logged a lot of game hours on Menstrual Ms. Pacman.
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All right, Peter, your time's up.
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that fat, lonely women's club.
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Angel food cake.
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I crash here once or twice a week.
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You know, where the woman wakes up in the hospital,
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Wow, that cameraman has nice strong arms.
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Mr. Griffin, what I do with my husband is none of your business.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 17
We were only in 1984 one night, and now everything's all messed up.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 18
causing the time line to skew off into an alternate tangent,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 19
Well, who knows what else we changed.
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Oh, God, Brian, we messed up bad. We messed up real bad.
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Don't freak out like you did when your goldfish died.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 22
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hunting down and killing Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 24
You're supposed to be married to me.
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Then Glenn came along, and stole my heart.
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- Let's go upstairs and do it. - Okay!
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We could kind of just take that one and call it a win.
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Daughter Judy
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You are not taking my whole wallet so you can go shopping.
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And with zero tolerance gun control
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Listen, you've got to send me back in time again
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Lois! Oh, my God, it's so good to see you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 34
Well, maybe you should just go by yourself.
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I look forward to watching it with you, sweetheart.
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Say, I was just getting ready to hit the town.
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I haven't screw up this bad since I bought Joe Piscopo that barbell set.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 39
But at least don't make me wait up all night for you.
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- Peter! - Oh, God, sorry! Sorry!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 42
You deserve a gentleman.
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- What? - It's a line from Die Hard.
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And not Quagmire or any man,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 46
Who the hell am I kidding?
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- Hey, Quagmire. - Huh?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 48
Are you kidding?
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Lois runs for mayor of Quahog, though she doesn't become the front-runner until she dumbs down her political views. Once in office, she becomes corrupted with the power that she now holds, and begins accepting bribes so that she can buy herself expensive things. Meanwhile, Peter comes to enjoy being the "first lady" of Quahog, and all of the perks that go along with it. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 1
He was Ralph on Happy Days.
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Donny Most, Donny Most
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All right,here's a little tune inspired by
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Sodomy-ee.
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And she said, "I'll drive you there."
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Wah! I'm sad about stuff! Wah!
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I think it's a safe bet that that's responsible.
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- You have a Ziggy tattoo? - Aw, geez.
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Oh, I don't think it's so bad. I feel rather like Mozart.
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And in return, I get free oil for my hair.
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All right ,Mrs. Griffin, you want to take me on? Fine.
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Oh, done stung myself.
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or will she just menstruate all over the city?" Stay with us.
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Okay, Jews.
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And here to help me secure the Latino vote is actor Jimmy Smits.
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- Huh? - I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
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- Peter, you want some potatoes? - Yeah, how you doin'?
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Sweep that up. Put it in your room, but sweep it up first.
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Are you aware that Lois Griffin has a plan
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 25
Hi. When you go to vote for mayor tomorrow, please vote for Lois Griffin.
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What the hell are you talking about?
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between incumbent Adam West and challenger Lois Griffin.
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I have a 12-point program for the security of...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 29
I think it's great we live in a town where you can ask questions.
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He didn't even say anything and they're eating it up.
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Because that's what Jesus wants.
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Mrs. Griffin, what about our traffic problem?
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Which reminds me, Diane, when's the last time you... aw, forget it.
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And the first thing I'm going to do as mayor is clean up Lake Quahog.
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the environmental damage being done to Lake Quahog,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 37
That's right, terrorists.
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How much money before it can feel safe again?
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thanks to the efforts of newly elected mayor, Lois Griffin.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 41
I think this is really gonna revitalize tourism.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 42
Yeah, that looks pretty expensive.
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Lois, spending even one penny of that money on yourself is incredibly unethical.
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What the hell's up with these rolling blackouts?
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Way ahead of you, Brian. My mistake, I'll take care of this.
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Good. 'Cause if you screw up, I'll kill ya.
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We're near the park, Lois. Oh, that's the tree. I peed on that.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17 (S05E17) - 50
we would like to thank Mayor Lois Griffin for our newest waste pipe.
Aired 9 years ago - May 06, 2007

After Chris is expelled from school, he is sent to a boarding school that his grandfather Carter attended, but Chris doesn't exactly fit in. Meanwhile, the chicken returns to pick a fight with Peter.

Aired 10 years ago - Apr 29, 2007

Lois gets a job as the church organist, so the family decides to begin going back to church. When Stewie gets sick after receiving communion, the congregation becomes convinced that he has been possessed by the devil. While on the run, the family ends up in Texas, where Peter begins to fit right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant, and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 1
My word, what a fascinating man this Jesus must have been.
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to come home and feed her starving family.
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That means you'll play the organ.
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She can't answer you.
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A reading from the letter of John to the couple with the crying baby upstairs.
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Oh, I am so hungry.
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Yes, yes, die, die, die!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 11
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we'll hide in the one place they can't find us.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 13
Who cares as long as it's away from those bloody church fanatics.
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No!
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A substantial reward is being offered for any information leading to his capture.
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but the mosquitoes were going crazy, and she said there was no way.
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Why don't you put sunflower seeds in the Ding Dongs while you're at it?
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Oh, did you hear that cashier's accent?
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No, see, there's got to be something in here we can use.
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Howdy, new neighbors.
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Nope, sorry, Kevin Bacon wasn't in Footloose.
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You know, this place may be the upside to everything that's happened.
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Belts are a great way to express opinions.
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This turn of events came after Vatican scientists
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The Superdevil is at least six inches taller,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 29
Aw, just that I think you're going to love this cake.
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- There you go. - Thanks.
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Easton leads the scoring with four.
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Huh. That was kind of cool.
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He is a graceful, majestic creature who is a part of this family
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Well, you're not quite in the club yet.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 36
Can I help you, Edward?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 37
I forgot why I came over.
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Why don't you meet the other contestants while I go register you?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 39
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Wow! Look how organized he is.
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Hey, what are you kids doing here?
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and cold filtered Miller Genuine Draft.
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Oh. See... yeah, I'm not quite...
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- There you go, sport. - Thank you.
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Fellas! Fellas! Can't we talk this over?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 49
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Now the final contestant for our talent portion of the competition,
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Hey, Lois, great news. We can go back to Quahog.
Aired 10 years ago - Mar 25, 2007

The Griffin family decides to start their own restaurant, though have a hard time attracting customers. After Joe promises to help, Peter is excited at the fact of it becoming a local hangout for the police. However, things don't really turn out as hoped, and instead it begins to be popular with the handicapped. When Peter attempts to change the place, a sudden twist of irony quickly changes his mind. MORE -LESS

Aired 10 years ago - Mar 11, 2007

Peter helps Bill Clinton with his flat tire, and they soon become friends. They begin spending a lot of time together and Lois begins to believe that Bill inflicting bad influence on Peter. But when she confronts Bill, they end up having sex. Peter, upset that his wife would do this, tries to get back at Lois by having an affair of his own, but soon realizes that he loves her too much to do so. Meanwhile, Lois and Stewie try to potty-train Brian. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
Okay, see ya la... Wait. What?
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Hey, I didn't know you guys work out here?
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Hey, you guys the trainers here?
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We're two intelligent guys, we can figure this out.
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"Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty,"
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Me, too. All real writers need to be seen writing,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 9
So I'll use Meg's laptop.
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There's no way you're a size six.
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It seems he blew a tire in front of your house.
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First one to have a bead of neck sweat reach their butt crack wins.
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I wanted to stop by and extend my good wishes.
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After my bypass, I remember wondering if it was all downhill from there.
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Well, if you really think it'll help.
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I'm going to show you that age is just a state of mind.
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I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world
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Yes.
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See, I told you, Peter, age is just a state of mind.
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Dude, check it out!
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Peter, that pig...
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Aw, crap! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
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- What the hell?! - No! No!
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Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God! Get it out of here!
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But doesn't that sound like something that could be true?
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Oh, hey, come on, man. You just got to get used to it.
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It's like we have a little Michelangelo in the house.
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We lived, Lois. We lived our lives.
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If he won't listen, I'm just going to have to go talk to Bill Clinton myself.
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What the hell was I thinking? I-I don't know what came over me.
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I know nothing I could say to you could possibly justify
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Well, well. I learned something today.
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Oh, God!
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but I want you to know I'm here for you if you need anything.
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What do you want?
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- Because I don't want to lose you. - Well, it would make us even.
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very sexual things. Some very angry, sexual things.
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Yikes! I could use a distraction right now.
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As it yields to the sound of your heart beating
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Just pick somebody, and I'll make it happen.
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It was my understanding that there would be no questions asked.
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and my natural response could be to get offended.
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Well, we were in the neighborhood, and Peter said, "Let's stop in."
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- I have to ask you something. - What is it, Lois?
Aired 10 years ago - Mar 04, 2007

Quagmire takes Peter to work but Peter messes things up, causing Quagmire to lose his job as a pilot. After not being able find another job, Peter and Cleveland make plans to help him get his old job back. When the plan fails, Quagmire receives advice from his idol, Hugh Hefner.

Aired 10 years ago - Feb 18, 2007

When a bully harasses Chris, Peter goes to his defense, but ends up beating him up. Peter realizes bullying is fun and begins to bully everyone in the house. Finally, Chris stands up to Peter and beats him senseless. Meanwhile, Stewie goes out without sunscreen and becomes obsessed with getting a tan. After Brian leaves him in the tanning booth for six hours, Stewie gets sunburned and fears he has cancer. While waiting for the results of his cancer screening, Stewie begins to live his life as if he had only days to live and drives Brian crazy with his demands. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 1
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 2
Peter, you took him out without any sunscreen?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 3
Hello, I'm Fran Drescher.
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"President Johnson, bring our boys home from Southeast Asia.
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Oh, that's terrible. You're a wonderful paperboy, Chris,
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Oh, thank God we live in this time.
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- Look, Griffin got his ass kicked. - What a loser.
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My book report is on The Giving Tree.
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I'll do it, Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice,
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I like it 'cause it's just above my lip.
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And pedophile or not, he, he was a perfectly professional person.
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- Right. Possibly. - You're talking out of your ass.
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- Uh, are they still sleeping? - I don't know. I'll check.
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Listen, apparently your son got into a little scrape with my kid.
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- Hey, I'm Chris Griffin's father. - Hey, I'm Chris Griffin's father.
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- Shut up, Kyle. - I'm Peter Griffin.
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Peter did what?!
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You're 43, and you just assaulted our neighbor's child!
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It's not a skin color, it's a lifestyle, Brian.
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But not too fast 'cause Stewie takes it slow...
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Kyle's mother agreed not to press charges if you apologize.
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You got Legos? Aw, sweet!
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Well, I never was very good at building things.
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You don't have to apologize. I would have done the same thing.
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I don't remember you having that mole before.
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- Hey, Swedish chef. - Oh, hey, Kermit, what's going on?
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'Cause there are two kinds of people in this world, Chris.
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My point being that I'm a bully, not a nerd.
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and I've got to make the most of it.
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- Peter, put me down! - I told you, not until you sing.
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Peter, look at yourself.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 45
Like Dick Cheney when he was a Wal-Mart greeter.
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I don't have much time!
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Why only when I ignore you do you return to the center of my eye?
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Really?! Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
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Chris, I'm gonna show you how to stand up to a bully.
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- Yeah, I have MS. - Oh, you hear that, Chris?
Aired 10 years ago - Feb 11, 2007

After Peters dad, Francis, dies, Thelma tells him that his real father actually lives in Ireland. So Peter and Brian decide to head there in search of his father, who ends up being the town drunk. They decide to play a drinking game to prove his paternity. Meanwhile, Stewie acts out and Lois spanks him. Realizing that he likes being spanked, Stewie does whatever he can to get into trouble. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 1
- I don't know. - Well, my God, Lois,
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That, uh...
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So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 4
More...? Too many...?
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So the man asks the bartender to recommend a good drink.
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So which one of you wants to lose your virginity?
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I'm an adorable tramp who wears found clothing and eats out of your garbage can.
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Peter, I don't think you're actually supposed to swallow those.
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Stewie, what are you doing?! You can't open Meg's gifts!
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Too late! Take too long! Sad Christmas!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 13
In the meantime, I leave you with the musical stylings of Chris Griffin.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 14
So I'll be your friend
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- Is he breathing? - Somebody call an ambulance!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 16
I don't if you can hear me right now, but
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 17
Oh, my God, he's dead. He can't be dead.
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- I can't believe Grandpa's dead. - Well, he did kind of treat us like crap,
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- We're all gonna miss him. - Tragic.
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Booze made me fall down all those stairs.
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This isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 22
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"Dare card: Have her do a strip tease
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- If I can't have it, nobody can! - That is enough!
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- Let me give you a hug. - No!
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Oh, my God!
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I'm sorry I misbehaved, mother! I'm sorry I misbehaved!
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My God, I... I haven't felt that alive in years.
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Come on, Lois, hit me! Beat the crap out of me! Step on my cubes.
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I knew this day would come. All right, Peter, here it is.
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That'll do, pig. That'll do.
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Oh! Thank you!
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Yes, I made you take time out of your day to clean my mess
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- Punish me! - Sweetie, you've really gotta stop...
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My God, I really do have problems, don't I?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 38
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even the boniest-fingered nun could poke you in the chest
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Have I heard of him? Of course I've heard of him!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 41
but I know where it should be!
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Yeah, I came all the way from America to find you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 43
Who's leg do you have to hump to get a pint of Guiness around here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 44
Peter! You are a fat stinking drunk.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 45
I have gotta drink him so far under the table,
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Mickey McFinnegan, I challenge you to a drinking contest.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 47
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Aired 10 years ago - Jan 28, 2007

Brian sells Rupert at a garage sale. Stewie, who is upset with Brian, takes him cross country to Colorado to find his beloved teddy, and ends up having a ski-off to win back Rupert. Meanwhile, Peter loses his license, so Meg has to drive him around.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 1
Peter, knock if off. Give it to me.
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a little time away from the bar will do you some good.
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That show stopped being funny after Kirstie Alley ate Shelley Long.
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And things are gonna get better.
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And if we buy it, they save a real gorilla in the wild.
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You son of a bitch!
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One minute I'm filling up at Chevron,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 9
All right, all right! Geez, Lois, I'm just trying to amuse myself,
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What?! Lois, this is the best you could do?!
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Am I Bo Bice? Yes, I am.
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If I enter Connecticut, I'm entering every state
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Let's see... "Aspen, Colorado. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 17
- I hate you. - I hate you, too.
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Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois.
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Take to the highway Won't you lend me your name...
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- I want apple juice. - Dad, you left your apple juice at home.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 21
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Gettysburg. Billy Yanks. The 20th Maine.
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You know, whatever. It's fine. It's fine. Doesn't matter. Just, uh... I...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 24
Queen Latifah or Halle Berry, but she's been dead for six hours?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 25
What?!
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Oh, oh, God, stop!
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Well, I can prove to you that's a whole lot of nonsense.
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But just in case you don't believe me, ask the man himself.
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- What the hell was that? - I'm practicing my comedy crash.
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Oh, my God! Brian, look!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 39
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- Billy Dee Williams. - Hello, Peter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 41
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I'm sorry, but that bear belongs to Timmy. Now, please leave.
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If you put peanut butter anywhere on your body, he'll lick it off.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 44
She danced for me like I hoped she would.
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going to see Lost in Translation with Cleveland and Quagmire.
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But, you know, Meg, I'm starting to realize
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 47
Well, maybe just to keep up appearances in front of the family.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 48
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Aired 10 years ago - Dec 17, 2006

Meg can't find a date to her junior prom, and even though he is dating Jillian, Brian ends up going with Meg. At the prom, Brian gets drunk to make the night pass, but ends up making out with Meg. Meg begins to think of Brian as her boyfriend and becomes obsessed with spending every moment with him. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police force to help Brian. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 1
Oh, uh, I, uh...
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what if I drove you and walked in with you
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continues to be the absence of police officers in Quahog.
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I've been working nonstop.
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Besides, it's bound to go better than my deep-sea training.
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Here she is. Brian, I present to you your polished turd for the evening.
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Man, I got to tell ya, I can see why you'd be insecure, Meg.
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even if you're terrible, they don't know the difference.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 13
and started putting out when you were 12.
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No one's ever stood up for me like that.
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- I don't want to talk about it. - Well, I do.
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- Oh, yes, yes, yes, who's a good boy? - I am. I'm a good boy.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 18
Who the hell is texting me at 8:00 a.m.?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 19
This is even a bigger jackpot than when the Emperor figured out
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We're going to start by learning how to do a cavity search.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 22
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What?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 24
I saw this penis on the Internet today and I thought to myself :
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 25
- We do? - Yeah, we're doing that thing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 26
Actually, I thought I was pretty clear...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 27
Brian, I'm ready? You in or out?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 28
- He looks just like Ben Affleck. - Is that Ben Affleck?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 29
Look, this has gone a little too far. I like you. I think you're great, but
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 30
Besides, I have a girlfriend. I'm dating Jillian.
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- So, I baked you a pie. - Oh, wow. Hey, that looks delicious.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 33
Do you feel me inside of you?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 34
- Cool Whip. - Cool Hwhip.
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And an official on-duty cop.
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Now stick your finger in there and twist it!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 37
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So, here's the thing, and don't get mad.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 39
Look, the short version is,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 40
Brian, did you get into the garbage last night?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 41
Look, you obviously didn't hear me yesterday, so I'll explain it again.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 42
I will never be attracted to you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 43
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Guys, it's not all about action.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 45
I think something may have happened.
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Oh, my God, Brian was right. Meg really must be obsessed with him.
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I know you so well.
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Oh, just relax. We're gonna be here for a "hwhile."
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 49
- Don't move, dirtbag! - Holy crap, what the hell is this?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 50
I'm not confused!
Aired 10 years ago - Nov 26, 2006

Stewie ties the knot with his old flame Olivia, but their relationship quickly turns, and becomes normal dull marriage. It all escalates when they go on a double date with Brian and Jillian. Meanwhile, Lois introduces Peter to chick flicks, so he decides to make his own movie with a plot based on every chick movie ever.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 1
And I don't mean the classy "maybe they are, maybe they're not" gay guys.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 2
I got a bad feeling about Suicidy.
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No...! Why?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 4
Oh, you know, Lois, this movie has helped me understand a lot of things.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 5
So, he say this when your brain know is not really nice day.
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Oh, boy, I am going to take her down right in front of everybody.
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She's so cute. I love children. Look at my kids.
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Olivia! Hey...!
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My God, California's been good to you.
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Um, i-it's a fun show if you haven't seen it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 11
- What happened? - She shot me down, Brian.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 12
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Also...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 14
As well as...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 15
Would Howard Hesseman lie for weed? We don't think so. Order now.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 16
- Hey, big date tonight? - Uh, yeah, yeah.
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Hi, Jillian.
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that you're grown-up enough for her.
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Whore?
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That's it, isn't it? Women respond when you treat them like crap.
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Oh, yeah? I'll tell you what you're into. Being ugly.
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So, I'll pick you up at 7:00?
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Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis.
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"Is that... is that barbecue sauce? When was I near barbecue sauce?"
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You know, Stewie, I'm really glad I gave you another chance.
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Yeah, no kidding. Oh, my God.
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I know. Look at that sunset against the skyline.
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Okay, everyone, welcome to the first day of shooting for Steel Vaginas.
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Peter, I can't lose the wheelchair. I need it to move.
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Great! Great! Wow!
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Oh, hang on a sec. Uh, idea for a short story:
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Or-or none of us could have punch. But still Victor could go away.
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Oh, I'm acting like a jerk? What about Phony Curtis over there?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 38
I, Stewie, take you, Olivia, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 39
and then all afternoon I was a fireman, so it's been, uh... it's been a long one.
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Oh, I don't know, Olivia. Maybe that we are in a sexless marriage.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 41
If you're gonna leave all those lights on, I'm not gonna split the electric bill.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 42
but Mr. Cheapo here refused to let the valet touch his Big Wheel,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 43
And it begins...
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- Let's just enjoy dinner. - Yeah, can't we just have a good time?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 45
Well, if you think I'm a baby, then perhaps I should act like a baby.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 46
Sir? You feel strong? You wanna come over here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 47
Hello, everyone. Well, here we are... opening night.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 48
So, without further dudes, ah, let's, uh, watch this thing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 49
When Vageena was first born, I had a small heart and a lot to learn.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 50
But one day, Vageena went swimming too soon after eating a sandwich...
Aired 10 years ago - Nov 19, 2006

Lois discovers that Chris has some bad information about sex and she volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school. Some parents become upset with her brutal honesty, and they have her replaced. A conservative christian comes to Quahog and gets rid of the condoms at James Woods High. As a result the kids find an interesting loophole. Meanwhile Stewie, terrified of the Tooth Fairy, decides to set traps to destroy him. MORE -LESS

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
'cause that makes it more likely that one of those kids'll grow up
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Now, you've probably heard all those rumors
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- Just what we need. - Hey, guys, I'm coming in.
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That's right, allow me to demonstrate.
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I say, look at this. This toy has small parts.
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What? Did you say the Tooth Fairy comes here?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
Stewie, calm down. Get a hold of yourself.
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Hey, Lois, I wanted to get some K-Y Jelly
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That's none of your concern. You got to take care of the offspring.
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What is going on here?
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What? That's ridiculous.
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I can't believe they fired you.
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I just hope they're getting the information they need.
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Sex? Hang on there, Jerry.
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Hey, you kids like Mad TV?
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Well, here we are at the make-out point.
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- Thanks. My name's Doug. - I'm Meg.
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Because not only to condoms fail 100% of the time,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 19
Who wants to be pure? Who wants to be... abstinent?
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but, watch carefully. If I move this down here,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 21
the invading forces of the Tooth Fairy.
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Ha! I knew it! I scared her off.
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I guess it's not easy growing up anywhere.
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"populated entirely by dogs who will eat it. "
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Gosh, Meg, I really wish we could take our relationship to the next level.
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You know, Roy, I hope you play squash better than you pass.
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Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
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This is nonsense. You can't force abstinence on kids.
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Yeah, it's been on my crotch.
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the same nonsense about premarital sex. You're lying to yourself.
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it's just tops.
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Brian, I'll be right back. I'm going to use the little girl's room.
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I mean, that's what the supermodels do.
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Just to check in, make sure everything's going well with you and Brian.
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Wh-What are you doing? What? Peter, what are you doing to my ear?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
No, no, no! I'm abstinent!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
What?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 46
But most of all, I'm really sorry about your dirty,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
Stewie, what the hell? Get me down from here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
Look, I didn't want to burst your bubble since you're just a kid, but,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 49
Oh, very well then.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
Aired 10 years ago - Nov 12, 2006

When Peter gets hurt and can't work, his boss tells him he needs to speed things up. So Lois goes to the brewery to help him out. Meanwhile, Stewie finds out that Brian is dating a very attractive but not very intelligent woman. He tries to get Brian to break up with her, but Brian can't do it.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
Yeah, I know how these things go down.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 2
The excuses for why we can't hang out, the inside-out collar.
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Whoa-ho-ho, all right. We're getting a little faster here now.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 4
In the hole in the bottom of the sea
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 5
In the bottom of the sea
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 6
Does she have an alibi?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 7
O, my God, no. The cow says "moo. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 8
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Fine by me.
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Besides, it sure beats the hell out of last Saturday
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 13
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- Who's Tim Daly? - I don't even know who that is.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 15
- Was this a cartoon? - No, my, oh, my god, no!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 16
I love Wings!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 17
Hi, Brian.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 18
Now, why in the world would you be embarrassed about dating her?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 19
But a moron with large breasts you can use as mountains
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 20
So, Stewie. Do you work with Brian at the detective agency?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 21
I just wish they didn't have to kill so many lemons to make it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 22
Well, that's no time to have a houseguest.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 23
or you're finished.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 24
Boy, Lois, thanks so much for coming in and helping me get my work done.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 25
Finally, I have a reason to wear this big bow tie and cigar
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 26
"By now, you may have guessed I'm speaking ironically"
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 27
Oh, hey, Brian. Back from a hot booty call with your idiot girlfriend?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 28
For your information, Jillian is very bright
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 29
Uh, a lot of things. Um...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 30
- We make each other laugh. - Fine.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 31
Uh, you gotta hit, uh, DVD and then menu and then select.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 32
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Uh, so, yeah, um...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 34
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 35
Smell my Speed Stick?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 36
if this is how you behave at the office.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 37
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 38
Now here's a fellow attempting to ride a bicycle.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 39
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And then, think about this:
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 41
So tell us, Oogie, where'd you find this one, huh?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 42
Hey, you wanna know something cool?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 43
Come on. Let's go out dancing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 44
Do you think we should support what the president is doing?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 45
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So then the valet pulls up and I'm all,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 47
What if you had a nickel for every time that happened?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
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Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. I'm gonna have to break it off.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 50
Morning, Lois, I need you to proof read this and collate it for me.
Aired 10 years ago - Nov 05, 2006

Chris is approached to join the military. Brian goes to the recruiting headquarters to voice his opinion, when Stewie signs himself and Brian up for the military. They pass Boot Camp and are shipped to Iraq, where they try to get honorably discharged by doing anything they can. Meanwhile, Chris decides to join a goth band.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 1
I bet you Debra really gave it to Ray today.
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Don't worry, Lois, all he needs is an after-school
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 3
That's not news.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 4
It's just wrong for the military to mess with kids' minds.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 5
Well, Chris, there's a lot of fun activities out there.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 6
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I like reading comic books and dressing like a dude.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 8
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was at granting wishes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 10
Oh, God. All right, I better go put more money in the meter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 11
Did I mention there's a hundred-dollar bonus if you sign up a buddy?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 12
And we won't come back till it's over over there.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 13
You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I ever seen.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 14
Dancer for money?! Any old music will do?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 15
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Evil monkey holds the key
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 17
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You got five seconds to get to the head of the pack,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 21
- Oh, come on, Brian, get up! - Time's up!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 22
Private Griffin, just for that, you have to listen to one track
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 23
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Oh, no, not again.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 25
- Stop breathing on the window. - You idiot.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 26
You can't leave, man. That's desertion.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 27
You dropped out of college. You still haven't finished your novel.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 28
Not for me!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 29
Hey, hey, Chris, don't talk to your mother that way.
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Is there something you'd like to say, Mr. Griffin?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 32
But as you know, as a unit, you either all graduate,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 33
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- Fresh pepper? - Yes, thank you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 35
Okay, back up.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 36
I'm proud to call you soldiers.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 37
Okay, I go in store, I throw backpack. Big boom.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 38
Okay, yeah. See you in a few minutes, big hero.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 39
uh, 47, Victor, Charlie, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 40
You know, I think I may have an idea what's causing this behavior, Peter.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 41
"even though I occasionally associate with some less than reputable characters. "
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 42
Look, you can totally see his or her nipples.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 43
Wow, look at how gay we are.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 44
Here, you shoot me and I'll shoot you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 45
No, no, no, no, don't point that at me!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 46
Hey, hi, um, I'm Private Stewie
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 47
Great news, everybody.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 48
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Good thing we distracted the guard with that riddle.
Aired 10 years ago - Sep 24, 2006

After Peter uses Meg's money to buy himself a tank, she gets a job at the new Superstore in town. However, the Superstore puts all the shops in town out of business and sucks up the city's power supply. Brian and Stewie team up to save the town from the corporate giant.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 1
Wait, wait, Quagmire, remember what's on the other side.
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I look forward to reminiscing about this tomorrow.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 4
Remember those sweet, warm New England summers?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 5
Meg, what happened?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 6
Then would you mind explaining that?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 7
but she gets a freakin' car just like that?!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 8
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 9
Excellent gas mileage, air bags and AM/FM cassette.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 10
but then you dangle this tank in front of me
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 11
Three inches of reinforced steel
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 12
Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 13
No, no, no, no, no, no...!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 14
This half of the apartment is mine.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 15
I'll do it, all right?! Just get off my back!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 16
Brian, did you turn off the air conditioner?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 17
Ha! you are earth's bitch!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 18
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 19
You just ran over me, you bastard.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 20
I can't believe you let Mr. Swanson confiscate
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 21
Tell the other bears what you just saw.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 22
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Giant mega-stores like Superstore USA
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 24
- Doggie! - Too hard.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 25
Welcome to the Superstore family, Meg.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 26
You're beautiful.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 27
Oh, Peter, Superstore USA has taken all my business.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 28
Well, maybe now, you guys are seeing what I've been trying to explain to you.
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I know where it is. It's in your butt.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 31
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Meg.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 33
Well, it-it's like if you were...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 34
In other news, Quahog will be experiencing rolling blackouts
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 35
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That's a great idea, Brian.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 39
Take that for stealing jobs from hardworking people.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 40
Well, fine, then I guess I got to go in there and drag 'em out one by one.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 41
My God, look at this wonderland of treasures.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 42
- Yeah. Love it. - A lot.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 43
Because, Brian, they have an industrialsized air conditioner.
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Oh, that's nice.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 47
I have herpes.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 48
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Oh, yeah.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 50
Now, your first responsibility is to fire that employee.
Aired 10 years ago - Sep 17, 2006

Peter's mom gets a divorce. Peter feels abandoned until he sees a father figure in his mom's new boyfriend, Tom Tucker. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own NPR style show on the radio.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 1
Cool weekends in the morning, 97.1 FM.
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That's what she said.
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All weekend long.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 4
Well, here's my card.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 5
Dicky the Punchline Donkey, on Cool 97.1!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 6
with Al Michaels, Harold Ramis, Ray Romano,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 7
Thelma!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 8
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Well, they're dead!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 10
Get off me, you skank!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 11
Nyah... this will surely affect my inheritance... nyah.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 12
Caller, you're on The Lunch Hour. Can I take your order?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 13
when you pooped that out was the timer still in there?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 14
Oh, my God.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 15
"If you put that on the radio, people will listen to it!"
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 16
In my view, as good as the Yankees were in the first half of this game,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 17
And-and there's a lot of great people here
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 18
Think of the spider in Charlotte's Web who had to overcome Tourette's.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 19
Oh, no, you see, if you're one of ten million Americans like me...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 20
Lois, you're too nosey.
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Tom Tucker, I forbid you to see my mother.
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All right, look, let's get one thing straight, Stewie.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 24
Dingo and the Baby.
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Uh, hello, yes, uh, this is, uh, this is Tom Tucker's personal physician,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 27
Ow... stop it!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 28
I told you to stop!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 29
my best to make her even happier than those kids
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 30
Oh boy, do I!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 31
Yeah, it does.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 32
Hey, could I get your autograph?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 33
All right, hold on, we'll get you that one.
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Some find it pleasant dining on pheasants
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I mean, my own dad was such a ballbuster,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 38
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What do we do now Bill?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 40
I know it hurts right now, Peter, but we'll get through this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 41
I already started writing the ticket.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 42
That guy, that guy just got to me today.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 43
Good morning, Quahog!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 44
courtesy of Dr. John Viener?
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the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 47
You, hey, you-you get back here, right now, mister!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 48
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Okay, here we go.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 50
Incest in the morning.
Aired 10 years ago - Sep 10, 2006

Stewie becomes obsessed with Lois, after she saves Rupert. Though Lois doesn't take to the new Stewie all too well. Meanwhile, Peter thinks his doctor is molesting him, when he undergoes a prostate exam.

Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
Ugh. Get a tan.
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Dr. Hartman violated me. He took my innocence.
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Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 4
Are we still going to the baseball game?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
I'm trying to be supportive but after all, it was just a prostate exam.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
Yeah, you want some of this, Maury Po-bitch?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
Rupert! Oh, dear God, somebody help!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
W- We'll go away. W-We'll go to Hawaii. Would you like that?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
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Cut green beans...
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
Mommy loves you, sweetheart.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
he did things to my fanny.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14
I have something to say.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
Oh, God, it was horrible! I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but damn it,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
I'm going to be really anal about this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 17
So warn the villagers, here comes the cuddle monster.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 18
You can't do that, all he did was give you a prostate exam.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 19
Well, whatever happens, I'm not going to stand for this.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
Oh, you are just so cute, sweetie.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
Sit right there, honey. Mommy'll go get Rupert so he can eat with you.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
I was just making coffee. I didn't hit on her.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
Sorry, I fell asleep watching Sabado Gigante last night.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
Oh, can you imagine such a world?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
But first in medical news, Dr. Elmer Hartman, beloved family doctor to all of Quahog,
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
Peter, I don't know how much more I can take.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
And I suppose it wouldn't matter if I told you for the 50th time
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Hi.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 30
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- This is ridiculous, that never happened. - Sit down, you rapist!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
He made me feel so dirty.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 33
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Relax.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 35
Okay, everybody, uh, I know you were expecting something else,
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Lois, what are you doing?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
by holding him underwater. I'm just like Barbara Bush!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
You and I are going to see Eddie Money!
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
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Enjoy it, lucky wife.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 42
Yeah, what gives?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
How are you liking all these nautical puns?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
- So can you help me out, Dr. McCoy? - What, so you can sue me, too?
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
Lois... Lois.
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Dr. Hartman is my only hope, and there's no way he's going to see me.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 48
and the guys from Primus.
Recap of Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 49
Lois, help!
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