Status
Continuing
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in a day
Airs
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 12

Aired 2 years ago - May 18, 2014

Angry Stewie goes back in time to break up Peter and Lois but ends up in a British household.

Aired 2 years ago - May 11, 2014

Cleveland comes back to town but is forbidden to spend time with Peter when Donna and Lois get into an argument.

Aired 2 years ago - May 04, 2014

Peter brings Meg to college for an interview and introduces her to partying; Brian is prohibited from entering the house when he is sprayed by a skunk.

Aired 3 years ago - Apr 27, 2014

Chris and Jerome's daughter, Pam (Keke Palmer), run away together when Jerome (Kevin Michael Richardson) forbids their relationship.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 18 (S12E18) - 1
And, Peter, you've been hallucinating all night.
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Pizza. Pizza.
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Yeah, and tiny Sharon Stone from Casino.
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There's no way to prove
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There's a naked lady squatting over a cake in your kitchen.
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Yeah, congratulations, Peter.
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This is a great place, Peter.
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Well, thanks. All the credit goes to Slash's biography.
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♪ Cheep, cheep, cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more. ♪
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Hey, uh, maybe we could... hang out again sometime.
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on her nipples.
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And then y-you open the card.
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Family, this is my girlfriend, Pam.
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A little further, little further.
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Now, let's go see your mom's done listing
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Looks like they've had some pretty hot dates.
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I already gave Chris the sex talk.
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Sure, black people can be racist.
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are even better than black people.
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I took one step outside the resort.
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Broke bread? W-What?
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Yes, Lois, what are you saying?
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Oh, so suddenly we're all friends?
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Look, I know what this is about.
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W-Wait a minute, "a novelty"?
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where they reconstruct crashed airplanes.
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♪ And Justin Bieber, too ♪
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♪ Packed into their yoga tights ♪
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♪ You know, you don't thank the Lord ♪
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♪ Leggy blondes with tiny asses ♪
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♪ Thank the whites, thank the whites ♪
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What about eight more verses?
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you ain't his shorty or his boo.
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I was hoping they'd be darker.
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Stewie, that's Log Cabin.
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Like Patrick Henry.
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And now the HBO original series, Boys.
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She left me a note saying she ran off with Chris.
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I was able to please her in other ways, though.
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Okay, but all I know about sex is from Internet porn,
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How do I look?
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Even Maverick from Top Gun.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 18 (S12E18) - 49
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If you're asking if I'd rather be at the zoo, then yes.
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 13, 2014

After some quality time with Stewie at the park, Peter accidentally takes the wrong baby home; to prove he's a responsible adult, Peter takes a business trip to Chicago and returns as a more intelligent and classy person.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 17 (S12E17) - 1
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That was a wink, but you don't know it 'cause it's just a eye.
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five hours a day, every day, for the last three years!
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H-Hey, it's hard to hear you
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Hi, Stewie. I'm on my way home.
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Oh, there's my boy.
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and become an across-the-country grandparent.
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It's your grandson!
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Stewie, what happened to your head?
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 17 (S12E17) - 10
My name is Peter, and I work at the brewer...
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I think there was a mix-up at the park.
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Thank you so much.
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What's wrong with you, Peter?!
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Is that weird?
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Don't engage. Don't engage.
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Much sorry, friend!
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Too late, friend.
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All right? There's worse things to be.
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I've been letting opportunities pass me by
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Hey, kid, get in my van, and I'll give you some candy.
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I can't. This week is the Deaf Games.
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Griffin, I'm not gonna look over there
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Like John Goodman's heartbeat.
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Get out there and explore Chicago, Peter.
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Sorry, it's my first time at an adult museum.
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Just so you know, I'll be eating through most of this.
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Now, he was a midge, but he painted like a normal.
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He did a great job with the vagina.
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♪ I've been everywhere, man
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♪ Sarasota, Wichita, Tulsa
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♪ Of travel, I've had my share, man ♪
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♪ Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete's sake ♪
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Dad! Oh, Peter!
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and abstractions that I can pontificate upon at length.
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Shall we away for relations?
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That was about a week's worth of arrive.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 17 (S12E17) - 42
it has more channels than any TV we've ever owned.
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Game of Thrones.
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Yeah? Like what? Just tap out.
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Well, Lois, some of it came from books,
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How was the car?
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A child should sleep on his bed, not under it.
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Pity a man in familiar places who yet feels like a stranger.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 17 (S12E17) - 49
You know what's weird?
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 17 (S12E17) - 50
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 06, 2014

Brian gives Stewie an STD and the guys fight for a booth at the Clam

Aired 3 years ago - Mar 30, 2014

After Peter starts smoking, an advertising executive (Peter Dinklage) asks Peter to be the face of an anti-smoking campaign; Stewie helps Chris with bullies at school.

Aired 3 years ago - Mar 23, 2014

Chris becomes the heir to Carter's fortune but refuses to accept the money; Peter desperately tries to keep the wealth in the family.

Aired 3 years ago - Mar 16, 2014

Peter and the guys go on a quest to ask God to stop interfering with the outcome of football games.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 1
When two drunk guys, each holding a baby,
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Come on, Miyagi, take that karate outside!
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Well, time to apply for this small business loan.
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Big Bill, two men got off the 2:40 from Amarillo.
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Big Bill Doyle!
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How did you manage that against the Patriots' defense?
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who are both responsible for me being able to play today.
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Guys, I'm tired of God messing with football.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 11
and-and telling people where they can stick their wieners.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 12
Oh. Well, I already texted Bonnie.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 13
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There's 500 old grocery bags neatly folded
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 16
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talk to Him, and take care of this whole thing.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 18
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♪ Shine on me ♪ Shine on me
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 20
There was a baby's funeral going on in there.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 21
Oh. "Carrie Underwood Credits Her Success
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Ugh. We went on, like, two dates.
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No, it was the real Jesus.
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Peter, I don't think she knows where God is.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 26
We are proud to present Mozart's The Magic Flute...
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 27
Well, God wasn't in Nashville either.
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That's the spirit, guys. We'll find him.
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Words.
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I tell the time and make gift baskets.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 32
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Oh, look, Joe's feeding 'em pennies.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 34
That was super loud.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 35
God is not here.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 36
I guess it was a huge waste of time.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 37
And then the strip club. Guys, we have a 7:00 a.m. tee time.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 38
But don't you mean "her"?
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 39
but I'll just do this instead.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 40
Oh, you got to be kidding me!
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 41
They won't even let me umpire little league games anymore.
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 42
when there's people dying in Africa?
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to how much each individual tips at each meal, right?
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many of them still on Zenith or Sylvania television sets.
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Not even at home. Be grateful!
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If you make Belichick smile, I'll let the Patriots win again.
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Who loves you over there? That's right.
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Who's daddy's little jet?
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 09, 2014

After Peter's mother dies, he befriends her longtime pal, Evelyn (Lauren Bacall); Stewie is upset when he comprehends the reality of death.

Aired 3 years ago - Jan 26, 2014

When Brian's son, now a TV star, comes to town, Brian is more focused on landing a job on the show's writing staff than being a good dad; an accidental shooting leads to a conflict between Quagmire and Peter.

Aired 3 years ago - Jan 12, 2014

Classic fairytales with a Quahog spin.

Aired 3 years ago - Jan 05, 2014

Peter asks Quagmire and Joe to help him get his mojo back.

Aired 3 years ago - Dec 15, 2013

Peter fills Lois' dad with holiday spirit; Stewie tries to get the only thing he wants for Christmas.

Aired 3 years ago - Dec 08, 2013

Fame gets to Peter's head when he and Quagmire form a singing/songwriting team.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 1
that works better if I don't hear men singing!
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Hey, do you mind paying for this?
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Or this Boba Fett!
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 4
Although, I-I don't have as cavalier an attitude
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Oh, yeah.
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♪ The 21st night of September? ♪
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Anyway, you guys got the talent,
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 9
Well, I'm off to work. Bye, guys! Love you!
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 10
Hey, do I have time to get a drink at the water fountain
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 11
please put your hands together for Griffin and Quagmire!
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 12
♪ It's why I never roam
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 13
♪ I've left Stewie alone with strangers ♪
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♪ Home bowl, home bowl
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 7 (S12E07) - 15
Aw, everybody left.
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I was walking home around 8:15 p.m. to my car.
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Oh, my God, you hear that, Quagmire?
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I'm gonna go jump off the roof and see if I can fly!
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and more well-adjusted kids an rock stars.
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You know, there was a guy
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so we had to almost kill him.
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my only creative outlet was picking hockey fights at work.
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here's the key to my hotel room.
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♪ It's so frickin' good
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♪ And scream like a baby girl
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Everybody come along with us!
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Yeah? We're halfway there.
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And we need someone tough in our corner.
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Peter, I heard you fired Mort.
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Here you go, Dad.
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So make your choice.
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♪ Is neatly planned for a poet ♪
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♪ If they had guitars, here's how they'd strum ♪
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♪ Like you're gonna kiss someone at 3:00. ♪
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♪ I...
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♪ I hope it don't sink like the Titanic
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♪ Train on the water
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♪ I'll give my whole wad as a tip ♪
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Hey, Bobby, can you play back Peter's track?
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you approved these without consulting me?
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I can be giggity.
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Griffin and Quagmire.
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♪ No matter how big and round they are ♪
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♪ An acorn in a nest of twigs, and underneath two fetal pigs ♪
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I saw it! I totally saw it!
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 24, 2013

When Stewie and Brian travel to the 17th century and come close to altering the course of history, Stewie decides to destroy his time machine.

Aired 3 years ago - Nov 17, 2013

Peter destroys the family's passports while they're in Italy, forcing them to deal with immigration laws.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 5 (S12E05) - 1
than our European counterparts is high school football.
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Bob, it's me, Peter Griffin.
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Hi, Mr. Hanley. I'm Chris.
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Yay!
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Lois, is Peter okay with this?
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but I didn't read about this in the latest issue
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(gasps) That's a whole flag more of water!
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What?! But what about Seven Flags Atlantis?
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I'm gonna go ahead and turn off the seatbelt sign,
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Peter, our family could use a trip like this.
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And my name isn't Lois.
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In college, a lot of guys are gonna make you a dare.
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We can't go back.
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about boning in the back of grocery stores.
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with this nonresponsive hotel TV remote.
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Peter, you can't just sit in front of the TV
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Well, what do you expect, Lois? I didn't want to come here
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I'll go enjoy Italy without you!
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during a sex game, and then she'll be fine.
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♪ I break-a the poops up
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Hey, Lois, what the hell's going on here?
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Now, look, buddy, there's a million ways to lose a gal,
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Volare
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for God's sake, put some clothes on.
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What the hell?
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Peter, stop it.
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♪ Bouncing around Italia
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to hold up a romantic message just for you.
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Okay, I'll admit it-- this is pretty romantic.
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It could go either way. Let's start making choices.
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Wow, Peter, last night was the best sex I've ever had.
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What? Peter, but...
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He's wearing a rubber.
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Oh, Vincenzo! Insalata Caprese!
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but riding your bike around town
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to go back to our real home in Quahog.
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(tires screeching)
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Peter, I think it's time we all go back home.
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Mario said-a you were into-a weird-a stuff.
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Foreigner? We're not foreigners.
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the national anthem of the United States.
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♪ Eee-I...
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(sighs): It's "Family Guy."
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hard to become a citizen on purpose.
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 10, 2013

Meg spills her lunch on an unstable new classmate; Peter harasses Brian in the nude.

Aired 3 years ago - Nov 03, 2013

Quagmire is excited to meet a woman with a sex drive equal to his own, until she kidnaps him to make him her sex slave; a love triangle forms between Stewie, Brian and Stewie's teddy bear.

Aired 3 years ago - Oct 06, 2013

When everyone seems to love the vestigial twin that is growing out of Peter's neck better than him, Peter decides to have him amputated.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 1
Look out!
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 2
Peter?
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Maybe you put on a few pounds, sweetie.
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We'll be in good hands with Dr. Hartman.
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Is this just to get out of my parents' visit?
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Mrs. Griffin, that's called a "head."
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growing on your neck.
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Aah! What the hell is that?!
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Al, what year is it?
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This is my vestigial twin.
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Hey, you must be the owner of that Prius outside.
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My Hot Wheels, my lawn darts, even my new musket.
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a muffled folk song is like manna from Heaven.
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Sister, help to trim the sail.
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♪ Milk and honey on the other side ♪
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was thinking we would just watch Dr. Oz
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Oh, look, Chip, Chip, slow down, all right?
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And what is this pamphlet I found under your bed
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and there's so much more work to come.
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There's a knockout crab place right around the corner.
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What are we watching? Oh, it's just a tennis match.
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Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
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through those parent-teacher-cheetah meetings.
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Yeah. See, I-I heard that last year,
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On the other hand, if you live,
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♪ For loving you
Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 33
Ah, three.
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It worked! I'm free at last!
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and make a real life for yourself someplace.
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I had my life's fart savings in that couch!
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Come out of that water at once!
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you were as passionate and full of life as him.
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What the...? What the hell is going on here?
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"Choose Your Own Adventure or Have Pie in Bed."
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if I saw you on the street begging,
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Hey, Peter.
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Hey, um, it's 3:00 p.m. Should I give up on breakfast?
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about not ever doing new stuff.
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Just as easy as the creation of techno music.
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after they read each lottery number.
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We got to go find him.
Aired 3 years ago - Sep 29, 2013

Word that Peter believes a restaurant placemat is a treasure map pits the citizens of Quahog against each other as they search for the prize.

Recap of Family Guy Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 1
Ah... politics.
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Aah! Friendly fire!
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Go ahead, seek medical attention.
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This shrimp was lodged under one of your gums.
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On average, Americans spend upwards of 50,000 hours
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♪ Hurry Up, Shrimp, Hurry up, Shrimp ♪
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Oh, Dad, when do I get to go to the dentist?
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Treasure, you say?
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right here in Rhode Island.
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Ah, see? Surprised you with that one.
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Really? Sure you didn't
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Mom, Dad, I accidentally set fire to the living room rug!
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Aw, forget it, Peter. That's crazy talk.
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Today it will begin its 10,000-mile journey.
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Peter, it's time to come home.
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Peter, you were right!
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There really was something buried out there!
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that the caption beneath me
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and then go out in the waiting room and...
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Give me that! Is this all there was?
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Oh, that's cute.
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Peter, I don't like this.
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"This square shall forever honor
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Yeah, weekends I like to spend with my kids.
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Even if Dad finds the treasure,
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If this treasure's going to be found,
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I'm a senior vice president at an investment firm!
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I do. My whole life, I don't think
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two or three times a day for the last 25 years.
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Why are your nipples poking into me?
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Oh, I know. We passed that miles ago.
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Never gonna die!
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Oh, "Coffee Fudge Swirl with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups."
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I dig kids.
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♪ Little Peter Griffin
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I am not gonna stand here and be a part of this madness.
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Hey, look! There's something written inside the lid.
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And "pawed through clues."
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This is a great time for me to do my Suzuki Samurai promo!
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I guess I had to learn that the hard way.
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I can't wait for you to fall asleep tonight.
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Just swipe it to the next one.
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Wow, you're really smart, Lois.