Aired 13 years ago - May 22, 2011
Feeling guilty for getting Mrs. Krabappel suspended after one of his school pranks, Bart helps her escape detention, and Ned Flanders winds up saving her life in the process.
When Edna and Ned start dating, he is surprised to learn she's been with many of Springfield's men, including Homer and Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer.
where you are
the unbaptized dead by.
No Wi-Fi, and you may not
refer to this experience
Me, I watch that crack
in the ceiling.
But I can't just wander out of
here whenever I feel like it.
Oh, I don't know about this.
Edna Krabappel.
For some reason, I was following
the advice of one Bart Simpson.
Homer lying naked
in his hammock,
so, uh, where's
your husband buried?
Well, sir, I guess
I better refenestrate ya.
♪ With your tender love
and sweet ways ♪
Edna, you're a very
beautiful woman,
you'll find I'm
well worth the wait.
♪ ♪
till episode 25 of a
Ken Burns documentary,
See you tomorrow, Teach.
you're going to be
seeing me here a lot.
Actually,
she sort of does.
What?!
Having Krabappel next door
is nothing but trouble.
If fairy tales have
taught us one thing,
at that wonderful relationship
you have with Marge.
my secret Christian underpants
one leg at a time.
What a fox.
Guys, quit telling the truth.
So Joey, is Wikipedia accurate
when it says "Walk This Way"
You stupid jerks.
What exactly are we
talking about here?
We made love
in so many elevators.
Oh come on, Moe, quit
hoggin' her face.
He's a good man
and a good neighbor,
Oh... learned
that the only way
And if giant rabbit can
lay chocolate eggs,
You've been with a lot of
men, but I forgive you.
Ned, if we're gonna
stay together,
Probably at the end, so you'll
watch the whole thing.
Also, if you wanna find the
real shooter of Mr. Burns,
Aired 13 years ago - May 15, 2011
When the Simpsons discover a collection of keys to every door in Springfield, Lisa stumbles upon an eerie hidden classroom beneath Springfield Elementary School. When she shares her discovery with Principal Skinner, the secret room mysteriously
disappears and he takes the only key away. A determined Lisa uses her detective skills to lead her back to the room to solve an old school mystery.
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These are from a
key party we went to
At some point,
I can get back the angry letter
I wrote to my boss.
Keys to the
Duff Brewery?
The beech wood ager!
Oh.
People might be offended
by your mild tastelessness!
Jesus cries blood
every time you lie.
Just like yesterday
and the day before that
It's like five classrooms
in one.
And this tooth has no dentin!
They say they're
going to.
Excuse me.
Has anyone seen my toy?
Truly these band books
deserve to be banned.
I oversee 14 schools,
Seymour,
Oh! Oh, the Zoomanity!
How much?
How did this bookshelf
get here so fast?
"The children
are on bus 23."
Well, then you got
one more mouth to feed.
Chief Wiggum,
stop that train!
Oh, uh, hey, Maryann!
Yeah, I've been held back
more times than I can count.
I'll tell you about Bus 23.
They'll have to take
a more circuitous route.
could you pour it out and
toss the bucket back up?
Original or 360?
I have to buy you
a new anniversary present!
were swallowed up
by the river.
that is your cue
to start the damn car!
to improve the school.
we built the phony schoolrooms
that you saw.
Otto, maybe it was wrong of us
to let you think
Aired 13 years ago - May 08, 2011
After Homer discovers a genius talent for styling hair and opens his own salon, he becomes Springfield’s most in-demand hair stylist. But having to listen to women’s problems and gossip all day long leads Homer to believe his gift may actually be a
curse. Meanwhile, when Milhouse decides to live each day to the fullest, he comes out of his shell and professes his love for Lisa, only to have his heart broken. Milhouse then catches the eye of popular fifth-grader Taffy, causing Lisa to make a bold move.
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What do I do?
I didn't do diddily,
and certainly not squat.
I can't believe
I'm saying this...
Isn't this the
greatest day ever?
So I started it myself.
You see, in the past,
I've been too subtle.
And it'll look good
in the morning, too.
Marge, when someone loses their
hair, they miss it the most.
Well, two can play at that game.
right after they laid off
all their editors.
Oh, how they hated it.
and I shall not rest
until I am her boyfriend.
♪ 'Tis apt to make you spew ♪
♪ With crimson dress
and pointy hair ♪
I'm sorry, but I don't love
you, Milhouse, and I never will.
The job of the poet is to say,
"This one, I guess."
Wears the same pants
for a month!
All day long I have
to listen to women talk.
You know so much about
body mechanics!
Why would a popular
fifth-grader like Taffy be
while I talk about
the loser I'm married to.
boring stories, and I have
to stand there listening
I, uh, I can also make
very annoying noises.
Right.
you cannot keep basing sermons
on old Seinfelds.
maybe even Kyle LoBianco!
Once you get past the
sister ick, they're fine.
I need some highlights
for a bridal shower!
I am so sorry.
Is it 'cause when
I wore cuffed pants
How miserable do I have
to be before you're happy?
Aah!
Krusty the Clown and
Disco Stu's girlfriend!
You've outdone
yourself, Homer!
Who is it?
We must know!
Come on, get in line.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Aired 13 years ago - May 01, 2011
Fat Tony (voice of Joe Mantegna) woos Marge's sister Selma, and they marry. Marge worries that Selma is choosing her new lifestyle over family after the whirlwind romance, but Tony invites Homer and Marge to join them on a getaway at the Jersey shore. Meanwhile, Bart develops a gift for finding truffles, much to Lisa's delight.
A truffle is a fungus
that grows in tree roots.
Come on, numb nose.
Sniff me a truffle.
Eh, eh, eh.
You are one tough cookie.
Lots of lipo.
Actually, we owe him a favor.
Ooh.
Take care of me or
"take care of me"?
Blob and Blob Lite.
All will be
forgiven.
Shut up. You're
spoilin' the mood.
♪ Con te partiro ♪
where you will earn zero point
zero zero one percent interest.
There must be
some mistake.
Color yourself slighted.
He's on his
best behavior,
We're throwing
the brunch!
Fat Tony!
Are you going to cut my head off
with us at our house
down the shore.
I'll dispose
of those for you.
I thought you'd
been selling them.
Sell it, eat it.
He was so upbeat--
Uh, let's brag
about our crimes.
She's got two semesters
under her belt
Yeah!
I'm late for my
mani-pedi-spray-tan.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Now that I'm
truly happy,
Hey, I got to look
good for my goomar.
Well, Homer and I are going
to take you away right now.
but Marge is making
me be that guy.
a noodle big enough
to float this one.
Where is she?
Where is this other woman?
You exchanged vows.
You missed my first open house
as a licensed real estate broker
Which is lucky for me,
because you're always right.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 10, 2011
The family is greeted by folk singer Ewell Freestone (guest voice McBrayer) when they visit a peach farm, but when Marge goes overboard with peach-inspired dishes, Lisa and Bart try to get rid of the unwanted fruit. Later, Lisa becomes a magician’s
apprentice to the legendary Great Raymondo (guest voice Landau) who helps her develop her craft, but a schoolgirl crush clouds her judgment when she is coaxed into revealing the Great Raymondo’s most famous magic trick to his phony archnemesis. But when the rival magician’s act takes a risky turn, the Great Raymondo has one last trick up his sleeve and stages showdown with Ricky Jay, Penn & Teller and David Copperfield (guest-voicing as themselves), showing them why he is the master of the craft
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Is somebody in here?
Oswald of the Occult?
Who wants to hear
an old man go on
And here, my dear, is
my most celebrated illusion:
Now I'm alone with my memories
and my medical marijuana.
and maybe I'll--
Say, you did it already?!
Now, I'll start you off
with a little coin work.
Ooh! He is great.
That's my thing!
I'm the one that got
I want my pot of gold!
Hi. Now, we've never
met before, correct?
Magic is about
mystery, illusion,
♪ Those icy fingers up
and down my spine ♪
♪ I should stay away,
but what can I do? I hear... ♪
Why?
I can see why they call you
The Great Simpsina.
you wouldn't get hurt.
You trick a dorky little girl
into telling you!
Hell to the yes!
Now, after calling me
"the new him"-- his words--
the kind of girl
that boys never talk to,
Hey, let me down!
but my daughter's
a good kid.
Hey, kid, nobody likes
a gloomy magician.
You get his pants on,
he pulls his coat off,
I'll take the box that
doesn't talk back.
Ha, yeah!
♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪
No. With my back,
I got to sit.
You talk onstage,
I talk offstage.
Get her!
We might as well
finish the job now.
I'm just an old man.
You're a real jerk,
you know that?
I'm through
with magic, son.
Eh, a little more
couldn't hurt.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 27, 2011
When Homer inadvertently humiliates Bart in front of a stadium crowd, Marge encourages Homer to enroll in a fathering enrichment class taught by therapist Dr. Zander (guest voice Rudd). Shocked to learn that Homer often strangles Bart for
mischievous behavior, Dr. Zander conducts a series of treatments with the help of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (guest-voicing as himself) to teach Homer what it feels like to be young and small. But when Bart learns that the therapy sessions have transformed Homer into a pushover, he takes advantage of Homer and becomes a school bully. Hoping therapy could also cure Bart of his bullying habits, Marge enlists Dr. Zander’s help to patch their relationship
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Playoff tickets?
Museum of Tolerance.
Once again, ladies and
gentlemen, Matchbox 20.
with football-hating
intellectuals!
long after the team moves
to another city.
Eh. This song's
a little bossy for me.
Has the Joker
taught you nothing?
Dad, how could you do that?
I'm trying to start it.
by Russian spy satellites,
and President Dmitry Medvedev
just to counteract
the self-confidence...
as a chance
to improve your fathering.
Please, Marge, no.
"his smile was worth
a million dollars.
said I had an elephant butt.
You physically lay your hands
on your boy's neck?
So, are those butter cookies
for everybody, or.?
Homer, to emphasize the
seriousness of this situation,
I was so disturbed
I only scored 172 points.
I'm just a little boy.
Hey, Kareem,
and after another few years
Oh, son.
I can't quit drinking
Fine.
Say...
He'd say, "I'm a grown man
who's scared of my own son."
It's "A-B-C, one, two, three!"
And don't you come back
without it!
No! Stop!
No Star Wars parodies!
Oh, it's the damn economy.
I'll also pass on pieces
of your face to my monkeys.
This is what I drink at home.
Very funny, Bart.
Three steps right.
are doing some manly
bonding in the woods,
And the fourth one has a title
so sad I can't even say it.
Oh, I always forget
about this part.
Keep your neck inside
the rope at all times!
Why you! When I...
I feel something for him.
You know, I was skeptical,
but I guess therapy works.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 13, 2011
The town is abuzz when Cheech and Chong announce a Springfield stop on their much-anticipated reunion tour. But when Cheech and Chong take the stage in front of their loyal fans, the jokes were just not the same for Chong, so Homer steps in and
delivers all the punchlines by heart. Impressed, Cheech invites Homer to go on tour with him as new duo “Cheech and Chunk” while Chong forms a more progressive comedic team, “Teach and Chong,” with Principal Skinner.
While Homer is on tour, Marge attempts to help the neighborhood cat lady and change her hoarder ways, but turns into a hoarder herself in the process, and Homer realizes that life on the road is not all high times and slapstick humor
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till they were filled with skips
and clicks and pops.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty the Clown.
Who is it?
It's me, Dave, man.
What's the surprise?
That's not the
Cheech and Chong brand.
and seen you through
some very square times.
No, man, I'm Dave.
There is no Dave.
Sweetie, don't worry.
Oh...
Snap, snap.
Sister Mary Elephant.
Oh, perhaps I should improvise,
or do an improv?
Wow. You are the un-funniest man
I've ever seen.
Time to finally return
your father's overdue movies.
I think I've given you money
a couple of times.
popped but uneaten Jiffy Pop
still in the silver bubble,
You mean, just reality.
♪ Take a little look at me-e. ♪
It is fun!
Now, we've managed to
preoccupy the cat lady
♪ I was beautiful then... ♪
Thank you for clearing
the clutter from my house
Ooh, a pen
from the Milwaukee Hilton!
Ooh!
You earned a reward.
♪ Then one day,
my mama bought me a basketball ♪
♪ Maybe that's why
I can't sleep at night ♪
♪ And not end up
in the popcorn machine ♪
Oh! Why aren't you exactly
like your stage persona?
Too high in trans fats.
I am Dave.
This is live theater.
I can't believe the crazy house
would throw out all these forks.
Does Marrakesh hoard intrigue?
Oh!
Uh, we'll deal with all that later.
- I feel super high.
- Yeah, me too.
It's ok if you want
to experiment a little...
And Homer, he is back with mom,
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 06, 2011
After a field trip to the desert, Lisa discovers that the desert water mysteriously makes typically combative creatures get along, so she brings some of the water home as a souvenir. When Grampa moves in with the family after getting kicked out of
the retirement home, Homer secretly tests the desert water on Grampa, who is instantly cured of his crankiness. A pharmaceutical representative (guest voice Herzog) gets word of Homer’s discovery and quickly tries to replicate the water into a drug, using Grampa as the primary guinea pig. But when the pills get in the wrong hands and are sold on the black market, unexpected side effects of the new drug take an eye-popping toll on the elderly citizens of Springfield, and the Simpsons learn that their new medical cure comes with major consequences
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-LESS
And... remorse.
These flowers saved me
from a terrible fate...
You can't throw me out!
I'm not dead yet!
Call me a fish tank...
Okay, we're going to take turns
having Grampa as a roommate.
How's it going?
Or I'll make dog-head
soup out of you.
And there's something else
it might be good for.
Good morning, family.
Dad, is there anything
unusual in Grampa's coffee?
Now, what can I do for you?
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
The point is, when I'm cranky,
nobody likes me, sweet pea.
♪ Ya-da-dee-dee...
♪
♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do-do... ♪
Excuse me...
All I need is one
drop of extract,
Before you waltz off with my
grampa grease, I want to know...
Erection.
of today's
baseball players?"
Uh... this is
the nerd fraternity.
Being stuck in that tube
changed me in so many ways.
Be careful... if the wrong
hands got hold of it,
It's okay, Grampa...
you don't have to act grumpy.
Let me finish: thanks to your
wonderful, wonderful drug.
At some point, I think
we should see a doctor.
I may have accidentally traded a
few of those pills for money...
Ooh!
Nein, nein.
Mr. Hotenhoffer,
there's a mob outside.
But we sure do appreciate
what you done for us,
I will destroy the drug.
Pretty close to zero, I'd say.
In fact, the only mistake
our generation made
If you go on a field trip,
don't break off from the group.
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 20, 2011
Bart and Homer make a film based on Bart's comic book character Angry Dad. The cartoon becomes a critical favorite and begins to win a number of awards, but Bart becomes upset when Homer takes all of the credit during acceptance speeches.
I'm bored.
Hey, remember the guy
Thank you!
I've always loved cartoons,
Oh, my God, that's Bart Simpson!
Wow. Whoa!
The first time around.
Angry Dad: The Movie.
Okay.
Don't feel bad, boy.
Well, I don't know
who that is,
Your animated short,
Angry Dad,
Damn you.
Damn you to hell!
Pardon me. I have seen
all of your movies--
Okay, you missed it.
They don't have the common
touch, do they? Like me.
Who does she
think she is?
And the Globe goes to...
and a little bit of Snoopy
when he cries:
for sewing up my pants
just before the ceremony
♪ I'm going to the Oscars
not as a seat-filler ♪
writer-director
of Angry Dad!
"Chatsworth"?
is tight and fast-paced.
According to this live blog,
Ben Stiller and Jack Black
they think of 40 minutes
or more,
The Tabasco brothers
got Frenchy!
My God, I'm empty!
Willis and Crumble in
Better Gnomes and Gardens.
Crumble! Crumble!
And finally, Angry Dad.
Ah! Damn, that's good!
This is it! I finally get to
accept an award for my movie.
I'm sorry I took
all the credit.
Um, glad I bumped
into you, actually,
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 13, 2011
Moe gets Homer to be his wingman, but becomes distraught when the women are drawn to Homer as well. Meanwhile, Marge discovers some gray hairs and tries a new more mature hair style to go along with it, much to Bart's dismay.
to turn from couch potato
Only hope is to chew off my leg!
My first gray hair!
the know-it-all of the protocol
of the booty call,
You! The guy who's been here
since 3:00 this afternoon.
Okay, now I'll translate that
into romance language.
Heck, I was more worm
than boy for a couple of years.
But he can't more handsome
or appealing than you. Okay,
What if I see her hand at the same time
you see her face?
Oh, and then I found
a gray hair-- no big deal.
Gloves and foil, people!
to take a long,
romantic walk.
A completely new hairstyle.
Head, head, head, hair.
What has she done?
"Jumping on the Grenade:"
Nice talk-blocking.
Oh! Judi Dench?!
Bart, what happened
to your Mom's hair?
So moody!
Grandma had hair
like that
I didn't want to know what color
the Statue of Liberty was.
I don't like
their Westways magazine.
I don't want this milk,
and I'm not gonna take it back.
Remember, Bart, anything
you say here is confidential.
I don't think I want to.
This is just
smoke and ash.
Why are you always trying
Sorry, but I'm
fighting for my man!
Run, bullies, run!
I'm okay, I'm okay.
Can't complain.
Can't or won't?
Mr. Burns is standing behind me.
in a geezer sandwich?
And you know why
I'm a great wingman?
when I say "beautiful woman,"
what pops into your head?
Well, as a feminist,
virtually anything
He's dying
in a retirement home.
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 23, 2011
When Homer insists Bart must earn the new dirt bike he wants, Bart comes up with a scheme; James Lipton interviews a TV cast.
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 16, 2011
When Smithers transforms Moe's pub into a refined and trendy lounge, the establishment becomes Springfield's local gay hangout; Principal Skinner falls for the new, free-spirited music teacher (Kristen Wiig).
and the Matt Damon
everything else.
Can I have a
Scotch and water?
who only works out
six hours a day.
Just so it's clear
what I'm proposing,
but, uh, I'm very happy with
my clientele as they are.
where all those rats
committed suicide?
Hey, something's
different about Moe's.
Look, I have turned this bar
into every other kind of bar,
Wait a minute!
Anyway, I-I'm here
Mm, good luck with that.
"This is not a safe place
to drink."
that-that's so nice of you
to think of me, but, uh,
But now there's, uh... There's
something I got to tell youse.
So, anyway, uh,
what I wanted to say was, uh...
from my years as a groupie
♪ Is she sleeping?
I don't think so ♪
♪ Jennifer Juniper... ♪
Ooh, a good old-fashioned
lemon party.
Yeah, but have fun.
A Tom of Shelbyville?
Ms. Juniper is divorced,
Triple spring break plus
four weeks at Christmas.
♪ Would you love her?
Yes, I would, sir ♪
We can have our own parade.
Heh. Well, I think
if you guys can manage
Whew. I thought
it was an inventory issue.
Sure.
she's moving them out of town.
Well, it-it, uh... took place
in a country we teach about.
Whoever said that, yes.
Okay, here comes
the airplane.
I didn't mean to.
he's clearly secretly super gay.
Classical training.
Puttin' everything back.
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 09, 2011
Marge reconnects with a close group of mothers she used to be friends with; Bart tries to break up their group when his playdates stop being fun.
They got a great
program up there.
ALL
Puerile! Puerile!
How dare they!
I like to think my kids would
know how to lose gracefully.
We challenge you
to a rumble.
no face farts,
flying face farts,
Did you wear those
same clothes yesterday?
When you were little,
I used to take you
There's nothing cooler
than calling yourself cool.
Um, add to line 13...
Been a while since our
wives got together, huh?
Are you gonna
open it?
More like
all day every day.
Oh, and, Homie, can you come
home early from work tomorrow
Yeah, it can be tough, but,
you know, I try to stay posit...
"Ion." Hmm.
Partaking of the grape, were we?
Oh, great.
That's great.
I've seen
this mark before.
Oh! I knew
this day would come.
I hold in my hands
a mint-condition copy
Yes.
were operated by the person
most likely
Every Fourth of July
I remember that fallen hero.
Uh, we're doing
a project on...
Aw, Bart, sweetie...
Can you believe it?
I remember why I left this group
seven years ago,
Oh, I think they were
never my friends.
Well, Homer got along so well
with the other dads,
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 12, 2010
Jon Hamm will guest star as a Federal Bureau of Investigation agent as Homer goes undercover to infiltrate Fat Tony's mob. Joe Mantegna will return as Fat Tony, and also voice his cousin Fit Tony.
Aah! That's vandalizing
city property.
As of Jan one,
a bunch of new ordinances--
Rounding up your total--
that's a $50 fine.
Maybe we should let these
people enjoy their show.
I can't wait that long.
Oh, this is supposed to be
the happiest day of my life,
All that time I'll be stuck
in my cell, unable to exercise.
into the activities of
Anthony "Fat Tony" D'Amico.
consugly... canoliar...
Robert Duvall.
MAN
No ice cream available!
Ayyy. Ohhh! Ayyy. Ohhh!
Hey, you're that guy
from the FB-- mmph!
Don't worry. We're not
going to touch you.
Come on!
How are you going to do that?
I called the prison and they
won't tell me where Homer is.
Did you order French fries
and not use it?
My beloved Anna Maria.
You and me, Nicky.
We feel.
You have earned my complete,
unquestioning trust.
like I was some ten-year-old
punk making a prank call.
he could improve
his phone etiquette.
This is horrible!
I keep smelling my own breath!
tonight is a big score I've
been setting up for months.
Here they are!
My Belgian guns.
Get a shot of
Tony with the guns.
I would have
given you everything.
So that's it. You
used me to kill a man,
Homie, I know you had
a terrible experience,
No, no, I oversold it.
No. I'm his cousin
from San Diego--
He took me to a fight that
he fixed, but he never let on,
No. Because my cousin
lives on in your memories.
If they were close,
they would kill me.
♪ Regrets, I've had a few ♪
♪ I planned
each chartered course ♪
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 05, 2010
When the rest of the family seems to lack Christmas spirit, Marge contacts Martha Clause (Martha Stewart).
Oh, no. Only the top
elves get to meet Santa.
Isn't this the busy season?
I'm promotin' you
to Toy Inspector.
Just point me to Santa.
Oh, come on, man.
Thanks, kid.
♪ Looked at his dog--
oh, my God!-- a ill reindeer! ♪
overseas and the folks
missing 'em here at home.
Kids, remember
when I promised to feed us
But as for Christmas trees,
I used to love them,
till the last minute,
so they can't make plans.
Telegram!
D'oh!
Why couldn't it have been me?
It still could be.
This is where
they took Mom from me.
Quit your bellyaching about
Marge and let me read the paper.
Someday this war will be over.
♪ Wie treu sind deine bl tter ♪
Nein, nein, why did I go
to the 9:00 show?!
I've always believed in you
even when others didn't.
And with a little bit of work,
this wedding dress
You boys want to play soldier?
And out.
Ms. Stewart,
Shh...
Take an old car antenna,
marinate it overnight
♪ It's beginning to
look a lot like ♪
♪ It'll be any place you choose,
as long as it's run by Jews ♪
Did you get a good
house sitter?
Merry Humbug, everyone.
Wait, what's this?
What are you people doing in
my boyfriend Moe's bachelor pad?
Release the hounds.
I kissed a girl
and I liked it.
And-a one and-a two...
♪ 30-year average lifespan. ♪
We did that one already.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 28, 2010
Bart helps nurse an injured pigeon back to health. After Santa's Little Helper eats the bird, Bart has a hard time coping with the loss. Worried that Bart needs some help getting over the loss, Marge and Homer take him to a therapy session with Dr.
Thurston, who advises that the only cure for Bart’s blues is to give away the family dog, but when the Simpsons visit the pup’s new home, a shock causes them to rethink their decision.
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Bodies piled up like those
stackable plastic chairs.
Hey, there's a
number on him.
He's a homing pigeon, girlie.
Why don't you let him fly home?
Oh... Okay, maybe
he's not so bad.
Admit it-- you knew this day
would come.
You and I have shared too many
seed bells
(staples clacking)
let me fill you in on the
pecking order around here.
whenever you're ready
to forgive me.
will get you back in the game!
There's a bomb in my helmet.
like that chicken I played, lost
to, and ate at the State Fair?
the NAAC Porcupines,
you know,
I'm not crazy about opossums.
(groaning)
(mutters)
Now, now, lay off Detroit.
That's right, Homer.
(laughs)
(sobs):
No...!
Good day.
♪ Taps, taps,
taps... ♪
(groaning)
It's from Bye Bye Birdie.
A little hair
of the dog that bit me.
Why can't you support
my gibberish?
Hey, in this economy,
I'll even remove tattoos.
(frightened whimpering)
between Bart and
Santa's Little Helper.
for that torn
magazine.
I'm sure there's
a German word for it.
you told us
went to a farm upstate?
It was still
too much.
I'd like a moment to myself.
(grunting)
(ostrich squawking,
Bart screaming)
(pained squawking)
Aw.
Aired 14 years ago - Nov 21, 2010
After learning that he is suffering from multiple illnesses and has only a few weeks to live, Mr. Burns becomes distraught by the town’s less-than-sensitive reaction to his announcement.
Following an unexpected turn of events, Bart finds Mr. Burns
weak and vulnerable in the wilderness and secretly takes him into the Simpsons’ home.
But when Homer and Marge learn about their new houseguest, they decide it’s payback time, and Lisa, determined to stand up for Mr. Burns, learns that old habits die hard.
MORE
-LESS
All right.
We'll get the vaccine.
I don't even have a kid
that I admit to having.
Because, you see, I am afraid of
needles, but Wolverine is not.
But Mr. Mayor, these people
have waited in line.
You see, I'm
afraid you're dying.
You might live to see
Hand-crank my wiener warmer!
Or what? You're just gonna
die soon anyway!
However, you will
change your tune
Well, but there's...
Smithers, I want to die quietly,
on my own terms...
Anthill, wasp nest,
moose poop, Mr. Burns...
My name Oatmeal?
Oh! What am I gonna
do with you?
Hey pal, you look like
you lost your best friend.
Ruthless.
Went to Yale.
to spit in Montgomery Burns'
open grave.
like sealing
wedding envelopes.
Oh man, this is great!
They'll know
the right thing to do.
Eight-year-old? I always
thought you were a midget!
He's close enough!
I don't know.
I'm bored.
Now boy, everyone
in town gets Burns
for you to walk on right
when you get to the end.
Well, that is your bad luck,
because he is mine right now.
It's 2:00, which makes him my
Uncle Ed for an hour.
Yeah, I've done all I can do
in that medium.
I thought,
after all you went through,
Yes, technically it's you.
And me smell like
drugstore cologne
You realize that every time
I don't get what I want,
Aired 14 years ago - Nov 14, 2010
Discovering that Marge was once a stellar A+ student whose grades plummeted after being distracted, Lisa fears that she will end up just like her mom unless she pledges to focus solely on academics in an encore episode. When Marge makes a secret
deal allowing Lisa to attend her dream school, Lisa learns a lesson in family and altruism. Meanwhile, Bart puts Nelson Muntz in his place and unintentionally claims the title of "School Bully"
MORE
-LESS
Where the hell are we?
I know what you folks
are here for.
Tell her "no deal."
My bedpost smooshes
My whole childhood
is in this box.
But then you wound up like you.
Buying those extra trophies
from cash-strapped schools
But I see myself making
an impact outside the home.
Oh...
Can I talk to
you for a second?
Bart did it again!
Are you a distraction
or a higher calling?
Oh, that's probably
because to her,
turn out like... you...
No.
Mom, is
something wrong?
Mmm...
Ugh! What's the point
of getting rid of all
No, no, I can
come back later.
I can get to you
whenever I want, Simpson.
Ha! You're not
so tough now.
That would be one
weird-looking kid.
Oh, I've seen
that look before.
So, you'll start Monday.
I'm sorry, I don't really play.
Are you sure?
He's having a growth spurt.
It's not Milhouse!
and I read the
whole thing again.
NELSON
Ha... ha...!
you have pretty
good teeth.
Hey, those memories are forever.
I now pronounce
you sweet dreams.
Lisa, honey,
I insist.
And besides, you were
willing to do all this
I'm so glad you two
are friends again.
Aired 14 years ago - Nov 07, 2010
In the 21st Treehouse of Horror episode: Bart and Milhouse discover a real-life board game that they must win to return home in "War and Pieces"; Lisa falls in love with a moody, preteen vampire in the Twilight parody "Tweenlight"; and Marge and
Homer go on a honeymoon on a sailboat, and rescue a castaway named Roger who tries to kill them in the Dead Calm parody "Master and Cadaver".
MORE
-LESS
All the games came to life!
For me, it's game,
set... and match.
Oh, man, I'm never coming down!
but I think to get everything
back in its box,
I wish I could see
my mom one last time,
And "Q" is just too valuable.
Crazy Eights!
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Champagne?
Oh, that's my cell phone.
Huh?
Fine. I'm going for a walk.
I was the chef on the Albatross,
working for a businessman
He sent me napward with a
bottle of low-sodium soy sauce.
No luck.
Marge? Can I have a word
with you in private?
Why do piemakers
get all the girls?
The pie was poisoned.
You were right.
We just killed a man.
Huh?
Low sodium.
Why did you try
to kill me?!
We had to kill him or he'd tell
people we tried to kill him.
That pie is
poisoned!
Ever wonder what
she thinks about?
Oh, it's these cheap school buses,
with their squishy metal.
Let us move between the trees
the way a bat does: by jumping.
Edmund's almost here,
I'm 400 years old.
Okay, okay.
I said I might not.
Get them back!
Two kisses!
Bite me now, Edmund,
and we'll both be vampires.
and you both will be
eight forever.
he was still not breathing.
Woo-hoo!
Aired 14 years ago - Oct 10, 2010
Lisa starts coaching Bart's Little League team; Marge and Bart spend the day at an amusement park, where former MLB manager Mike Scioscia gives Bart advice.
I believe you. What
else have you got?
in dozens of
extracurricular
activities.
Yes, it was.
Mm-hmm.
Sweetie, you can
still go to McGill--
Bart, call me Walter Matthau,
'cause I'm a bad-news bearer.
Oh. But without a coach,
we can't play!
Look at me,
I'm Whitey Ford!
Hey, there have been plenty
of female managers in baseball.
It's too bad,
'cause he's a great hitter,
Don't call me honey pie.
Wow. I'm surprised you guys know
so much about a sport.
I made baseball as much fun
as doing your taxes!
about your ratio
of seats occupied
I can think of
three reasons.
Huh?
and I'll be back
with some gluten-free crackers.
the game played in the misty
ballparks of Enron Field,
not on my fact sheet.
Here's what: you're
off the team!
Come on, guys.
since I won't be
needing it anymore.
I'll put a stop
to this nonsense.
Not me, and, I assume,
not Ron Swoboda!
'Families should stick together
because...'"
than the laws of probability.
I'm sure you do.
I brought an air horn
and a megaphone.
I'm finally
enjoying myself.
And my days of listening
to my manager are over.
Whoa!
to go back
and help your team.
Oh! What am I gonna do?
And that's why anyone
who invested with Lenny Dykstra
I'm stealing home!
It's against every
sensible instinct.
You stink!
Maybe it was, but according
to my calculations,
Conflict resolved.
Conflict resolved.
Aired 14 years ago - Oct 03, 2010
Lisa invests in Nelson's brand-new business venture, but soon realizes that her friend's instant success might lure him away from the classroom. Worried that his judgment might be clouded, Lisa introduces Nelson to the well-educated and successful creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, only to find out that he too dropped out of school.
These cards are
too slippery. See?
when I share with you the fruits
of a lifetime of labor.
the midget who had one
big league at-bat.
♪ His strike zone's the size
of a tuna fish can. ♪
Hmm, I think I'll look
for a new handbag.
That'll be $500.
But stay on my good side,
girlfriend.
I'm researching a movie
where I play myself.
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Most banks are for the haves,
not the have-nots.
finance her business.
I won't be able to return it.
He'll turn on you, too,
Fat Tony, you just wait!
Oh, thank God!
Thank you so much
for clicking on me.
Good-bye!
Nelson! My dream is
to make enough money
Nelson, I gotta
take this computer
to the pawn shop,
And I'm gonna justify
his faith in me.
So, we'll change
the pink to black,
Well, here's your refund.
We can buy stuff
we can't afford,
No way I can look nerdy
on this bike.
Ma, please.
You're not at work.
if I'm watching an old Seinfeld
or an old Old Christine.
you want to get
back together with me.
I can stand here and listen
for as long as it takes.
I can do... this!
Nurples are returning to
their natural, non-purple hue.
It's not you I'm trying
to impress, it's Nelson.
I'd like to return
this merchandise.
during someone else's shift.
I came here to warn them-- yes,
to-to warn them about, um...
and this is Nelson.
Hell, yeah! I'll get
the best kind of degree--
I'm afraid
about wanting more
than I could afford.
But there was one mystery
Ellery Queen couldn't solve--
you can't be anyone else other
than who you are, and... Huh?
Oh! Why is this happening?
Lisa, I've been
thinking and...
I'll help you out with a little
micro-financing of my own.
Can I hold your hand...
for balance?
Aired 14 years ago - Sep 26, 2010
Marge sends Lisa to a performing arts camp, where counselors and fellow campers inspire her to embrace her creative side; upon returning to Springfield, Lisa grows restless with her boring suburban lifestyle.
Your drugs
put me to sleep.
Meanwhile, I just
stand and wave
Act one, mustard.
spend a week at
performing arts camp!
♪ And the starfish shape
that constitutes your hair ♪
♪ Marge paid with
her debit VISA ♪
♪ Marge paid with
her debit VISA... ♪
Sing what
you just said,
Another good one.
so we could try you
for the terrible crimes
I've seen more life in the
Wellington Botanic Gardens!
Mmm... Mmm...
Yeah, yeah.
♪ To the gritty city when
you're less itty-bitty, girl ♪
Everyone's windmill needs
a new blade now and then, right?
Oh, uh...
then, uh...
You're week's up.
Time to go home!
Part Two...
♪ Brush your teeth
comb your hair ♪
Lisa, I went to arts camp, too.
♪ I'm 53. ♪
I slept with the lighting
director's wife, and...
It's just dinner
conversation at arts camp
like an eight-year-old girl.
Oh, Maggie, don't ever turn two.
that the world bestows
on its artists.
Sandwich artists.
But we get to eat
♪ Artists make a living
dressing up like a falafel ♪
Have you anything to say
in your defense?
Wait! Not so fast!
If it please
the court,
I'm having a Real Housewives
of Atlanta season two party.
I'll be right there.
What's she doing
with her hands?
than she did from us.
Yeah, well,
obviously,