Aired 13 years ago - May 08, 2008
After a hard day of work, Dr. Cox has the burden to tell his son Jack a good night story, so he disguises his hard day as a fairy tale about the little village Sacred Heartlia with Carla and Turk as the two-headed witch Turla, Elliot as the princess
and J.D. as the village idiot.
Other people featuring are the Janitor as the giant, Keith as the prince, Dr. Kelso as the dark lord Oslek, Ted as his hunchback and of course Dr. Cox as the brave knight.
- Yes! In your face! In your face!
What is Foreign Accent Syndrome!
Yes! In your faces!
That was the worst day
I've have ever had.
Yeah, Dad, suck it up.
You've been telling people I eat babies.
I don't eat babies.
On the outskirts of town, the Princess'
handmaiden was in dire straits,
I just wanted to be real clear with you
about how big an idiot he actually was.
up and down and up and down.
I mean, she looks ill,
but I think it's a bit of a leap
Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get
back the key to my chastity belt.
'Cause I didn't ask for this.
Idiot, I have to ask.
How do you get your hair like that?
shall forever disappear.
I should at least take
that body downstairs.
Sorry, this customer here is next.
appeared the bravest, most handsome
knight that any of them had ever seen.
Hey, you, hang on to that.
Be careful or I'll make your chin
disappear. Oh, too late.
No buts. Lights out.
What's the monster like? Is he nice?
The only way to save your fair maiden
is to go to the Forbidden Forest,
And most importantly,
to find the Golden Ring,
I'm going to miss those two.
They never once spit on me.
He's right, it's not that bad.
There's only one way to find out.
You can't do that.
Remember what you heard
when you weren't even listening.
I was barely listening.
Aired 13 years ago - May 01, 2008
Elliot and J.D. discover a major change in their relationship, when they spend time together looking for a former patient.
Dr. Cox contemplates his new job title, when Ted refuses to do the majority of his work, whilst Carla and Turk talk about the
possibility of a second baby. Meanwhile, the Janitor claims Dr. Kelso's abandoned office for the brain trust.
You know, that would be perfect
for next weekend's ice fishing trip.
I'm hard-working, reliable
I just had it.
So I was just wondering if you could
have someone cover my patients
Can you make him stop talking?
- Baby, no, come on, no.
- Let me do it.
I'm bringing a cup of coffee to Dr Cox.
Ted, before you get started,
and trust me, I hate asking this,
One cheeseburger and fries, please!
I want to make you pregnant.
We also had an organ donor
come into the morgue today,
I had an idea for tonight.
Why don't we play cards?
He's like Tina Turner after she left lke.
Oh, great, I called the wrong one.
Okay. So everyone has their mop?
Stop! What are you doing? Let go!
The manager's fine.
We did it. We put up the sign.
I know that you all remember
when I seized power
- Brain Trust!
- Brain Bunch!
and so it's really hard to think
about having another baby right now.
What's going on here?
- I'm lost, too.
- Me, too.
Glad to be of help. I'm out.
why would she insist
you have a surgery
I'm just doing this thing
where I use a slice of wisdom
who was concerned
they might have killed a human being.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 24, 2008
Dr. Cox had a patient that he hadn't been able to diagnose for two years, and he is back again.
Dr. Kelso has to face a retirement board when his true age is revealed. Elliot and Carla try to find enough people in favor of Dr. Kelso to keep him as Chief of Medicine.
Itasa Scrubs Team Presents
At certain times in our lives,
we all get introspective.
What's that strange red puddle
loosing towards us?
I've always respected Kelso.
He's got a though job.
- For starters... - You know what?
I don't honestly care one way or the other.
Just show up at the hospital, with all the
movers and shakers in support of Kelso,
If that would have worked, it would
have freaked you out. You'd loved it!
- Hard to celebrate?
because I'm so darn lost,
Hey, if you really wanna be useful
Yeah, quite a few colleagues got
drummed out because they couldn't cope.
A year later Seth actually did kill Millie.
Look, Kelso's a pain in the ass.
You know what I say:
It's a rite of passage for doctors.
Sometimes I look at this whole hospital
We don't need Dr. Cox.
through the desert of shame,
to the oasis of hope.
Oh, no! Mrs. Butler...
Back in here.
those 2 reminds me of a couple
of dogs I had when I was a boy.
Sir, my shift started 2 hours ago,
I should really go.
- In his faaaaaaaaace!
- In his faaaaaaaaace!
Now, I'm not scared of him,
but that's because... I'm magic.
Or how around here, once the ball starts rolling
there's not much you can do to stop it.
Oh, you already said that one, sir.
You ask him, if I do that he'll say something
mean over to hurt my feelings.
Oh, look at that,
he got you anyway.
Stop saying mean things about me!
I'm not even talking to you!
And that was a lonely realization, son.
keep him around longer and teach
him how to manage his desease.
if you wanna fusìdge the paperwork,
he walks away victorious more often than not.
Come on, Jordan, think.
There's got to be a way.
Then I googled "purple pee", and
the internet gave me the answer.
Even though I knew it was coming, eventually,
My name is Boone.
What Mr. Mc Rae was saying
is that the enemy you know
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 17, 2008
When Dr. Kelso tells the Janitor that nobody cares what he thinks, he starts a newspaper called "The Janitorial" to prove him wrong. J.D. and Turk fight over their manhood issues, while Dr. Kelso is too proud to ask for help about one of his problems.
It's not my fault
that I'm being forced out of my job.
Fine, but absolutely no singing
or dancing along.
You put that remote down
or be prepared to wrestle.
Unfortunately, you're going to have
to get used to events like this.
Check it out. We made the front page.
- All right, they win.
and seeing the occasional poster
of Paul Mitchell
- You sure told him.
- Thanks, Herpes.
After that, he had a ton of girlfriends.
This is your new patient, John.
What's your secret?
Well, it's official. The Janitorial is a hit.
I think all the ladies in the greater
metro area should expect to see
Are you calling me stupid?
You want to explain the fingernail
marks down my wife's back?
I should warn you, I've killed a man.
Sam, I want to be real clear about this.
Cold hands. Should've told you.
- He's a nice guy, isn't he?
- He's incredible. What's your secret?
I was reading your paper online
while I was on the toilet and...
"'I'm really just wishing people
would give me a warm hug
I won't tell anybody about the time
you ate a cricket.
and who won that fight?
But, dude, that's my job. Remember?
you're just teaching Sam
to lie about who he really is.
With my adrenaline flowing
and my pride on the line,
I sort of developed a foot fetish.
You know, this reminds me of the time
my cousin Greg got stuck at the airport.
Stop. Stop. Stop it, please.
Because his friend Ted wants him
to know it's safe to come out.
Oh, thank God. Turk will never
beat me up in front of Carla.
in front of the whole cafeteria.
Baby, I haven't told J.D.
I'll never be surprised by
the ridiculous behaviour of men.
Damn it! Never fantasise while running.
You know that.
But I am not, nor will I ever be, stupid.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 10, 2008
J.D.'s teenage burn patient gives him a hard decision to make when he wants to go to his high school graduation. Turk doesn't want Carla to find out that he secretly learned Spanish. And to address Dr. Kelso's weight gain, Dr. Cox makes a game out of stealing his breakfast.
how many times do I have to say it?
I'm gonna take good care of you, okay?
Look, all my friends are going off
to different colleges.
because the one I got you is slamming.
It only took you six years
classy stuff they can wear in
their ears, around their necks,
And over there, there's a lake filled
entirely with guacamole.
Because he has the car keys.
you're an ambulance driver now?
- Excuse me.
- What is it, bro?
Elliot, can I get your advice
Apparently, I spoke a lot about
my fondness for "throbbing members."
That's a tough call.
I mean, his skin grafts are improving,
Thank you for your advice on that.
- Here. Bye, baby.
- Bye, Mommy.
and sleep next to her.
- I know!
Whatever you're making for dinner
tonight, honey, is fine with me.
I see. Do you think lzzy might
like a muffin?
the decision they already made.
to get this green fuzz out of my teeth.
- Baby, you already made me brinner.
- Well, this is for you, too.
Perfect. Anything for me?
where you can purchase
anything you want.
There's no way
he's going to graduation.
I had to tell Emery
he couldn't go to his graduation.
You got brinner? Damn, Turkle-dawg!
is one of the best decisions
that I have ever made.
"I wish he didn't smell like eggs
every time he works out."
It's called I'm Going To Graduation
(The Graduation Song).
and not the ones
I stabbed with a screwdriver.
Can't you people see I'm trying to get
some work done here? Leave.
so that you could spy on our dear
Carla here right underneath her nose?
Besides, it must have been really hard
for you to learn Spanish.
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 06, 2007
Though Elliot boasts that through private practice she gets to get to know her patients, nobody seems to care. Carla is amazed at how the Janitor was able to score such an attractive girlfriend. The doctors are improving their services to get a
higher ranking on a website and although J.D. appears nonchalant initially, he is elated when he is ranked #1.
Because from this spot, I can see into
four rooms without actually going in.
Elliot preferred a more
but it was all big Bobby Kelso.
And, if along the way, you all become
paranoid and overly competitive,
You, young lady,
My love for Enid falls a percentage
point with every pound she gains.
neither of which are consistent
with your ALS.
Said goodbye to all my friends.
but I really want to get these
down to the lab for testing.
See, we're DBFFs.
So, you're declining chemo
Of course, I've only been a doctor
for some 20 years,
- So, "Lady" is an unusual name.
- Tell me about it.
That's why she likes him.
He's pretending to be normal.
I'm number one!
The number one doctor!
Then that's definitely
what I'll do next time.
Oh, God, she's flying.
I mean, this goes against
everything that I stand for.
Because I can.
What the hell are you doing? Khaki?
You never wear khaki.
There he is, all the way at the bottom,
right above Dr Murphy here.
My ALS patient just told me
she tried to kill herself.
"That's what I'm talking about."
Her wheelchair tears up the grass.
I thought he was your best friend.
But maybe dying
is the right choice for her.
For instance, watch me move this pen.
A squirrel will hold most of a cat.
Stop it, you.
She doesn't know you're joking.
You have to dole out your crazy
in little pieces.
It's your new website ranking.
that I'm not gonna feel
the least bit guilty about?
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 29, 2007
The Sacred Heart staff has to deal with their inner child, when J.D. and Turk remember their first prank, Dr. Cox has a ten year old Leukemia patient and Dr. Kelso celebrates his birthday.
and when Dr Cox
brought in his daughter,
I like a spanking. I wanna give it to you.
Well, we told Rex
we'd cover his shifts next weekend
When it wasn't just the two of us.
It was the three of us.
- Yeah, we are.
- Let me do it!
doesn't mean he's dead.
but otherwise, I'm dandy.
Thank you for asking.
So, I'm getting the cake.
- Okay, because I thought...
- Stop. Bells.
That is so weird that I didn't even
notice that I did that.
I know, but that guy in 204 asked me
if I wanted to finish his fried chicken.
If you'd like, I'd be more than glad
to go in there
like you do when you're upset?
We pay 100 people, age 1 to 100,
line them all up,
I told you we would be.
That almost burned me.
Hooch is crazy.
Hell, he's more mature than most
of the yahoos in this dump.
Yeah, I don't think I'm up for it, man.
Or Elliot to Dr Kelso.
and I finally got my man.
because they have
a really good lawyer.
You just don't get it, do you?
I have a patient who needs
a perioperative beta blockade
Of course, it says my name is
Captain Billy Stinkwater
- Then what's your problem?
- None of your business.
- I was kidding.
- Too late. Hand it over.
- And a dreidel.
- I'm not talking to you.
I know you see that.
Happy birthday, Dr Kelso.
Sir, I got you a power drill.
we need to find
an interim orthopaedic surgeon.
'Cause I can't seem to find
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 15, 2007
Turk tries to assure a worried Carla that their daughter will acknowledge her Latin heritage. Meanwhile the Janitor challenges J.D. to identify everyone in the hospital, when it is discovered that he uses nicknames, because he doesn't know the
people's actual names. If J.D. can't name all of them, he must take up the mop for a day. Elsewhere, Dr. Cox realizes that he is lonely without his wife and children.
Why don't we go over this later?
I'm gonna leave you alone to celebrate.
just like her mommy used to do...
Well, the car's here. For some reason,
it was a half an hour early.
"Oh, Perry, I miss you so."
Bag! Bet you call me before I call you,
you pathetic wuss.
- Turk, he said no.
- But you told me...
Why do you call them babies?
You just got yourself
a new nickname, missy.
My mother taught me how important
my heritage is.
with onions and sausage?
And now a gentle throat clear
to let them know I'm ready to speak.
There's nowhere else to sit
so you can drop the scary stare.
Ever since I broke off my engagement,
I live all alone in that big, empty house.
You see, I'm a lot of things.
The one thing I'm not is lonely.
But once you've heard it a few times,
you're gonna love it.
Well, she never told me her real name,
but I like Lavernagain.
I just wanted to tell you I've decided
to stay here through the week.
It only gets complicated
Interesting. Tell you what,
when she gets back
Say, Ted, these are all
just blank pieces of white paper.
"everyone knows I'm a fraud
and I have egg on my face" Dorian.
Hey, the night before my anatomy final,
I got drunk on peppermint schnapps
It's been a while. I can do it.
Perfect. Pretend you hate
the nickname so it'll stick.
or I'm going to shove every one
of these Polaroids down your throat.
I knew it. Look at how much
you don't want to be alone.
He didn't invent peanuts.
He just thought up uses for them.
I feel like I'm losing all connections
to what makes me me, you know?
They think she's black,
not half-black, half-Latina.
That's just bad luck, baby.
I'm sorry you had to see me like that.
I really want to know
to your wife and kids?
Baby, all your ring tones
are bachata music.
you're always gonna be a Latina
with an upside down exclamation point.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 08, 2007
J.D's brother Dan returns and delivers a few home truths to his little brother. In the meantime, Elliot and Dr. Cox debate over the morals of their practice and the staff of Sacred Heart find the Janitor's behavior rather odd after he watches "An Inconvenient Truth".
Tomorrow. Dan's coming tomorrow.
Takes more planning than that.
Again. Over. Small. Things.
even though I suspect the reason
that you're holding the handle
You do realise that
you just told a patient to reduce stress
You know, your smoking is killing you.
Okay, people, time to save the planet.
But where to begin?
And Ted, so help me, I had better
not find your head indentation
I had to take it
'cause of all the head sweat.
Yep, nothing makes my life
seem less crappy
Because I don't love you like he does.
Well, if you're doing so well, how come
you made me buy you your lunch?
I guess not.
Oh, I can't. My mom's still alive.
What if someone
who's not a carpool parks here?
I make you lick a battery
or eat a light bulb. Your choice.
Maybe mess with the locks
so you can't get out.
That was your can, Dan.
So, your tests came back.
Robyn, you're 5'9"
and you weigh 119 pounds.
Well, I checked your malnourished
patient's chart back there
Come on, J.D. This is the perfect gift.
Minus my super-buff 180 pounds,
makes your weight 118,
It's you, Barbie.
Hypocrisy, thy name is you.
as much as the next guy,
but what's your problem?
And then Dan said the last thing
I ever expected to hear from him.
I wasn't speaking to my brother.
I do not want to see this.
What followed was what I like to call
"The Hedging Noise Symphony."
And the fact that you came to me
means everybody else thinks so, too.
- My scar!
- Is that face paint?
Elliot, double dessert?
What's up, girl?
that's been said to me
by every person I've ever loved,
who painted his head
like some sort of sports ball.
But you, have you even
baby-proofed your apartment
Do it. Do it now.
You two are so boring.
Pay attention because I don't want
to be saying the same thing again
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 01, 2007
Kim goes into labor, and J.D. struggles to decide if he should tell her what he really thinks of their relationship. Turk, desperate to do something not baby-related, races to beat a video game before Carla discovers him. And Dr. Cox searches for someone he trusts enough to give his daughter a shot.
- can improve a surgeon's dexterity.
- You can have this one.
J.D., I know we've had
our ups and downs,
so that getting the epidural itself
- Go away.
and I would like her
to see me as her father
- Sir, what are you doing here so late?
- I live here.
Oh, no. Wrong time for this
conversation, but there's no way out.
Her name is Jennifer Dylan, not J.D.
that you would need more time
to get there.
Please. Remember our rule?
But you said we were the future
of the hospital and we need to learn.
What are you doing?
We're not too different, you and I.
Okay, not answering Kim's "I love you"
was awkward, but at least it was over.
I really hope that one day I wake up
feeling what you said you feel,
No! J.D., do you actually think
that's enough for me?
I don't know how to answer that.
and hope that he falls in love with me,
Don't worry. I've practised this
on tomatoes, like, a hundred times.
Kim, you're fully dilated.
It's too late for the epidural.
I hate you so much right now, J.D.
No, I'm not letting you
go through this alone.
but thanks again
for coming in there, Dr Callahan.
Sure, if my name was
Dr Occasional Shot, but it's not.
I don't want her to forever
associate me with pain.
I can't do it.
I'm literally shaking with rage. See?
- Is there anything I can do?
- Just take care of her.
Hey, you. Blondie go that way?
- Absolutely not.
- Then find someone else to help you.
Baby, don't get it twisted,
that girl is my world.
I mean, how do you think
I became addicted to this game?
I swear, you could line up
a hundred gay men
We kill one more alien boss
and then we're finished.
I just wanted him to be really happy
and normal, you know?
80% of people with pancreatic cancer
die within five years.
I mean, hell,
your parents were divorced
Aired 13 years ago - Oct 25, 2007
In the aftermath of their near-indiscretion, Elliot realizes she doesn't want to be with Keith, and J.D. resolves to stop sabotaging himself.
Meanwhile, Dr. Cox and Turk find a patient they both like who is in danger of being discharged.
and so my house is filled
to the frickin' rafters
I can't sleep.
Keith, we need to talk.
No, Snoop Dogg Attending
finally told Josephine how he feels.
Wow, those are truly disgusting.
Thanks, babe. Bye.
You're an annoying, whiny man-child.
- Beardface? What do you say?
- It's Beardfacé.
Carla, which resident ordered a
CAT scan on Mr Hirsch last night?
Speaking of which, I gave you
a very high-end cappuccino maker
and it was from my brother, Barry.
That's not even true.
is because there's a kid involved.
Please, call me Joe.
I'm not you. I don't get
to introduce myself to patients,
I mean, I also promised
I'd marry you last Saturday, right?
I think I see it bubbling up.
You're an annoying, whiny man-child.
I gotta go figure this out.
I can't believe it.
means no woman
could possibly be attracted to me?
You have no idea
how important this is to me.
- Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
Why can't anyone figure out
what's wrong with me?
- Boy, you're telling me.
- What can I do to help?
Elliot, just get the hell out of here!
You have to tell Mr Hutnik
to get the hell out of here.
Why does it have to be like this?
- You did what?
- I know. I am a pig-whore.
Yeah, I know I'm not exactly
the jock-y type,
All right, sports fans.
actually give a rat's ass
about the minutiae of their lives.
Dame Judy Dorian.
and you deliver the news
to Hutnik yourself?
Hold on one second,
I have to grab this.
I'm gonna give you his card,
then I'm gonna bash your head in.
Like this morning, I was running late
and I got toothpaste on my upper lip.
Yes. And pay attention,
because I don't want to be