Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 9 years ago - May 24, 2010

Marshall and Lily make a secret pact to start trying to have a baby if they ever finally see Barney's doppelganger. Meanwhile, Robin finally gets an offer for her dream job.

Aired 9 years ago - May 17, 2010

When Ted takes a date to see a new hit movie, "The Wedding Bride," he is shocked to learn the story is loosely based on his life, and that it was written by Tony, the man Stella left him for at the altar.

Aired 9 years ago - May 10, 2010

When Ted, Marshall, Lily and Barney crash a highfalutin party at a swanky New York apartment, Ted gets the chance to mingle with the snooty guests and show off his intellectual side.

Aired 9 years ago - May 03, 2010

When Ted and Barney jeopardize Robin's new relationship by professing their love for her, Robin realizes that she is finally over them. Meanwhile, after spending a weekend sleeping in twin beds, Marshall and Lily decide to get twin beds at home.

Aired 9 years ago - Apr 19, 2010

When Ted attends his mother's wedding, he is extremely disturbed by her overly affectionate relationship with her fiancé, which forces him to think about his own life and make an impulsive decision.

Aired 9 years ago - Apr 12, 2010

When Marshall gets mugged, Lily decides she wants to get a gun for protection, so Marshall comes up with a convoluted story about the mugging to deter Lily from following through.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 19 (S05E19) - 1
I don't think that I should Have to pay.
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I'm not saying Marshall's a guy who likes pizza,
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Don't get any closer.
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Barney, that won't work.
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Robin, put that away.
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And try to move on with my life.
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I mean, yes, I'm a little scared, but I'm a new yorker.
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You want to get a gun? Not a scary one.
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Pretty easy, right?
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Boo!
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And you're my whole world, Marshall.
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Told... Ja! No, he wasn't wearing A black, skull-knit cap.
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I'm not going to ask where he was keeping the gun.
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Oh, it's cool. It's cool.
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Oh, forget about the gun. We're on this now.
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And I didn't really want it after that.
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Oh, I've seen that guy.
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You see, young Marshall Was at the zoo eating a banana...
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Barney, I know, Marshall didn't get mugged by a monkey.
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Because of their intersocial dynamics,
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What?! He gets to be on your show?
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With a g.I. Joe.
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Crime, monkeys, no stupid model of the empire state building
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That doesn't make a joke out of the fact
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I just want to forget
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The cyclist? I thought
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And the mugger took my space shuttle keys.
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The story's better with my ending.
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Are you sure it wasn't one monkey
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You just don't want to go on Robin's show
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Ted, you've known him the longest.
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But I just can't tell.
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That Jack Palance is dead when I see the body.
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I think you mean what you did to her.
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Oh, you're Lisa? Sarah, wait.
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And if we're being completely honest,
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As far as I'm concerned, you were mugged by a monkey.
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You really weren't mugged by a monkey.
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We all went to the set of Robin's show.
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Dude, what are you doing?
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Whoa, the monkey's here. Yeah, surprise.
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His mate's name is Milly?
Aired 9 years ago - Mar 22, 2010

When Ted ruins Lily's birthday dinner celebration by bringing a date, Lily goes to great lengths to keep her out of the traditional photo she takes every year of the gang.

Aired 9 years ago - Mar 08, 2010

When Robin confesses that she is still angry with Barney for the way he handled their break-up, she enlists the help of Anita, a self-help author who plans to beat Barney at his own game.

Aired 9 years ago - Mar 01, 2010

When the gang tries to convince Ted that he is being strung along by Tiffany, they reflect about relationships where each of them has been in the same situation.

Aired 9 years ago - Feb 08, 2010

When Lily and Marshall forget to fix up Ted on a blind date for Valentine's Day, they use one of Barney's many discarded girls to see if they may become Ted's future wife. Meanwhile, Robin's obnoxious colleague invites her to a party at his apartment.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 15 (S05E15) - 1
Read this one.
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I just can't hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl
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There's always a hotter girl.
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and I love my wife more and more every day.
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Wait, Robin, what exactly did Don say when he asked you out?
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Uh, of course he asked me out.
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I-I can't stop thinking about how much I hate him.
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constant, ego-shattering uncertainty.
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Marshall, Lily, arranged marriage me.
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Getting picked I'm good at.
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I pick the wrong girls, but you guys--
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'cause I'll wear my nice blazer.
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it's hard to tell them apart.
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it's a duck.
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He's a rabbit."
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Ducks are, like...
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Who carries around a duck's foot for good luck?!
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(shouting in native tongue)
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Fine!
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Yes.
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And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?
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There is no place I would rather be...
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You're a hot lady bullfighter?
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and no one I would rather be...
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Well, hello...
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so I'll just get straight to the point.
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Very bad.
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It was something else entirely.
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There is no place I would rather be.
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(ringtone playing loudly)
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for Marshall and Lily to find me a wife.
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I don't know what kind of architect!
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You want to marry my friend Ted?
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Gazer, Ta... Bazer?
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Nailed it!
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I'll duck out.
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Oh! Oh, God, Don, what the hell are you doing?!
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I only said that to get you to come over here.
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I'm recycling your old Architecture Weekly Magazines.
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Um, maybe we should call this whole thing off.
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Well, she's not getting any younger.
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She could be trapped in a giant bra!
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It almost doesn't matter who it is at this point.
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Hello, Ted.
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Oh, but Natalia, tell Ted the problem.
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for longer than six months without a work visa, so...
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Rabbit. Sorry, guys.
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Well, to answer that, we have to back up a little bit.
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I wonder how it got in there.
Aired 9 years ago - Feb 01, 2010

When Barney is about to complete the perfect week - landing seven different girls in seven days - the gang roots him on in order to forget about their own miserable week.

Aired 9 years ago - Jan 18, 2010

When Lily refuses to believe that Jenkins, Marshall's attractive female colleague, kissed him, Marshall insists Jenkins tell Lily what really happened. Meanwhile, Robin finds out that a drinking game has been made up about her.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
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I'm from pelican rapids.
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Okay, first of all... come on, buddy.
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It would have been so easy.
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Jenkins, him, her."
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He's one of my students, and he's looking at me. Oh.
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About neoclassical architecture, and that is it.
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Uh, it's professor mosby.
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Hey, baby, I'm on my way up.
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So, now you're worried that when she finds out
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I am from the french embassy.
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So I'll catch you guys on the flip-flop.
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I never have to worry about you with another woman.
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Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler.
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That's why lily's not jealous.
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Okay. Neither one of us is the reacher.
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Very brief experiment with the v-frame house.
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At come on, get up new york!,
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I am doing a great piece on snail poison.
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Well, the truth is,
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Apparently, she says it a lot.
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That night, we found out just how much she said it.
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But, um... but, um...
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Really? Let me see it.
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Right.
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And our future children, and our future cat or monkey,
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Our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids
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Are you the reacher or the settler?
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She thinks that she's the settler.
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Okay, okay, I got something.
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Of course.
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If lady lily's... I got it, buddy.
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Coming from a more entertaining source,
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That's why they watch.
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Oh, wait, I did both of those things.
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Uh, you could just, like, watch me play skee-ball
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The other day, she saw me play skee-ball,
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Come again for big fudge?
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Oh, I'm so jealous.
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These are just a few of the many contributions
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Yeah, we're gonna play
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So, your third book was your breakout novel but, um...
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But, um... all: but, um...!
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...long time, but, um...?
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It's the rules. She said "But, um"
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That wasn't me.
Aired 9 years ago - Jan 11, 2010

When Barney debates giving up wearing suits in order to land a hot bartender, his conflicted feelings lead to an amazingly awesome musical number. Meanwhile, Ted gets one step closer to meeting the future mother of his kids.

Aired 9 years ago - Dec 14, 2009

When Marshall picks up smoking again, it prompts Lily, Ted and Barney, ex-smokers all, to succumb as well. Meanwhile, Robin gets a new co-anchor at her show...

Aired 9 years ago - Dec 07, 2009

When a perfect girl finally shows up, the gang tries everything to help Ted, while Marshall takes action when he discovers a letter written by younger himself.

Aired 9 years ago - Nov 23, 2009

Barney freaks out when Marshall bequeaths a "slap bet" slap to Ted and Robin. Meanwhile, Lily's estranged father shows up for Thanksgiving.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 1
the next great American board game, but his ideas were always a little off.
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But this is the one!
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Here. Come play Daddy's new game.
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Actually, dear, slight change of plans. We're staying here for the time being.
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Oh, hey, guys. What a pleasant surprise.
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Clearly, they're not getting the whole sock-on-the-doorknob thing.
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So, not only did you stop them from moving to Florida,
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a look we all prayed never to be on the receiving end of.
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Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll work this out.
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She doesn't talk about it much, but this thing with her dad causes her a lot of pain.
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Lily, come on. It's been three years, okay? That's long enough.
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That dress is gorgeous!
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One coffee, please.
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Excuse me. Are you sure mine was decaf? You just used the same pot.
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Oh, you don't have to ask.
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Marshall, that man broke my heart every single day for 20 years.
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I want to be your slap-prentice.
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- Wait, what? - I'm just saying, I'll slap him.
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Everything looks delicious, Mother Eriksen.
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Dear Lord...
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It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes.
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at which point, neither one of us gets to slap Barney.
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- What? You said you were okay with that. - Well, I'm not!
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Yes, your dad has made some mistakes in the past, but he's a different person now.
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I miss her a ton. Little princess.
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And then, right before my eyes, your father broke down crying.
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Marshall, what gives you the right to do that?
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She just needs some time to cool down. Let's finish the game.
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This slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift,
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I mean, men are stronger than women.
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But what you couldn't tell your teammates,
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a man, to do all of your slapping for you.
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You come in here, and you watch your daughter leave and you don't even care.
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- What's this? What's he doing? - Did you swallow some of that paint?
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Mr. Park's, huh? This is the last place I expected to find you.
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He really is dead to me.
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So that's how on Thanksgiving, 2009, your Aunt Lily performed a miracle.
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Slap Bet Commissioner, surely tying me to a chair is a breach...
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Last year, you got left at the altar. You lost your job.
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- I can't take this from you, Ted. - Nor I, you.
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 16, 2009

After his relationship with Robin ends, Barney dusts off his "playbook" to help him back into the dating scene

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 1
Or, you know, the bed.
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- It's a great read, actually. - Yeah, I'm reading it right now.
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Things people say right before they meet the love of their life.
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I just wanna focus on my Star Trek fan fiction.
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Three years ago, this girl, Shelly, started teaching at my school.
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Come on, buddy! One more chicken finger and the crown is yours!
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- And now you're ready. - Yeah, bro. Now you can fit, like,
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- I know, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. - You should feel terrible.
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- And you met him at MacLaren's? - Yeah, right at the bar.
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She's brainy and annoying, kind of boring in the sack.
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Okay, what's "The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn"?
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- Yeah, it's me. - Do I know you?
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You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace.
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"and does an Internet search for 'Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.'
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"to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination.
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Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 20
The only way she would be upset is if someone told her it was all a bunch of lies.
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Oh! Actually, that one's true. I went to that.
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You ruined her for Ted,
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- Hell, no - Hell, no
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Wow, you're an astronaut?
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Though, I have been to the "smoon."
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Come on, Barney. You just...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 27
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"To perform 'The He's Not Coming, 'here's what you'll need.
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- What are you talking about? - Never mind.
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He's not? But we agreed.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 31
All right, I'm gonna go get the paper.
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I've gone to the freezer looking for frozen waffles and not found them?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 33
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and it worked, gangbusters. You should have seen this girl.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 35
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Barney, I've got half a mind to take that Playbook
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 38
- No more flimflams! - Damn it!
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 39
Oh, my God, that's horrible!
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 40
- So, then what happened? - It says here, " He breaks into song,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 41
You know, I heard it was gonna rain.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 42
Baby, can you put The Playbook up on the Internet?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 43
Well, it was on the last page of The Playbook,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 44
If anyone should be mad, it should be Robin.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 45
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Hi. You see that guy over there in the scuba suit?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 47
So what's "The Scuba Diver"? And this is Claire, by the way.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 48
Robin, I am so sorry.
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I gotta make sure my tux fits.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 50
- Wanna grab a cup of coffee? - Okay, Claire, before you turn him down,
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 09, 2009

Lily comes up with a perfect plan to break up the relationship between Barney and Robin when they have a rough patch, but she needs help from Robin's famous friend, Alan Thicke, in order to make it work.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 1
then you are now in possession of my porn.
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And I want to go fishing.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 3
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I'm his best friend, how does that feel?--
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 5
Are we sure he was finished talking?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 6
I wanted to go to a concert.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 7
Hey, Barney, I'm, uh, I'm chatting up this girl
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 8
Relationships are the best. Shut up.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 9
Now, the truth is, Barney and Robin
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 10
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No, they're a perfect match.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 12
I think Barney ate the relationship chicken.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 13
And then, the day before his mission she caught him
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 14
So I did leave them alone. But that weekend...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 15
How could I not be happy with Robin?
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The makeup sex.
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Which was pizza again? Tails.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 18
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not two, but seven of my past relationships.
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I know it is, but I've learned my lesson.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 21
What was the one big thing that really freaked her out?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 22
We'll find some hot woman hit on him...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 23
look through big binoculars and said,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 24
Is that an engagement ring?
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It'd speed up your citizenship.
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Oh, my God! I would love to!
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Coming out of retirement for one, last breakup.
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Number two: The Ex-Girlfriend Conflict.
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You’re constantly putting me in these positions. Oh, my God...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 30
Stop it. Oh!
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Who the hell was that old lady singing?
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a defenseless old lady with vocal cord paralysis... ever.
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Ontario native Alan Thicke stops by the table.
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Right at that moment,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 35
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A station wagon?
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"Must kill Luke Skywalker."
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Waiter's taking out a second pad.
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Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
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Look, I don't want to play the "I'm Alan Thicke" card,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 41
Alan Thicke, shut up! Marshall, it's a station wagon.
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This is my masterpiece.
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First, Alan Thicke.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 45
They shouldn't be kissing!
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 46
any of you dudes want to get high?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 47
And that was the moment we unlearned that other lesson
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 48
Oh, my God. That's us!
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 49
What are we doing wrong?
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and I'm tired of being cancelled out.
Aired 9 years ago - Nov 02, 2009

Even though they do their best in order to be the perfect couple, Barney's attitude of know-it-all lands him in trouble with Robin and they are forced to seek Marshall and Lily for advice.

Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know,
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it would only lead to a fight, so... Oh.
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Boy, that'not true.
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Oh, my God, what's in your hand?!
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
That felt kind of weird. Okay, call me crazy.
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Well, no. Of course not.
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Of course you don't.
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But, baby, with the little energy I have left after work,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
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This is exactly how you got the earring back in '03.
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I ha it, I hate it, I hate it!
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individuals in the history of relationships.
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The upstairs neighbors are driving me crazy.
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Have fun.
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Lily is a reasonable woman.
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Lily, I'm glad that you bring that up.
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emotionally, spiritually and sexually?
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No, and here is why...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 24
Yeah, sure. You wa me
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 25
and just--you paint naked babies on the ceiling."
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 26
I an, the girl's all eyes and boobs.
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Dance for me.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 28
So you're saying that you shouldn't have to wash dishes
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
Until there are more fights going on
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
(gravelly voice): Danny's not here,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
No. What you need is a surge.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
to form a makeshift bowl for yo salty treats.
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are what got you into this quagmire.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
Hey, Barnstormer.
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Yes, yeah, I did.
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So what did you do?
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 37
And Marshall and Lily continued to fight.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
And I continued to hear more bagpiping
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 39
Pancake and bacon strip.
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And I know for a factthat Robin hates ni
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41
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Yeah. They're in the bathroom.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
Ted, whatever do you mean?
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You fight all... the. time.
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
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until we went on thatki trip last weekend.
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BARNEY: Oh, no. We're about to get in a fight,
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
How could you possibly agree with Lily?! I can't believe that you made Lily get in a fight about this!
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and studies the game tape. Barney for the millionth time...
Recap of How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
Yeah, it was sort of nice to be the perfect couplefor a
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 19, 2009

Barney tries his best hoping to convince Robin into becoming an American citizen, while Ted and Marshall's road trip takes an unexpected turn for the worst when Marshall invites Lily to come along.

Aired 9 years ago - Oct 12, 2009

Marshall and Lily want to hook up with Barney and Robin for double-dating and fun, but their desperate eagerness to please is a huge turn-off. Meanwhile, when a succession of girls come to his apartment and immediately fall asleep, Ted is bummed to learn he is a "Sexless Innkeeper" whose "dates" are only interested in a comfy place to crash

Aired 9 years ago - Oct 05, 2009

When Robin fears that Barney is cheating on her, she soon discovers that he is spending his evenings with Ted learning everything there is to know on how to date her.

Aired 9 years ago - Sep 28, 2009

Barney takes Marshall, and Robin to a strip club where they find a stripper who looks almost exactly like Lily. Meanwhile, Ted discovers he had been fixed up with the same woman, Jen seven years earlier.

Aired 9 years ago - Sep 21, 2009

After sharing a kiss at the beginning of the summer, Robin and Barney are unsure how to handle their mutual attraction. After some consideration they tell the gang they have decided to remain just friends, but secretly continue seeing each other. They are able to get away with their secret romance for a couple months, but are discovered when Ted, Marshall and Lily walk in on them together. They explain to the gang that they are happy with their casual relationship, and didn’t want to complicate it by defining it. This is unacceptable to Lily, who pressures them to label their situation, and ultimately locks them in Robin’s room to force them to address it. Meanwhile, Ted is anxious about his first days as a professor at Columbia, which is made worse when he shows up at the wrong class and starts his lecture. MORE -LESS