Aired 13 years ago - May 21, 2006
When Homer hears that the Isotopes are on a winning streak, he takes the family to the game. The first baseman’s game is going bad, caused by his sexy singing wife Tabitha embarrassing him during the game’s national anthem. Buck Mitchell sees
Marge and Homer’s kiss on the game’s Kiss-Cam and comes to them for marital advice. They start working with the couple and Buck’s baseball career turns around, but it and the Simpson marriage goes awry again when Buck catches Homer giving Tabitha a neck massage. While Marge and Homer try keeping their marriage together they also try to get Buck and Tabitha back together.
We did it, baby.
You want to know something, Bart?
Let's just say one of the ladies
had some extra equipment.
Get him! He could threaten
my record for lady triples.
I'm trouble-istic stay away, boy,
Hey, Buck, how's it feel knowing your
wife's turning on a creep like me?
...and the home of the brave.
That's an e-3 if you're keeping score at home,
But then he kissed me and then he kissed me...
I just sweetened itto my liking.
Yes, yes, the game you played so horribly at.
I was wondering if you and the mister
could give us some marriage counseling.
It's me, the weird guy from the stadium!
I was just gathering my counseling equipment.
and no one's wrong... till I say so.
Wow, I think we really hit on something here.
"be honest with your partner
about what you're feeling."
Good idea, honey. Buck, would you mind
signing a couple of baseballs for my boy?
Okay, tonight we're gonna discuss
little ways to keep your romance alive:
Or take the same limo.
And here's the pitch to Buck Mitchell.
of early retirement and inspired
rumors of steroid abuse.
sexy marriage land
They're day laborers.
Oh, yeah, baby.
How come Buck Mitchell's game
is in the toilet again?
But not me, 'cause I thinkthey're disgusting.
He was the first man who didn't
just like me for my body.
Aired 13 years ago - May 14, 2006
Working through their checklists of things to do before summer ends, Lisa gets the family to go a museum. At the Springfield Museum of Natural History there is an exhibit Lisa is excited to see on Women’s History turns into an exhibit on the
history of weapons, which excites Homer and Bart. When Flanders sees the exhibit of evolution and another that mocks creationism, he raises an alarm. Reverend Lovejoy gets Skinner to have creationism taught in school. Lisa is the only one who holds onto the scientific theory. She brings the topic up at the town meeting and the town votes to teach only one theory, creationism. Lisa decides to hold her own class on evolution, until she is arrested. The ACLU gives her a lawyer who is up against a slick Southern lawyer, but ultimately it’s a family member that is a key to her defense.
Sit on it, Springfield!
So that's why everyone's been
saying that all summer.
All right. Just this once, you can take
a drink out of my special water bottle.
'Cause I'd take a bullet for
you, man, right in the mouth!
Disco Stu slides in front of you!
Let's go in to the next one.
Sorry, folks, the weapons exhibit
is now closed for the day.
That was god disguised as a stork.
Even though there's nothing
about it in the bible.
No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR!
was written by a cowardly
drunk named charles Darwin.
Evolution is widely
acknowledged as scientific fact.
Today we had a test, and
every answer was "god did it."
My son's a brat, but
he's a special little guy.
Well, then I choose...
Dad, you're not really
reconsidering evolution, are you?
regular people can park
in handicapped spaces
Last week, the unscientific
theory of creationism
It is time to go back to
teaching one single truth.
while I beat this ominous drum.
"Dear seekers of truth:
Little Moe Szyslak?
I will be reading to you from the
original of species by Charles Darwin.
"Chapter one: When we compare the individuals
There are so many worse crimes.
Why are you persecuting me?
In the old days, we would've
been all over that.
is humble country lawyer Wallace Brady.
"I'll have the roast beef for lunch."
So, as a scientist, what is your
take on this "devil-ution"?
Why, I believe, right now,
this gentleman's having dinner
I have to judge a wet t-shirt
contest in 20 minutes.
Aired 13 years ago - May 07, 2006
Marge goes on a cleaning frenzy before the housekeeper she’s won the services of comes to the house. One spot remains and she mixes a number of toxic cleaners together to tackle the job. The noxious mixture knocks her out and she wakes up suffering
from amnesia. Marge is taken home and the family tries to bring back her memory. She starts to get back memories of her children and other insignificant things, but when it comes to remembering her husband, nothing he does seems to jog her memory. When he can’t get her to remember him, he tries to win her all over again, especially after Patty and Selma get her back out on the dating scene.
On second thought, i am Brenda Winecooler.
You wouldn't take that away
from me, would you, son?
Mark and Tracy, I remember
the first words I heard you say:
Homer! This says I've won
insane ravings about me
getting other people's mail.
Don't be so naive, Lisa.
Untidy! Untidy! Untidy!
Now I'll put them backin the jar.
When will Marge remember us?
Marge, I'm gonna take care of you
until your amnesia goes scram-nesia.
I'm your husband!
I'm Lisa, I'm eight years old, and
this might sound presumptuous, but...
Now, the doctor said a tour of the
town could help bring back your memory.
Maraschino isn't even a kind of cherry!
I may be wasted, but I still care
about the safety of these kids.
The important thing is never to touch it.
The sound of the baby must have
triggered a primal mnemonic response in
I remember Bart!
I don't know, maybe there'ssomething
unpleasant blocking my memory of you.
I'm sorry, you seem like...a colorful
character, but I just don't remember you.
I'm not making love with you!
why can I remember everyone
in town except my husband?
Buy the police department
a hang glider, you said.
Marge, if I can't make you remember
me, then I'll make you fall for me all
he paid me ten bucks so I would lie
I've had a lovely evening, Mr. Simpson.
The warm spring air, the swings
I took in the batting cage afterwards.
You know, I still think about you all the time.
Dad, we don't want you to leave.
Well, the rest of your life for sure.
A mixer? I don't know. I am
still technically married.
I... I want you to know I'm
coming from a very fragile place.
I don't drive a lexus, okay?
I can't believe anyone ever really
finds anyone at these things.
Why don't we just go get a cup of coffee?
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 30, 2006
The family attends "Stab-A-Lot: The Itchy and Scratchy Musical." The musical's director is a graduate of Springfield Elementary and Principal Skinner puts his foot in mouth when he makes sexist comments about her education and that of women in
general. He tries to make the situation better, but only buries himself deeper and deeper until he is fired and replaced by Women's Educational Expert Melanie Upfoot. The first thing she does is split the school into girls and the boys. Lisa dislikes the way girls are being taught math and she ventures over to the boy's side of the school in search of a challenge. Disguising herself as Jake Boyman she starts attending the boy's school but while she finds the math problems more interesting, it is being a boy that is a greater challenge.
I suppose it's symbiotic
fighting and biting
It's the circle the circle of knife
the circle of knifes.
Well, I remember gettinga "b" or two in math.
Calm down, calm down.
Why is it that women "appear" to
be worse at math than men?
The principal's a tranny.
Now he's saying women and men aren't equal.
Due to nervous exhaustion and
diarrhea of the mouth...
For too long, there's been an
anti-woman bias in math.
Girls on the left, boys on the right.
Now, this is why I got into education.
Isn't that right, Bart junior?
Well, a woman also invented
the windshield wiper.
snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Have an empowering day, my
pony-loving leaders of tomorrow.
Now that the boys and their atmosphere
of intimidation are gone, we can
Is the number seven odd...or just different?
Just add the volume of the spheres.
Assistant groundskeeper Skinner,
don't you think it's wrong
When I was in school, I loved math, until...
You never take our kids to the movies.
You have Toilet paperon your shoe.
Okay, I can talk my way out of this.
I love you, too, Nelson.
Hey, Lis, you missed it.
You're a boy, nothing is sweet.
Do you really think women
are mentally inferior?
At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you.
To fully become a man, you must pick
a fight with someone weaker than you.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 23, 2006
As the family waits for their food at “The Frying Dutchman,” they pass the time by telling stories. Lisa tells about the Mayflower’s journey to America, where Marge and her kids are Pilgrims and they are joined by a knave named Homer who joins
their family to escape the authorities. Bart recounts the story of Mutiny on the Bounty featuring Skinner as Captain Bligh and Bart as Mr. Christian. Homer tells the tale of the maiden voyage of a cruise ship in the 1970s featuring of a ship that can’t flip over, which of course it does and the attempts of the survivors to get out of the ship alive.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 09, 2006
At the power plant a movie is shown where the workers endorse outsourcing and Mr. Burns announces that he is closing the plant and moving the work to India. Homer is the only union employee left on the payroll and he is sent to India to train the
replacement workers, when he succeeds beyond expectations, he is given total control of the plant and declares himself a god. Meanwhile, Selma & Patty take Bart and Lisa to their MacGyver convention. When they discover Richard Dean Anderson doesn’t like MacGyver and much as they do, they kidnap him in retaliation. Anderson escapes only to enjoy the thrill and he turns himself back in so that he can escape again. When it happens over and over again, soon Patty and Selma are the ones who need a means of escape.
You finally came to our convention!
"Oh, I'm Macgyver. I can make a bomb
Wait, wait. I have some even more exciting news!
No. Think of it as a two-on-one
Where's the university of Notre Dame,
Okay, okay, I'll showthe cow I adore it.
Okay, Apu said his cousin kavicould help me out.
To tell youhow I escaped.
But this timedon't make it so easy.
I am a showman.
So what? Your beer's germanand the TV's japanese.
Wait, the book Marge gave me.
"In business as in breakfast,
fried eggs have fragile yolks."
He's got them eating out of his hand.
Just outsource it to Lisa.
I myself have found work with
several american companies.
All I need are these everyday objects:
We're crowding your plate.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm late fora dinner engagement.
We got to get rid of this cook.
This is Selma in line at the luray caverns.
You know, Smithers,"I told you so" has a brother.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 02, 2006
Homer spearheads the effort to get pro-football to bring a new franchise to Springfield. The football commissioner, on his way to officially award the franchise, stops at the Simpson house where Grandpa (mistaking him for a burglar) attacks him.
Springfield loses out and Abe becomes the town’s pariah. After trying and failing assisted suicide, Abe decides to live his life without fear and when the town decides to reuse their football stadium as a bullfighting ring, he volunteers to be the toreador. Ever the activist, granddaughter Lisa protests his new profession.
I own slums there!
L.A. Over Springfield.
Hollywood takes in talented actors
and writers from all over the world.
to sign waivers allowing celebrity
impersonators to sing in this video.
Springfield don't make nothin'
because Springfield blows
I'm sick of L.A.!
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go
tell my gay grandson I still love him.
to make Springfield the home of pro
football's newest team the Meltdowns!
Isn't your mother a well-known whore?
There, seems to be some delay.
This map says things like "Oak street"
and "Evergreen terrace,"
Criminals who prey on the elderly
people who watch this program.
I made a collage of these, and when
you step back, it looks like my face.
Not so tough when someone hits you
from behind with golf club, are ya?
that's right. The Springfield Meltdowns
football club shall never be!
Hey, Abe! Thanks for losing us our football team.
nobody needs you when you're upside down
everybody loves you when
you're six foot in the ground.
Like slipping in the shower
and then they find me
Aw, I think you're cute, too.
Yeah, and we're cleaning out
the death machine today.
I am so honored that you've
chosen me to murder you.
Good for you.
I guess if you want to commit suicide
around here you got to do it yourself.
and I know what's happening
We're here tonight to discuss possible uses for this
It is a cool, super sport.
I'll take on those bulls.
We'll bring you the bull's heart, sweetie.
Listen, I'm 83 years old, and for the first time
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 26, 2006
Homer is stoked for a party, where Lenny shows off his new plasma screen HD TV. Three days later and Homer still hasn’t left Lenny’s apartment. Lenny eventually gets him to leave and Marge enters them in a contest where they can win a plasma TV of
their own. They don’t win, but 3rd place gets them a tour of the FOX studios, where Homer learns about a wife-swapping show where he can win enough money to buy his own plasma TV. Marge agrees to appear and they exchange wives with the Heathbar family. Charles Heathbar winds up falling in love with Marge (who is giving him what he needs), while his real wife Verity finds Homer detestable.
Look at that picture quality.
We miss you.
Well, right there's a commercial
with a dancing cold sore.
Can you at least take a picture
of me with the tv?
Here's where we develop our many reality shows.
I already saw that exact same
show on another network.
Are you sure you want your most
intimate moments broadcast across the
Or it could damage many, many lives.
I'll do it. I'll do it!
I got my tenure at 28.
There aren't enough pixels in the world!
Your two families will exchange
wives for a month,
Because we'll be on tv, and earn
enough money to buy a tv.
I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually.
I could humiliate my husband,
and then this opportunity came along.
Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football.
I didn't even get a promotion today, again.
Does that include the people and the furniture?
but, you know, I choose where they meet.
"to scoop out scratchy's heart
and make it a sundae.
"So CSI: Miami investigated-ed it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a mandarin chinese lesson.
and a genie comes out.
The man says, "I want a new car.
what's with the kimono?
Because wouldn't it be hard
to see blue in the ocean?
and I'm never sick of drinkin' these.
Oh, who left this here?
Let me just breathe your scent
for a moment before I play.
blue just like your hair, you see
Yeah, Marge, your dreams can come true.
like her name is Di but die like when she died.
Admit it. We were born to fall into
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 19, 2006
The family is at a church fund-raiser, where Homer tries to ensure his rubber duck onto victory, but Flanders wins the big prize, which he doesn’t want and gives it to Marge. In return Marge agrees to watch Rod and Todd while Ned is attending a
left-handed convention. While Marge is spending all her time with the Rod and Todd and trying to let them learn how to be boys; Homer takes Bart and Lisa to a home for former celebrity animals and a monkey kidnaps Bart. Marge’s ability to be a mother comes into question when Ned discovers what she is doing with his boys and the local news covers Bart’s current predicament.
Protect the duck. D'oh!
This is my favorite kind of surprise: Mild.
Now Rod makes me check the closet
every night for Rita Rudner.
You want to play a game?
We're number two!
Yeah, I get that a lot.
And thank you god for
letting Mrs. Simpson come over.
And Homer can spend more time with our kids.
Daddy says up and down see-saws are dangerous.
Well, maybe we can take your mind
off things by studying for the sat:
Word on the street is: Cover
the toilet seat with tissue.
She probably misses her children.
I'm afraid there's nothing we can do now.
Well, I think it's about
time you boys get to bed.
to get self-confidence unless you
let them try things for themselves.
Well, their mascot is a kneepad wearing a helmet.
You're so right.
Look, it's been fun and all,
This oreo is rank.
Lookin' good, Rod!
All diddily aside, boys, what is
it about her you miss so much?
If they did, then my experiments
could be called cruel.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 12, 2006
The family is on a nature walk through “Carl’s Dad Caverns,” when Homer tries to get a piece from a stalactite. This results in the family falling through the cave floor and winds up with Homer getting stuck in the ceiling of one of the lower
chambers of the cave. Marge, Bart and Maggie go off to find help, while Lisa stays behind and tells her father a story to pass the time. Her story involves running from a bighorn sheep and into Mr. Burn’s mansion. The pair evades the tenacious sheep by finding refuge in the mansion’s attic, where Mr. Burns tells her the story of how he came to work at Moe’s Tavern by losing a scavenger hunt with a rich Texan. While there he learned (and tells to Lisa) the tale of the Moe’s treasure. The stories within stories culminate in the fate of the treasure being determined in the cave.
I mean, don't leave an old man to die.
Maybe Mr. Smithers
One I couldn't possibly recount.
How about we settle things
with a scavenger hunt?
is the winner, and shall receive all
of his opponent's worldly possessions.
I had but one item left on the list...
Hey, bar-boy, this table's wobbly.
But then, for once in my life,
things went my way.
and you are about to learn
the story of my treasure.
Boy, come here and listen to Lisa's story.
to buy some urinal cake mix
when I was suddenly sideswiped....
I needed to get rid of the human garbage
In the fall, I'll be teaching fourth
grade at Springfield elementary.
Edna, you've made me feel love
We have other vices.
And then opportunity strolled
right in the door.
See, this was back before snake
became a notorious jailbird,
under the wangs on the statues.
I was the happiest guy in the world.
What are you doing here?
I bet I won't even make it
through fourth grade.
sweet, misunderstood boys, who
just need someone to recognize
why do you all...!
I didn't want to spend it.
I want a photo of the hero who
risked his life to save me.
100 industrial way!
bats are chewing my legs!
The yellow gold of texas is what I want to save
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 26, 2006
Mr. Krupt is the school’s new gym teacher and introduces Bart and the kids to “BOMBARDMENT!” Bart’s attempt to get back at the new gym teacher results in the destruction of Groundskeeper Willie’s shack and the family takes him in. Lisa decides to
make Willie the focus of her science fair project and tries to turn him into a “proper gentleman” with surprising results. Meanwhile, Homer has ruined his last pair of blue pants and attempts to generate interest in them so the manufacturer will start making them again.
Do your worst; I'm drunk.
What is your major malfunction, Simpson?
Let me make it up to you.
That's not a pan, it's a colander.
It's a sculpture made of
children's lost retainers.
+ To have me shack rebuilt get my rotten teeth
+ Matching shoes for both me
feet dining on untainted meat
+ Wouldn't it be adequate?
I bet I could turn him into a proper gentleman.
Mr. Stern, would you make those glorious blue pants
Let him cut it himself, it's time he learned life ain't one big party!
That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in 80 days.
Wrong way, dingus!
Well, it creeps me out.
"What flows from the nose does not go on the clothes."
+ What flows from the nose does not go on my clothes.
+ The nose
ding dong, the zipper's gonna shine...
Master Bart Simpson.
And you may meet him again, as your new father!
And you can get me any time you want, handsome.
+ could use a fork and knife
+ start not a single fight and still not feel like a fruit
+ now that I've reached the stage
I did enter a project, and it's been in plain sight the entire evening!
What's the lesson for today?
And that job's taken.
Good evening, sir
Well, it did its job.
+ I've a fancy suit and a clean white shir
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 29, 2006
Bart obtains the key to the steam tunnels under the school and with Milhouse they go down to check them out. When Bart turns just one of the little valves they find in the valve room the chain reaction causes chaos throughout the school. Bart is
caught and Skinner wants to send him to a discipline camp in Oregon. When Bart can’t fly there alone, Homer has to drive him there himself and that is going to cause him to miss the trip to Las Vegas that Moe is sponsoring for all his regular customers. While the boys are gone, Marge and Lisa take some of the boys' old stuff and hold a yard sale, but the only things that sell well are their old medications and that gets her into bit of trouble.
These steam tunnels are awesome.
I'm gonna eat a lighter breakfast.
and not taking a walking tour of famous doors.
That's odd, we only turn the
heat on for parents' night.
Myra, can ya help me out here?
Can we move this along?
They use a proven concept "tough hate"
I don't tell your mother how much I've lost.
Why, there must be some mistake.
Thanks a lot, 33C.
Oh, yeah? You're going to that camp
Why are you doing this?
Come on, serious Homer!
their useless junk, and replace
it with knickknacks and curios.
Not to mention this powerpoint
demonstration he did just last week.
Well, maybe pulling pranks
is the only thing I'm good at.
See, Bart? I told you things could be worse.
They were eating melon for breakfast.
You know, it's legal there
for a guy to marry his son.
Yeah. I'll have the smiley-face breakfast special.
show your face this minute!
I get all of Bart's action
figures, Homer's treasured
And that came from Mr. Flanders
buying back his own stuff.
scarlet and black and ochre and peach.
They're Homer's expired pain medications.
I feel like Elvis Presley.
It's for... a friend.
Then I can back the car up and save myself.
We can do that, we have a special friendship.
your adorable little neck, because I want...
but I am not a drug grocer!
It's a reference to ma kettle. A popular
movie character from the '40s.
Being a father is just a job.
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 08, 2006
The result of Marge's anger against Quimby’s new toll road leads to the discovery of a frozen mailman and his 40-year-old mail. The old mail is delivered to the recipients, including one to Grampa Simpson's deceased wife, and it reveals a secret
love affair and who the real father of her baby Homer might be. Confused and emotional, Homer finds Mason Fairbanks, his wealthy and much improved paternal dad, and happily establishes a father-son relationship with him while rejecting Abe, his surrogate father of 40 years, especially after a DNA test reveals that Mason is indeed his real father. Homer joins Mason on an undersea treasure hunt and when Homer’s life is in mortal danger he reflects upon his childhood and realizes who his true father is. When he confesses that to Abe, Abe has a confession of his own.
Don't worry, this one's on Jesus.
Seymour! Get out and change the tires!
and it burns, burns, burns the
ring of fire, the ring of fire
where the melting ice cap has
revealed a discovery so gruesome,
and the size of the mailman's
Yeah, I got a 40-year-old letter
here for Mrs. Abraham Simpson.
My dearest Mona.
Lisa, I'm not sure that letter
is age-appropriate reading.
I don't care what that letter said.
Moleman? Mr. Burns?
The only tummy ache is in my head.
if you're lost, you can look
I'm doing a story on people who....
you're some sort of fruitcake.
well, uh, I'm sure my listeners would
Tonight our guest is oscar
nominee william H. Macy.
So tell us, what's next for william H. Macy?
Homer, please do that in the loo.
I got to say, grandma bet on the wrong horse.
the famed emeralds of Piso Mojado.
we must pray to Santa Maria to save us.
and with killer whales, but only the
latter knew how to chew without humming.
had you give them what they needed.
vinnie testaverde, Ferrari Testarossa...
I've prepared a t-shirt for you
that covers either eventuality.
Homer's biological father is...
even though we have no biological obligation.
There we go.
That's what you get for being luminous, jerks.
See ya soon, Homer.
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 18, 2005
When Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders are unable to deliver the Christmas sermon, Homer steps in and tells the story of the birth of the baby Jesus (Bart), King Harod’s (Mr. Burns’) attempt to have the baby killed and the creation of the first
Grandpa relates to Bart and Lisa the story of how in the Navy he and his older brother Cyrus were fighting in the Pacific in World War II. During a battle Cyrus’s plane is lost and Abe and Mr. Burns (his co-pilot) crash land their own plane. At Christmastime while awaiting rescue, Burns, anxious to shoot at something, shoots down Santa Claus. Abe and Burns help Santa to rebuild his sleigh (only for Burns to later steal.) After Abe gets it back, Santa promises to come back for a follow-up rescue, but never does. After Abe has finished relating the story to the kids, Santa makes his overdue appearance and takes Abe to Tahiti to be reunited with his brother.
The kids at Springfield Elementary perform “Perhaps the worst version ever” rendition of “The Nutcracker” ballet according to Superintendent Chalmers. When it is revealed that you don’t have to pay for the music rights it leads to a montage of citizens of Springfield going about their usual Christmas activities to the more familiar pieces of music from “The Nutcracker,” including a sequence where Moe tries to kill himself, and Homer (forgetting as usual) tries to get Marge her present at the last minute.
Now you wouldn't hurt the little boychik.
Now, don't you worry.
Just keep pushing, sweetie.
I'm not the father, I'm not a
wise man, I'm nothing.
Can you do something?
Now, let's get some sleep.
They put his halo on a duck.
what a great name.
Now let me crawl inside you.
He screwed me over back in WWII!
And I'll never mention him again,
but I loved him all the same.
Quit lollygagging and build a fire!
How'd you like to be the archduke
in charge of coconuts?
Hey, sailor, my eyes are up here.
A shaving kit?
Oh, thank you, boys.
Except for that!
It's true, I tells ya!
My brother's lucky watch!
And now, if you like,
No poko-miku for Cyrus!
Boo! This is terrible!
no time left to procrastinate.
even though we're not gentile,
what's probably my most requested clip.
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 11, 2005
After being humiliated by Mrs. Krabappel's class, Mr. Burns finally decides to buy a new car, so he orders a Lamborgotti Fasterossa. He sends Homer and his family to the factory in Italy to pick the car up. The family takes a tour of Italy in the
new car, but an accident with the car and a cheese truck has the family pushing the car into the town of Salsiccia. They find out that only one person in the town speaks English and it happens to be their mayor. The family goes to meet the mayor and they are surprised to see that it is Sideshow Bob, and he is equally surprised to see them. Sideshow Bob tells them how he came to Italy, become mayor and started a family with his wife (Francesca) and son (Gino). He hopes that the Simpsons will keep the secret of his criminal past, but Lisa’s first exposure to drinking wine leads to loose lips, which sinks his ship. Sideshow Bob, being no longer welcome in his new home, swears a vendetta on the Simpson family. The Simpsons go on the run from Sideshow Bob, who is joined by his wife and son as the vendetta affects their entire family. In Rome, the family discovers that Krusty is preparing to perform the lead in “I Pagliacci.” The Simpsons hide as extras within the show, but Krusty gets tossed off-stage only to be replaced by Sideshow Bob, whose family has the Simpsons surrounded. Krusty and his limo save the day, while Sideshow Bob and his family adjust to their unresolved vendetta.
The kids just got a new playhouse!
Well, some people in Europe
Your car, she's a-coming
off the assembly line.
Gee, I wish we could explore
a little more of Italy.
The midget represents dwarves.
of city-states, trading with each
other and occasionally warring.
And you'd better make us root for the protagonist.
Fortune is finally smiling upon me.
It's pronounced "buon giorno."
This is my husband Homer, my daughters Lisa
Bart and I used to go fly-fishing together.
He makes love like a man
who just got out of jail.
Surely, even the most heinous
criminal deserves a seventh chance.
Come on, Bob, slice, dice and serve on rice.
from Jean Valjean to the voice
of Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen.
This sausage shop has been grinding
the same family of pigs for 600 years.
They must miss him in America.
Is that a penn state banner?
my friendship and my heartfelt
wish that they never return.
Hey, mambo mambo italiano
abbondanza have touched our hearts.
It's obvious why Bob is a vaunted
pillar of your community.
Time for bed, now.
You try to make the murder?
He's getting that stabby look.
Vendetta means... vendetta!
Where is my roadster?
Dad, you're driving on an
ancient roman aqueduct.
Why do I keep trying to kill them?
Come on. Let's go.
I am the gayest super villain ever.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 27, 2005
The mayor’s estate is used for Springfield’s Easter celebration, and in the course of the events, Homer embarrasses Marge in front of some new potential friends. To make it up, Homer decides to find her some new friends, with little luck. Marge
finds some new friends on her own, Tammy and other members of “The Cheery Red Tomatoes,” a group of women of a certain age. This group has plans for a fund raiser; they intend to rob Mr. Burns of 1 million dollars, an amount he once promised to charity. Homer finds out about the plan and tries to stop her from doing something she’ll regret. Meanwhile, Lisa in search of summer opportunities decides to spend the summer in Rome. Lisa tells Principal Skinner that she speaks fluent Italian, since she really doesn’t she tries to take a crash course and winds up hiring a tutor that turns out to be Milhouse.
You're like all Easter bunny --
Margin, there will be a hole in my pants?
Or how to ruin a tea, Marge ....
I'm still angry because of
what happened today.
Founded by twins, however.
Lisa is writing that you have
speak very good Italian.
Not now, I quantity
of important appointments.
I made them to work.
She looked in the living room.
I was wrong.
And these are my friends, the bright red tomatoes.
Would you like us?
What? I break here.
I am not here to Bart, I am
t'apprendre there for the Italian!
I'm here for the t'apprendre
lingua di arte e la musica.
an IM was abandoned with her child,
Enfoiro my uncle.
That's how I learned English
and started to wet my bed.
We have already done!
Buon giorno, Milhouse.
Come, we go to Little Italy.
Milhouse, che cosa di nuova?
Could you help me translate and
buy cheese for my lasagna?
Grazie, grazie mille-eh.
Tammy, I never had the
courage to parachute jump
I feel a joy that I have
This year we will fly a
million dollars to Mr. Burns.
I am not a natural redhead.
Rather than give the money, I will serve
Why have you brought hunting dogs
Welcome to Fox Sports West 2, FOX Sports Classic FOX.
The Bip Bip really exist!
What is happening here?
th poi prendo the con questa sgualdrina!
Cooking, head dresses,
Remember me Smithers, when we will be outside
I thought you loved my hair.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 20, 2005
Homer is ready for everyone to shower him with gifts on Father’s Day and Marge and the kids go to the mall to obtain the presents. Lisa decides she is going to make something for her father, while Bart purchases the Leather Buddy multi-function
knife. Lisa’s heartfelt gift doesn’t go over as well as Bart’s knife and Homer doesn’t immediately do anything to make Lisa feel any better. Bart sees a street sign with his name on it and the bullies entice him into stealing it. Homer makes a lame attempt at making up to Lisa. At school Lisa goes on a rampage. Citing her father as the cause, Principal Skinner and the school psychologist talk with Homer and Marge about what they can do to prevent Lisa from growing up to hate men. Homer becomes the school safety salamander. His initial pathetic attempts at safety don’t change her feelings for her father, until an accident at the intersection of Evergreen Terrace and the unsigned Bart Blvd. The safety salamander rescues all the victims of the accident and Homer is awarded the keycard to the city. Then the mayor comes under fire for the many disasters under his administration and it is decided that a recall election is going to be held. With a number of ridiculous candidates running, Lisa decides that her father, with his popularity as the safety salamander, would be the ideal choice. With Lisa as his campaign manager, everything is going well, until Marge washes his salamander suit. When it shrinks and tears apart is reveals the man underneath, whom nobody is interested in voting for, but at least Homer and Lisa strengthen their relationship. Finally when none of the candidates garner enough votes to take over as mayor, it’s business as usual in Springfield government.
Do not fear me, milady,
Captain Superstud Dash
It is the worst Father's day ...
Oh, is it cabbage?
I brought you back even after losing
our wedding album in a bet.
Shut up and pass me to other heads of Moe.
you can take, and the cops
can do nothing against that.
The cool kids go cycling eyes closed.
I prefer not to go rather than lying.
Even while taking my backpack!
Leave me in peace.
I fear that rabies Lisa
comes from an extraordinary
"The day is a policeman
come to my football tournament. "
After two singles and not cost me anything?
He is asleep in the costume and suffocated.
Springfield and regain your love!
Honey, you know that Dad is
longer allowed to enter the zoo.
I said, turn left at Boulevard Bart!
Kent Brockman here, live from the grave
Can we all agree
not to involve our insurance?
Mr Mayor, your administration
has been following a fiasco!
Mayor Joe 'Diamond' has Quimby
survived to 12 re-election campaigns,
So no one made fun of my song!
Vote for me, who abuse steroids,
If you are twisted enough, vote for me.
a miniature in his hat?
so on, you removed your costume salamander.
The salamander is sitting on eggshells
Well, I have a vision similar to X-rays,
Tire fool you.
but he loves this costume.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 13, 2005
The family is at Paradise Pier, where Marge was looking forward to riding the Ferris wheel all her life, only to find out that it is being dismantled with some of its equipment being sold. Homer purchases a dumbbell while Marge gets a tandem
bicycle. When Marge wants to take the bike for a ride, she finds that Homer is a less than willing participant.
She tries it on her own and falls. Realizing that his mother might actually be lonely, Bart offers to go for a ride with her. They ride into an unincorporated part of the county and come upon a small village that features a tea house. Later the tea house closes forever causing Bart to invite his mother to his treehouse for tea.
Marge redecorates the treehouse and the pair goes off to get a new tea service where he gets a Krusty Teapot. Outside the store the bullies accuse Bart of being a “Momma’s Boy,” which causes Bart to rebel. Marge goes into a depression and eventually sells the bike.
Feeling bad, Bart offers to compete with her in a karaoke contest. While seeing Skinner and his mother perform, Marge has visions of a terrible future for Bart and she stops the show to let Bart know that he shouldn’t worry about her, it’s her job to worry about him.
Meanwhile at Moe’s Homer shows off the strength in one of his arms he’s gained from working with the dumbbell and Moe has an idea on how to capitalize on it. Moe takes Homer to the arm wrestling championships, where Homer readily wins, but finds that he really misses his wife.
Don't mess with Texas!
This car is the ultimate marriage
of design and technology.
Wow, I've seen photos of this, but you can't really
When mount Vesuvius erupted,
people were overcome
It says here we should turn left at a fat
chick in a tutu being fed by a midget.
Do you know anything about fixing sports cars?
I learned to eat your food.
Okay, so far I'm rooting for you.
Here, let me guide you.
This is my bride Francesca and my son Gino.
This is my husband Homer, my daughters Lisa
Bart and I used to go fly-fishing together.
He makes love like a man
who just got out of jail.
Surely, even the most heinous
criminal deserves a seventh chance.
Come on, Bob, slice, dice and serve on rice.
And literature is filled with tales of redemption
Here's a cute fact.
Sideshow bob hasn't lived here for months.
Tomorrow, they return to America,
taking with them my gratitude,
Yeah, this is Italy.
I'll just get it out with more wine.
He deserves to be hailed at this wingding.
You have brought shame upon our humble,
Simpson family, I hereby swear a...
I feel so sick.
never to raise this hand in vengeance again.
Revenge is a dish best served family-style.
Vendetta? What's that, an italian vending machine?
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 06, 2005
It is game six of the World Series and Kang and Kodos decide to speed up the play of the game and they fire the acceleray. They shatter the fabric of the universe and everything is destroyed.
a). "B.I.: Bartificial Intelligence"
Bart falls into a
deep coma from which he will never emerge. Well Bart does wakes from his coma only to find that his family has replaced him with David, a newly developed artificial robot son. Bart struggles to fit back in with his family and Homer and Marge decide they must get rid of one of their sons. They abandoned Bart, but harvesting parts from some abandoned robots he gets his revenge. The robot nightmare only turns out to be a dream when it is revealed that Homer has actually been possessed by the devil.
b). "Survival of the Fattest"
Homer and others are invited by Mr. Burns to his estate for “A Most Dangerous Game.” It turns out that they are participants on “The World Series of Manslaughter” featuring guest analyst Terry Bradshaw where they are the quarry and Mr. Burns is their hunter. Surprisingly Homer is the last contestant left standing, but it takes Marge’s intervention to even the score.
c). "I’ve Grown a Costume on Your Face"
It’s the Springfield Semi-Annual Halloween Party but the costume contest goes awry when a real hideous witch turns everyone into real-life versions of their costumes. Lisa, as Einstein, searches for a solution to their problem; but it is up to Maggie, who was dressed as a witch, as the only one with the power to reverse the spell.
Aired 13 years ago - Sep 25, 2005
When Maggie is showing signs of being ill, the family goes to “the more boisterous house of worship” in town to find Dr. Hibbert, who tells them that Maggie is developing the chicken pox. After Maggie develops the disease, Marge tries to keep Homer
away from her, since he has never had them. After Flanders expresses an interest in getting his kids infected, Homer and Marge open up the house for a “pox party.” Milhouse’s divorced parents are both at the party and after some “Margerita’s” are consumed, find themselves getting back together. Meanwhile, Homer has developed the chicken pox and Marge tries to keep him from scratching. Milhouse likes the idea of his parents getting back together, but then begins to hate it when he has trouble getting either of them to pay any attention to him. After seeing an episode of The O.C. Milhouse and Bart come up with a plan to get his parent’s separated again, they plant one of Marge’s bras in Kirk & Luann’s bed. They don’t succeed in breaking them up; rather they break up Homer and Marge. Even after Bart confesses his guilt, Marge doesn’t want anything to do with Homer, since he obviously doesn’t trust him anymore. Bart concocts an outrageous scheme to get them back together, but it goes terribly wrong and both he and Homer find themselves in the river heading toward the falls needing to place their trust in Marge.
...êáé ç ðáéäéêÞ çëéêßá
åßíáé ç ðéï áóöáëÞò.
15 äïëÜñéá ãéá íá êïëëÞóïõí
ôá ðáéäéÜ óáò!
Ãåéá. Ç ËïõÜí èá ðÜñåé ôïí Ìßë÷áïõæ
üôáí ôåëåéþóåé ôï ðÜñôé.
...Üëëá Ýðñåðå íá äåßôå...
Ìçí áíçóõ÷åßôå, åßìáé áóôõíüìïò
ôçò áñ÷çãßáò. ¹èåëá íá ðù...
Åãþ èá ðÜù óðßôé.
Ãåéá óáò, ðáéäéÜ!
Áõôü óçìáßíåé üôé õðÜñ÷åé
åëðßäá ãéá 'ìÝíá;
- ÃëõêéÜ Ëßæõ ÌáêÃêïõÜéñ!
- Áõôü ôï èåùñåßò ôñáõìáôéêü;
ÁãêÜëéáóå ìå óá íá åßìáóôå
ó' Ýíá ÷ëéäÜôï îåíïäï÷åßï.
Ï ðáôÝñáò óïõ êé åãþ ðåñíÜìå
Äüîá ôù Èåü. Íïìßæáìå
ðùò óå ÷Üíïõìå, ãéå ìïõ.
Ðáñáêáëþ; ¼÷é, äå èá Ýñèù
óôç äïõëåéÜ óÞìåñá. ¸÷ù áíåìïâëïãéÜ.
Æçôïýíôáé öïñôçãáôæÞäåò óôï ÉñÜê.
Ôá öïñôçãÜ åßíáé óáí ìåãÜëá áõôïêßíçôá.
Ôé èá êÜíåé ç ïéêïãÝíåéá óÞìåñá;
Ãêïëö; ÈáëÜóóéï ðïäÞëáôï; Ðåôñïðüëåìï;
Ãéå ìïõ, ïñßóôå 10 äïëÜñéá.
Ôáéíßåò, äéðëÜ ×ñéóôïýãåííá,
áíáøõêôéêü ìáæß ìå ôï öáãçôü...
Áöïý îÝñåéò üôé èá îáíá÷ùñßóïõí.
Ãéáôß äåí åðéôá÷ýíïõìå ôçí äéáäéêáóßá;
ÓõíÞèùò êñáôïýóå ôçí êñéôéêÞ ìÝóá ôçò,
ìÝ÷ñé ðïõ êáôÝóôñåøáí ôï ãÜìï ìáò.
Äå èÝëù íá êáñöþóù ôïí ìðáìðÜ,
áëëÜ ìüëéò ì' Üöçóå íá ðéù ìéá ìðýñá!
Äåí ìðïñþ íá ôï êÜíù.
Åßíáé ôüóï êáêéÜ ì' åìÝíá.
ËõðÜìáé, ÔæÝéíô. ¸ôóé îçãïýìáóôå
åìåßò åäþ óôç Êáëéöüñíéá.
Phantom Planet - California
ÊáôáðëçêôéêÞ éäÝá! Áõôïß
ïé óåíáñéïãñÜöïé åßíáé ìåãáëïöõÀåò!
Ç ãõíáßêá ôïõ åñáóôÞ
ôçò ãõíáßêáò óïõ.
Ðþò êáôÝëçîå ôï óïõôéÝí ôçò ãõíáßêáò
óïõ óôï êñåâÜôé ôïõ Üíôñá ìïõ;
Áí èÝëåéò íá åðéóôñÝøåéò ôï ðåðüíé
óôï ìáíÜâç, áêýñùóå ôá ñáíôåâïý óïõ.
- Ðïëý êáëÜ... ¼÷é!
- Áêüìç äåí áêïýù "ü÷é".
- ¸îù áð' áõôü ôï óðßôé!
- ÌåôÜ ÷áñÜò.
ÐñïóðáèÞóáìå íá ÷ùñßóïìå ôïõò ãïíåßò
óïõ êáé ÷þñéóáí ïé äéêïß ìïõ.
ÌðáìðÜ; Íüìéæá üôé ç ìáìÜ
óå ðÝôáîå Ýîù áð' ôï óðßôé.
¢êïõ, åóý êáé ç ìáìÜ ìðïñåßôå íá
ôá îáíáâñåßôå. Ôé áêñéâþò óõíÝâç;
Ìðáñô, ðéóôåýù üôé åóý
êñýâåóáé ðßóù áð' áõôÞ ôçí éóôïñßá.
Åóý ãéá áíôéóôÜèìéóìá èá ðáíôñåõôåßò
ðïëý ìåãáëýôåñïõò Üíôñåò...
Ôïõ æÞôçóá íá ãõñßóåé ôï óôñþìá
100 öïñÝò êáé äåí ôï Ýêáíå ðïôÝ.
ºóùò Ýðñåðå íá äéáëÝîïõìå Üëëç ôáéíßá
ãéá Ýìðíåõóç. ¼ðùò ôï "Ïêëá÷üìá!"
Ìå ðïéï êüëðï èá ôá îáíáâñïýíå
ïé ãïíåßò óïõ;
Aired 13 years ago - Sep 18, 2005
The noise of early morning construction next door is keeping the family awake; there is a new stamp museum under construction. The family successfully leads a protest that gets the stamp museum moved to the site of the old graveyard; the old
graveyard in turn is relocated next to the Simpson home. The site of the graveyard outside her window makes Lisa uncomfortable and scared late one night she runs to her parent’s bed for comfort. They try to get her back into her own bed, by showing her that they can sleep in her bed. When that doesn’t work, they resort to the help of a psychiatrist and she offers them some costly advice. Meanwhile Lisa, who has always had to fend for her self, decides to spend the night in the cemetery and conquer her fears. Lisa gets knocked unconscious and has a hallucination helps her to deal with fear.
will warn me so I can get away.
Bart, don't you have homework to do?
I needed them for my remote-control helicopter.
Oh! Homer, can you help me out here?
Why can't they build a stamp museum
is making me a mint!
Thanks to me, Katherine Blodgett,
we have nonreflecting glass.
That's the first book I read
all the way through.
Once upon a time, a bad boy was
sent to bed without any dinner.
I'm all-you-can-eat salad bar!
ever since Playboy wouldn't
publish my cartoons because
No, I'm his cousin, Gravedigger Billy.
in this life, he's a blabbermouth!
I spy with my little eye a girl who's
not sleeping in her room like she promised.
Exactly! Now, what has two ears but can't hear?
monster and the "foot rub" monster,
and the "let me just..."
Now, rerunland takes you back
to 1965 with Bonanza.
Lisa, do you really want to watch this?
Who was filming that scene?
Now, Marge, when our little
girl's happiness is at stake...
Then I will have upside-down
kiss with Mary Jane.
I'd better get out of
this damn cop uniform
but I just couldn't afford it.
I figured the best thing I could
do is monitor the news for any reports.
Tim-Tom Tabby is a curious cat.
Aired 13 years ago - Sep 11, 2005
Homer gets into trouble with football gambling debts. As compensation, Fat Tony wants to use the Simpson home for shooting the adult film “Lemony Lickit: A Series of Horny Events.” Homer gets Marge and the kids to leave the house by sending them off
to “Santa’s Village.” Marge and the kids return home to find the production is still underway. Marge, outraged by Homer’s latest bit of idiocy, leaves. Homer, home alone with the kids tries to figure out what to do next. Just when Marge is about ready to reconcile with Homer, she encounters Caleb Thorn, a good looking scientist with a passion for saving the endangered manatee. Homer and the kids go on a quest to find Marge and they stop and stay with some “country cousins,” meanwhile Marge is finding herself while helping to save manatees. Homer tries to win Marge back by save a herd of manatees from a gang of jet skiers. His effort pays off as Marge takes home the endangered species of her own, the endangered devoted husband. The family decides to take a mini-vacation and Homer gets a manatee sent to the power plant to fill in for his job for the next few days.
Look, all I'm saying is, you really
should think twice before...
A series of horny events.
And I'd also like to know why
your hand is in that cast.
Welcome to santa's village,
where it's christmas every day.
Yeah, what is this, a reunion
of Fahrenheit 9 on 1?
My christmas present to myself this year
but your father meant well, so
don't let him know that we didn't...
Relax, three guys'll put their hands on it, okay?
Well, we better go eat that yogurt.
You told me to call. You wanted
to see if your phone was working.
and a week later you'll be back
to your old thoughtless self.
Listen, buster, I had to buy
a club soda I didn't want
Those are the questions that
keep me up at night.
If so, where do we keep the checks?
"you can't teach a manatee any tricks."
Maybe I should join him on his mission.
Can I get out of the dog carrier?
"Handsome" means he look at himself
We'll stay with them.
Cousin Homer, how are you?
the harmonicky and I'm as
happy as a pig in plop.
Well, we don't have an outhouse.
We've got to tell dad!
And the ones we can't save,
we put to good use.
Listen, I thought about what I did.
And treated like I deserve.
Something a strong, passionate
woman like her needs:
They are roughly our size.