Jay wants to go fishing on his birthday, but the family insists he have a big party, leading Claire and Mitchell to get trapped in their childhood yard, Phil encounters his college nemesis at the mall and Cameron to have trouble at the bakery.
With the whole family gathered at Jay's before going to Alex's middle school,graduation, Jay is hiding a botox mishap, Cameron is upset about Mitchell's habit of laughing at his expense, and Phil tries sympathiic and critical of Claire's worries over the kids growing up too fast. They might miss Alex's big moment.
Jay advises a dog trainer, while Phil and Claire switch parenting duties to the kids' chagrin. Mitchell has an extra Lady Gaga ticket when Cameron ends up sick.
Claire and Gloria's Mother's Day excursion with the kids turns into the mother of all disasters. Meanwhile, Phil and Jay share an awkward moment when they stay home to prepare dinner for everyone. Cameron worries about gender roles in his relationship with Mitchell.
Mitchell and Cameron assess their family members in trying to decide who would best take care of Lily should anything happen to them.
Cameron is overzealous in his planning of the spring musical performance at Luke and Manny's school. Jay's brother visits while Phil convinces the family to be in his new ad.
Phil and Claire are not pleased when Luke befriends a curmudgeonly old neighbor. To avoid an invite to the symphony with Gloria and Manny, Jay goes with Mitchell and Cameron on their "boys' night out" while Haley babysits Lily.
Claire is run ragged trying to fix Haley and Alex's relationship. Gloria is horrified by Jay's plans to purchase themselves side-by-side crypts. Cameron decides he wants to write a book that celebrates the fact that Lily is adopted, but soon learns something new.
After Phil and Claire have a huge fight, Gloria steps in to counsel Phil while Jay counsels Claire. Jay has some regret in buying Gloria a karaoke machine. Cameron is in full prep mode for a huge fund-raising event and asks Mitchell and Luke for help.
Claire and Cameron are dismayed by the guest list for Lily's princess-themed birthday party. Then DeDe attends with Claire's old high school boyfriend in tow. Jay and Gloria turn to their own unique methods of dealing with this gathering of misfits.
Claire and Phil decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from last year's Valentine's Day. Jay's surprise plans for Gloria keeps getting interrupted. A secret admirer comes between Cameron and Mitchell.
The kids get a surprise of their own when they take breakfast in bed to Phil and Claire on their anniversary. Jay and Gloria's Vegas vacation plans are ruined by a brutally honest email accidentally sent to Claire,. Mitchell and Cam try to get into a new restaurant owned by a mom at Lily's preschool.
Phil and Claire pressure Alex to ease back on her school work, but begin to worry about their own intellectual drives. Jay is upset when Gloria tries to befriend a new couple, and Mitchell runs into an old female flame.
Claire becomes a vigilante to catch a car that speeds though their streets. Phil tries to land an important listing with a difficult client, Jay teaches Manny (and Gloria) how to ride a bike. Mitchell and Cameron meet a mysterious neighbor who is quite the charmer.
At Luke and Manny's first school dance, Jay and Phil take them to the mall which turns disastrous, Claire's is jealous when Gloria joins the school dance committee. Cameron and Mitchell learn about Lily biting other kids at the playground.
Mitchell tries to tell Cameron how he feels uncomfortable with his mom, Barb Tucker. Haley breaks up with Dylan to Phil's dismay and Claire's delight. Jay has a little stomach ache that gets exacerbated when he and Manny look it up on the Internet.
Manny is depressed about his birthday. Phil and Claire engage in a not-so-friendly car race on the way to the party, and Mitch and Cam get sidetracked when they stop at the mall to pick up a gift.
Claire and Haley are stuck at home sick. Gloria and Manny's surprise visit at work causes a headaches for Jay. Cameron is swept up by all the lights and cameras when he goes behind Mitchell's back and takes Lily for a commercial.
Claire gives each family member a role to play in spookifying the Dunphy house for Halloween, but Cameron hates Halloween due to a traumatic childhood experience. Mitchell had a terrible day at work, and Gloria acts weird after Jay and Manny tease her about her accent.
In an attempt to reconnect the family, Phil and Claire challenge them to see who can abstain from using their electronic devices the longest. Mitchell and Cameron attempt to get Lilly into the best pre-school. Gloria deals with the neighbor's barking dog.
Claire tries to convince Phil that his realtors' banquet speech is unfunny. Mitchell tries to convince Cameron to change his wardrobe. Jay and Gloria go to a quinceañera hosted by one of his employees. Haley gives Alex advice on how to be cool.
When an earthquake hits, Claire gets stuck in the bathroom with the plumber, Manny experiences an existential crisis while out with Jay, and Mitchell and Cameron use it as an excuse to get out of attending a party.
Gloria decides to honor her late grandmother by cooking more traditional Colombian meals; Claire finds out Alex is interested in a boy; Mitchell's aversion to public displays of affection causes an argument.
Phil finally agrees to sell the old station wagon but only after a family trip down memory lane; Cameron asks Jay for help when Mitchell decides to build a life-size princess castle for Lily.
