Status
Continuing
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in 4 months
Airs
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 13

Aired 2 years ago - May 17, 2015

Lois books a fun couple’s vacation in the Bahamas. But, much to Peter’s surprise, it turns out to be a marriage counseling program instead. Meanwhile, Carter watches the kids at home and becomes frustrated that they’re too into their electronics to play games the old-fashioned way. So he tries to fix it himself.

Aired 2 years ago - May 03, 2015

Peter claims he would beat Liam Neeson (guest voice Liam Neeson) in a fight, but when he is put to the test, he learns that winning is tougher than it seems. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes jealous when Lois decides to be a class mom and starts paying more attention to the other kids over him.

Aired 2 years ago - Apr 26, 2015

Peter befriends a group of mean girls after his feelings are hurt when his so-called friends decide to “roast” him. Lois, all too familiar with the gossipy nature of women, tells Peter they are probably talking about him behind his back, and Peter soon discovers that Lois may be right.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 16 (S13E16) - 1
JOE: Ladies and gentlemen and people who have wandered in
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You know, Peter, I love your chin, but I got to ask.
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by throwing "a little gay" in there, too.
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P-People think I'm fat?
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but, hey, nothing grows in the shade.
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Hi, I'm Professor Comedy.
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'cause he's trying to eat the book.
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Peter's so fat and stupid, Lamar Odom tried to bang him.
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Okay, yeah, I got something to say.
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Yeah, but I thought they'd stick to material
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and I'd like to get to know...
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Hey, will you bearded dwarves be friends with me?
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Hey, it's cool you got the keys to the school,
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I don't know, I-I don't seem to fit in anywhere.
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He doesn't look that much like me.
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I'm Jamie, and this is Becca and Karen.
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It's what we do!
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'cause it's like I can't even deal.
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Oh, boy, I'm blending right in with you gals.
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All our toothbrushes were
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Yeah, and then I realized I'm not good
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so if you think you know her from somewhere, that's where.
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What?
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I still have the security camera footage somewhere.
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Why did he have to go around telling strangers what to do?
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Ah, let's see, what else? What else? What else?
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What the hell?
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she popped a button on her jeans.
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What? Nobody here in Maryland
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You used some of my magazines for your fake ransom notes.
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That's what women do.
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Just like I figured out who was stealing my lunch at work.
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My name is Peter, too...!
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You know who's really beautiful?
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'cause I can't feel him walking anymore.
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They are making fun of me behind my back.
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Why isn't he asleep?
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(sobbing)
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I was wearing lipstick and a wolf suit.
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Confront them face-to-face and explain why I'm angry?
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Now, which Cylon is that?
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It's green, so it probably makes something go.
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She bangs up her car, her husband's gonna be furious.
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♪ Out on the streets ♪
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 19, 2015

After attending obedience school, Brian becomes much more submissive, and Peter realizes he misses his old, feistier pal. Meanwhile, Chris makes a new friend at school, but feels betrayed when he discovers it was all a ploy to get closer to Meg.

Aired 2 years ago - Apr 12, 2015

Peter becomes a town hero for accidentally finding a missing boy. Meanwhile, Joe decides to live life to the fullest by quitting his job and taking a road trip to Niagara Falls with Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland.

Aired 2 years ago - Mar 15, 2015

Meg gets a new job at the airport, where she's instantly popular for being the hottest employee there. Meanwhile, Cleveland becomes a therapist and starts giving Peter and Lois relationship advice, but Peter quickly becomes frustrated and threatens to tell Donna a big secret about what went down at Cleveland's bachelor party.

Aired 2 years ago - Mar 08, 2015

Brian decides he doesn't want to hang out with Stewie anymore, so Stewie tries to save their relationship by having a baby ... or seven ... by using Brian's DNA to impregnate himself. Meanwhile, Peter, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland attempt to make a viral video.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 12 (S13E12) - 1
Oh, wait, I don't know if you're gonna be in it, Joe.
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Maybe another time, Stewie.
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until they had Susie.
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I say, this is my best idea
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why we should have a baby together.
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You really are a natural caregiver, aren't you?
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A-Are you just gonna leave it on the table?
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Okay, just a few more worrrds...
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This isn't fun for me, watching you text.
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I'm just going to take a little bit of his DNA,
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I don't know, was he in Black Hawk Down?
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Okay, let's see. Now, what are the ingredients
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You know what, we should just go out and start filming.
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Oh, it turned out that window was there.
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First, I add Brian's hair and saliva,
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(groans) Good-bye, body.
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(clanking)
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Meg is pregnant?
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Oh, thank you for finding a way to make it sound horrible.
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You need to get a big fat abortion right this second!
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How dare you!
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Why not? Why am I always apologizing
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If you ever lay a finger on me again, I'll burn you in your bed.
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(with same voice): "Show me the money."
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Geez, how far along are you?
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It's for the baby, it's for the baby.
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(high-pitched): Well, it takes two people to break a record.
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sneezed real hard and all that came out.
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Yeah. Are there a lot of stairs in this building?
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Eight months. You look amazing.
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I like these. These are good. Very classy.
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Oh, "Dad." I just got emotional.
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♪ It's another way of sayin' how much I love you ♪
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So maybe we can find another frog for somethin' like that.
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♪ You give love a bad name ♪ ♪ Bad name
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And mint chip ice cream. But only mint chip.
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It's okay. Don't panic. Call the doula.
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Too late! Pull over! It's starting to come out!
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Oh, God. Oh, God, it's coming! Oh...
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(moaning) There's more!
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Mazel tov!
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I just put Jack and Rose down for their nap.
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this could be a chance for you to finally make things right.
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I like Dick.
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Wow, people really seem to hate everything we put on here.
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♪ Yes, you do ♪
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(barking, crying)
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Hey! Hey, you!
Aired 2 years ago - Feb 15, 2015

Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland form a neighborhood detective agency, and are stunned to discover that Chris is a thief. Meanwhile, Lois is worried about Chris' delusional relationship with his new girlfriend, but also sees it as an opportunity for Peter to copy Chris' romantic gestures.

Aired 2 years ago - Feb 08, 2015

Lois takes Peter to open a checking account, and they discover that his first name is actually Justin, which Peter adopts as the name of his younger "bro"-style alter-ego. Then, Peter/Justin throws a party, during which Quagmire unknowingly gets into some trouble with his mother.

Aired 2 years ago - Jan 25, 2015

Meg is thrilled to be recruited as a model, but it turns out to be for a very specific type of modeling: the foot-fetish industry. Meanwhile, Brian accompanies Stewie on an open-road adventure when Stewie decides he wants to experience life outside of preschool.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 9 (S13E09) - 1
You're being terrible parents.
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to what you said the other day, and I realized you're right.
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That's why I got this.
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Paper clip and rouge! Paper clip and rouge!
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Sorry to use your bathroom so much.
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Can we play both?
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Here, have a look.
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Foot-fetish porn sites are a huge business.
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I want to put 'em both in my mouth
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Meg, why are you home so early?
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Yeah, what kind of photo shoot was it?
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as the dog on "Frasier."
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where you're going.
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Why don't we show our visitors how we sing what we see, y'all?
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Brian!
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Grab a pair of dirty socks and meet me by the tub of dead mice.
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And none of them got past the fourth picture.
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But still, I don't... I don't know.
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(sighs) You really think I can do it, Evan?
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What are you doing?
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like some sort of claustrophobic turtle.
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Oh, yeah, the old scratchy trunk blanket.
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Okay, all right, let's try sitting on my knees.
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Yep, that's what we're here for. Okay, Stewie.
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All right, foot fetish it is.
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(gasps) Oh, my God.
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(indistinct chatter)
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the second most amazing girl here,
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I am giving her a piece of my mind.
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Please. Don't try to act like you guys care.
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(horn honking) That's my ride.
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Oh, my God!
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I feel like we're getting invited to less stuff nowadays.
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♪ Ooh, oh, Josephine... ♪
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Just mash Brian's pill in there
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Stewie still screams, "What's happening?"
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A... a three-way?
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We told you to take a dive in the third round,
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Yeah, we didn't mean no harm.
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knees and toes, knees and toes?
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Is... is this... is this foreplay?
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Did you not talk to her at all?
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You know what to do.
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Quagmire, we need your help finding Meg.
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Aired 2 years ago - Jan 11, 2015

Meg convinces Brian to take the SAT's for her, but when he tests poorly, they start to suspect that Brian might not that smart after all. Peter decides to spend the day showing Brian the joys of being stupid and the benefits of having a low IQ.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 8 (S13E08) - 1
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I was just thinking about you.
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because I mention it so much.
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I can't believe Amazon is dumping it for 99 cents.
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I thought you'd be the perfect person
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Wow, ensnared by my own verbal trap.
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Officer! Me child's been kidnapped!
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Meg, I thought we were gonna try to work on that.
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I was afraid I'd stick out, like the one guy
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Uh, what did that baby just say?
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TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Malcolm XXY.
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Nice! One thousand, on the nose.
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(gasps) I must alert the townsfolk!
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Brian gets another book published?
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I got the lowest score in Meg's class?
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That's not true!
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Man, this is the worst day of my life.
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Let's go. Where are we going?
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♪ All girls have a guy's haircut ♪
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Yeah, see, people go to NASCAR hoping for a crash.
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Heh. You know this one's funny
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Yeah! Free flying meat!
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Let's try on 1,000 shoes.
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♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe ♪
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♪ I'd been married long time ago ♪
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This is just the DVD menu.
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No, I mean it. How could one bad test score
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(gasps)
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I can't live like this.
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that was lodged in your rectum.
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However, I'm sorry to inform you that Brian has a brain tumor.
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So, Doc, w... um, how much Jamba Juice do I have to drink
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No, Chris, Brian is the one with the brain tumor.
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Well, since Brian's tumor poses no immediate threat,
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So i-if Brian doesn't have the surgery,
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Hey, um, I was told there would be a lollipop
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Oh, right, 'cause none of us can kick.
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No, I'm afraid that was a white lie to get you here, Brian.
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Pete Za. (chuckles)
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And after we get done with this, you're going to talk a lot
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That's the sound of Wayne's boner.
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Good evening. Our first special is an almond-crusted salmon...
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This whole endeavor was doomed to fail.
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Here's your collar. And here's a laptop.
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Listen, Brian, I've been trying to change you.
Aired 2 years ago - Jan 04, 2015

To help Chris ace his ninth grade history class, Stewie and Brian employ the time travel machine for educational purposes. Not surprisingly, all three get stuck in the past.

Aired 2 years ago - Dec 07, 2014

After running into Jesus at the Quahog Mall, Peter is stunned to discover that the Son of God is still a virgin. So, he enlists Quagmire and Cleveland to help him throw Jesus the best birthday ever by finding a way to help him become a man.

Aired 2 years ago - Nov 16, 2014

On the night before Thanksgiving, Brian and Peter drunkenly devour the holiday bird, and then must go out to find a replacement. In Peter absence, Chris attempts to step up and become the man of the house.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 (S13E05) - 1
♪ She thinks I'm beautiful ♪
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Well, the fat man's never going to get back in time,
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No, no, no-- greeting guests as they arrive.
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Sure do. You're looking at one.
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Lois would be madder than that time she got a Capp smear.
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That's all right, bird. I goes by smell.
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Okay, you know what? I'm in charge of the turkey.
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Remember when your new episodes are out with TVShow Time for iPhone and Android
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Peter, what the hell?!
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without looking at your phone.
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Oh, look, a tie. Perfect.
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"Lois, everything is delicious."
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I don't know what they were so mad about,
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Shut up! I'm telling Miss Baumbakis!
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ANNOUNCER: Nickelodeon-- casually ask your daughter
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Damn it. Where the hell are they with that turkey?
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Hey! Hey, stop! Give us a ride!
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Oh, yeah?
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Sometimes I pluck them because I deserve pain.
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Just look at Snoopy's original happy dance.
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about how brave I was when we walked past that cemetery?
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You're starting to get black gums like an older dog.
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I just posed you like that
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Good-bye!
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Home is this way; we're both just walking home.
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has a crush on her trainer, and he eats like this,
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Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me
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There's our answer.
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I mean, you're looking at the guy
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And I hope it's not awkward that she's a little person
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I thought we could all take turns telling a long story
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Now I go into a store,
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 (S13E05) - 40
I still remember the thud of the bat
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 (S13E05) - 41
I couldn't handle the pressure, Stewie.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 (S13E05) - 42
All right, there they are.
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All right, just leave the turkey alone.
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And I broke this guy's neck just now.
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Hey, you got a tiny head and a big body.
Aired 2 years ago - Nov 09, 2014

Brian's cosmetic surgery leads him down a new career path as a real estate agent, which gets him into trouble with Quagmire.

Aired 2 years ago - Oct 19, 2014

Lois and Peter open a cookie store, but things take a bad turn when he devises an interesting way to scare up customers.

Aired 2 years ago - Oct 05, 2014

Joe's dream of becoming a published author nears fruition when Peter decides to help him, but a happy ending doesn't appear possible when Peter begins monopolizing the writing duties. Meanwhile, Brian experiences his first runner's high, which turns him into an exercise beast in an attempt to re-create that euphoric feeling.

Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 1
You know, see, this is how you meet people.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 2
Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube-Man Warehouse and Emporium.
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into a night of physical intimacy with you...!
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 4
and sent my book to a publisher.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 5
S... Steenburj...
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I-I just... I've already run, like, so many "K" today.
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Just push through it, Brian.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 9
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 10
I feel it.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 11
The moon is Korean!
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That was incredible.
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Please join me in welcoming David Chicago.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 14
who could not climb trees to get food."
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I, too, could survive the winter.'"
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(parents heckling)
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 17
(cheerfully): "If you could spare just one nut,
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 18
and arm strength.'"
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 19
(cheering)
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Well, you would write the books, and your friend, Peter,
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 21
Scary stuff, scary stuff, scary stuff. Lunch!
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 22
Oh, the bookstore closed and is now a Target.
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Joe, I got it. Trust me.
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Gene, is everything all right?
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Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker.
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 27
to write about a handicapped squirrel?
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I'll tell you what he's doing,
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 29
so you can see where I buy my clothes.
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That's Dad's chair. He's gonna be mad.
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next to the trash, if you get hungry.
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like Scotty engineering the Enterprise.
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the little lever I've been pushing, it's...
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 34
I... (laughs) I'm sorry.
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I mean, think of how many crises we've been in
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 36
W-We don't have enough dilithium crystals
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 37
when I'm trying to inspire them.
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Joe, Joe, stop. You're embarrassing yourself.
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Hey, that book would've been nothing without me.
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And how 'bout he got a frog friend
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 43
Is that a statement or a question?
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 44
Couple of calves got loose. Ha, pow!
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You know, whatever you're doing, it isn't healthy, Brian.
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"so the squirrel was happy he'd built that hot tub.
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"The monkey's kick-ass buzz saw hand
Recap of Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 50
But then..."
Aired 2 years ago - Sep 28, 2014

The Griffins travel through Springfield, where they meet The Simpsons - who greet their new "albino" friends with open arms. Homer and Peter debate which is the better beer, Bart shows Stewie some classic pranks, Lisa attempts to find Meg's talent, while Marge and Lois become bosom buddies.