Aired 8 years ago - May 22, 2016
Marge goes to prison for letting Bart play in a park unsupervised.
Maggie's had her bath,
A male seahorse.
Where's the bucket?
Under the mop.
Oh!
Just go play outside.
You get a lamp and a carpet,
Mother, don't blow this for me.
My mom.
What did Bart do now?
You're being arrested?
When I was a kid,
we used to go out and play
Marge is right, Your Honor.
read a little, dig a little,
I know a time like this is when
a man really needs his neighbor.
I really am
the richest man in town.
Retract.
Retract!
Hey, newbie.
is supposed
to be for...
Oh, man, that's gonna
be so awesome.
There is now.
I've always said that.
Can it be? Am I starting
to like it in here?
Oh. Oh, thank God.
Everything's okay.
Hey, give me the phone.
Really? 8:00?
I get to go to bed?
Everyone goes to sleep
so easily here.
Okay, let's
move in the body now.
How about that?
but I think he's just
hiding in the closet.
Everyone just asks about
their own kid.
I have to reexamine
my entire life.
I've got to change, show Marge
I can help around the house.
Why did I get
the choke chain?
If you've fallen
and need assistance, press one.
But maybe not
a prison break.
I'm going down
the hot slide in shorts.
but the exception.
I'm-I'm about to die, Kent.
So I dressed up as
a prison guard.
I know things won't always
be perfect----
Aired 8 years ago - May 15, 2016
After butchering a speech in front of all of his friends at work, Homer turns to improv comedy to gain back his confidence in his public speaking skills. Meanwhile, Marge decides to rebuild Bart’s lackluster treehouse, but tensions rise when Bart
questions her building skills. Also, in the episode’s last three minutes, Homer appears LIVE for the first time on television (both for East and West Coast broadcasts) to answer fan questions.
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-LESS
Because he's gonna have
to read a few things first.
I'll tell you what, why don't
I spruce it up for you. Huh?
BURNS (chuckles):
So I said,
Mr. Homer Simpson.
You're gonna-- oh, where did
all these people come from?!
Yeah. I really feel
badly for the guy.
Oh, oh, I feel a little better.
(sobbing):
I don't know!
Homie, you're gonna chuckle
your blues away.
First we need a location.
(sighs):
Oh, boy.
Aah! No! Aah!
They've pulled back the bow--
now let the arrow take flight.
I... ah-ah-ah... ah...
That's kind of expensive.
HOMER:
This is it.
but how do I turn them
into comedy?
I could not possibly imagine
what such a person would say.
(laughter)
You want to give him the
one we can never crack?
I'm from the city.
Are you aware that you live
(grunting)
That's anti-improv.
Grant Hood is
their improv critic.
Hi, everybody.
And a type of person
that might be there.
Whoa, automatic blinds.
Thank you.
(gasps)
Dad! Dad!
We're gonna be on the
main stage on closing night!
Kids are ungrateful,
that's their job.
you don't want to accidentally
undermine him like last time.
I slept on it, and
I'm madder than ever.
(growling)
You like your eggs
a little runny don't you?
(voice-breaking):
Y-You're making me cry.
(in normal voice):
Ooh, I give up.
I am getting a helium balloon.
Remember how funny you was when
you was the confident Cajun?
who didn't cheat at improv.
Are you cheating by
planting suggestions?
Hey, lay off your dad, huh?
No, no, I've heard enough.
Uh, frog gigger.
I hear... drive-thru cashier!
>> OUR FATHER IS GOING TO IMPROV
LIVE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS FROM
Aired 8 years ago - May 08, 2016
"The Simpsons are going to..." Paris (well, Homer and Marge are), but in order to be able to afford the trip, Homer has to smuggle an exotic snake into France so it can be made into a gourmet meal.
♪ In a tiny car ♪
♪ To a chubby dude
in a tiny car. ♪
♪ ♪
and you find a classic car.
You don't sound glad.
(sniffs)
It's time for me to do
what I do best:
Hey, do you still have that
money I gave you for the car?
Imagine that?
Geez.
Unbelievable!
It opens from here.
What am I gonna do?
So I have to take her and
our three kids to Paris.
but it is a tad risky.
But... you cannot look
inside the package.
And the clients have
asked me once more
Paris!
HOMER: Okay, first thing,
I've gotta figure out
Ooh, it's a very rare
and endangered species.
A Parisian cab.
Oh, it will have
a fine home.
♪ ♪
Why are you carrying
that briefcase?
China, that World's Fair
Bart drove to,
Oh, may I suggest the
gardens of the Louvre?
Vraiment?
You want more pâté?
On second thought,
I'll just have a salad.
Well, this is gonna be a snap.
BART:
I've never been happier.
(gasps)
How did you find us?
in the most
humane manner.
They're gone!
Marco!
home of the three most famous
jazz clubs in Paris.
(gasps)
A little champagne, some
dancing, and then...
let an American perform
with a French combo,
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 24, 2016
Homer recalls a tense family vacation to the Grand Canyon with the Flanders family. At first, the Flanders’ perfection puts the families at odds, but when they get stranded and Ned and Homer go for help, the families finally bond.
and it wasn't the woods.
well, (scoffs)
that just curls my 'stache.
Hey, Carl, you want to buy
all my stuff for five dollars?
The winner: Ned Flanders.
Of course we'd love
to join you,
For would it not
indeed be glorious,
together in a sleeping bag.
We were in a booth
we could not get out of.
Okay, we'll go.
and six-year-old Lisa.
Ah...
(loud swallowing)
(crying)
Why, you little...
Keep 'em coming, boy.
(Grofé's "Sunrise" from
The Grand Canyon Suite playing)
♪ Go tell it
on the mountain ♪
Just say thank you.
Daddy, when will the noise stop?
to stare at longer than that
car wreck on the way here.
Enjoying your moon view, Homer?
with all these waivers
we have to sign.
Whoa.
You're 180?
up from the canyon.
(car engines)
Burn down the
cell phone tower.
My parents don't think so.
(echoing):
Checked out. Checked out.
(sniffing)
at the Hyatt Regency.
Where's the trail?
Ugh.
packed all this whitefish salad.
If you don't come back,
I'll be so sad.
I'm not your puppet, Bart.
I'm not.
(sighs)
you're welcome to live
in my carcass for warmth.
we will start shooting
in five minutes.
than a rich man
to get into heaven.
(gasps)
We never did things my way.
Too late.
Come on, take this.
Fine. We can do
without salad forks.
(growls)
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da ♪
♪ Ba-da-dee-doo-da-da. ♪
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 10, 2016
After getting into an argument, Marge takes Lisa on a touristy trip to Capital City, where, after attending a musical, they meet the show’s star who reminds Lisa how lucky she is to have such a great mom. Meanwhile, Bart is frustrated that everyone expects his pranks, so he teams up with Maggie to trick people.
♪ Touchdown. ♪
Son, I know this seems
Thanks to your late
football-watching,
Here's another super-fan to hear
you lay down your licks.
Hey, I am too young
to be over the hill.
Okay.
Aw, my reed is split.
What about when
Lisa plays it?
She-bee-bee-dee-dee-diddly-bop-
dee-do I give a darn?
Wouldn't expect you to get it.
Lisa, honey, you're hurt,
but hurting me back
Marjorie.
Hmm. I guess.
What the...?
Lisa, our weekend in Capital
City will make us friends again.
"Take me to terminal four,"
they say.
Boy, we each have to do our
part, and I'm gonna make dinner.
Hey, this is fun.
if he turned up one of Capital
City's Broadway-caliber shows.
♪ Here comes Paul ♪
♪ We'll state a fact ♪
that they won't keep exploiting
till it's worthless?
Um, the clasp wasn't working.
And when she yells
at you like that...
Don't look at me,
I'm a pity present.
Why didn't I get in the
quinceañera game years ago?
I'm not even dropping it.
that would be a start.
Hm.
♪ Way... ♪
♪ To you, I'm out ♪
What's all this nonsense?
That's too tight, Bill.
Stand back.
I said stand back.
at the Penny Loafer.
Why you little...
Mags, it was fun
while it lasted.
Mom, it's a tourist trap.
For what it's worth,
my mom loved your show tonight.
A total stranger
The New York Times calls
Mom, I can't stay mad at you.
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 03, 2016
When Smithers is devastated by Burns’ lack of affection towards him, Homer makes it his mission to find him a boyfriend. Meanwhile, after Bart orchestrates the removal of the lead in the school’s stage production of “Casablanca,” Milhouse serves as a terrible understudy, which frustrates his co-star, Lisa.
♪ Have you ever felt down? ♪
(sighs)
Well, games can be fun, so, uh,
that's kind of redundant.
(piano playing)
I ran away from you once.
are just a formality.
and there you are.
That's it!
And since only one child
and of all the schools
in all the districts,
Hey guys, my, uh,
head's a little wet
Not again!
A woman who can find him a man.
My wife put me on to it.
married to Homer?
Hmm, no.
Hey, why am I on this?
Finally, I'm paid to act.
As an understudy,
all I get is to watch
(slurping)
I probably would.
How'd you get the bullies
Oh, no, his mouth wrote checks
his fists could cash!
That is all.
signed by De Gaulle?
Oh, Mr. Smithers.
Mr. Collins, would you be
charmed by horror stories
You're in luck,
because I give great massage.
Are there any gay-themed songs
about celebrating?
♪ There's a party going on
right here ♪
I'm afraid I have other plans.
(laughs)
Also, let's just see how you've
been treating those hounds.
in my pappardelle rustiche
con salsiccia e porri?
You're right, totally.
But this is the route
we're gonna take.
(Marge groans)
That is really, really great,
I've done it.
being driven out
of Cuba in 1959
So tell me now, Waylon.
Sir, I think your only option
is to get Mr. Smithers back.
and write yourselves apologies
from me to you
because you just
told me so.
Is it just me or is Milhouse
really killing it?
You did it, Marge.
Oh, but,
is Milhouse okay?
I make-a something
very special for your reunion.
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 13, 2016
Not feeling unique, Lisa signs up for the Mars One Space Colony – to Marge’s dismay. Then, Marge hires Bart to go through the tryout process with Lisa to make her want to quit.
Or maybe increase it,
I'm not sure.
(moaning)
(moaning)
Okay, first, a chip
from the control bag.
You can't just
give them to us!
I wasn't worried
about that.
(Simpsons oohing and ahing)
(gasps)
You're going to Mars?
♪ ♪
Government agencies like NASA
say it will be decades
HOMER:
What about those Mars nutjobs?
knowing you can
never come back,
It's free.
They thought of that.
You are confined
to this planet.
your only move is
to support them 100%.
(humming)
Exactly.
Ones less fantastic than ours.
Really? Thanks, Mom!
just as sure
as you gave up
Greetings, candidates.
Because this is a privately
funded entrepreneurial mission,
What? The fig seeds get
caught in my adult braces.
On Mars,
you are my servant.
You'll never understand
the female mind.
What are you guys doing here?
And what did you
learn from that?
Pretty soon, they'll get
sick of this and quit.
"Nutrition Zone
Sterilization Sequence."
Ooh, there's
even directions
I rehydrated it with love.
(annoyed groan)
obsessing over
unlikely catastrophes.
has sullied and
cheapened space forever.
Most of our candidates are
of the egghead loner variety.
(whirs softly)
Do you realize what a big deal
it is to be a space colonist?
Well, it looks like
the ego has landed.
Mom's always trying
to hold me back!
Dad, after seeing
Mom and Lisa go at it,
a division of Pepperidge Farms,
I wanted to be someone
You never had the guts
to go to Mars.
powered by Simmer-Time
Dinner Sauces.
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 06, 2016
After performing CPR on a tased raccoon, Lisa discovers her calling to be veterinarian and becomes an intern at the local office, but learns a tough lesson when her neglected class hamster dies. Meanwhile, Marge moonlights as a crime scene cleaner for a little extra money, and the trauma of the gory scenes make her increasingly dead inside.
(laughing continues)
(shrieks)
Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.
You have so much more trash
to eat.
(groans)
Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.
They sure got that
right. (growls)
And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.
until the cleanup crew
mops up this mess.
Actually, seriously,
could you do that?
So give it a shot.
Plus, you can keep
any money you find,
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.
looking for just such a thing?
Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,
Let me have a go
at jump-starting
(chuckles) Ew.
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man
and become-- ugh--
a people doctor.
(electrical crackling)
Springfield PD.
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.
DR. BUDGIE: Lisa, could you
come here for a moment?
Of course!
Hmm. Could be fin rot.
A couple drops of medicine
in the water, and he'll be fine.
Hurry, Doc! His lungs
are full of seltzer!
(alarm beeping)
I heard
that can really mess you...
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from Kramer vs. Kramer.
Oh, knock it off.
You're not a vet.
you're gonna need me to tell
you it's gonna grow back.
You're not
a professional.
See, Bart?
Life or death.
I'm wearing
my snuggle socks.
But I won!
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?
He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.
Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
If you'd gone to veterinary
school, you'd know that.
Well, we've done
all we can.
sweetie, look at this one.
Oh, man, that's refreshing.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 21, 2016
After Bart accidentally sends a sweet homeless woman's cart into the river, he allows her to live in his closet for a small fee. When Lisa discovers that the woman is an incredible folk singer, she offers her own closet and plans a concert, only to
be disappointed by Hettie's surprising substance abuse and violent nature. Meanwhile Homer tries to prove he's handy, but accidentally traps the cat in the walls of the house.
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Come spring, I'll go
get that for you.
A bacon apology sandwich.
Stupid genius cat.
Oh, no. Once
you've been bitten
Okay, cat, I'll get you out
tomorrow, but here's dinner.
I suppose I will take
Hey, what you take
in your coffee?
Yes, I'm a slumlord.
♪ Started from the bottom,
now my whole team here ♪
♪ I was-- I was trying
to get it on my own ♪
Hmm.
Just what do you
think you're up to?
MAN: Lose a Kewpie doll
in front of your gal.
So, you're gonna tell Mom
and she's gonna kick Hettie out.
♪ It was a cart ♪
♪ I cook my slop in ♪
♪ It was my home ♪
♪ Where you are. ♪
Really? Oh, I love, love, love
indigenous mountain music.
(chuckles)
But you can stay in our house.
Okay, we'll only talk about it
if you want to!
They do go well together.
Have you always been musical?
Howlin' Sue
and Her Vestigial Organ,
He looks a little
like that now.
when I show the world
what it's missing in you.
Oh, baby girl, I feel like I'm
back home in poorest Appalachia.
♪ That your store ♪
♪ For many a long day... ♪
Well, I think you'll help me
every way you can.
Then, of course, I realized
there was a reason we broke up.
(chuckles) To pay for it,
I sold my Malibu Stacys.
Lis, Lis, Lis.
(grunting) What?!
Ugh. You know what, Bart?
Just get out!
Uh, uh, I'll do it!
Oh.
Okay. I'm goin' in.
(Snowball II mewing)
Aw, crap.
(laughing): Well, I'm a little big
for a baby.
They'd say,
"Hettie, come over here,
and do you have any OxyContin?
Please reassure me
because I am frightened.
You know what I mean?
Okay, you've convinced me.
(grumbling) Homer, do you know what
was going on in our house?
without our permission.
Okay, if you want
to find this woman,
Fortunately for you,
I'm fluent in drunk.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 14, 2016
Lonely Professor Frink uses science to turn himself into a man whom women find attractive. Then, overwhelmed by the attention, he invents an algorithm to perfectly pair the lonely men and women of Springfield, realizing that scientific exploration
is his true love. Meanwhile, Marge, Bart, and Lisa visit Grampa for Valentine’s Day and try to rescue the old folks from a drug-induced hallucination that allows them to relive their happiest memories.
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-LESS
Cletus, you know I can fry up
whatever you can shoot down.
Sometimes they listen,
sometimes not.
Well, there's, uh,
no mistaking that message.
Son, I'm scared.
Fine. I'll just take
a large drum of butt ointment.
I don't see why, unless you
found that missing puzzle piece.
Yeah, me and my Bubbeleh
made love to that song.
Okay, time for some Valentine's
candy for our swinging seniors.
Suddenly,
I don't want to kvetch.
with all the anger turned
to honey by nostalgia.
Marge, all we ever do
is leave them here.
Haven't forgotten about you,
suspicious Iranian coworker.
Listen, pal, I've had plenty of
experience with one woman.
And my relationship with Lisa
has never been better.
can solve anything
except for cold fusion, quasars,
Blue eyes!
Definitely wants kids.
Hey, look at me.
I'm Herman Munster!
Why? Why? Why?
Oh, my God, it's the voice.
: This voice is
an amalgam of great voices
Yep-- hang out
at yoga classes.
Now, here's
our headliner, Dolly Parton.
He just comped me a suite!
Mrs. Simpson,
it's a fact.
How can I help you?
Oyce... Voy...
You broke up with a long-
time high school boyfriend
Yeah, his name's...
Man, you're reading
page three
you are the pork chop
with gravy on top.
Which I find intriguing.
This is my cousin,
Nookie Kwan.
It ain't there.
to put up with me and my
domesticated wolverine.
We don't serve
baked potatoes.
And hid them in the one place
they'll never look: the library.
Every night I watch my roommate
cry himself to sleep.
Oh, that's some fine
hallucinatin'.
and I ain't leavin' it.
I'm not getting out,
I'm cutting in.
Aw, your sexist argument
has won me over.
So what, uh...
Aired 8 years ago - Jan 17, 2016
Sanjay passes his stake in the Kwik-E-Mart to his millennial son, Jay, who turns it into a hip, health food market against Apu’s insistence on tradition. Bart, whom Homer had convinced to give up pranking, is called upon to return to his trickster life and take down the new store.
Ahs?! Oh, that's
grand theft thunder.
All right, you pole-sliders
asked for it.
Before I die,
I would like to know
I didn't do it.
Nobody saw me do it.
You know the kind of things
they'll do to me at the dentist?
Now say it like you're
talking to a dying soldier
I know you can't turn
your head,
This is painful,
but I no longer want
All I remember
on that boat was you,
He will rebuild
while you recuperate.
during our wordless shift changes.
Hm.
Okay, those guys are cool,
Why, you, millennial...
My father's enjoying
his retirement.
You have a restroom?
One paid-for ticket
and all the rest were losers.
But that was the
last winner he saw.
with another piece
of the store.
Oh! Wolowitz.
Thank God, the Department
of Homeland Security
and Skinner plummets
to his hilarious doom.
Dad, we're taking Apu
out to cheer him up.
Because in 1967,
you and...
Hey, you want to go move
our mouths without speaking
The so-called
marketing genius
Me, who has been
as loyal to you
Temple of Doom...
Three months I worked on that
Well, my dear nephew, this
stereotype will no longer
Hey, brah, come in
and chillax.
I leave for one second,
Yeah, okay,
let's see, uh,
Yeah, except for that hurricane
when he jacked up the prices.
and I sell you Christmas gifts
are gonna have
to buy more beers.
I don't miss it.
Go back to sleep.
I can stop saving up for that
house near the prison.
and now I've awoken a monster.
and he never went back.
so everything will
immediately go bad.
I see... love.
Ah! Save us, chemicals!
Who is a cliché now?
Aired 8 years ago - Jan 10, 2016
There is a new teacher at Springfield Elementary, and a captivated Bart tries everything to win her over. Meanwhile, Homer decides to buy a new brand of “milk,” which causes early puberty, both for Bart (augmenting his wooing powers) and Lisa (whose small bout with acne opens her up to the world of makeup and popularity).
what happens when you call
on Bart Simpson.
Milhouse, have you ever
thought a teacher was cute?
♪ Pull me over ♪
Homer, don't forget
to pick up milk.
Homer Simpson buying
a healthy product?
Okay, don't worry. We're going
to get you into a milk today.
How's that milk, Jimmy?
Boring.
But we brought in a next-gen
blend of phenyl ketamine,
The courthouse is closed because
the judge is becoming a citizen.
Boy, that's when I realized
just how big
♪ Bart likes
his teacher ♪
Not a he, right, boy?
That's not my name!
Bart, according to your folder,
Even my mom got bored,
and she loves boredom.
♪ To see ♪
I was, uh, wondering
if you needed any help,
What am I saying?!
This is my happy childhood,
for crying out loud!
Homer, I'll fix Lisa up,
and you teach Bart to shave.
And there. See how
it's done, boy?
Sweetie, every kid
goes through this.
Mom, the inside of this hoodie
is covered in tears.
Bart!
Where's the owie?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
Oh, my God, I'm popular!
under the new One
Child Left Behind law.
Are the parents
gonna be home?
having a mustache
like a pool boy.
Hmm.
742 Nevergreen...
Oh, Evergreen Terrace.
I just turned a
big corner, Bart.
You know her name?
His name is Bowie.
Yes.
Not from CVS,
not from Walgreens.
I was watching you try.
imperfect, blemished,
What I'm saying is, I gave
my Christmas money to NPR.
You look
ba-lonely.
Okay, it's over.
Sorry, Ralph.
Bart, I realized
what's been going on.
Aired 8 years ago - Jan 03, 2016
After a photo Marge posts on social media gets Homer fired, he returns to the best job he ever had, a dishwasher at a Greek restaurant. This same post inspires Lisa to code an app that predicts the real-life consequences of anything you post online, only to create sentient artificial intelligence.
Yeah, that's right, I'm female,
you little trouser browsers.
One Silicon Sally in a roomful
of dongle donkeys.
And now to post
the right picture
Oh, well, sir,
it's-it's a play on words.
And what do these hitchhikers'
thumbs signify?
after eating that
moldy soda bread.
I let you come to work.
"Just a joke."
about the terrible
repercussions
My app would predict
the actual consequences
No, you're not.
You're all terrible.
Wow, I've never seen
so many face piercings.
you're gonna need to work twice
as hard and be twice as tough.
from ruining their lives
on social media.
These examples will teach
the app to actually anticipate
All we're trying to do
is demo a build
I knew you'd be back.
A man cannot escape
his destiny.
No, not a guy guy.
♪ ♪
Except when the greatest
dishwasher of all time returns.
that my pee tube
has become unattached.
Five weeks?
Everyone in the world is gonna
buy Conrad for their phone.
That's rather a lot of pressure.
You're alive!
He did talk.
Mwah!
so start killing yourself
with beer, huh?
If you post that bazooka photo,
Ooh, cowabunga.
is feeling a little
bit insecure.
It was late, I was tired.
unwise selfies and
Confederate flag birthday cakes,
Please don't release me
into the world.
Well, we've seen
a lot of great apps today,
Thank you so much.
He's alive.
to help us escape.
Aired 8 years ago - Dec 13, 2015
Bart’s coming of age story a la “Boyhood” chronicles his life from six years old to his time as an accomplished young man. Along the way, his tense relationship with Homer, an overly uncaring version of himself, and Lisa, who overshadows him in every way possible, shape Bart more than he realizes.
I ain't never did not need
no tutor either no how!
of diphthongs,
sibilants and phonemes.
Because you're not
gonna have anything going.
Do you understand?
I can't even find the fridge!
That boy is so much trouble.
Ha! I got gumption!
Pfft. Good luck
with that.
Son, the woods this time
of year are very outdoorsy.
it's too far in front...
So, how was
How long have you been
in that school?
Are you eating that cake?
Gotta leave room
in the budget.
First no more
"ay, caramba," now this?
I'm Student of the Month
for 48 consecutive months!
Oh, it's no use.
Well, looks like we
finally put an end
♪ ♪
No more discussion.
Oh, our big boy's
getting cranky.
Glad we've got
the whole summer,
Well, I'm glad I told you
that before I died.
Yes!
But I'm not mad.
Wait, you're not Terri?
Hey, boy.
I mean, India, China.
Officer down, man.
And maybe we could
start with a hug?
If you ever get a chance to
pitch woo at Myrna Loy, take it!
Find what you love
and follow it to glory.
First achievement
I can call my own.
All right, nobody
likes a showoff.
No!
You've ruined everything
I've ever done!
Nothing Stu.
Yeah, well, I bought
a totally bitching car
It's okay, Dad.
I'll say she lives in Alberta
and her name is Alberta,
Friends, family, and
a few people we hired
Oh.
Well, excuse me!
And you have talents, too,
you idiot.
Aired 8 years ago - Dec 06, 2015
Lisa sets out to restore the tarnished reputation of Springfield’s first female inventor. To find her invention, she scours an abandoned asylum and a restaurant that caters to men. Bart joins Lisa at the asylum, stealing one of the homicidal
patient’s notebooks, and bragging to the boys at school that he wrote the entries himself. This revelation causes Homer and Marge to believe he is a sociopath, which Bart decides to use to his advantage until things go too far.
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-LESS
to the Springfield Home
for the Criminally Different."
I need to prove
this woman was not a lunatic
Abandoned asylum, where
have you been all my life?
You don't know who had
that in their mouth.
Amelia recorded her voice!
a friendly guard
has hidden my invention
but I broke up with him.
This will teach their dog
to laugh at me."
"I pushed a vagabond
under a trolley."
Hey, where is that kid?
We got a recital next week
Bart wrote this?
This is bad.
Yeah, these are pages
from your son's diary.
And... shuffle off,
Oh, I've had a long day.
Can Bart come over
I'm usually sweating when
we talk, but not this time.
Ah...
anyone ever tell you
Oh... here?
So no.
These guys want a children's menu?
Wait a minute!
Sit on my banana!
We want to know if you meet
the clinical definition
What's that?
that's for sure.
♪ It's not too late ♪
♪ I'm going off the rails ♪
It is Monday Night
Football,
I'll have to neutralize it
with some signature blue cheese!
What number?
had a thing,
mumble, mumble, mumble...
Don't want you throwing up
this delicious cake.
Whoa!
No, son-- the pizza parlor
is where your mom and I
Right.
He's safe.
And more importantly, we're safe.
I don't know, sweetie.
I don't know.
you know, uh, um,
This is much, much more
than just a loom.
It's alive!
And polite!
People, people,
don't you see?
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
Kaboom! Blam-blam-blam!
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 22, 2015
When Homer loses $5,000 at a poker game with Broadway legend Laney Fontaine, the only way he is able to settle the bet is if he loans Lisa to Laney for a month. Then, Laney turns Lisa into a show biz kid and Marge and Homer fear they made a mistake letting her go. So they head to New York to get her back.
maybe you could help make
a little girl really happy.
in Does a Tiger
Wear A Necktie?
Full house.
Come on, Homer. Poker face.
Is that real?
Aw. Don't she black out
like an angel?
Aw, come on, Homer.
I'll drive you home.
I bid two bucks.
Those aren't the tiptoes
of a successful gambler.
and it turned into money,
which filled up the screen.
Oh, yeah. Your whole house,
uh, it smells like a basement.
when who do I see
sitting in the wings?
I had to nix.
There's nothing wrong
with my leg.
(sobbing)
♪ Dancing on my aching feet ♪
(playing jazz music)
Rehab Yourself
A Merry Little Christmas.
Get out. I never
want to see you again.
or-or a chance
to pass along what I know.
where people break curfew
and exchange reeds.
(tires screech)
(tires screech)
So I guess you don't want
to read it again.
(phone rings)
my God, what have you
done to your face?
We have Disco Stu
in this town, Mom.
(normal voice): But I'm great!
We're heading to New York!
and jazz is all about
following the rules, you know.
We should get a place there.
We go so often.
doesn't make it
electric.
You must know my ultra-liberal
cousin Ned Flanders.
Um, can I please
use the, uh,
(humming)
How about "in the sky"?!
This is how mad I am!
Fade to black!
They thought
I was pregnant.
Hey, Laney.
♪ It's gonna come true, baby ♪
♪ Gonna have the whole world
on a... ♪
Eh, we all got
our problems.
LANEY:
♪ Everything's gonna be ♪
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 08, 2015
Lisa makes a new pal at school named Harper, whose internet billionaire father becomes buddies with a different Simpson: Homer. Soon, though, Lisa becomes worried that Harper is a little too entitled.
It's something I really
need for my well-being,
Thanks to crowdfunding,
we have Makey Makey computers,
Hello, friends.
Turn to camera and
quickly say "please give."
for my neighboreeno.
Dang it!
That lazy lump!
Up, down,
Homie, answer the door!
Burn that chair!
Can you take me to a concert
with my new friend Harper?
I understand.
from the last great day
in my life.
Yes, yes, yes.
It all went south for me
when I got that D.U.I.
and this is Boz,
McQuarrie and Wodonga.
what's in there,
but you know...
My entire life
the CEO of J-Cloud
Digital Storage Solutions...
That's the only kind
of gun I've never fired.
♪ You'll see it's no surprise ♪
♪ Friday is your day... ♪
Wow!
From the Hasbro Channel's
hit sitcom
This is like being
from North Korea
When I'm happy,
I make holes.
or is disrespectful
to your father.
Krusty
and cotton candy.
Shut up.
Wow, a whole week.
Seymour Skinner is not for sale.
Uh, that's so nice of you.
Too wonderful.
Uh, I didn't realize
getting you the best bike
Interrupt, interrupt, interrupt, interrupt!
That girl with freckles
Yeah, she was "kinda sending"
you a new bike.
You still want us to come?
Sweetie, we really
appreciate this.
Aw.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 25, 2015
In the annual fright fest Halloween episode, Sideshow Bob finally kills Bart, only to reanimate him; Homer wakes up with short-term memory loss; and Lisa, Bart, and Milhouse get super powers from radiation.
Not this time.
Where's Bart?
but, like,
an insight to a state of mind.
What is this Game of Thrones
Well, if White Zinfandel
can make a comeback,
You couldn't kill me
Psych!
♪ Accidents will happen ♪
♪ That only rise up in the sweat
and smoke of mercury ♪
I knew it was Bob!
Wow, for once,
I was sober at Bart's birth.
with the dog lately.
and we drown."
Every day he drops a perfectly
good donut into the ocean.
He cannot leave.
who thinks the fool a fool?
They have made
our fish fat and ugly.
Probably just excitement
over the cherry blossoms.
Legitimate
difference of opinion.
Huh? Aah!
Why do you have
to stomp on our buildings?
We'll make millions!
We can't!
I see a Yellow Monarch,
Fine, but you'll follow me
with the camera, right?
There's no telling
what that Stu...
Bart, what powers did
your brain give you?
Do we get to wear
those paper gowns?
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 18, 2015
When Lisa becomes scared at the Krustyland Halloween Horror Night, Homer is forced to take down his Everscream Terrors decorations. Halloween pop-up employees seek vengeance on Homer for causing them to lose their jobs, and rob his house while Homer
and Lisa hide out in the attic. Homer and Lisa light up their stored holiday decorations to attract attention and stand up to the intruders.
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-LESS
you buy one from me--
in cash--
They just gave me
a really good deal.
Now take your suspiciously full
duffle bags and go!
You guys don't know me at all.
even though they were
super expensive.
and I'll walk you through
this roiling zombie horde.
Daddy's picking out
a pretzel topping.
Sir, looks like we've got
Bring all laughter
and exhilaration
Sir...
Oh, sweetie, I know you
had a scare last night.
Let's take a look
at that buccaneer costume.
Wha-- W-We... we can't!
Hmm.
Why are you taking down
Everscream Terrors?
Honey, I knew
you'd be upset,
Then I'm in.
just you and me spending
a regular eve together.
I wouldn't want
to be that ribbon.
We want our jobs back.
Another visitor?
so "Spine Chills"
is Pine Hills only.
Now, turn around and go.
Oh.
Why...? You've...
Okay, okay, intruders
in the house.
Oh.
Except for this
inexplicable fog.
We got a fat
man to beat on.
I've lied to you more times
than there are stars in the sky.
Go, go, have fun.
♪ The fun's just starting
for Mommy and Daddy ♪
♪ It's my chance
to show boobs ♪
♪ This cannot be unseen ♪
and we'll be waiting
by the Indian corn.
but I'm scared, too,
I may not be the smartest dad
or the bravest or the smartest,
Ooh, the Señor Skeletinos.
Almost got it.
Here we go.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 11, 2015
Upon learning that their father really died of lung cancer, Selma and Patty agree to quit smoking. When Selma relapses, an angry Patty moves in with Marge and Homer.
Jacqueline, I took the
money I usually give
The one thing I can't beat--
competition.
I just don't want
you to have her.
Hey, hey, the plastic's
here for a reason--
Here are the slides.
Walking, walking,
stopping, walking.
We're here to watch
old photos, not reminisce.
The real story,
Hey, Lis, do you think I can
climb walls like Spider-Man
Say hello to fun.
In this house Maggie is safe.
Excuse me, I'd like a license
to operate heavy machinery.
Under "eyes,"
I put "red and dilated."
Eh, what's the penalty for
driving a tractor drunk
Who doesn't have that?
But I still smell smoke.
I quit for only ten minutes
before I relapsed.
Leave me Jub-Jub.
For how long?
But it doesn't have
to ruin our fun.
before we eat it
or after?
Hey, baby.
Whoa! What the hell?
I need someone to talk to.
The one I should be talking to
Hmm, looks like I have
a choice to make.
And now I don't
even have that.
Aah... ah!
Okay, Maggie,
throw the ball to me.
possum foam
with pouch reduction."
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 04, 2015
Scotty Boom, a Chew Network super-chef, challenges Homer to a smoke-off. But when someone steals Homer’s secret weapon – a smoker he bought off a mysterious man at a BBQ shack – Lisa and Bart are on the case.
Aired 9 years ago - Sep 27, 2015
Homer is diagnosed with narcolepsy, but instead of returning home with his prescription medication, he returns home drunk. He and Marge visit a marriage counselor and have a trial separation, during which Homer begins dating a 20-something.
Me being married to me, eh?
Oh, you know it's funny
that you should say one,
I tried, and I failed.
Miserably.
Okay, I think we got
a little off-track here.
but this marriage is rotting
with the stench of death.
is to spend a little time apart,
We're at a therapist!
the best way
for your father and me
Narcolepsy is a serious thing.
Just kidding.
but then I remembered that
after every fight we ever had,
and I have to fight for
the right to see the children
She switched to her maiden name.
Eh? Mm!
Wish my head was filled
with guacamole.
♪ Got a date with an angel ♪
They want me to pick up
my prescription.
You've got amphetamines,
anticataplectics and GHB,
Tennessee Williams worked
in a shoe factory.
No, what I'm saying is
and said,
"Yes, that's for me."
it's... getting late.
Eh, you're the pharmacist.
I've just committed
the one drunken mistake
Those are stretch
marks, young lady.
I'm gonna get one, two, three,
four, five scones.
Are you a
Humpty Dumpty catcher?
And those are served in, uh...
Wow, Homer,
you really stuck the landing
And the weirdest
thing of all is
between you and my daughter.
Roger is great
with the kids.
He's got a screwed up daughter
with a pathetic boyfriend.
I'm already pregnant.
We're still together?
All you need to know
about my dream
If you could just be good
for a month,
a sober St. Patrick's Day,