Aired 12 years ago - May 06, 2009
J.D. is planning on leaving Sacred Heart but before he goes there are a few things that he wants to do including; getting a hug from Dr. Cox, and learning the Janitor's real name. Elliot is ready for the next step in her and J.D.'s relationship and she begins moving her furniture into J.D.'s apartment.
You're finally going to stop
hanging around here?
I need a memento.
- Where is it?
- Breathe it out. Breathe it out.
if it doesn't live up to the expectations
you have in your head, okay?
What are those pads for?
- Let's do this. Come on!
There's another hospital down
about three miles that way.
Yeah, I'll just answer you like this.
"Come here, you."
Mmm. You smell like a tugboat captain.
- Yeah, we're not doing that.
- Excuse me.
depending on how much
that particular rant hurt me emotionally.
I still well up when I think about it,
but now I can fall asleep after.
"How Little I Care," page 19.
Boom. Page turn.
"everything in the solar system,
and everything, everything, everything,
for you on your last day of work here.
Thank you for this lovely present.
Mom, he's not going to do that.
- Now he wants to tickle me!
- Are you an idiot?
I know it's frustrating, but I promise you
we're going to find the answer.
That was hurtful.
You don't say, "Muh-Night,"
it's "M-Knight." No "muh."
"One of them is that seven-ten split
you left for yourself.
my wife is taking up all my time.
For the last time,
I did not put a penny in the door.
Don't feel bad,
I'm probably doing it wrong.
and then just giving him
a quick little stab, okay?
Get out of here.
Dr. Cox will be leading intern rounds.
Sadly, it is my last day.
I order you to comment.
Maybe you'd like to say a few words
about how you and I got started.
Okay, I guess I'll just have to settle
for handing over the ceremonial reins.
J.D.: And just like that,
it was time to ruin someone's day.
It can also change your personality,
like with your mom.
no matter how much it sucks.
We can test you for it, if you want.
Could be in your seventies,
like your mom, or...
I don't think there's any polyps, but he
definitely has some oily skin issues.
and that you're having
kind of an overwhelming day.
Take it easy!
I took my favorite table
and I'm bailing out of that coffee place.
Hey, Elliot! I can see down
your blouse from here!
Aired 12 years ago - May 05, 2009
Change doesn't come easy for the gang when J.D. considers moving closer to his son. Meanwhile, Turk gets comfortable as chief of surgery, while Ted and Gooch reach a new level in their relationship.
No, no, we don't hit. Never.
Like, is he afraid of the dark?
Does he have any food allergies?
Are you on drugs?
- Are you sure? It's hilarious.
- It's not.
and I'm really liking
being closer to Sam, so I took it.
that I'm gonna try something
I haven't done since high school.
No, I know
but we'll see each other all the time.
We're only 37 minutes away.
That is hilarious!
Hi. There it is.
Harrison has dropped all pretense.
He's a man-whore now.
and I finally tricked Johann
in the gift shop
Well, Jordan, I think...
Stat? You don't talk like that.
Is that a new Chief of Surgery word?
That's why she's bleeding.
Time to play "Crush the Intern."
A mistake was made.
Are you seeing someone, Todd?
Brain Trust, hon. Trust.
Told her 20 times.
All in favor of hands to yourself?
and I know it's quick,
but we're moving in together.
You can't make a life decision
like this, okay?
- All right.
I think we should open her up
and locate the bleeding.
because it was true before I was Chief,
so as Chief, I'm sorry.
Hey, how do you think Farmer Hewitt
before the smile gets wiped off
Oh, my God!
I can't believe we're moving in together.
We did, but then I made the call.
You know, as Chief.
- I ain't looking!
- You will look at my huff walk!
And Mrs. Gallin accepted my apology,
so we are coolio.
I'll make you breakfast in the morning
Need you, need you.
- You need to talk.
- Oh, man!
- Man, put your pants back on.
- I'm not ready yet.
may now go back to
its regularly scheduled programming.
you go ahead and jump on that.
You damn sure earned it.
We're having sex, like, all the time.
And change begets more change.
Do you think it would drive Perry crazy
if I adopted a couple of Asian kids?
"I'll see you later."
She said, "Yeah, definitely.
Honey, how would you feel
about my sister and her son
I thought, eventually,
we'd be running this place together.
Janitor clean. Janitor only clean.
keeps coming up to me
and talking to me... Oh.
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 22, 2009
Things get weird for J.D. when he discovers the identity of Kim's new man as he plans to reach out to her in order to move closer to Sam. Meanwhile, Turk starts a campaign for a promotion.
Had you pay for our meals,
got you into a couple bar fights.
Did someone introduce you?
See you then.
that knows why things that seem
the same are actually very different.
but no one stitches an orange
faster than me. No one.
- I heard you were looking for me.
you compel me
to consult with the Decision Committee.
Sorry, there, I did everything possible.
so order me forty cc's of...
You said it too. He said "good."
Am I gonna have a office this fancy
when I'm the Chief of Surgery?
You ready to do this?
I have sex with him in the car
in front of a random creepy bicyclist
chatting about which one of us
is better in bed.
- "Mr. Peep Tries on Hats."
- Love that one.
Look at you.
therefore, we're wiener cousins.
Sir, are you okay?
So why don't you go get a cup of water
to relax and we'll try it again?
The Grapes of... The Grapes of Wrath!
- There's Sammy.
J.D.: Still, nothing really matters
as long as you know in your heart
- What was that?
- Don't worry about it.
- I told her the good news.
- It's not happening.
I know you don't wanna give me the job.
That was 20 years ago,
but I'll honor the code.
Oh, good, someone
already gave him the shot.
Look, after my parents divorced,
my dad really wasn't around for me.
- Thanks, man.
- I'm not talking to you, Sean.
And you, just give Turk the job already.
He's a natural leader.
Turkleton, hands down.
Don't puke on me, Bob.
Seriously, how do you come up
with so many?
bright lights, temperature, new smells.
But you know what I realized
when I was treating myself?
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 15, 2009
The tropical seaside wedding goes ahead as the Janitor and Lady tie the knot which affirms the relationship of another couple.
See, that's not dealing with rejection.
Oh, man. I put ranch on my face.
and finding a sea turtle to serve
as a ring-bearer. Any questions?
Seagull! Hey, baby.
That's us doing some muscle poses.
J.D.: Unfortunately, the smoothing over
There's nothing really
to talk about, sweetie.
In fact, brace yourself,
we love each other.
Yeah, but you always start with,
"This has to be a quickie."
Uh, it's pretty awesome.
So I found you a justice of the peace.
Say hello to Van.
Did a couple of them right here
in this very bar.
You just went online for three hours
And I meant it. Then.
I want you to be comforted by the fact
that that doesn't sound ridiculous at all.
to sex him up every night,
Remember when my dog died
and you told me he went to doggy hell?
J.D.: The Janitor's wedding day
seemed like any other.
For God's sake, Ted, get some sun.
That's all I gotta do?
- Yes, of course.
who were put on this Earth
to make your life miserable, that's it.
A hungry seabird pooed on my shirt.
Now, if you're excited
for a wedding today,
if you all stood and they were to sit.
So. Shall we?
Try not to yell at each other.
It's always a great idea.
You're gonna find that it always has
the other person's stink on it
take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
It's all right, we'll just start again.
I mean, of course you do. Look at her.
She's like a little ladybug.
And thanks for coming,
even though I didn't want you here.
- And then you came along.
But I know
that I'll never stop loving you for it.
You think you got it
no you think you got it
If what they say that nothing is forever
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 08, 2009
The Janitor and Lady invite the Sacred Heart staff to their fake wedding in the Bahamas hoping to score some loot but their scheme is about to backfire...
You've been ignoring me so much
it makes me want to punch something.
Especially since Todd keeps
high-fiving it and knocking it over.
You're alive. You're out.
Lloyd, you're back in.
since we had Cheap Trick play
at the Brain Trust picnic.
I'm no Superman
Of course, I'm the only one
who wasn't invited.
I heard, at night,
the octopuses come out onto land
but he is a part of our family,
a horrible, horrible part.
You really think we should go?
Actually, I'm thinking about going.
Surprisingly, my friends listened.
He only sleeps with his mom
when he's had a bad dream.
Downstairs! Oh, yeah.
- And Alice...
- Turk! Turk, Turk, Turk.
- Where'd you get them?
- I bought them on the interweb.
That's gonna be annoying.
So will not eating
for 36 hours.
See, I actually jotted down
some notes in my notebook
ignoring the children
and singing rap tunes into a hairbrush.
The only thing better than
going on vacation without our kids
My skin drinks it.
Maybe that's because
you haven't eaten in three days.
let's say we get really, really,
really drunk and go later.
- I'm thinking of going bone fishing.
- I'm going bone fishing right now!
Why the hell did you come?
- Honey, we're gonna have a ceremony.
- A big one.
Here's the towels you wanted.
Just putting some sun screen
on my face.
but I always imagined being
someplace like this with you.
I'm gonna go get, like, 40 of these.
Baby. You know why
I love the Bahamas?
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 01, 2009
A combination of a full moon and some bad luck causes Sacred Heart's new crop of interns to receive their toughest case load yet while Elliot makes an important decision regarding her future as a doctor.
So we open up the lid very, very slowly,
Yes! Nailed them. Give it up.
I can't do this all on my own
And now, a year later,
Because she's anorexic, Turk.
outside of your house due to the fact
that you're a nervous poo-er...
- Sorry. I'm sorry. Turk. Enough.
- Smells like hotdogs.
Good for you.
Why, Elliot? I just forgot about it.
- Where's Katie?
- Dr. Turk,
He's lying. Patients do that.
Katie, a word, please?
Hi, Mr. Gold, can you do me a favor
and stop chewing on your hands?
I mean, all symptoms point to it.
I mean, guys have always
been allowed to do it.
Is her butt that nice?
But still, I think it's more important that
we try and figure out what he ingested,
It's hard to believe that we were interns
eight years ago, you know?
I love being a doctor.
Mr. Swick, I want to commend you
for not disclosing
Yes! I tricked his ass!
Someone give me some!
about who or what I nailed tonight
should tell you how serious I am.
Handle your business.
I'll go check on the interns.
- Do we got blast-off yet?
- Nothing yet.
- Is that supposed to happen?
The troops are one for four.
How's it going over here?
All right, admittedly,
he's not psyched about that,
Do the Hivvie
Do the Hivvie
Mrs. Powell, when I was a kid,
And since you just underwent surgery,
you're very susceptible.
Yeah, but at least you guys in medicine
get to figure stuff out.
Well, the spleen's shot to hell.
I'm gonna have to remove it.
If you're going to fantasize like J.D.,
to counteract the effects
of the acetaminophen overdose.
Do you ever think
how weird it would have been
I'd have gained, like,
30 to 40 pounds for you.
I'm really vibing that.
That's why I used to date fat guys.
Dr. Reid? Your patient Robyn is up.
Look, the point is
HIV is very treatable now.
So, you need to find a way
to handle it better.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 25, 2009
J.D.'s ego becomes inflated after Dr. Cox finally gives him the recognition he's been waiting for. Elsewhere, the senior staff receives insight from the interns.
So you've got to get your strut on.
You know what I'm saying?
Let me just put down my popsicle.
I can't believe he's buying this.
It's going to be a fun day.
And lastly, let's not forget
to get a patient's full history, okay?
Time to start yet another day
in the suckhole of all suckholes.
Just keep your mouth shut.
Look, we are gonna figure this out.
Now I've got you, J.D.
We should do a temporal
artery biopsy on her.
Denise, Charlie, Derek, Elliot,
Walter, John, Birdy, Katie and Howie.
Not a huge selling point
for urinal cakes, but thank you.
And that's 32 new friends.
Plus, he's not as weird as they say.
Crap, it's his camp counselor face.
Please don't try to make me open up.
It's just not her way.
She's not proud of it.
You know what's annoying?
We all started out at the same time
Oh, my God, are you serious?
- Look, I'm not good at mustering up
- J. D!
And now you can stop it.
That was nice.
I have to know, why did you keep me
from getting on the elevator?
- He said we were going to die.
- We still might.
Just stay quiet.
Don't get sucked into their petty mess.
You do not want to get
mixed up in a lovers' quarrel.
My results are in from the biopsy.
Um, watch my food.
It's a true story. Well, actually not
the head of lettuce so much
I told her so
Robot told you so
I know that it seems big now,
but it'll get smaller as it heals.
Can I just have a minute, please?
It's because you're not accountable.
Unless his ego is so big
he thought you were serious.
Oh, my God,
is that why Turk is being such a pain?
Now, I'm not exactly clear
on the details,
instead of giving Derek over here
the googly eyes.
Free at last.
Still, I'm glad
I didn't have to talk to Paige.
I just wanted you to know that
even though Dr. Reid took the blame,
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 18, 2009
While Turk views an inspiring story on SportsCenter, he comes up with a new procedure which may help a paralyzed teen. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox and the janitor are suffering from romantic problems
How cool would it be
to be on SportsCenter?
You are a giant nerd.
Nah nah nah, nah nah nah!
Sure. You know, that's...
I'm fine with that. Whatever.
and seeing a part of them die.
- A little bit, but we make it work.
And see, there's a picture
of a kitty cat in a wheelchair.
I need you to focus.
You're better at this than I am.
And, Turk, most importantly,
- Mr. Hill?
Unfortunately, we were not able
to remove this.
We're two independent people
who enjoy each other's company
Dibs. Who's Lady?
We were sitting by the fire,
just staring into each other's eyes.
Dr. Turk, I have a pit in my stomach
because I'm afraid
Listen, something just really funny
jumped into my head.
You know, if I was married to him
I'd be more supportive.
Rich, there's a strong possibility
Don't give up on Mike. Please.
Please, Dr. Turk. Please help.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Don't you remember
my "don't give him false hope" speech
But here's the thing,
it's very experimental...
Are you trying to annoy me
by wearing your wedding ring?
is one of the most stupendous perks
in the history of the planet,
This isn't for other people, it's for me.
or Dr. Kelso doing
his daily post-muffin power walk
preventing his paralysis.
- The car, the college fund, the house...
- What house?
I finally got so comfortable with her that
I was able to be the real me, you know?
since we started dating again.
You want to know why?
think back and remember
one of the other billions
J.D. 's gonna hit that flat butt!
And why throw all of that away
before you even talk to Lady?
Oh, lookit! You're adorable.
Do you got a daddy?
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 10, 2009
J.D. and Turk gather up a new crop of interns as they organize their annual (and historically unfunny) sketch show.
I can't do this all on my own
My dad nicknamed me that
because he said I brighten up a room.
- Why are you laughing?
- 'Cause I'm scared. I'm not that strong.
And you wanna know
where he is now, Denise?
Nope, just my mom. Ignore.
Hey, Brianna, Mrs. Tarasi.
there's three generations
in the room right now.
Our sketch show!
which is a snail-slug hybrid
We should be able
to get you home tomorrow.
If that's what moms do,
I'm glad I never met mine.
Like the Dr. Wen sketch.
because he has a small penis.
Please show some respect.
Kathy, you're playing Elliot.
You know what? I made a funny.
but they haven't picked up
their scripts or anything.
Like that time you thought you built
a giant sand castle in the parking lot.
At 7:50 a.m., I took a nap.
And now I'm sleepy again.
22, 23, 24, 25, 25, 25...
- My beard is only this big.
- Lighten up, Seymour. I took my lumps.
Hi, I'm Dr. Wen, and it's an honor
to have you as a patient, Owen Wilson.
I do have to say it's very hard
covering the medical bill
Hey, Dr. Reid, did you get a chance
to talk to Brianna's mom?
I mean, who's to say that
she isn't right to be so cautious?
- Okay, why are you smiling?
- I can't help it. It's permanent.
I wasn't even here yesterday.
What is happening to me?
Did you hear me? Like, just smush it.
- We never do that.
- We always do up here.
But I didn't know that's how
the whole hospital views us, man.
so maybe at work,
we should tone down the PDA.
It just seems like you should let her
enjoy every normal moment she can
Why don't you two tell me what it's like
He wanted a hug and I damn sure
wanted to give him one,
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 10, 2009
J.D. manages to still bother Dr. Cox despite being away on a vacation from the hospital. Meanwhile, Turk and Carla have some big news to announce.
- What's that?
- I'm pregnant.
he's not coming in tomorrow.
Which, by the way, is my day off.
Well, I wasn't. Because when I say
something is between us as a couple,
- Have the internal...
- Test results... The bleeding and...
- J.D.: Turk! I'm so excited for you.
J.D.: Elliot! Take me off speaker!
See, the thing is,
his sister just called from London,
Sunshine, I have neither the inclination
nor the time
Actually, yeah, Dr. Cox is here.
Thank you, Dr. Appropriate.
Plus, I have forgotten
more about medicine
I like her.
She's got girl balls.
I didn't hear it all,
but that sounded harsh.
It's not that big a deal.
apparently I've done
a real number on my sperm.
Hey, Nurse Espinosa, Carla.
Look, I know you're not working tonight,
Can you stay and help me out tonight?
Oh, God, here it comes.
but it's off now
and the weight's still there.
Hey, Dr. Turk.
What are you working on?
- How's it going?
I mean, your soul mate's gone,
and your body just gives up.
Well, that's just some quality crap
you're spewing there.
What gives you the right
to give me a hard time?
Okay, first of all, he's not an eggplant.
He's a potato.
when he seized while I was
injecting him with dopamine.
J.D.'s gone and I'm miserable.
procreate a family of your own
You'll be a dad
First time, first time!
When Izzy's 15
and she's trying to decide
every time your husband
does something stupid,
Although, once she had a nightmare
that the coma patient woke up
J.D.: Fine. You sound upset.
when I heard about Izzy. I'm an idiot.
And if I do, it probably won't have
I know. We had a great ride.
The Gooch does not like being lied to.
And even then, if it happens
in a funny way, like my cousin, who,
and interns who want to save the world.
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 03, 2009
It's Ted's lucky day when he falls head over heels in love with an ukulele player, and Dr. Cox realizes he cannot handle everything that is thrown at him.
Hello, I'll be busy
taking care of our daughter.
- Got your latte, champ.
- Well now, thank you.
and somehow put a dent in all
this bureaucratic ridiculousness?
- You like mesh, Perry?
- No, Bob, I don't.
I still want you to be a big part
of Craig's treatment team.
- Give me one.
But let me tell you
something about the Dorians.
There had also been
talk of a tire swing.
Okay. Last patient.
Great job, group. I appreciate the effort.
Okay, I know I was supposed
to read up on that.
Wow! Your laziness has finally
caught up with you. But no worries.
and I'm going to drive it through
your skull. How does that sound?
Come on, man! You can get this girl.
Truce off. Truce on.
Give her a present.
Better yet, a present that you made.
But one thing led to another, and then
we're off on the side of the road,
The important thing is to be honest.
Just tell her how you really feel.
and take a tiny sample.
- I'm scared.
to teach you how to swim?
Did you have something
you wanted to talk to me about?
- I'm Teddy Buckland, by the way.
- I'm Stephanie Gooch.
Don't you cry no more
Because if you go around
plugging leaks all day...
J.D.: And before you know it,
the floodgates open.
- My massage is right by there.
- I'm doing it. End of story.
The two of us even sang
one of her songs, which made me think
I've got too many answers to find
And like can lead to like-like
And like-like can lead to love
and find the courage
to tell her how you really feel.
Oh, give it up.
Everybody knows you two are friends.
You don't understand, Carla.
He has to control everything.
I mean, why on Earth
is he still teaching interns?
I do everything for you
and you still won't let me in?
You know, last weekend,
Perry and I went to the movies together.
I have to give something up.
or your never-ending quest
to please me sexually.
Hey guys! I finally got a brother!
You know, I'm an idiot.
I'm really not what
you would call a winner.
it's only because
I have no idea why you would like me.
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 03, 2009
As his increasing workload from being Chief of Medicine begins to take a toll, the unimaginable happens when Dr. Cox reaches out to Dr. Kelso for friendship.
and I'm sure you've set up some
elaborate, annoying spectacle.
so I might get to work.
J.D.: How lucky was that?
I'm no Superman
This is the first time
I've been allowed to use the couch.
So I hope you don't mind
my barging in.
So, you have a list of
who can and can't come in here?
Well, I bought some new soap,
but it turns out I was allergic to it.
It was touch and go there for a while,
but you're bouncing back.
It's a photo of Sacred Heart
when it first opened in 1884.
Just put it someplace, will you?
See you later.
I'm married to a doctor,
my best friend is a doctor.
I just can't hit those low notes.
His insurance won't pay for him
to stay here any longer.
Not five seconds in the door,
Because, now you can see
the back of it. See?
Here it comes again. What's it want?
- Yeah, but...
- Don't care, get out.
Maybe we could
hire a few extra nurses?
I'll just come back another time.
and he's not ready.
If he goes home now,
J.D.: What? Why aren't we cool?
For the love of God,
I taught you what matters,
J.D.: As I left, I couldn't tell if that
pounding was the Janitor's hammering
I got the nail in there, but it's loose.
So, that's what
a Chief of Medicine does.
How's the pulse, Ted?
So, now if anyone gets
a nice new office,
So you wanna discuss the urinal
cake issue on Thursday, huh?
That's old man for "bullcrap."
Yeah, but they're acting like
a bunch of frickheads.
made my toes bleed, and so I called
you a frizzy-haired mega-bitch.
But what about all the other nurses?
Like Barbara this morning.
spending time with him,
taking him on walks.
but that's where I want the picture
for the rest of the day.
including keeping this hospital afloat.
Now he's me,
Here we are.
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 27, 2009
Elliot and J.D. encounter a road block in their newfound romantic relationship, and Dr. Cox considers taking the now vacant Chief of Medicine post.
I can't do this all on my own
Hey, do you realize that
we've already been dating for a week,
Because tonight when you get home,
I'm going to be waiting here,
- I really wish I hadn't done that.
- Yeah, me, too.
I was on cloud nine this morning.
Had a good night's sleep, hot shower,
Well, I'd feel better if this bed
were a little more comfortable.
Perry, look at yourself.
that it's literally filling me up
with rage and hatred, so I should go.
Look at you not getting sucked in.
that your relationship with her
had already gone so far south
I feel like that's not a coincidence.
that looks like
a thousand tiny spider bites.
What can I say?
I just wish you were at home with her.
It turned out it was just heartburn.
until you learn what it means
to truly care for your patients.
the Board offered you
the Chief of Medicine.
but you spend most of your time
dealing with bureaucratic garbage.
I love my wife and I wanna be
by her side at all times! All times!
You guys are back together.
I get that, it's great.
I've been rocking these bad boys
since the day I retired.
J.D.: I knew exactly what to say,
but the longer I waited,
Just tell me this one thing
and then I'll leave you alone.
but I promise you, you are gonna regret
this mistake for the rest of your...
I thought you were being
callous with Mr. Lawton,
He's not dead. He's upstairs. Dying.
That pansy-assed little tattletale.
See, that is the kind of passion
that I want tonight with J.D.,
but if he loses too much oxygen
he'll get dizzy,
I need your approval to cut down
some lollipop trees
I know. I think you're crazy.
It was a two-fer. Pow-pow.
What do you care?
You don't even listen to me.
- Because you're a fraidy-cat.
- Beg your pardon?
Do you know why I got into medicine?
I became a doctor because
I love the nuts and bolts of it all.
No, I can't even do that with my
own family, let alone a total stranger.
Who needs a promotion anyway?
because I wanted to spare him
a painful procedure.
We spent that night watching
a young father die of lung cancer.
It's kind of like I'm the dude
and you're the chick.
You're a doctor.
- Yeah, she did.
- Tell me what makes it so special.
You wanna know what's so special
about Carla and me?
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 27, 2009
Featuring a special appearance from Sesame Workshop's "Muppets", J.D. learns a lesson about the gift of compassion, while Elliot gets scammed by intern Katie to secure a spot on Turk's team.
Thoughts on the beard?
I'm going with Katie
because she's not a jerk anymore.
still I really want you to be yourself
so I wouldn't dare threaten
all the male teachers
Mine are so far up my butt right now
I can taste them in my throat.
Dr. Cox, I just wanted to tell you
I really enjoyed rounds this morning
Well, not literally screwed.
I mean, yes, later, we did it,
Got those test results for you, man.
and his last chest-scan showed
no new lesions. So...
Hopefully this is
just a minor infection right now.
Denise, call me J.D.
Dr. Dorian's my father.
And you've only got it
on two percent of your body.
Come on, buddy, let's go.
this oncologist asked me to assist him
with his research
But had he not been a perv,
it would still haunt me.
- Did he say "back in the dizzay"?
And where'd you get
Oh, my God. Is that a picture of a poo?
Sure, no problem.
J.D.: As a doctor, you can spend
as much time and energy
and his lungs are covered with lesions.
He doesn't have a lot of time.
I think I see what the problem is.
I told my intern, Jo,
our patient was dying,
and then say that was for Elliot
and then just roll over and go to sleep.
- No sex for Turk tonight.
and the urge to become
a master criminal.
That guy. See that look he shot us,
like he's so much better than we are?
He's even worse than the other guy.
is just gonna prolong the inevitable
and eventually cause him more pain.
An intern shouldn't have to convince
a wife to let her husband die.
- Thank you.
What the hell did I do to you?
Carla and a lovely woman
by the name of Margaret.
- Blow it up, girl.
but by the end of the night
he won't be able to breathe on his own.
Look, here's the deal.
we're still not gonna slow down
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 13, 2009
J.D. and Elliot's relationship seems to have been rekindled when they encourage Dr. Kelso to find his true happy place.
Anyway, keep my table warm. Adiós.
You should really hesitate
before going around corners.
- Hey! I missed you, too. What's new?
- Oh, nothing, man. Good...
I can't do this all on my own
No, wait. Something's wrong.
What is it?
With Turk, I can always feel it
from his soul, like a wave of heat.
and I understand your wife
wants to be the donor.
Saying someone is "the best surgeon"
It's true! You're back!
Jimmy, I'm really
not comfortable with that.
could have been any gayer
would be if you two went home
Dr. Kelso? Aren't you supposed
to be on vacation?
By the way, what happened
to the janitor they hired to replace you?
You're working against yourself there.
I know that made no sense,
but he's totally there now in his head.
but we don't have the cash right now.
that we're trapped here forever.
It turns out that his wife
is not a donor match for him, either.
so Darcy, we're going to have
to get him your kidney
and all she ever wanted to do
was cut hair.
You'll figure out how to be happy.
and we don't want to trade kidneys
with the Brinkleys.
So, basically, you two do everything
a normal couple does except have sex?
And just like that, it was as if
we were off in our own little world.
Of course it is.
That's from when you were a baby
and a marble fountain fell on you.
If the Halfords don't trust
the Brinkleys to come through for them,
Elliot, I've never been able
to get over the idea of us.
I mean, I gave you my love
and you threw it back in my face,
and you shot me down.
I'm sorry. We've just been down
this road so many times, you know?
Do you think we're just back
here again because we're both Ionely
Looks like everybody got through
with flying colors.
Is he still mad at me?
where one of us says
they're moving out of town,
I mean, I've changed, too.
I have a beard now.
Who wants to get a paycheck?
- Excuse me? I didn't get mine.
- Who are you?
Oh. Yeah, there you go. Mop it off.
Mop it off.
by asking very stupid questions.
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 13, 2009
Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox have to work together again to get rid of Dr. Maddox, while Carla faces an incompetent intern.
So how you holding up?
Stop thinking like that. Turk's fine.
- You locked me in a water tower.
- You wrote on the wall.
Oh, come on.
How's that even possible?
MR. TILLMAN: Thirty-five.
that was a "keep going because
I'm actually loving this" stop.
So we brought you some pills for your
pain and your nausea. Dr. Dorian?
If he can't see colors,
how did he know which one was red?
because I learned that somebody
was lying about his age.
Donny! Do my free muffins for life
and the barking makes the neighbors
yell "shut that damn thing up!"
- I understand.
- Is Dr. Maddox really that bad?
Bob, I'll gladly admit to anything that's
true, no matter how embarrassing.
the double-chocolate blaster
as a pick-me-up.
Why do you think you can talk to me
like this? You're just a nurse.
I don't care. I'm good at it.
trying to come here and score
pain medication off of us, okay.
- Christine, it's you, isn't it?
- Hold on, hold on, Elliot.
I don't have any insurance and my dad
just thought that since he did...
and you're not leaving here
until you get your medication.
I guarantee you we'll find something
in these files.
And through him,
I hope to feel, once again, the old rush.
Listen, I popped in here earlier
I love playing the bad guy.
That's actually Turk's grocery list.
But you do care, don't you?
since I'm rolling that money back
into the hospital's budget.
Great, now I don't have to tell you
Look, Carla, I appreciate this
whole mother hen thing...
I can count on three out of four
of those people.
Janitor, would you like to get
your useless ideas out of the way first?
No, I meant we build
an actual photo shop.
because it's my fault
that we're backtracking.
- I really should have gone to your party.
- You think?
They pay for themselves.
are the same as my rules
for getting by in Mexico.
We need an answer now, Bob.
In my defense, you are a soulless
creature from the netherworld
Actually, I think I'm going to need
Dr. Reid and Dr. Dorian here
Dr. Cox said something nice
to Dr. Kelso.
And, every once in a while,
you showed a shred of humanity,
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
you keep throwing everyone's way
is nothing new.
and to cope, my mom drank herself
through most of my childhood.
Dr. Cox, emotionally and physically
abusive dead parents,
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 06, 2009
J.D. and Turk make a huge sacrifice concerning a decade-long steak night tradition for a dying patient. Meanwhile, Dr. Maddox, the new Chief of Medicine, begins to show her true colors.
so I have to snap out of it
before he messes with me.
Hey. Shall we sing?
J.D.: He's over 70?
Black people have the greatest skin.
but is there anything we can get you
before we go?
I'm just saying.
Who behaves that way at a mini-mart?
Exactly. Now, whenever he thinks of us,
I did this on my typewriter.
You guys gonna join me, right?
There. You hurt and embarrassed me.
to a man
who might not be here tomorrow.
Steak is such a treat
it is the world's best meat
He's leaving all his stuff to charity.
He doesn't have any family.
We're going to steak night,
and damn it, we're going to eat it right.
I'm Dr. Mahoney.
Plus, chubsters are so grateful
they usually try harder.
So that's what I got.
What do you got going on?
but he can't,
because we're with a patient.
Hell, you don't even know me.
My wife died years ago.
I didn't play sports, per se, George.
Which in retrospect is sort of weird,
'cause we weren't the Cowboys.
Can we go?
Cougars only drink free till 9:00.
Is it Rowdy?
I already know how to do your hair.
where beautiful women
spend quality time with one another.
J.D.: When Carla dies,
heaven is going to suck.
They saw a white light
And to make it less depressing,
I used a fun font.
When you disrespect someone
and they in turn burn your ass,
there was this one homeless guy
in our town.
My mom hated that.
She used to be like,
He takes me aside and says,
"Your father was a great man."
people are going to remember you
the same way.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead
and ban you from Mr. Valentine's room.
Meet me in the on-call room,
pants down, lights off.
At the end...
Well, then what in hell
do I have to hope for?
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 06, 2009
Dr. Kelso's beautiful but unethical replacement, Dr. Maddox, shakes things up at Sacred Heart, while J.D. struggles to manage a new crop of incompetent interns and Carla helps Elliott put her ego in check.
Oh, can someone help that man
to his room?
Yeah. That's a boy.
That's a boy. That's a boy.
Okay, time to connect
with the new chief
Did you deliver vaginally?
Sorry. Spider. Um,
i'm just gonna take you up
Plus, well, I know jerks.
but everyone's teachable,
or he'll say 'you're welcome!'
in that reallymug way of his.
Uh, upper right abdominal pain.
What's your diagnosis... Jo?
She has cholecystis.
It's not my phone.
I just wanted to say
It's because she is incredibly
whiny and lf-involved,
What's with the balloon?
It's been a sad day.
Okay, just swallow your pain
and fix this.
I should go.
your patient Mr. Lombardi
is about to crash.
But for some reason,
I didn't want to hear it.
that woman is a complete tool.
You've been saying that all day.
She's not your mom. Well,shecertainly
doesn't think th I'm all about me.
Oh, hey, ladies.
disagree with you.
May I talk to you?
You can't just throw me
out of the hospital.
that I never really
took the time
Look, I know
this was my decision,
he was so maddening
who gets in her face
over every little injustice.