Status
Ended
Network
CBS
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 12

Aired 2 years ago - Feb 19, 2015

Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 1
are still making money.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 2
of unclaimed royalties for Charlie Harper
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is that necessary to get the money?
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Uh, remember four years ago
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 5
You know, um, well, maybe it's my age, but, uh,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 6
Or a... a doer or a provider or...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 7
death certificate, um...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 8
I also found this crazy rant about a former employer.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 9
♪ I always know just where you are ♪
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 10
in unclaimed royalties for Charlie Harper.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 11
That makes no sense.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 13
just come back in, like, what, 20 minutes?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 14
Walden, it's like you said.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 15
Uh, this is my son's social worker, Ms. McMartin.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 16
Okay, I don't disagree with anything here...
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No money. There's no money.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 18
Now, who else could have a claim on the money?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 19
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Wow. You hang a penis on that girl,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 21
"Sorry I broke your heart...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 22
Buy yourself a nice vagina."
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Men.
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and Charlie stays here with Walden,
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and went down on the Champs-Elysées.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 26
He finally caught up with me at the train station,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 27
we were the happiest we'd ever been.
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Prisoners escape.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 29
So... so, what are we supposed to do now?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 30
Oh, of course not.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 31
Well, I-I guess we should go, too.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 32
"where I will carve my initials into your reptilian skull
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 33
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 34
So your brother then let you stay there
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 35
And then you let him and his son stay there for four more years.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 36
Oh, what a sweetie pie.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 37
I'm confused.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 38
I would consider wrapping this whole thing up.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 39
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 41
Oh, and I kept betting on come, because...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 42
Ah.
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Well, see you.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 44
it turns out my brother is alive and he's out for revenge.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 45
Bridget, hi.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 46
Hold on, fellas.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 47
I've been thinking about you lately, and...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 48
Hi, Alan.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 49
Not anymore.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 (S12E15) - 50
Okay. Hasta la vista.
Aired 2 years ago - Feb 12, 2015

After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 1
Does the beach house and the private jet
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I believed her.
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Well, that's very nice, but I didn't do it for a gift.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 5
What do I rub to make my wish come true?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 6
Then the Little Mermaid can't tell me,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 8
is granting you a wish?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 9
I'll hate myself either way, but I could be hating myself
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 10
um, $10,000 to my favorite charity...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 11
Right. Right. Practical. Got to think practical.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 12
Please don't be a panda.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 14
Yeah, it paid for his first tank of gas.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 15
Oh, wow.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 16
so here we are.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 17
I know. Me, too.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 18
I even pulled out the big guns.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 19
I-I'm sorry. That was for Lyndsey.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 20
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and instead you did something just for yourself.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 22
Oh. Maybe you could paint a smiley face on her vagina.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 23
Wow... a commitment.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 24
I'm not getting you an engagement ring and a Ferrari.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 25
I've never been to a high-end jewelry store like this.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 26
Just follow my lead, and keep it classy.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 27
Uh, uh, how about this one?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 28
Oh, and I might need your card, in case I propose
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 29
Oh, on the other hand, ever since I was a little boy,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 30
Well, what do you think of these?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 32
Why? Does the diamond fart a lot?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 33
I certainly wouldn't expect you
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Thank you.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 35
Well, I really appreciate you all being here.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 36
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I didn't know President McConaughey could act.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 38
I live in Lyndsey's house for free now.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 39
Now it's really just you and me. Hmm.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 40
And thanks for introducing us. Mm.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 41
No. You can't leave me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 42
Oh, God... I'm gonna die alone!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 43
Now, I want you to take a deep breath
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 44
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 45
I'm sorry I caused a scene back there.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 46
Oh, it's just, when I think about the rest of my life,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 47
I mean,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 48
we're still gonna see each other.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 49
Yeah.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 14 (S12E14) - 50
What's going on?
Aired 2 years ago - Feb 05, 2015

Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 1
No, it's probably the, uh, text
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 2
And besides, bitch be crazy.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 3
"Get your penis out of my business, Alan."
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 4
I don't know. I just... I went over there and then...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 5
You're the one who Alan'd it up.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 6
Go Alan yourself.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 7
Remember books?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 8
What's not to like?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 9
Well, when I finish my screenplay.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 10
Vampire Hunter.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 11
I wanted to surprise you.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 12
There's no witnesses.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 13
I remember when we were there and he said,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 14
Oh! I also have your favorite dessert.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 15
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 16
So, uh, how's it going with Ms. McCrazy?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 17
Yeah, but you can't break up with her.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 18
And she didn't take him away when you dumped her, so...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 19
Oh, I get it now.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 20
Yes, that's great.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 21
And no green space for my herb garden.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 22
who doesn't monitor his change jar.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 23
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Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 25
When are you gonna stop proposing to all these women?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 26
and the only copy of your sex tapes.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 27
No reason.
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Come... I just, uh...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 29
and I literally considered postponing the final hearing
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 30
You have a court date tomorrow
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 31
Yeah, I know.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 32
Walden Schmidt, Louis Schmidt
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 33
I'm going to play Legos in my room!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 34
And I want you to know I'm, I'm here whenever you need me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 35
I said "something manly."
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 36
We always knew it would end up like this.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 37
There's no way I'm giving up all this for her!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 38
Okay, you gave up a relationship with a woman who knows
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 39
Ms. McMartin is perfect for you.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 40
She did surprise me by cooking my favorite meal naked.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 41
Worse! We're gonna die with each other!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 42
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and smash through the window, like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 44
the only thing I know how to make.
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♪ When a man ♪
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 46
Oh, how much is it? $1,100.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 47
say, if I give you...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 48
I will do anything.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 49
I-I need to tell her that-that I-I love her
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 (S12E13) - 50
Aired 2 years ago - Jan 29, 2015

When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.

Aired 2 years ago - Jan 22, 2015

Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 1
Can I get you anything?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 2
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what's the best way to discipline him?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 4
Okay, how about we just do one question at a time?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 5
Talking to other foster parents.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 6
Hey, buddy. Berta's gonna watch you
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 7
Horses run faster when they poop before the race.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 8
so we can sneak them into the movies.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 9
You know, it's just that I-I was gonna head straight from the gym
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 10
I'll have hot dogs.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 11
Yep. See you later.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 12
Just had newborn twins, so he just comes here to sleep.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 13
Why not? That's what she was doing when I met her.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 14
I always wanted a son, so, uh, we adopted Josh.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 15
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her mother was in sixth grade.
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Oh.
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'Cause I'm handsome? Charming?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 19
Uh, do you want to know how to comb his hair?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 20
Yeah. If you tell me that I sent you,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 21
Wait, why do you need a place? You're married to a guy.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 22
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 23
Okay, here's the thing.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 24
I mean, he wants to do everything with me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 25
Yeah, even I have to get away from Heidi every now and then.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 26
In some ways, it is. I mean, uh... for example,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 27
How was your day?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 28
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I... That's... I must not have gotten it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 30
have the guys over tonight.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 31
don't you and Ms. McMartin have a thing tonight?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 32
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From the Latin: hurticus feelingsmus.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 34
I mean, every time I turn around, there you are.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 35
have your stupid little group all to yourself in our house.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 36
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 37
Well, if you saw my feet after the paraffin dip,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 38
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No. Please stay.
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Whassup?!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 41
about Alan's feelings, don't you?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 42
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I-I don't need to hear that. No judgment.
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♪ Baby, why don't we go ♪
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You're about as much fun as the polyp in Rick's colon.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 47
with your... guacamole
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Everything okay in here?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 49
She couldn't use a kitchen utensil to save her life.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 (S12E11) - 50
Fine. Thank you, Walden,
Aired 2 years ago - Jan 15, 2015

Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.

Aired 2 years ago - Jan 08, 2015

Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 1
Wouldn't matter to me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 2
Men.
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should be one of those.
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Do I have to share my Legos with her?
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The lesson is that we should all share.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 6
The official diagnosis? You're old.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 7
when I poke it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 8
You should come down and work out with me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 9
it's, uh... it's been a year since your last prostate exam.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 10
Aw. Aw.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 11
What kind of cheese is this?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 12
So tell me,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 13
Okay. I've been told...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 14
I screw up relationships as soon as they start going well.
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Mmm, okay. That-that kind of behavior
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 16
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If our garments are being honest,
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I see they've reinstated your membership.
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Well, I'm really happy for you. You look great.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 20
You know... glug, glug, glug, glug.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 21
So, uh, you two are over?
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Maybe the cure for what ails her is a little Herb-Al essence.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 23
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Oh, wait. What if one of them walks in on us?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 25
What if there's an emergency?
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Oh, my God.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 27
Looks like your order just got supersized.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 28
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 29
No. No French toast for me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 30
So far today, I have burned... 400 calories.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 31
did you have a hard time, like... you know...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 32
It's like, Louis is stealing your sausage and blocking mine.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 33
I used to love to have sex in hotel rooms.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 34
Do you want to work in?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 35
Here we go.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 36
Oh.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 37
Nice meeting you!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 38
Where's Herb? Uh, in the office.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 39
he wanted to know if it was okay to ask you out.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 40
You just got sober.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 41
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Um, I like to go by my maiden name--
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 43
Oh. Get over here, woman. Uh-uh.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 44
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 45
to the children's hospital."
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 46
I'll let you guys talk.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 47
Well, then, dinner turned into dessert,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 48
Look, I'm sorry it happened like this.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 49
It's horrible. Take it off.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 9 (S12E09) - 50
if Lily can have ice cream for dessert.
Aired 2 years ago - Dec 18, 2014

Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.

Aired 2 years ago - Dec 11, 2014

Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

Aired 2 years ago - Dec 04, 2014

Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.

Aired 2 years ago - Nov 27, 2014

Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.

Aired 2 years ago - Nov 13, 2014

Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 1
Thanks, but Evelyn said I could borrow the Range Rover.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 2
We are a real couple.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 3
that you can't survive without the other.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 4
and suddenly she gives you the old “Thanks for trying” tap
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 5
Alan,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 6
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 7
for our meeting with the social worker.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 8
Okay, uh, “Walden is the most caring person I know.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 9
my husband, my lover, my friend.”
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 10
“Alan is my best friend.”
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 11
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 12
my favorite meal is red snapper.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 14
Well, I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 15
And part of my recovery is to make amends
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 16
I ate my burrito, you ate my burrito.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 17
Um, there is one other thing.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 18
Uh, uh, I'm...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 19
Walden's gay?!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 20
I remember when I proposed.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 21
Oh, well, on some level, I've always known. Um...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 22
Well, uh, Walden was dressed as Danny Zuko,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 23
When did you know you were gay?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 24
And I've never looked back since.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 25
I'm not sure what it is.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 26
I-I know we can provide unconditional love to a child,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 27
Yeah, great, yeah, why don't you come on over,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 28
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 29
We are not believable as a loving couple,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 30
I-I'm loose, it just feels a little forced, that's all.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 31
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 32
Oh, I just noticed a little green fleck in your right eye.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 33
My Alley Cat.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 34
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 35
Yeah, yeah.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 36
See? This is what I wanted to see.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 37
What did you see exactly?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 38
are just getting married to get a kid.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 39
I can tell her that you'll be good parents.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 40
Hopefully with breath mints.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 41
Yeah, but if I wasn't so screwed up last year,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 42
But we shouldn't let those mistakes ruin things for Walden.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 43
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 44
and watching Honey Boo Boo.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 45
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 46
I don't know why I was worried.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 47
You know, I actually do have to get going.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 48
You're so funny. Here's your jacket.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 49
Holy crap. What?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 3 (S12E03) - 50
Aired 2 years ago - Nov 06, 2014

When Walden asks Alan to sign a pre-nup, Alan gets offended and has second thoughts about getting married.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 1
What are you saying?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 2
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 3
Wow. In one fell swoop, there goes cookies and vaginas.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 4
I'll have a double martini and hold the vermouth.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 5
Okay, can everyone stop talking about my mom's boobs? God.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 6
Sorry, sorry. I'm just so excited.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 7
For being Zippy.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 8
about my life, and I believe
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 9
so you could get drunk and pick up chicks.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 10
And I get health insurance.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 11
Wow, this is a lot to take in.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 12
My friend with no benefits.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 13
or you can go to: Alan and Walden's big day dot com.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 14
You know, small destination wedding.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 15
Well, obviously, there's Hawaii and Cabo.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 16
Please tell me “the courthouse" is a chic bar in Ibiza.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 17
Okay. I see.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 18
Maybe, uh... maybe Jenny can take some pictures
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 19
like paying an electric bill, or buying dinner, or...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 20
You know, we still need to get each other rings.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 21
Men.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 22
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 23
Oh, look at you. Yeah.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 24
Oh. What's that?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 25
Uh...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 26
That I'm some kind of gold digger?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 27
If it doesn't explode in your mouth, what's the point?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 28
I am a collector of '80s movie memorabilia.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 29
at the shopping mall had to remove the bench
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 30
I agreed to marry you, but that doesn't mean you get
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 31
I can't even get Alan Harper to marry me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 32
Walden and I broke up. The-the wedding is off.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 33
The woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 34
was his “do not resuscitate” order.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 35
financial security.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 36
Maybe, uh, a-a prenup is justified.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 37
I just have no idea where you got these warped views
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 38
If the two of you were on a plane that crashed
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 39
so I mentioned your situation to a very cute intern at work.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 40
Look, I-I w...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 41
Technically, I never caught him.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 42
every time that I needed him and even times when I didn't.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 43
Why is that so difficult to understand?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 44
I-I totally get why I need to sign a prenup.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 45
I already signed it and sent it to your attorney.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 46
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 47
♪ When a man loves another man ♪
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 48
before the Supreme Court changes its mind.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 49
Well, that's very flattering.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 (S12E02) - 50
and Alan Harper in legal marriage.
Aired 2 years ago - Oct 30, 2014

Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help.

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 1
He leads such a healthy lifestyle...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 2
We're en route with a 35-year-old male.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 3
Hey, hey, at least I took a chance with my costume.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 4
I mean, you are my best friend.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 6
I wasn't at a Halloween party.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 8
You've been a good friend to Walden.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 9
I mean, we'd have to talk reduced salaries, but, uh...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 10
We put in a stent to clear the blockage.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 11
I'd chew up his food and feed him like a baby bird.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 14
That's because they put morphine in your veins.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 15
You know, when I think about it,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 16
But you're not good enough!
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 17
boy, does this take me back to high school.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 18
The secret--
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 19
But the important thing is you didn't.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 20
How am I the one with a stent in my heart?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 21
You know, if-if I would have died, who would have missed me?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 22
Well, that's true.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 23
who didn't understand the concept of a calendar?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 24
My life turned around
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 25
I mean, I don't know what to say, except...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 26
Having you is a lot of work.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 27
It's not like you're dating.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 28
to make life decisions.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 29
If you really want to do this, I will be here to support you.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 30
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 31
I mean your... package.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 32
I can't stop looking.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 33
Yeah, I'm good.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 34
Yep.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 35
Do you know how long it takes to get a baby?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 36
I mean, who knows if I'll even still want a kid by then?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 37
have an extra one they could throw me.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 38
I mean, you're highly educated, you're likeable,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 39
Doesn't it?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 41
for the Pretty Pink Ponies, then so be it.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 42
and the system is really geared towards married couples.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 43
married couples, single women...
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 44
I was married before and she left me
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 45
I almost died wearing a bedazzled jumpsuit
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 46
can screw behind an Applebee's Dumpster,
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 47
So it didn't go well?
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 48
That's how I felt.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 49
Of course I gave her the smile.
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 50
See, and I would've been a great dad.