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Two and a Half Men

S12 E1
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Season 12  "The Ol' Mexican Spinach"  12x1

Aired 9 years ago - Oct 30, 2014

Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help.

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Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 1
He leads such a healthy lifestyle...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 2
We're en route with a 35-year-old male.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 3
Hey, hey, at least I took a chance with my costume.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 4
I mean, you are my best friend.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 5
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 6
I wasn't at a Halloween party.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 7
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 8
You've been a good friend to Walden.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 9
I mean, we'd have to talk reduced salaries, but, uh...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 10
We put in a stent to clear the blockage.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 11
I'd chew up his food and feed him like a baby bird.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 12
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 13
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 14
That's because they put morphine in your veins.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 15
You know, when I think about it,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 16
But you're not good enough!
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 17
boy, does this take me back to high school.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 18
The secret--
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 19
But the important thing is you didn't.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 20
How am I the one with a stent in my heart?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 21
You know, if-if I would have died, who would have missed me?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 22
Well, that's true.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 23
who didn't understand the concept of a calendar?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 24
My life turned around
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 25
I mean, I don't know what to say, except...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 26
Having you is a lot of work.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 27
It's not like you're dating.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 28
to make life decisions.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 29
If you really want to do this, I will be here to support you.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 30
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 31
I mean your... package.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 32
I can't stop looking.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 33
Yeah, I'm good.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 34
Yep.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 35
Do you know how long it takes to get a baby?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 36
I mean, who knows if I'll even still want a kid by then?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 37
have an extra one they could throw me.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 38
I mean, you're highly educated, you're likeable,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 39
Doesn't it?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 40
Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 41
for the Pretty Pink Ponies, then so be it.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 42
and the system is really geared towards married couples.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 43
married couples, single women...
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 44
I was married before and she left me
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 45
I almost died wearing a bedazzled jumpsuit
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 46
can screw behind an Applebee's Dumpster,
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 47
So it didn't go well?
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 48
That's how I felt.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 49
Of course I gave her the smile.
 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 50
See, and I would've been a great dad.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 2
We're en route with a 35-year-old male.
#2 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 3
Hey, hey, at least I took a chance with my costume.
#3 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 4
I mean, you are my best friend.
#4 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 5 #5 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 6
I wasn't at a Halloween party.
#6 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 7 #7 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 8
You've been a good friend to Walden.
#8 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 9
I mean, we'd have to talk reduced salaries, but, uh...
#9 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 10
We put in a stent to clear the blockage.
#10 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 11
I'd chew up his food and feed him like a baby bird.
#11 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 12 #12 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 13 #13 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 14
That's because they put morphine in your veins.
#14 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 15
You know, when I think about it,
#15 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 16
But you're not good enough!
#16 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 17
boy, does this take me back to high school.
#17 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 18
The secret--
#18 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 19
But the important thing is you didn't.
#19 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 20
How am I the one with a stent in my heart?
#20 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 21
You know, if-if I would have died, who would have missed me?
#21 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 22
Well, that's true.
#22 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 23
who didn't understand the concept of a calendar?
#23 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 24
My life turned around
#24 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 25
I mean, I don't know what to say, except...
#25 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 26
Having you is a lot of work.
#26 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 27
It's not like you're dating.
#27 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 28
to make life decisions.
#28 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 29
If you really want to do this, I will be here to support you.
#29 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 30 #30 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 31
I mean your... package.
#31 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 32
I can't stop looking.
#32 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 33
Yeah, I'm good.
#33 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 34
Yep.
#34 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 35
Do you know how long it takes to get a baby?
#35 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 36
I mean, who knows if I'll even still want a kid by then?
#36 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 37
have an extra one they could throw me.
#37 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 38
I mean, you're highly educated, you're likeable,
#38 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 39
Doesn't it?
#39 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 40 #40 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 41
for the Pretty Pink Ponies, then so be it.
#41 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 42
and the system is really geared towards married couples.
#42 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 43
married couples, single women...
#43 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 44
I was married before and she left me
#44 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 45
I almost died wearing a bedazzled jumpsuit
#45 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 46
can screw behind an Applebee's Dumpster,
#46 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 47
So it didn't go well?
#47 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 48
That's how I felt.
#48 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 49
Of course I gave her the smile.
#49 Recap of Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 (S12E01) - 50
See, and I would've been a great dad.
#50