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Two and a Half Men

S11 E5
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Season 11  "Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003"  11x5

Aired 10 years ago - Oct 24, 2013

Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 1
- Wait, Kate Upton's straight. - Give me two weeks.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 2
If I squint, you're, like, a prettier version of my mom.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 3
No, I bought a Groupon for Indian food.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 4
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 5
I know. How awesome am I?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 6
you'd be alone on the street in your underwear.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 7
I don't think I've ever said this.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 8
JENNY: Don't answer! It's a trap!
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 9
then I'm not gonna give her what she wants.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 10
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 11
Although, were you buzzing at one point?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 12
- What? - I want you back.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 13
You'd have to know him to understand. He satisfies a different part of me.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 14
But I am not gonna be at your beck and call forever.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 15
What I need is a third.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 16
Yeah, this guy's the best. Here, check out his credits.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 17
I don't want you to wake up one day
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 18
Calm down. I'll go to the class, okay?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 19
Oh, that's awful. I hope you feel better.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 20
- Hey, is this bike taken? - Nope, help yourself.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 21
Hey. I used to have those same exact shoes.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 22
- Isn't this great? - Kill me.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 23
I'm doing it! I'm doing it! It's working!
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 24
I was pedaling toward the light. It was so beautiful.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 25
- Pop-Pop, help. - Don't worry. I got you. I got you.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 26
Wouldn't mind taking her on a Tour de Pants.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 27
You're hilarious.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 28
- Do you need to answer that? - No, it's just a work call.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 29
- What do you do, Jeff? - Oh, I'm just a chiropractor.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 30
Over to the smoothie bar with my new friend, Larry.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 32
I simply wanted to find out what he's got that I don't.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 33
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 34
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 35
Oh, you know, in college, I did a little musical theatre.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 36
Okay, I will have you know that the campus newspaper said
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 37
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 38
Did you ever do this gay character in your stand-up?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 39
Help yourself, you cheap queer.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 41
- Lyndsey?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 42
So, this is the guy you were telling me about?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 43
"Strongman?" That's a unique name.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 44
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 45
(DOOR CLOSES) What the hell is going on, Jeff?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 46
If you turned into Larry, I'd have to find another Alan.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 47
- I'm still mad at you. - Well, I don't blame you.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 48
- Hey. - Hey.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 49
I went to the first class, but it was lame.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 50
I would have been willing to work for it.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 2
If I squint, you're, like, a prettier version of my mom.
#2 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 3
No, I bought a Groupon for Indian food.
#3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 4 #4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 5
I know. How awesome am I?
#5 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 6
you'd be alone on the street in your underwear.
#6 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 7
I don't think I've ever said this.
#7 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 8
JENNY: Don't answer! It's a trap!
#8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 9
then I'm not gonna give her what she wants.
#9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 10 #10 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 11
Although, were you buzzing at one point?
#11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 12
- What? - I want you back.
#12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 13
You'd have to know him to understand. He satisfies a different part of me.
#13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 14
But I am not gonna be at your beck and call forever.
#14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 15
What I need is a third.
#15 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 16
Yeah, this guy's the best. Here, check out his credits.
#16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 17
I don't want you to wake up one day
#17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 18
Calm down. I'll go to the class, okay?
#18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 19
Oh, that's awful. I hope you feel better.
#19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 20
- Hey, is this bike taken? - Nope, help yourself.
#20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 21
Hey. I used to have those same exact shoes.
#21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 22
- Isn't this great? - Kill me.
#22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 23
I'm doing it! I'm doing it! It's working!
#23 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 24
I was pedaling toward the light. It was so beautiful.
#24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 25
- Pop-Pop, help. - Don't worry. I got you. I got you.
#25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 26
Wouldn't mind taking her on a Tour de Pants.
#26 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 27
You're hilarious.
#27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 28
- Do you need to answer that? - No, it's just a work call.
#28 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 29
- What do you do, Jeff? - Oh, I'm just a chiropractor.
#29 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 30
Over to the smoothie bar with my new friend, Larry.
#30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 31 #31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 32
I simply wanted to find out what he's got that I don't.
#32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 33 #33 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 34
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
#34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 35
Oh, you know, in college, I did a little musical theatre.
#35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 36
Okay, I will have you know that the campus newspaper said
#36 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 37 #37 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 38
Did you ever do this gay character in your stand-up?
#38 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 39
Help yourself, you cheap queer.
#39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 40 #40 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 41
- Lyndsey?
#41 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 42
So, this is the guy you were telling me about?
#42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 43
"Strongman?" That's a unique name.
#43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 44 #44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 45
(DOOR CLOSES) What the hell is going on, Jeff?
#45 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 46
If you turned into Larry, I'd have to find another Alan.
#46 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 47
- I'm still mad at you. - Well, I don't blame you.
#47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 48
- Hey. - Hey.
#48 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 49
I went to the first class, but it was lame.
#49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 5 (S11E05) - 50
I would have been willing to work for it.
#50